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Old 12-07-2005, 11:06 AM   #1 (permalink)
Crazy
 
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Location: AB, Canada
The Box



The Box.

So while sprawled out on you favorite chair in front of your favorite tv watching reruns of "Fear Factor: Twin Models with Disabilities" - an idea leaps at you.

The pretty blonde missing an arm is grabbing at flags from the bottom of a helicopter and your mind starts to wander. Could you just have.. invented something?

Nah.

The blonde's twin (who is also blonde - shocking!) is missing both of her ears and is swinging wildly from the helicopter screaming for medical attention. But you're not pointing and laughing with the rest of the world, a new product has captured your vision.

You did it!

You have officially thought "out of the box".

You remember being in the box. It wasn't a very big box either. You always seemed to get elbowed in the face by a guy everybody called Edgar. He was always invading your personal space in the box and didn't seem to understand that Section 4A was YOURS! You even had papers to prove it. It was also hot in the box. So many people crammed into the 3 dimensional space really made you go through bottles of gatorade. Everybody seemed to get sick in the box. There was also some sort of cold floating around, and the insides of the box were always coated in sneeze phlegm and other human body ooze. The box was annoying. But the box was home, and you learned to live there. "Fear Factor: Twin Models with Disibilities" played 24/7 in the corner of the box and everybody laughed and cheered for their favorite handicapped girl to take the prize. So did you, admit it.

After spending day after day in the sweaty box, you decided you wanted to be different. You wanted to be known as the "only guy who escaped from the box". One guy (Phil) had tried once, but had been scared off by the guard dogs outside protecting the box 'doors'. You were different, you assumed, you were one tough @#%$!

So Mission 104.AB73 went into action and you planned out ways to get out of the box. While everyone slumbered off on each other's shoulders, you stayed awake writing furiously on your pad. You hoped they wouldn't wake up from the tiny mag-lite you had strapped to your forehead, but they were too busy dreaming about which disabled Fear Factor girl was the hottest.

You were sleep deprived. Your eyes turned red rimmed and the other people in the box looked at you weird as you struggled to be awake during the day, and working on your mission into the night. They called you "strange".

Each night for years, you whipped out page after page of ways to break free from the box. Furiously sweating as only thing was in front of you.

Mission 104.AB73 was in your eyes, your nightmares, your hopes and your dreams. You would rip off your leg, get a sex change and appear on that Fear Factor show, just to complete Mission 104.AB73. But it wasn't going to be easy.

The box was heavily guarded. With big dogs, and guns - big dogs WITH guns.. on watchtowers.. with binoculars! Phil had gotten mauled the second he even stepped out of the box, just torn to shreds. Nobody had even cared or noticed though. YOU noticed didn't you? You didn't actually see his body because he had fell off the edge and tumbled to oblivion, but you had heard the screams.

Phil was an idiot though.

He had duhhed his way to the door and had blindly turned the knob. In fact, you remember seeing him 'sucked' from the box and eaten alive.

Not you though, you were smart. You told Edgar off and he removed his elbow from your genitals. You got back to your mission. The only mission that mattered in life.

500 years later, you were getting close to completing Mission 104.AB73. Edgar was still there, and Phil was reincarnated into an older lady named George Bueller. George had the coolest sundresses. Anyway, you were close indeed. You could almost breathe in the fresh air. Fresh air that wasn't recycled so much.

And then.. you did it. Just like that. All of that time had paid off and you opened the door to the box. The first glimpse of the outside was INSANE! Nothing like you've ever seen before! Colors, rainbows, people running around in kangaroo suits holding baskets of shiny happy things. It's so much different than in the box, and everyone is HAPPY outside of the box!

..Your happiness comes to a small halt however. All of that is going on beyond a barbed wire 16,000 volt electrical fence guarded by pitbulls and huge men in armour with those huge scary sunglasses on. You'll never make it, you'll end up like Phil!

No no, you will not end up like Phil! You rage on, and LEAP from the box into a run. The guards are after you, belts full of machine guns and ammunition banging wildly at their knees as they waddle after you, snarls on their faces.

Your heart bangs at your chest as you run towards the fence, hoping your journey will not soon come to an end because of a bullet in the back. This was a good sign though, it shows that you were 'ready' to break free from the box. Phil hadn't be ready because he had just stepped off into nothingness. There was nothing for him to break free to. Not you, however, the kangaroo people with shiny things are waiting for you to join them.

You're breathing hard now, your chest hurts, you're almost there..

"Fear Factor: Twin Models with Disibilities" snaps to a commercial and an image is splattered across the screen in front of your eyes. You gasp. An electric shock goes through your body and you're pulled back through space back to the box. The kangroo people disappear, the shiny things turn dull, the electric fence starts fading into nothingness..

The product on the television is the product you thought you were the genius for creating. A man named, "Ted" is advertising it to his stupid neighbour.

You slump deeper into your recliner and reach for your bag of pretzels. Edgar was trying to steal them.

**This was an idea that came to me while trying to sleep one night, hope you liked it, thanks for reading **
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Old 12-07-2005, 08:57 PM   #2 (permalink)
Drifting
 
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Location: Windy City
Definitely made me chuckle! I really like the way you grossed me out at the beginning with the box conditions, as it really says a lot about people today and some of the environments we let ourselves live in, healthy or not.

Welcome to Tilted Lit, btw
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Old 12-08-2005, 11:26 PM   #3 (permalink)
Crazy
 
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Location: AB, Canada
Thank you thank you, I'm glad you found it funny
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