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Old 12-11-2004, 04:44 PM   #1 (permalink)
It's All About The Ass!!
 
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Location: In a pool of mayonnaise!!
Golden Rule doesn't apply to your children?(Kind of a rant)

For those that don't know the golden rule is "Do unto others as you would have them do unto yourself." Now my question is, since many of you are parents, do you feel this rule still applies between you and your children? See I've noticed my parents(mostly my dad) don't always feel that they have to respect me at all or ever apologize for anything. For instance if I ask one of my parents a question, that they don't answer so I ask again and they respond rudely to me with comments and a tone that I didn't deserve to be spoken to in, and I take offense and return the rudeness out of I guess you could call it almost a reflex suddenly <b>I'm</b> the one who's been rude. And if I say something about just reacting normally to having been rude to they say something along the lines of "Well I'm the parent so it doesn't matter" or other comments. I think this is bullshit. Just because you're my parent doesn't mean that the basic ethics that govern what is good and bad don't apply to you when regarding your children. You don't have to tell them thank you..you EXPECT them to tell you thank you...and then to justify your behaviour you cite examples where your own parents were worse with you and that your child should feel lucky because of it??? Now where is the logic here? Do parents even feel the need to be logical? Or rational? I understand the whole "Well when you have kids you can raise them however you want to blah blah blah" excuses you make for yourselfs but really now do you actually believe that you are somehow above decency? Keep in mind you're of course almost always forgiven even if it isn't acknowledged no matter how bad you've been to your children; I'm just saying if you don't give your children a certain amount of respect, especially the kind you expect them to give other people, then how do you expect them to treat other people when they grow older? You don't want them to be bitter do you? When your children get older and tell other people about how they feel they were wronged you feel the need to take offense to it. How dare they complain? Not well you're right I wasn't always nice to you and I apologize for it, I'm not perfect but you of course know I love you. Granted deep down your children probably know you're sorry already and that of course you do love them it means a whole lot more when you actually say it. It'll help them to grow up to be a good person. I mean keep that in mind ya know? I don't think I'm wrong to think this and I certainly don't think I'm somehow above the people that raised me to be what I am today I'm just saying just because they're considerably younger than you doesn't mean they don't deserve the same ammount of respect, decency, tact, love, and kindness that you give to everyone else. Respect your elders yes...but respect your youngsters too for Christ's sake!

Asta!!
p.s. I love both my parents more than words.
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Old 12-12-2004, 03:16 AM   #2 (permalink)
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I can relate. Sometimes my parents have done the same. I think it's necessary for everyone to treat everyone else without exception the way they would like to be treated. There should be no discrimination based on age, familial relationship, or anything else. I think most parents today do it either out of a throwback to earlier days when parenting styles were more strict or because they don't generally realize how they are coming off. Relating specifically to your case, I don't think your parents should have taken the route of rationalization. It's a cop out to compare to their own parents or just say it doesn't matter. I'm just curious, do they have other stories about how hard it was growing up for them? That's how my parents like to play off their childhoods. The way they tell it, you had to walk seventy miles in the snow, uphill both ways, barefoot and running from dogs on your way to school.
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Old 12-12-2004, 03:45 AM   #3 (permalink)
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They have a million stories they use...for instance I don't know how to drive..who's fault is this? MINE! Can you believe it?! My mom especially tells me "You need to learn how to drive." Great fuckin idea mom! I'll get right on that. My dads excuse he has is "No one ever taught me how to drive..I stole my mothers car." And I'm like "So are you telling me to steal the fucking car??!!" My sisters had to learn from someone else, or teach themselves...both have now offered to teach me over the summer out of pitty for me. My parents want me to get a job...my dad moved me a whole 10 miles outside of the nearest town where I possibly could find work..I'd need a car to get a job but they certainly wouldn't buy me one..So I'd need a job to get a car..Do you see how torn I am? And yes they claim they'll take me to and from work but thats bullshit...the last job I had in the last town we lived in I was only a few blocks from work and I still couldn't count on them to give me a ride...more than half the time I had to walk to work sometimes even literally run to work because I was expecting a ride I didn't get...they were off in Dallas eating at a resturant or something...they made me get a job then complained that they had to take me to and from it. I never got a ride home I always walked I didn't feel like sitting around waiting for them to get there for an hour when I could walk home in like 10 to 15 minutes. When I had to count on my dad to take me he'd actually make me do stuff around the house before he'd take me to work purposely knowing I was already going to be late if we didn't hurry. Couldn't get mad at him though...then I'd be in trouble. He thought it was so fuckin funny too. Now I live 10 miles outta town no fuckin way I can walk to work. My dad also thinks he can MAKE me do something...like force me to go to a particular college against my will simply because I live in his house...then he says if you don't I'll call the cops on you and they kick your ass out of my house. He says since I'm 20 all he has to do is call the cops and I'm kicked out of my own home what kind of bullshit is that? Even if it is true thats one low ass fuckin cop that'll actually enforce that law and not tell him off for even suggesting they do that to his son. He seems to think that since I live in "his" house he can do anything he wants to me and I can't do anything about it. It's been time for me to leave here for a long time now. I gotta admire the hell out of my sister cause once she turned 18 she just fuckin left...with nothing...went to college on her own without their help and will be graduating soon and won't need to depend on them for anything. Wish I had her guts. It's almost like my parents have made it so that I can't leave and they can keep on taking advantage of me...they didn't teach me how to drive...They don't plan on ever buying me a car, computer, anything I'd need like that...My dad feels the need to move to a new town every 2 years now...and to finish college I'd need for them to stay in one fuckin place for 4 years...now he wants to go back to college and wants me to go with him, to the same one and openly admits he plans on embarrasing me on the campus...I told him if he does that I just won't go. Maybe I should just say fuck college and just leave already....take what I can and just leave and never come back (to live that is). I know if I did leave my mom would divorce my father for sure...he's pretty much an asshole who's unbearable to live with and if I'm no longer there she'll have no reason to stay with him. He thinks he'll be able to get some young pretty new wife if she does and she'll actually put up with his shit..he lives in a fuckin dream world and needs not a rude but BRUTAL fuckin awakening. I don't even know what the fuck I'd do in college anyway no matter how much I lie to myself the ONLY thing I want to do with my life is make music..OH but they don't offer a class or a major like that in college...No they'd rather make you pay for a bunch of bullshit classes that you're never gonna even need so you have to pay them off for the rest of your life...they increase the money the steal from you by making you take bullshit test (that you have to pay for) before you can even get into college and if you don't score high enough you get put on probation..which means you have to pay for another bullshit class that you already passed with an A in highschool years ago that doesn't count towards your overall hours. Some people would just say "Just quit complaining and do something with your life." as if it was really all that fuckin simple...you're lying to yourself if you dare to say it is. Regardless no ones life is fair and I need to do something. I have big fuckin issues man...too many that I get WAY too carried away with...I'd better stop now..Lord knows how much I've written about my overall patheticness.

Asta!!
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Last edited by K-Wise; 12-12-2004 at 03:48 AM..
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Old 12-29-2004, 10:53 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Your parents are just trying to get by just like everyone else. One thing I learnt far too late in life is that my parents are just regular people like everyone else. But that's a big conceptual step to take when you've grown up with people who have provided and taught you everything you know. My advice, take a break, go live somewhere on your own for a while and get an idea of what it's like. Tell your parents that's what you want to do, but make sure the door is still open in case you want to come back. Don't make it an issue, just try it out. It's no big deal either way - but it will give you some valid experience at an important time in your life. Make sure they know you love them and that you just want to dip a toe in the waters of independance.

As for college, can you take a year out? I found that rushing into college to do a course I had little interest in didn't do me a great deal of good. As long as you think you can go back when you HAVE found something you are interested in, then a year out working is valid experience that will help you realise the importance of college for when you do go.

Seriously there are so many things you can do to make the most of your situation, the trick is to take those opportunities without burning any of the important family bridges and supports that we all need when times get hard.

I hope you don't mind me talking like this, I feel like I'm offering advice when it's not been asked for (something I personally find deeply condescending when it happens to me) My deepest and sincerest apologies if that is the case.
 
Old 12-29-2004, 11:18 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Within reasonable boundaries I respect my childrens opinons (ages 7 and 9). "I don't want to go to bed" is one of the exception, mostly because I hear it every night. I am trying to raise respectful and thoughtful children and the only way that I can see to instill that within them, is to treat them that way. Besides I enjoy their opinions, and prospective on things.
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Old 12-29-2004, 11:31 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Just a question; off topic.

Next time you post something that long, could you please break it up into paragraphs? I got lost in the middle of the first posting and decided not to read the rest. Its just hard to read as it looks like a white blur on my screen.

Thanks,
The Management
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Old 12-30-2004, 04:21 AM   #7 (permalink)
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^ If I can read it anyone can regardless of paragraphs. I was stressed out when I wrote and I wasn't exactly thinking about grammar and punctuation.

I appreciate your words Zen. They may be true for my mother..but not my father. You don't know him. No one outside this immediate family could ever possibly know him. It's hard to explain him. Probably impossible. He has his moments where he's great. Tonight was my parents anniversary and he cooked a meal for us. Probably partially because my mom isn't allowed to cook following her hystorectamy...but more so I think he wanted to do it. But it's hard for me to think about all the good things/times because they're spaced so far apart. Most of the time he's pretty much unbearable. Rude, insulting, inconsiderate, stubborn, lazy, mean, abusive, irrational, impatient, illogical, no tact, prideful, unapologetic, concieted, immature, unreasonable, two-faced shit etc. etc. You name it. And you can't tell him that because he takes offense. Tries to reasure himself..tries to excuse himself...tells us we should be grateful. Why do parents/spouses expect credit for something they're supposed to do to begin with? Something they agreed to do a long time ago. Like feed you, clothe you, shelter you, take you where you need to go? Basically just take care of you? Thats your job. You're a parent. And it doesn't stop because your kids grow up either. If they still live in your house they can't take care of themselves entirely yet. Until they can you should just do..not ask questions, not expect anything. Even if they've left your house. They don't stop being your children. So just trying to get by isn't a good enough excuse for me. I'm also trying to get by. I'm trying to get on my way. Get a life of my own. The least they could do is help me get there. It's not like I've never ever done anything for them. It's just something you do for the people you love. You don't ASK for anything in return and you don't expect anything either.

I try to excuse my fathers behaviour by trying to understand where he comes from. Him not having a father of his own, him having to work hard for everything he has etc. But the truth is that has nothing to do with how he should treat ME his son. I had nothing to do with any of that. I didn't ask to be born either. Just because he had a hard life doesn't mean he has to impose that upon me by belittling me every day, insulting me every day, and trying to discourage me every day. Far as I can tell all his siblings don't share the same flaws. They may not be as successful and certainly have their own flaws but I'm sure they don't treat their children and other people like that.

The only time I've ever been on my own is that 1 semester at College. And my sister was there with me. I had to learn the hard way how unfair college is to everyone. Not just myself but everyone. Just trying to better yourself shouldn't be so difficult. Knowing what I know now hopefully I can get my shit together and get it over with when I do go back. I wouldn't be the only one who had to leave and came back..or just started over at another school.

See I'd love to break off on my own for a little while but the problem is I'm pretty sure I'd never want to go back. As a result who knows when I'd finally get an education and do something that can heighten my chances for having a career ahead of me. I want to go, get the education and find a job that pays well but gives me enough leisure time to focus on my hobbies...scratch that my passions. I would love to record music but the sad truth is even though I have talent I'll probably never get paid for it. Because thats not what they sell. The thing I'm afraid of is having a "this is what I'm doing until my music career kicks off" job and then it more than likely never will kick off and I'm stuck doing that job. Especially if it's a job I hate doing. But I suppose as long as I get to make music I'll still be happy regardless. Living like I have I've learned to just put up with things. Which is probably a bad thing but I'm usually pretty clueless as to what else I could do.

My father always tries to dissuade me from everything. I've been telling him ever since I was a small child that I wanted to learn to play something and he just laughed at me. Told me things like "Do you know how hard it is? You know how much your fingers are going to hurt?" and dismissed the idea right off the bat. Now that I'm twenty he purposely fucks with me. My neice just barely turned a year old and he bought her a toy keyboard with a mic and bench for Christmas. Everytime he talks to my sister he wants to know if she's playing with it yet. Says she'd better call up our old choir teacher and arrange for her to take piano lessons every day for the rest of her life. We're at Wal Mart and he sees a small keyboard (A real one..not a toy) and he looks at me, and points to it and he says "THATS gonna be her next present!" Like thats right I'm gonna buy it for her but I wouldn't/won't buy it for you. I don't know why he's like that. He doesn't give a shit about what it does to me either. If I ever have told him how much it hurts me when he does things like that he makes fun of me. Like "Oh now you're sad?" and laughs at me and teases me. Why is he trying to make me jealous of my own neice?

I realise theres a lot of things out there that can help me make the most of my situation but they make it so damn difficult to get them. I don't know about family bridges and supports. The bridges for me stretch over long canyons and have crocodiles at the bottom. The boards are old and worn, some are missing, and people are throwing small rocks at me while I'm trying to cross. Point is times already are hard. Just a different kind of hard. Both will suck.

MXL I think thats awesome man. The world could use more parents like you. I'd like to say my parents do the best that they can but thats just not always the case. With my mother yes but not my father. He could do a whole lot more.

Seems I've turned a simple treat your kids with respect post into a pathetic pool of my own issues with my father. Wasn't my original intention. I guess I didn't take into account what kind of responses I'd get..or what those responses would make me think.

Asta!!
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Last edited by K-Wise; 12-30-2004 at 04:26 AM..
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Old 12-30-2004, 07:38 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by K-Wise
^ If I can read it anyone can regardless of paragraphs. I was stressed out when I wrote and I wasn't exactly thinking about grammar and punctuation.
Not trying to start a fight or anything ... I just want to point something out.

To me that sounds exactly like something your parents would say. This is based on the things you have posted here because I don't know you or your parents.

Yes, your stories can be read regardless of paragraphs or grammar. The point is do we want to make the effort? It is your job to make it easy for us. That's assuming you actually want it to be read in the first place.

/rant

Fathers can be especially twisted. It sounds like he gets some kind of kick out of tormenting you about these things. My advice? Get out. No matter what it takes. Call your fathers bluff about "having you kicked out." That's what I had to do when I was 17. I lived in squalor for many years. I didn't have a car until I was married at 29. I didn't go back to college until I was 27. Not that I'm suggesting you wait that long.

I'm 35 now and looking back I wouldn't have done <i>anything</i> differently. You have to stop making excuses for yourself and you have to stop making excuses for your family. My parents and I get along fine now; in fact almost immediately after I moved out we got along better.
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Old 12-30-2004, 03:10 PM   #9 (permalink)
It's All About The Ass!!
 
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Why click on a post if you don't even want to take the effort to read it? This isn't english class not everyone is actually trying to exercise creative writing skills when they're pouring their heart out on a message board. If you're not going to respond about the topic at hand then you obviously don't care about it. Don't say anything at all then. And no thats not something my parents would say. Thats something I would say. Because it's true. If people don't care to make the effort they really didn't give a shit to begin with. It's not like it's all THAT hard. My job is to post, your job is to reply to the topic.

You're right though. I do need to just get out. In truth I haven't made as many excuses as I've led you to believe I have. Most of the stuff I say is true. In truth if I could have left by now...I would have. Point is if I did I'd have nothing and might not even have anywhere to go. It's a lot for anyone to give up. And not knowing what tommorow brings is scary. Also I stay for my mother as well. But she's begining to make it clear to me that the only reason she stays is for me as well.

But I can't help but think there must be a whole bunch of other people who've done it and are over it now. My father always makes random comments like "Ya know when you leave you won't be able to afford food like this right?" I'm like "Of course I won't. No one can when they first leave home."

I do get along better with my dad when I don't see him every day..or for several days at a time. My mom misses me though and calls me up every day just to talk. Then I kinda feel bad haha. Hopefully I'll be back in college this semester so I can get on my way to getting away.

Just getting in the first time had it's pains. I had to take my ACT in another town..and not like the next town over..like 2 or 3 towns over. Which I thought was bullshit cause I'm sure people were taking it where I lived at the time. My mom had to take me. She drove me nuts. She did NOT want to take me to take it. We get on the road and it starts raining so she freaks out and starts crying because she thinks shes gonna wreck, or get lost, or blah blah blah "I can't do it!" mentality that she ALWAYS has. She's very pessimistic(sp?). Two 18 wheelers passed us and she gets on the phone crying that theres 18 wheelers every where and she's scared of them. I got frustrated. She was just sitting there giving it to me "I don't see why you have to go?! I can't do this! I'm gonna get into a wreck! etc." I couldn't take it any more I had to yell at her. I was like "This is my future mom! I have to go to college! I need to take this test!" I couldn't believe that I had already paid for this test, I HAD to take it then or else I wouldn't be able to get in that semester and she did NOT want to drive any further.

Of course we made it to Ricardo just fine..I think it was Ricardo. I even saw my little cousin there taking the test which was weird. I took the test, I barely passed it and got it out of the way. I think I bombed the math because I always do. Especially since it's timed. That just adds added pressure to an already stressful morning. I would have failed it regardless though. I'm just bad at math...well at least when I haven't done it in a long time I am. I need a few classes to get back into things..remember the formulas and then it's pretty easy for me but they don't go over most of that stuff ever again. I'm just thankful I passed it. Well I appreciate the comments about my situation I'd like to see more parents responding with whether or not they apply the golden rule to their parenting though.

Asta!!
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Old 01-12-2005, 07:12 PM   #10 (permalink)
 
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Move out and do it now. A year or two of living on your own will give you a new respect for your parents. It will give them a new respect for you. You're over 18 (or you shouldn't be here), you're still alive, and it sounds like you've graduated high school. Your parents have done their job, they don't owe you anything more. You've got an ongoing festering relationship that will only get worse.

I moved out of my parents home the day after my 18th birthday and didn't see them again until I introduced them to my wife (and their grand daughter) six years later. We get along great now. Time apart is the only thing that will solve your problem.
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Old 01-12-2005, 07:52 PM   #11 (permalink)
It's All About The Ass!!
 
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As soon as I can. I am leaving...not a minute later. I wanna at least have a car and know how to drive before that though.

Asta!!
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Old 02-07-2005, 11:53 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Honoring your Rant :)

K-wise,

i know you are upset right now. And i understand why you are choosing to let it all out, it's okay to speak candidly about this . . . Getting along with family can be a difficult thing, no matter what your age, if you're 10 or 35 or 75 . . .

It sounds like both your parents have their own issues and i don't think some of their actions are nessasarily directed at you . . . It took me a long time to figure out when my parents acted a certain way towards me (read: negative) it wasn't about ME . . . it was just them acting out in their lives due to stress over other things, which it appears to be the case with what you are experiencing . . .
Have you spoken with your parents about how you feel?


As far as the driving, PM me and maybe i can help you figure out a close by driving school or DMV that offers driving lessons . . .


And don't listen to your father and what he says about affording food when you live on yer own . . . it's not as grand living by oneself . . . but you'll do just fine, you are an intelligent and kind individual . . . i think you'll be a real sucess in your life K-Wise . . . as long as you believe, basically, Fuck what other people think or say . . .

Don't rush into any quick decisions just yet (read: im moving out tomorrow because you guys suck!!) . . . take it one day at a time and plan out what you want to do in a concise manner . . . plan and prepare . . .
If you want to move out . . . give yourself a little time to find a suitable place and make a plan about your future . . .


Peace and we're/I'm here for you, we love your Bunchie style

Sweetpea
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Old 02-08-2005, 05:23 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Quote:
gotta admire the hell out of my sister cause once she turned 18 she just fuckin left...with nothing...went to college on her own without their help and will be graduating soon and won't need to depend on them for anything. Wish I had her guts.
Good for her, it'll mean a lot to her knowing that she worked for it. She's not a rare case though. My parents didn't pay for my college education, why should they? I was the one who was going to use it, a person tends to work harder when there are consequences... (in my case, if I blew off a class, it was my money I was wasting)

You've got a lot of reasons why you can't do something... Start to look for the reasons why you can do something. Find some of that desire and drive that your sister has and use it for yourself.
Quote:
It's almost like my parents have made it so that I can't leave and they can keep on taking advantage of me...they didn't teach me how to drive...They don't plan on ever buying me a car, computer, anything I'd need like that..
That's not desire and drive, that's waiting for a handout and someone to do stuff for you. Get a friend to teach you how to drive, find a driving school, sitting and thinking that mommy and daddy didn't teach me is no excuse, you want to learn how to do it.. you do it.... You want a car, you figure out how to buy one... why should your parents hand you one?

Lemee leave you with one thought.... Music. You love it, one might say you are passionate about it, and you spend a lot of time on it. Did your parents lock you in a room andmake you listen to music for hours on end? Somehow I doubt it, that desire came from within you, use that desire and that passion for other stuff as well.
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Old 02-08-2005, 05:53 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maleficent
You've got a lot of reasons why you can't do something... Start to look for the reasons why you can do something. Find some of that desire and drive that your sister has and use it for yourself.

That's not desire and drive, that's waiting for a handout and someone to do stuff for you. Get a friend to teach you how to drive, find a driving school, sitting and thinking that mommy and daddy didn't teach me is no excuse, you want to learn how to do it.. you do it.... You want a car, you figure out how to buy one... why should your parents hand you one?

Lemee leave you with one thought.... Music. You love it, one might say you are passionate about it, and you spend a lot of time on it. Did your parents lock you in a room andmake you listen to music for hours on end? Somehow I doubt it, that desire came from within you, use that desire and that passion for other stuff as well.
Bingo! I don't have a single thing to add to that advice. It's the absolute best that you're gonna get.
That's one of the things that I love about ya, mal. You save me from an awful lot of typing.
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Old 02-08-2005, 12:30 PM   #15 (permalink)
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I was hoping this thread would die already . You guys are right though. All of you. One thing you gotta love about this board. Don't think your advice is wasted. I've had a few reality checks recently...and though I'll have a lot to give up it's worth it. It's time I started getting on my way. Whichever way I choose to do so is yet to be discovered I do know I need to think of what it is fast and don't linger on it cause then I'll just change my own mind and find an excuse not to.

It's not gonna be a quick process but the sooner I start the sooner I finish eh? The original meaning of the post really got lost there. I don't think it's gonna find it's way back either. Thats my fault. If all of you knew how it really was here you'd probably slap me and ask me why I haven't left already.

Anyways thanks a bunch guys.

Asta!!
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Old 02-08-2005, 12:43 PM   #16 (permalink)
Filling the Void.
 
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I can definitely relate K-Wise. Just this afternoon my mother accused me of being strident, to which I replied, "Uhm, so are you at times. So is everyone." My parents think I should treat them with resepct, when they treat me like my plans and I are nothing sometimes.

Sigh....
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Old 02-08-2005, 12:46 PM   #17 (permalink)
It's All About The Ass!!
 
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It's good to know someone relates...or is it bad that we both have difficulties? Well you turned out great yer really smart and full of life guess some good came out of it then .

Asta!!
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Old 02-08-2005, 01:36 PM   #18 (permalink)
... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.
 
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The golden rule should apply to everyone. There is such a thing as 'ageism', the mistreatment of people because of their age.

Ageists assume that their experience trumps any experience of those younger then them, therefore they are always right. Of course, that is absurd, as every child in the world has at least some experience that his or her parents have not experienced. Example: I have always been into psychology and sociology. I've been studying it since I can remember. My father yelled at me, claiming it was a healthy way to vent anger. I let him believe this for a while, as correcting him would have only worsened the situation. When I was maybe 15 or so, he started yelling at me over something like chores. I asked him why he was yelling at me over 3 glasses that didn't get put into the dishwasher the night before. I stopped talking and let him finish yelling at me how this was symptomatic of my chronic laziness. After he stopped, I asked him if he felt better after he yelled, to which he simply replied, "Yes." I asked him what he felt the yelling accomplished. "My yelling is a way to vent my frustration with you." "No," I corrected, "your yelling is a way to vent your frustration at me." He stopped and thought for a moment. "My yelling at you is a way to communicate how serious I am, and how angry I am." I let it be silent for a second, as I put the glasses in the dishwasher. "Yelling is a form of intimidation, agree?" I calmly said. This struck my father funny. Chuckling, he said, "You think I'm trying to intimidate you?" "Aren't you? You get so angry about three dishes you feel it's necessary to deafen me." -my father has been a singer since he was young, and he has a very powerful and projecting voice, "Don't you think "venting" as often as you do makes you more likely to be aggressive?" At this point my dad has gone from mad, to thoughtful, to mad again. "What makes you think that you know so much about psychology? I have my A.A. in psych. You're in high school." At that, he assumed victory, and left. His A.A. in psych was over 20 years old at the time, and he had just taken some basic psych classes. He assumed that because he is older he had more experience and was more knowledgeable.

A few years later, I brought my dad a copy of a study done at Iowa State University and Case Western Reserve University. The study asked 707 under grads to participate in experiments that included being insulted by an unseen study partner. The students performed a series of activities, some students hitting a punching bag and others not. When the students competed in a computer game with the partner who insulted them, those who had hit the punching bag were much more likely to behave aggressively, the researchers found. My dad simply replied, "That's not conclusive." There was no convincing him.

I know I'll do my very best to never ever think less of my daughters opinions and thoughts because of her age. When she learns to talk, I'll listen to everything she has to say till the day I die.
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Old 02-08-2005, 01:58 PM   #19 (permalink)
It's All About The Ass!!
 
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^ Thats really good to hear. I guess we'll never know for sure until we're there for sure...I'm certain we'll make mistakes but if we remember the words we've said we'll learn not to and soon it won't even be an issue. I'm positive I'll probably yell and argue with my children but I don't think I'll ever just tell them to shut up before they prove their point for fear of losing the argument like my parents did/still do. I also hate "Because I said so!" when they can't think of a good excuse. It really pisses me off that some day I will inevitably HAVE to say that. I'm pretty sure it's inescapable.

Haha I'll wish you luck since your chance is right around the corner and you wish me luck too that I may have restraint, compasion, and understanding among other things with mine and my future wifes future seeds haha. I hope I'm a good one.

Asta!!
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Old 02-08-2005, 02:18 PM   #20 (permalink)
Getting it.
 
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K-Wise... keep hope alive! When you have kids, before you even know it, you will say, "Because I said so".

Your kid will be five or so but you will say it.

Trust me on this.

You will hear the words come out of your mouth and you will pause for a moment and realize what you just said. You will try to take it back by explaining yourself more thoroughly but the damage will have been done.
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Old 02-08-2005, 02:35 PM   #21 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Charlatan
K-Wise... keep hope alive! When you have kids, before you even know it, you will say, "Because I said so".

Your kid will be five or so but you will say it.

Trust me on this.

You will hear the words come out of your mouth and you will pause for a moment and realize what you just said. You will try to take it back by explaining yourself more thoroughly but the damage will have been done.
Amen

I'm the world's least likely person to tell my daughters to "Turn down that f'ing music". I couldn't believe it when I heard it coming out of my mouth.
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Old 02-08-2005, 05:05 PM   #22 (permalink)
Knight of the Old Republic
 
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Location: Winston-Salem, NC
My parents are the same way, especially my stepmom. She thinks she has the right to be a bastard smartass to me and I can't say a damn thing in return, much less something bastard smartass in return. But I do anyway, and that's basically how the relationship with my stepmom devolved into a smoldering chunk of styrofoam. If someone is gonna be rude to me, be it my dad, stepmom, or a random stranger, they're gonna get a fucking earload of rude material back. If you have the nerve to be rude to someone who doesn't deserve it then be ready to be blasted back. My parents don't get the concept of this.

I also feel I have the right to be rude to my parents when they're rude first because I'm not dependent on them. They're not paying for my college, or my cars, or my car insurance, or food, gas money, NOTHING. They broke me off during my senior year of high school so I'm just another adult to them. If they're gonna be rude, damn, they're getting it back.

-Lasereth
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Old 02-08-2005, 05:09 PM   #23 (permalink)
It's All About The Ass!!
 
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Location: In a pool of mayonnaise!!
^ More power to ya buddy. And Charl and Stan...Man I feel for you guys. It's gonna mess me up the day I tell my kids stuff like that. I hope I have you guys strength when I need it. You fuckin role models you!

Asta!!
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Old 02-08-2005, 10:06 PM   #24 (permalink)
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this is something that i've been tackling with for some time. there are times where i know what the RIGHT thing to do is. yet, my parents don't seem to be doing it, and i as their son do not want to be the one to guide my parents to do the correct thing. this is a matter of either keeping my role as a son or accepting that i have a bigger part in the family than i think. a role that i don't think i'm prepared for.
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Old 02-09-2005, 05:33 AM   #25 (permalink)
peekaboo
 
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Location: on the back, bitch
I had very strict, 'because I said so' parents. I was not allowed to do a lot of things, and consequently, literally grew up in my room with the door closed, stereo going. At 18, my best friend asked me to move in with her so she could work and I could take care of her baby-I jumped at it. No job, no education, but I was out. Lasted a year and I had to move back home-this time to the basement.
I swore if I ever had kids, I would never ever treat them as I was and I have tried to live up to that, although at times I hear my mom talking out of my mouth.
The Golden Rule applies to an extent. My kids will be 13 next month-this is my house so my rules, but I'm pretty lenient. Daughter wants blue hair-I'll dye it for her and did. But she buys the color.
The ultimate goal of raising your kids should be to show them how the world works, give them the mental tools to work with it and send them on their way. Seems your folks treated their kids as possessions instead of people.
But you're not a child anymore. Despite of or because of your upbringing, you know what has to be done. Your parents didn't give you the tools needed so now you have to find them yourself. Do it, without excuses. Even runaways find a place to go-some even rise above it all. You give your folks more power each time you acquiesce to their will. Take your own power and live a life you're worthy of.
Good luck.
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