soma

Ok. So there is this guy who very deliberately hit on my GF via facebook. This guy is not the same guy as in my other thread. It's a completely different person. Anyway, he wrote something very ... coming-on-ish on my GF's wall. My GF told me already the guy creeps her out, so that's great .

The problem is, I don't know if I should be more protective and/or possessive and tell this guy and others like him to back off. I don't want to make it seem like ... I own her, but while we're together, I'd rather not have other guys sniffing around. If I should be more protective/possessive, how should I go about doing this? I just have no idea about how to deal with this sort of thing. Or do I have nothing to worry about because she already told me this guy means nothing?

Thanks.

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Having Girl Problems?

Sultana

Dude. Check out your other thread here. This is even less than that.

You can't control other guys. For what it's worth, you also can't control your girlfriend. You can only control *yourself*. Focus on that. Otherwise you'll drive yourself nutso!

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"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

maleficent

There is your answer...

Possessiveness is really nothing more than jealousy - and that will get you kicked to the curb faster than anything...

Figure out how to deal with your insecurities and get over it...

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amonkie

If you take ANY course of action ... it is because SHE asked you to. She's told you that she is uncomfortable - you tell her that you care about her ... tell her that you want HER to tell YOU if she wants you to act. Otherwise... she's a big girl.... yes, people can be annoying but most likely her ignoring the comment or saying "back off" herself will be much more effective that somone else intervening and making the situation bigger.

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Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

Borla

I agree. Some girls want their guys to stand up for them, some feel better if they do it themselves. Just let her know that if she needs you, you are there. Otherwise just leave it alone.

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Carno

Listen to her!

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pig

soma, i'd take it as a complement that another guy finds your girl attractive, and drop it unless it becomes a real live actual problem. like he's stalking, calling, cooking her pets on the stove. now that..that's a problem. if you get out of kilter so easily because another guy is hitting on your girl, or because another guy has a good rapport with your girl that could be considered quasi-flirtatious, etc - you're going to do a combination pull-your-hair-out-shitting-bricks / drive-your-girl-away. it's not a good move; i really don't recommend it.

remember this: in general - if your girl wants to fuck someone else, she will. you're better off having it happen and you can move on - the relationship was already assed out. the jealousy / possessiveness stuff usually only drives her towards other guys, and i've very rarely seen it stop something from happening in the long run. plus it fucks with your head.

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Toaster126

This kind of jealous behaviour will push her away from you and make the chances of something actually happening that much greater.

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"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

jRuntlets

I agree with everone else when they say leave it alone. Man, it's Facebook - it's an online thing, not real life. I'm sure lots of skeezy guys message almost every woman on thos kinds of sites but if it were me I wouldn't want my boyfriend to tell all of them to back off because it would be territorial and not to mention time consuming. Now if skeezy guys were being lewd in public it would be another story but you can still be tactful in situations like that. She's not your property... you're just dating her. Something simple in the face of skeeze in real life is putting your arm around her and just smiling at the guy. Online there's not much you can do other than shrug it off. It's her responsiblity to monitor her actions toward others online - if the guy is creepy she should ignore them.

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AquaFox

if she feels creeped out from that guy, tell her to just block him on facebook and any other means of communication with him... or maybe just send him a message saying that she's taken or something.... just dont force anything onto her

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...AquaFox...

Sharon

In my work I get hit on a lot, and consequently possessiveness / protectiveness is a big issue for me when deciding on whether to take things further with a guy. To me:

(NOT GOOD)

- a guy becomes possessive when I feel like he is checking on me all the time, what I'm doing, who I'm talking to, and I start to have to wonder how he'll react if I do something.

(GOOD)

- a guy is protective when he can sense when I feel in danger, unsafe, anxious, afraid etc, and knows what to do to reassure me that he's there for me and I'll be all right.

I guess the difference is:

- a protective guy looks out for me so that I do not feel threatened
- a possessive guy is really looking out for himself so he does not feel threatened