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Old 06-07-2003, 11:10 AM   #1 (permalink)
She asks me to marry her...but then

I'm over my ex now, well...for the most part. But I am a very, very forgiving person and just wanted to know if it is ok for me to dislike her. Everybody I ask agrees with me that what she did was wrong, but I am worried that they are biased in my favor...so...I'm asking you, complete strangers.

About 2 weeks after breaking up, my ex-girlfriend (whom I still slept in the same bed with and cuddled, although no sex) told me that if I asked her to marry her, she would say yes. A week after this, she would say things like "I just wish we could have kids so I would know to make our relationship work out - we would be bonded together". I wasn't going for this, especially since she already has a son who lives with her ex-bf who lives 500 miles away.

Three weeks after her telling me these things, she moved in with a guy who went from "friend" to "boyfriend". I trusted her with this guy (a co-worker - she swore repeatedly she wasn't the least bit attracted to) and she would go out 2 nights a week with him even before we broke up. She argues that it was 6 weeks after we broke up before she started falling for him. I argue that TECHNICALLY yes, it was 6 weeks....but it had only been 3 weeks since she mentioned marriage and having kids together.

Ok....am I completely crazy or is this just wrong? Believe me, I am done with her, I don't want her back, I have zero contact with her....but I just want to know if it is OK to dislike her. Her birthday was yesterday, I didn't call her, and I feel guilty. But I really think she shit on me (she denies this emphatically). I guess I just want a 100% unbiased opinion of this girl.
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Old 06-07-2003, 11:19 AM   #2 (permalink)
phredgreen's Avatar
Location: the phoenix metro
you are more than justified to hate this one. you've already said you've ceased any contact with this girl. good move. continue that trend and you'll live happlily for the rest of your life. girls like this are nothing but trouble... i know. i'm divorcing one just like this one. she's played you, messed with your head, lied, and cheated. you are officially allowed to razz her in public, make fun of her with friends/familiy/coworkers, post inflammatory things about her wherever you want, and generally hate her for the bitch she was to you. this is your letter of permission. if anyone disagrees with you, refer them to me and i'll set them straight.

hate on, brother... it's the least you can do for all the greif she's caused you.
My country is the world, and my religion is to do good.
- Thomas Paine
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Old 06-07-2003, 12:51 PM   #3 (permalink)
Location: The Kitchen
Yep, of course you're allowed to dislike her. Don't feel compelled to hate her, but there is absolutely no reason for you to ever speak to her again, even if she comes back apologizing up and down for being a flaky, manipulative slut. Besides, if you try to stay on good terms with her, it just shows that you're okay with being lied to and cheated on.

So drink a big glass of hate-o-rade if you want, but by no means should you try to have anything to do with her. She made it clear that she didn't want you, and trying to be the "better person" won't get you anywhere but walked on all over again. Besides, karma has a way of working itself out and nothing's quite as gratifying as telling your frantic ex who was just dumped for cheating on the guy she cheated on you with that you can't be there to console her because you're too busy entertaining a lady friend.
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Old 06-07-2003, 01:00 PM   #4 (permalink)
Slave of Fear
You don't have to justify emotions. They just are. Sometimes they are good emotions sometimes they are bad, but they are what you feel so don't worry abt it.
Frowning Budah is offline  
Old 06-07-2003, 01:55 PM   #5 (permalink)
Originally posted by Frowning Budah
You don't have to justify emotions. They just are. Sometimes they are good emotions sometimes they are bad, but they are what you feel so don't worry abt it.
I know, but I have little confidence in my emotions these days. I feel betrayed by somebody I just a few months ago would have sacrificed everything in my life for. I don't know if my emotions are justified. I know that emotions don't always have to be justified, but I just want to make sure they are valid and are borne of legitimate consequences and not just revenge.
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Old 06-07-2003, 02:14 PM   #6 (permalink)
Sounds like she was trying to fuck up with your head to get back and feel safe and then grapped another opportunity when she saw it. I think ut's good for you that she found a new one: the break up could have been horrible prolonged period of those desperate promises and you might have started doubting yourself there. You have a right to be mad after a break up, no matter the circumstances, cos it gives you power to endure it and you don't have to justify them. Ok, it feels good to vent out and get people to pat you on the shoulder and after being emotionally abused people look for a reality check to assure themselves that their sense of just and humane is still all there.
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Old 06-07-2003, 06:57 PM   #7 (permalink)
The sky calls to us ...
MSD's Avatar
Super Moderator
Location: CT
Any negative emotion you feel toward her short of wishing harm to come to her is something that she brought on herself. You have every right to dislike her, hate her, never want to talk to her again.
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Old 06-07-2003, 09:31 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Location: ...between Christ and Belial.
You are in the green, sir.
On the outside I'm jazz, but my soul is rock and roll.

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Old 06-07-2003, 09:40 PM   #9 (permalink)
Location: New Jersey / Delaware
This woman clearly has self confidence issues. The first clue should have been when you still slept in the same bed <i>after</i> breaking up. That hardly sounds like a breakup. Sounds to me like she just wanted to stop having sex so she'd feel less guilty screwing some other guy, but that's just the fish that I smell.

In any case, be glad you're rid of the basket case.
When in doubt, sauerkraut.
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Old 06-08-2003, 09:10 AM   #10 (permalink)
she used you for the "warm & fuzzies"
move on.
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Old 06-08-2003, 01:00 PM   #11 (permalink)
Darth Papa
ratbastid's Avatar
Location: Yonder
I hereby grant you blanket permission to like whoever you like and dislike whoever you dislike. If you think about it, you'll like 'em or dislike 'em anyway, there are just some cases where you'll lie about it.

She manipulated the hell out of you. You don't have to lie about being pissed about that.
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Old 06-08-2003, 06:24 PM   #12 (permalink)
Still searching...
madsenj37's Avatar
Location: NorCal For Life
You could bitch out for all that I am concerned. You have every right to dislike her and not talk to her ever again if that is what you want.
"Only two things are certain: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not certain about the universe."
-- Albert Einstein
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Old 06-08-2003, 07:25 PM   #13 (permalink)
worried_one,I need you to help me out. Stand up,put your hands over head and stretch,.. concentrate,..that's it,..Now just imagine gibber71 coming into your room and kicking you square in the nuts,..now that fucking hurt, didn't it? If you think that hurt,just wait for the hurt to come to you.]

You've got every right to like whatever or whoever you want.
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Old 06-11-2003, 12:23 PM   #14 (permalink)
Mondak's Avatar
Location: Southern California
You will be happy that this did not work out. There are a LOT of weak people like that in the world today. They bounce from relationship to relationship and never get to know themselves. It is called co-dependance and almost never leads to a healthy relationship.

Good work - now take this opportunity to get to know YOURSELF and understand what makes you tick before you get into this type of relationship again.

No reason to be mad - pity her and never pursue a converstaion with her again.
All truth passes through three stages:
First it is ridiculed
Second, it is violently opposed and
Third, it is accepted as self-evident.


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Old 06-11-2003, 01:11 PM   #15 (permalink)
william's Avatar
Of course this will hurt - you gave your heart; she gave jack. Are you allowed to hate her - sure. But why would you want to? Hate is a negative force that you probably don't need. Bottom line - accept that it's over and move on. Focus on the better things in your life and go from there.
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Old 06-12-2003, 05:08 AM   #16 (permalink)
Location: New England
i definitely think she did you wrong worried_one, but i personally dont think she knows what she does. she is carrying around alot of issues and i would $$$ that she has father issues (but then again who doesnt). she feels some desperate desire to be with someone.. anyone.. to make her feel like she is worth something. when you 2 broke up, she needed to keep you close until someone else came along. she couldnt be alone.. oh hell no.. that would mean that she was worthless. she'll bounce from guy to guy until she gets her head checked. the fact that she gave up her own child says alot. not many good mothers do that.

also never ever forget that hate is not the opposite of love.. indifference is.

hey.. i think i finally got my personal sig.

good luck buddy.
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Old 06-12-2003, 09:45 AM   #17 (permalink)
Location: Imprisoned in Ecotopia
I personally don't think she's worth the effort of disliking her. Consider yourself lucky it wasn't worse and forget her. And don't feel guilty if you didn't remember what's-her-names birthday.
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Old 06-13-2003, 11:34 PM   #18 (permalink)
Stick it in your five hole!
Nikilidstrom's Avatar
Location: Michigan, USA
that chic is nuts! Be glad you got outta there with your hairy boys in tact and not being any baby's daddy. However, If you have zero contact with her, then there is no reason to dislike her because it has no effect on her what so ever, and is a waste of your time and energy. Direct that energy towards chasing new hotties to help ease the pain.
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Old 06-14-2003, 12:38 AM   #19 (permalink)
Blood + Fire
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Location: New Zealand
Don't be the kitten being taunted by the kid with the toy mouse dangling above its head.
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asks, herbut, marry

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