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Old 06-07-2003, 04:02 PM   #1 (permalink)
Location: Rice U, Houston, Texas, United States, North American Continent, Western Hemisphere, Earth, Solar System, Milky Way, Universe
Nice girl with a lousy boyfriend

Hey there, everyone, RiceGuy here with a bit of a dilemma.

My current girlfriend's roommate is a good friend of both myself and my significant other, and she is an extremely sweet girl, very bright but quite a bit naive.

In the past month she has started to date an aquantence of mine. The problem is, I know the personality of this fellow, and he is little more then a pussy hound that sweet-talks women into bed and then dumps them hard. My girlfriend's roommate, however, has fallen head over heels for this guy, though I have it on good authority from my girlfriend that she has not yet slept with him, which is probably why he hasn't dumped her yet (probably enjoys the "challenge").

Neither my girlfriend nor I want to see this sweet girl get hurt, and I'm not certain how to approach it, so I figured I'd ask here.

So: Do I tell the girl about how her boyfriend is just going to dump her after he gets her in bed, or is it best for me to keep my nose out of this issue?
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Old 06-07-2003, 04:06 PM   #2 (permalink)
Don't talk to the girl, talk to your friend. Tell him to stop being such an asshole and just let the girl down easy. And next time pick a cock whore instead of a decent person to bang.
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Old 06-07-2003, 05:13 PM   #3 (permalink)
If she is naive and head over feels in love, she won't hear of it and he will get pissed off when he realises you are meddling with his game. I dunno how pathological case he is and how sure you are that he's not serious with her, but you seem convinced he's not really wholeheartedlyin this as she is.. Have you spoken with him about feelings and stuff? Try letting him know you feel "like being an older brother for this girl", might atleast make him act a bit better without shattering your male bonding thing. While you are handling him, get you gf to talk to her, asking how she's feeling and is he pushing her to go too fast. If she thinks everything is ok, you can just watch, hope for the best and then offer a shoulder. They are young and got no kids and house to share and they will both most likely find a new flame sooner than she'd expect. Heartache feels bad, sure, but it's life and she'll live.

Originally posted by Shades
And next time pick a cock whore instead of a decent person to bang.
Aaahem.. Even if a woman likes sex and goes around, that doesn't meant they are not people and shouldn't be treated like that. People who sleep with anybody usually do it out of poor selfcofidence to show 'emselves they can attract other people and don't see it's not the right way to go about it and in the end makes you feel worse rather than egopumped.
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Old 06-07-2003, 07:11 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I'd talk to both of them. The "predator" and the "prey".

Tell the "predator" that you would consider it a large favor if he'd keep his hands off of this one.

As for the "prey", just give her a warning, but don't be too harsh about it. Just say something like, "Look, I know this guy and I know how you feel about him. I think he has different intentions than you. I trust you with your decisions, but you have been warned."

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Old 06-07-2003, 07:42 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Location: the phoenix metro
Originally posted by Antagony
Tell the "predator" that you would consider it a large favor if he'd keep his hands off of this one.
even better, get a couple of larger friends (in arizona? i'd be happy to help, and i have a few friends who would be happy to accompany us) to accompany you and 'convince' him that breaking her heart isn't in his best interests. scare tactics? yes. effective? more than once.
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Old 06-07-2003, 07:53 PM   #6 (permalink)
You could pass judgement or you could let her live her life. She's an adult and can make her own decisions. If she get's hurt,that's a life lesson she will learn from.There is nothing wrong with letting people make their own mistakes.How do you know for sure they won't click and spend the rest of their lives together.
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Old 06-07-2003, 09:16 PM   #7 (permalink)
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it happends to much and theres nothing we can do about it
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Old 06-07-2003, 09:42 PM   #8 (permalink)
Location: New Jersey / Delaware
You can give her all the advice you want, but the fact is, until he does so, nothing you say can convince her that he's going to hurt her. Sadly, it's a lesson almost every woman I know has had to learn at one point or another. My advice is to go ahead and warn her until she gets sick of listening to you, and then back off and wait for her to prove you right.
When in doubt, sauerkraut.
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Old 06-08-2003, 01:28 AM   #9 (permalink)
Girls date the assholes, get pregnant, get married to said asshole, then get divorced. Then it's us nice guy's turn when they're nearing 30 with a few kids! Wooot..
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Old 06-08-2003, 01:33 AM   #10 (permalink)

Yeah, totally unlike men, who don't get married and get a few kids and divorce..
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Old 06-08-2003, 01:54 AM   #11 (permalink)
Still searching...
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Location: NorCal For Life
Just straight up tell her that both you and your girlfriend are concerned that she will end up hurt. Do not sugar coat it ... tell her that the guy does not have good intentions. I say this because I never told my friend her boyfriend was an asshole and that he bugged me. I figured it was not my business. She lost her virginity to him and he dumped her right after. She was heart broken, and I felt bad because I saw something like that coming. All you can do is warn your friend. Ultmately the decision is up to her.
"Only two things are certain: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not certain about the universe."
-- Albert Einstein
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Old 06-08-2003, 08:01 AM   #12 (permalink)
Location: New Jersey / Delaware
madsenj37, nothing wrong with not warning her. She wouldn't have listened anyway.
When in doubt, sauerkraut.
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Old 06-08-2003, 09:22 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Location: North Carolina
Don't tell your friend that she can't date him, just let her know that he is pretty sketchy and has hurt women in the past.

Have words with the guy. Explain that you would rather he leave her alone, and the should he choose to date her anyway, you will hold him personally responsible in the event that he hurts her.
"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill

"All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence
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Old 06-08-2003, 11:45 AM   #14 (permalink)
Do what you have to do. Maybe you could say something to her without it being confrontational. Just mention his past without telling her to get rid of him. Just make sure she's aware of what he's done.
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Old 06-08-2003, 06:27 PM   #15 (permalink)
Still searching...
madsenj37's Avatar
Location: NorCal For Life
Originally posted by HFrankenstein
madsenj37, nothing wrong with not warning her. She wouldn't have listened anyway.
if you do warn her, and you were right, she will better off having you as a friend in the long run and maybe learn to trust you in the future. That and you dont feel like you did anything wrong in the end by not warning her.
"Only two things are certain: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not certain about the universe."
-- Albert Einstein
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Old 06-08-2003, 07:45 PM   #16 (permalink)
I am going through the same exact situation right now. Thing is we all told the girl to stay away, be careful, hes my boy but hes trouble. she said i know, its ok , ill handle it. well they had a kid , got married and recently went through a few days of seperation. And i honestly dont think they will last. my advice is to be a good friend to the girl and help out if needed.least thats what im doing.
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Old 06-09-2003, 07:27 AM   #17 (permalink)
I would stay kind of out of it. I would make sure your girl knows the truth, and let her tell her roommate.
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Old 06-09-2003, 07:34 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Location: Austin, TX
dont come out flat and say it, hint about it and warn,but just dont flat out say it.

that's my 2 cents
"Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity." - Darrel K Royal
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Old 06-09-2003, 03:54 PM   #19 (permalink)
Location: In a self portrait
I'd tell her your opinion, but make it clear it's her choice. She'll do her thing and get dumped, and you get to be right. The only thing that'll make her learn is experience.
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Old 06-09-2003, 10:52 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Location: California
It's a lost cause..... She will do what she wants and he will do what he always has. Live and let learn..... because if you try to 'help' YOU will become the 'asshole' take it from someone that knows.
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Old 06-11-2003, 09:10 AM   #21 (permalink)
Location: Lawn Guyland
hey. if she's head over heels, logic can't compete. i feel in this case, its better to learn from experience. after this deal, u think she'd fall for the same crap? hopefully not.
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Old 06-11-2003, 03:31 PM   #22 (permalink)
PredeconInferno's Avatar
Location: Unfortunately Houston, TX
This happened to two friends of mine once.

Sweet girl fell head over heels for a bastard who already had a girlfriend. I did all the things that were mentioned here, and more. She still didn't get the picture. It pissed the hell out of me.

She ended up getting really hurt, but after a while, she's fine. It still pisses the hell out of me, though.
Samurai in Training
Knowledge is power. Guard it well.
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boyfriend, girl, lousy, nice

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