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Old 09-15-2006, 01:56 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?

Who here has had sex on a first date or knows someone who has had sex on a first date and it ended up turning into a deep loving relationship? Notice I did not say it ended up turning into a sex friends relationship.

I myself need to care about someone however I'm really curious if it is possible to make it work after you have done so much so fast. My hypothesis is it is rare?

Thanks for sharing.
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Old 09-15-2006, 02:10 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Whenever I've slept with a girl on the first date it has never turned into anything. Subconciously you decide that if she gives it up this easily 1) she's more likely to cheat on you because she opens her legs because she's too easily and 2) she would be classed as rather promiscious and thus nothing more than a fuck buddy situation could develop. You get that feeling where you've gotten something, but you didn't have to try for it so now that you have it you don't want it anymore.

Any girl I've wanted to see if something more happened there hasn't been any sexual activity other than kissing until at least the 3rd/4th date and no sex for at least 2 weeks.
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Old 09-15-2006, 02:57 AM   #3 (permalink)
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ummm me, as of the 18th we will have been together 3 years and as of next month we'll be married a year.
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Old 09-15-2006, 03:07 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I have done that and it did work ou into a serious relationship, but in the end it didn't last. I'd say that it may work, but it's more likely not to. It depends on the two people involved. For me nowadays I wouldn't do that because of course it can be a risk in terms of health, but also because I think that if you're going to be with someone for sometihng meaningful, then that can wait a while and it's better to get to know them well first. I know that sometimes you can't tell right off what will happen in the future, but for me I have a very strong instinct about relationships and when I have met someone who later became my boyfriend, I always had a pretty strong feeling about them right from the start.

I also think that when you do too much too fast, what often happens is that one of the two is going faster than the other without realizing it, and then the other person usually ends up feeling pressured and that always ends badly.
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Old 09-15-2006, 04:38 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Eventhough I want it on the first date, give up the pootie end the chase way to quick. Half of the fun in pursuing a woman is the hunt, and once you killed your game. You take it home and eat it, and then you are full.

And no I have never had a relationship last over 2 month where the girl has givin' it up on the first date.
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Old 09-15-2006, 05:31 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I have a nasty habit of making men wait for it and produce a copy of their STD test results... I am such a prude.
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Old 09-15-2006, 05:45 AM   #7 (permalink)
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The problem with sex on the first date is the fragile male ego.

He can't stop wondering who ELSE she has had sex with. The number is so arbitrary as to when its 'ok' to have sex its pretty well meaningless and stupid, but we hold onto it. Men want to think they are special, they have been selected under harsh judgement, that they are worthy, and by not knowning the guy that well prior the man no longer feels special.

Its not about the hunt for the woman, its about the woman not showing she is selective.

As usual I'd love to get into the behavior side of this, but its prob a bit more than is needed
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Old 09-15-2006, 06:35 AM   #8 (permalink)
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I've had long-term relationships with women that I've slept with on the first date. When I say long-term I mean longer than 6 months. Most of my ex-s and I are still on friendly terms to this day.

The last person I had sex on the first date with ended up in a long term relationship as well. We've been married 7 years now. We dated for 8 years before that. There was a short mutual break-up during the 8 years to be sure that we were "right" for each other. I can't speak for her, but during the 18 months that we were apart I really never stopped thinking about her, despite a few attempts at dating other women. I know she dated other men, but I can't be 100% sure if she thought about me or not. She says she did; so that's what I believe.

You have got to leave all expectations and hang-ups behind you when getting into a relationship with a new person. There's really no reason to hang on to jealousy or crap like "numbers." There is no room for a bloated ego in any relationship.
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Old 09-15-2006, 06:41 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lady Sage
I have a nasty habit of making men wait for it and produce a copy of their STD test results... I am such a prude.
Yes, dearest you did make me have to get that wire Q-tip.

I can honestly say Lady Sage and I waited 30 days and that was just for me to get the STD test. From there it was like another week or so.

But well worth it and I would do it all over again.

As for sex on the first date, I have had some relationships that lasted but they were sex based. The ones that we waited a few dates for, seemed to last longer, were deeper and more meaningful.

But then again, during much of my 20's and early 30's, I dated married women exclusively. They couldn't bitch about my addiction because look at what they were doing to their family.
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Old 09-15-2006, 07:38 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lady Sage
I have a nasty habit of making men wait for it and produce a copy of their STD test results... I am such a prude.
Not a prude at all, just prudent! A little bit of fun sure isn't worth dying for.
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Old 09-15-2006, 07:43 AM   #11 (permalink)
 
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I dunno, is 27 years a lasting relationship?

Of course, that was back in the stone age when the free clinic could cure anything.
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Old 09-15-2006, 07:57 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StanT
I dunno, is 27 years a lasting relationship?

Of course, that was back in the stone age when the free clinic could cure anything.
Whats the difference between love and herpes?

Herpes is forever.
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Old 09-15-2006, 08:20 AM   #13 (permalink)
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I do believe that for Martel and I, on our first "date" my exact words were:

"If you don't take this shirt off RIGHT NOW I'm going to DIE!"

We didn't actually have sex, but we ended up naked and canoodling on our (then it was just my) living room floor. It's one of my fondest memories of us. Of course, we'd known each other a LOOONG time before that, and our personal beliefs are that we were just finding each other after being seperated when we decided to try out humanity for a bit. But that's another thread.
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Old 09-15-2006, 10:49 AM   #14 (permalink)
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With or without sex, how many people you date turn into long meaningful relationships?

Answer: not many.

Chemistry is a very ambiguous and ethereal thing. so is long term compatibility. If 2 people really click and make sparks fly, sex right away or sex down the road won't keep them apart from each other. its a numbers game and a winning ticket is a longshot.

but think of it this way..... the sooner you start sex, the more meaningful fullfillment you'll have had at the end of the road. and if it doesn't work out at least you got a test drive and some hot monkey lovin'.
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Old 09-15-2006, 06:31 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lady Sage
I have a nasty habit of making men wait for it and produce a copy of their STD test results... I am such a prude.
they can still get stds while your waiting for the results
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Old 09-15-2006, 06:38 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by match000
they can still get stds while your waiting for the results
Heck, stuff could be lying dormant and un-checkable for years too. There's stuff you can't even test men for, but women get to deal with the consequenses. I think this 30-day minimum is more than responsible enough.
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Old 09-15-2006, 10:53 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lady Sage
I have a nasty habit of making men wait for it and produce a copy of their STD test results... I am such a prude.
a prude maybe, but safe, healthy, & respected . . . i can't help but think the trade-off is worth it
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Old 09-16-2006, 06:25 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by match000
they can still get stds while your waiting for the results
Thats what comdoms are for Every time!

Im too darn cute to die from somethin stupid.

Besides, after being there when my godson was born 9/11/06 and watching them sew up my best friend of 15 years... and helping her to the bathroom.... and trying to see to her... quasi-comfort. That is all the birth control I will ever need. In fact I dont think the video does it. Teens should have to witness a woman giving birth. The whole process! Epidural, dialation, pushing.... tearing..... gushing.... oh yeah. That would cure most of the teen pregnancy thing in my opinion.

Obviously I will NOT be contributing to the gene pool. (you may cheer now)
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Old 09-16-2006, 08:00 AM   #19 (permalink)
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It only kills relationships if the people involved believe in questions like "how many dates until sex ix proper?" being significant.
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Old 09-16-2006, 04:10 PM   #20 (permalink)
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I've never had sex on the first date, so I can't really say. I am finding the responses really interesting though.

I think it could be fun to have sex on the first date, but haven't gone out of my way to make it happen. If it does it does. I'm 23.
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Old 09-16-2006, 06:31 PM   #21 (permalink)
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I'm a slut. We all know this.

I'm pretty good at it too.



95% of the dates I've been on in the last five years I've slept with the girl within the first three or four days of knowing them. One ended up not leaving my house for a week. That was a lot of sex. Before that I'd wait as long as was needed. Months even.

As for meaningful relationships? Not a single fuckin' one. Sure some lasted a few months... even a year for one. But in the end... I was the whore and had to move on.


As for my girlfriend now... We knew each other for three years before we ever dated. We even dated for about four months before we had sex. We've been toegtehr for over a year and a half now...


Damn do I want some pussy now...
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Old 09-16-2006, 06:31 PM   #22 (permalink)
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It only matters if you have some sort of hangup. I.E. that the girl must be a whore if she is willing to sleep with you.

One of my good friends is notorious for that sort of wierd-mindedness. He will put a lot of energy into getting a girl, but when he realizes he might actually get her he gets disgusted and backs off. He is stuck in a perpetual limbo because when a girl reciprocates his affection he loses interest. The more a girl falls for him the more averse he becomes.
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Old 09-16-2006, 08:13 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Sexual activity may be very pleasing
Whether on a first date or last kiss
after 30 years of marriage
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One is, as One does
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If she gives it to you, accept it
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Old 09-16-2006, 09:47 PM   #24 (permalink)
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i think ppl get too hung up on getting sex. its more important to find someone who u just wanna spend time with
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Old 09-17-2006, 01:38 AM   #25 (permalink)
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Very interesting you bring this up, as I did a poll/thread on this very subject, literally, a year and 1 month ago...

Sex on the first date vs. Marriage

Take the poll, if you haven't already, and check out the statistics. I have to say I was a little surprised at the disparity. I mean, it's a pretty significant difference, when I thought it would be a *little* closer... the correlation is difficult to ignore, isn't it? lol

The poll results...
# votes - Vote description:

30 - I am married, and we had sex on the first date.
55 - I am married, and we DID NOT have sex on the first date.
13 - I have a long-time SO and we had sex on the first date.
44 - I have a long-time SO and we DID NOT have sex on the first date.

I'm not trying to derail this thread, not at all, but you can contribute to the stats in the other one if this topic interests you, and also get even more insight and opinion on this. Great topic choice, lindalove.

For my own part, I've had two relationships that lasted about 6 months each where we had sex on the first "date". One of the two was more like a year if you count the "unofficial" 6 months afterward when we spent about as much time together, but "were friends", even though we had full physical exclusivity with each other- no sex, touching, even kissing, another person until we decided we were split. Call it what you will, but I think it was both of us not wanting to lose the great sexual outlet. Every once in a while she'd tell me she was kinda interested in some guy, then he'd find out she wasn't going to give it right up and he'd bail, and things would go back to normal. That would take a few days to a week, max, and happened about 3 or 4 times. She told them straight out what was up, and that if they really cared about HER, they'd be fine with it. None were. Mind you, she didn't tell them why. She didn't say, "because I'm fucking and kissing my friend," she just said she didn't do physical things right away. Many guys expect it, and would just walk. As far as I'm concerned, that's not a bad way to find the right guy (as her friend and a person who loved her, I didn't want to see her go off with some jackass or something).

I have a lot of regrets about her... I regret breaking up with her, regret not getting back together when I should have clearly seen our "unofficial" time was bullshit... just regret losing her in general. She was perfect, in her flawed way. We're all flawed in some way... but her flaws were endearing and lovable.

As I put forth in my old thread about this, it was about opportunity... we had sex on our first opportunity. Before that, it was friendship "hanging out"... the first time we hung out after we indicated we were interested in each other, however... it was on. To her credit, and the credit of our relationship, however, I think a large part of the first date nookie for us was that we'd already known each other WAY more than long enough for her to know me as a person, and already had trust built and such. She knew I wasn't just looking for some action and then running away.

Last edited by analog; 09-17-2006 at 02:14 AM..
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Old 09-17-2006, 06:01 AM   #26 (permalink)
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I answered your poll this time lol couldnt do it last time cause it was right before the wedding
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Old 09-17-2006, 07:40 AM   #27 (permalink)
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There are no hard set rules. Some people get all overly analytical about it, like, "If she put out for ME on the first date, who else has she put out for"

I never ask about numbers either.

Truth be told, it turns me on big time to hear the woman I am dating at the time talk about her previous sexual experiences. Some of the most intriguing conversations I have had with women have been about their sexual history. And boy, sometimes, it's amazing.

To the topic at hand.

My last GF and I had sex on the first date - we lasted 2 years and broke up because she drank too much.

The GF and I before that had anonomous sex - I had chatted with her over the net on a dating site, she came to my place, got undressed in my bedroom while I waited in another room, then I came in, blind folded her, collared her, leashed her, and took her. We were together a year and broke up because my dad died and she couldn't handle my sorrow.

The GF before that, we were together 7 years, and yes, we had sex on the fist (albeit conventional) date

GF before that lasted 3 years, and yes, we had sex on the second date, though we were giving each other head on the first date.

The love of my life GF (in University) knew each other for a few months, then after it became "official" (I was so by the book back then) it took 4 days to get naked with her, and 3 weeks to complete the deed.

I have dated other women for 3 or 4 weeks and nothing much was happening, so I lost interest.
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Old 09-17-2006, 09:13 AM   #28 (permalink)
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Well.... I had sex with my husband on the first date, and we ended up getting married nearly four years later so I suppose it can... Though, honestly I wish I had waited a few months before I'd taken that plunge.
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Old 09-17-2006, 12:52 PM   #29 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lady Sage
Thats what comdoms are for Every time!

Im too darn cute to die from somethin stupid.
I'm sorry but this is a pet peeve of mine...

CONDOMS DO NOT PROTECT YOU FROM EVERY STD, AND DON'T PROTECT YOU 100% FROM ALL THE STD'S THEY CAN PROTECT YOU FROM.

Just had to say that. Not a prude at all...smart.
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We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.


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Old 09-17-2006, 01:23 PM   #30 (permalink)
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Condoms definitely do not protect you against warts, but over 50% of the population has the virus anyway.

Since condoms only cover the head of the cock and a few inches more, the base of the cock is left exposed, hence you will see warts there.

Also, condoms do not protect against herpes completely since again, the cock is not completely covered.

There is even a very controversial theory that they do not protect against HIV since the HIV virus is infact smaller than the pores in the latex. However, I would think that since they contain the cum, the virus stays in the condom since the HIV virus is not air borne.
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Old 09-18-2006, 02:05 AM   #31 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by little_tippler
CONDOMS DO NOT PROTECT YOU FROM EVERY STD, AND DON'T PROTECT YOU 100% FROM ALL THE STD'S THEY CAN PROTECT YOU FROM.
*falls over*

Damn. lol

I don't think someone saying they demand the use of condoms thinks that they're the cure-all solution against everything the world has to throw at us- but they're the best thing we have so far. At least, I wouldn't automatically assume that and go yelling at people. hehe
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Old 09-18-2006, 04:41 AM   #32 (permalink)
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Heh, like I said, that's a pet peeve of mine. I guess in a sense it's like I'm assuming that Lady Sage doesn't know what I "yelled". But it's not that, I just find what she wrote misleading to others who don't know any better. And it's a dangerous misconception. I know a lot of people who believe that although condoms don't protect you 100%, that they do protect you from all STD's, and that is false. I hate the whole "safe sex" bullshit.

Eh, sorry I got worked up about it. /end thread hijack
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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.


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Old 09-18-2006, 10:20 PM   #33 (permalink)
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I have a friend (Yes, I really do have a friend!) who was/is renowned for sleeping with guys right off the bat to "Hook" them into a relationship. Needless to say that she's now got two kids and no meaningful relationship.

Does that mean that it can't happen? No. But the odds are against it.
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Old 09-19-2006, 07:47 AM   #34 (permalink)
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My SO and I have been together over a year and we had sex on our first date. We'll be getting married next summer.
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Old 09-20-2006, 07:34 AM   #35 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nikkiana
Well.... I had sex with my husband on the first date, and we ended up getting married nearly four years later so I suppose it can... Though, honestly I wish I had waited a few months before I'd taken that plunge.
Why?

And I'm glad you didn't wait... there is a good chance he wouldn't have stuck around.
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Old 09-26-2006, 09:18 PM   #36 (permalink)
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okay,

i am sorry but there were a lot of responses and i was in the mood to just browse the forums.

i slept with my, now girlfriend, on the first technical date. later i proposed... i tohught everything was going well bu then i had a medical problem and had episodes where i couldnt remember anything or anyone (except her) and this put a strain on our relationship and it broke. we stayed apart for only two months and then got back together... i hve since forgiven her for hurting me and we are now happy again... actually even happier than before.

the reason that this is significant is to address the second post in the forum... i believe that she will never cheat on me... she has had chances and i am sure she has not taken them... i am scared as hell that she will but i feel i will be alright.

but i cant see myself spending the rest of my life with anyone but her... i love her.
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Old 09-27-2006, 03:27 AM   #37 (permalink)
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Quote:
Truth be told, it turns me on big time to hear the woman I am dating at the time talk about her previous sexual experiences. Some of the most intriguing conversations I have had with women have been about their sexual history. And boy, sometimes, it's amazing.
That is such an amazing attitude towards what can be a particularly tough issue for a lot of relationships (my own included). I really commend you for it
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Old 09-27-2006, 02:43 PM   #38 (permalink)
Junkie
 
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Location: At my daughter's beck and call.
In my personal experience, the only long term relationships (3 total, each 1 year plus) happened when we waited. 1st we learnt if we wanted to hang out, while torturing ourselves wanting each other.
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Propaganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian state.
-Noam Chomsky
Love is a verb, not a noun.
-My Mom
The function of genius is to furnish cretins with ideas twenty years later.
-Louis Aragon, "La Porte-plume," Traite du style, 1928
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