Infinite_Loser

I won't bore you with the details, so I'll just summarize.

Me and a really good friend of mine ended up sleeping together about a week or so ago and ever since then I've become her unwitting boyfriend (Yeah. She considers us a couple, even though I didn't agree to it. I remember telling her beforehand that I wasn't looking for a relationship). She's been talking about getting married and having kids and all that other good stuff which I don't want to think about right now. At one point, I did like her but now I find that she's become overly annoying and obsessive. The thing is, though, that every time I try to talk to her about "Us" she usually ends up talking about how guys have played on her emotions and how she wasted two years of her life on her ex and how she's glad that I won't break her heart, etc.. I know that I should really break it off with her, but I find it nearly impossible to do because she guilts me into absolutely terrible. As pathetic as it might sound, I really can't hurt someone who's been a really good friend of mine for a long time.

Sooo... Any advice?

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I believe in equality; Everyone is equally inferior to me.

Willravel

If you are her friend and are aware that she has had guys use her before, what were you doing sleeping with her?

I would just sit her down and be gently honest with her. "I love being friends with you and I would never want to stop being friends..." or something of that type might be good. Be careful with someone who uses guilt so much. They can be dangerous people. Best of luck and all that.

abaya

Was alcohol involved the first time?

Otherwise, what reason does she have to believe that you two are serious? Was it just a simple fuck, or did words of attraction, attachment, and possible love get said between the two of you? In other words, does she have any reason to believe that you are into her that way, or did she make it all up out of thin air? (Maybe she has had a crush on you for a long time and never brought it up...?)

In any case, don't waste another day. Or another hour. Break it off NOW before you do any more damage.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Infinite_Loser

No, there was no alcohol involved.

She invited me over to her place to hang out with her and another one of her friends. After her friend fell asleep her and I started talking about relationships. She asked me if I was currently seeing anyone, to which I told her that I wasn't and also wasn't looking to be in a relationship with anyone at the moment (Which she seemed cool with). Anyway, one thing led to another and we started kissing then we just had sex (After which I left).

The next day she calls me and starts going on about how happy she was and how she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. I suppose I should have said something then, but I didn't know what to make of it. Anyway, since that time, she's happily gone about planning our lives together even though I didn't know we were a couple. And that brings us back to my original post.

The problem is that I find it next to impossible to break it off with her, partly because I've known her for such a long time and partly because she makes me feel so bad whenever I'm about to do it.

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I believe in equality; Everyone is equally inferior to me.

Willravel

What's stronger, your guilt or your need to break up?

abaya

Yeah, but it's only going to get worse, the longer you wait. No, seriously. A LOT worse.

End it. NOW. If you think it's impossible after a week, wait until it's been 6 months and she's completely obsessed with you and there's no way out.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

ShaniFaye

Sorry this has happened to you....but honestly....did you REALLY think having sex wasnt going to change anything?

Unless she's pulling a "How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days" kinda thing.

you need to be honest with her about how you feel

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Infinite_Loser

Honestly... I didn't think anything would change, since I told her where I stood before we did anything. I guess my biggest worry above anything else is losing a good friend because I already know that she's going to hate me.

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I believe in equality; Everyone is equally inferior to me.

abaya

Note to yourself: I don't know how old this girl is, but young women in general tend to not hear/listen to those kinds of "warnings." No seriously, they don't even hear it... one ear, out the other. The fact that she didn't take you seriously about what you said, should show you how mature of a friend she really is.

EDIT: I'll say it from a personal note... when I was 16-18, I had a male best friend who never showed an ounce of interest in me. I knew we were completely platonic (in his mind), but I was thoroughly in love with him... and if he ever even brushed my lips, let alone went further than that, I would've been a goner. No matter what he had said about "no relationships" previously... because I wanted any physical touch/interest from him. I was a headcase and he was clueless (as are most people at that age).

Honestly, you should've considered this before sleeping with her. One thing doesn't just lead to another... that's a cop-out. You both made decisions, and now you're facing the consequences. Sorry to lay it down like that, but that's what you're facing here.

And yeah, you probably will lose the friendship. Sounds like it's not worth keeping though, honestly. Friends don't pull this shit on each other.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Willravel

I keep coming back to this. Abaya is totally right.

Charlatan

There really is no easy way out of this.

You need to talk to her about where you see this relationship going (i.e. just friends) and you need to do as soon as possible. Any further delays will just be setting up her expectations even further.

You also have to be ready to accept that fact that she will not be happy with you at all and that you may have just lost a friend.

I know it sucks (I've been there myself) but that's just how it goes when you mix friends and sex. Sometimes it works and most times, it doesn't.

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"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

dirtyrascal7

When you do go to break up with her, you need to just get it out... don't give her a chance to respond until you've said your piece. Keep it short, simple and just get the point across that you don't want to be in a relationship with her. After that... you can worry about her hurt feelings and your guilt, and the healing process can begin.

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"Tie yourself to your limitless potential, rather than your limiting past."

"Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him."

healer

End it. Right now.

I agree with the comments of the guys and girls above. The best thing you can do - for both of you - is to let her know that you're not interested in the kind of relationship she wants.

And when you do it, be firm and decisive. Don't give her an out, no way of wiggling back in. Shut the door.

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Carno

Keep fucking her until something better comes along.

analog

She's a psycho.

She's a psycho.

She's a psycho.

I'm gonna go ahead and say this just as carefully as possible, so I don't overstate it: she's a psycho. Run, don't walk, away from her. Now. I understand that she was a good friend of yours... but something has happened, and she's gone mental on you. I'm not saying she's crazy in general, but she's trying to move into your head and she obviously has WAY too much baggage to get in there right now.

Toaster126

If you aren't wanting a serious relationship, be a man and speak the fuck up.

Also, your friend is certifiably crazy in the brain.

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"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

Xazy

She probably has wanted to be more then friends for a long time, and this may suck but like everyone says end it before it gets even more complicated.

oneofmanymen

Yeah I think she has wanted it forever and may be the reason her other relationship's didn't work. Sit her down and tell her how it is. The faster the better.

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Everything works if you let it....

ubertuber

You're going to feel a lot better about this after you come clean.

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Cogito ergo spud -- I think, therefore I yam

hagatha

I have to agree with the previous posters, break it off now before you end up married. You made a mistake and now you have to accept the consequences.

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Thats the last time I trust the strangest people I ever met....H. Simpson

ngdawg

I have to agree with analog...she sounds a bit psycho and I'd be willing to bet she did that to the others-went right into the 'getting married, kids' cling scene and drove them away. The commercial where the guy breaks down in front of a store with a big 'engagement rings' sign, causing his girlfriend to scream 'yes!!'(after going on about how great things are while he's fretting about the car) and call her mother to say she's getting married comes to mind....
You're gonna have to be the bad guy and shake this girl into reality-think of it as being for her own good as well as your own, because it will be. If you need a push, write down what you might say, psyche yourself up and plunge forward. You could offer to go over with her why she's being the psychobitch from sex hell, but she probably won't want to hear it. Good luck.

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Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.

Lady Sage

I dont envy you thats for sure. What a mess! If you go along with it she will be happy and you will be miserable, break it off she will be miserable and youll be relieved. Thing is, you have to live with yourself forever and if you arent happy.....

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Kaliena

If she's already talking like that, my bet is that she either already had it for you for quite awhile and this is what she was waiting for OR she thinks since you already have so much in common etc etc that even if you FELT that way to start that there is no way you'd feel like that now since you slept together.

I like the quote "which is stronger your guilt or your need to end it?"

As a friend and now lover, if you DON'T share the feelings she does, end it. Yeah you'll lose the friendship, but my 2 cents say she was feeling more then friendship for a lot longer then you may have thought.

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~Beware the waffle~

tooth

And, if that's the case, the friendship was doomed whether you slept with her or not. She'd have probably gone weird on you if you brought a different girl around.

Speak up now, or resign yourself to living with a relationship built on guilt.

Willravel

That's the most romantic thing I've ever read!

dirtyrascal7

Let's be honest with each other here, okay? Let's put all the cards on the table. She's fit for a straitjacket. This broad's fucked three ways toward the weekend.

Seriously, what you have is a Stage 5 Clinger. So unless you're required to stick it out for the benefit of a fellow Crasher, you better lock it up and get out. I don't know, maybe the problem is that she's not being adventurous enough for you... do you think you could talk her into getting with another girl? What about those brazilian twins from the ballgame?

__________________
"Tie yourself to your limitless potential, rather than your limiting past."

"Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him."

Carno

Hahaha...

Well, there had to be at least one different opinion

indebut

that made me laugh pretty hard too. I agree with everyone else though..if she's this attached now and you find it hard to break it off, imagine how hard it will be 6 months down the road. Plus there is always the chance of her getting pregnant, which would not be good if you are already feeling this way about a relationship. End it now. If you are truly good friends, maybe you'll be able to salvage something out of it. If not, you may just have to move on and learn from your mistake.

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Serving the world one drink at a time

hossified

sounds like you got a grade A klinger!......if you are telling the truth and laid it out on the line about not wanting a relationship etc....and she still proceeded to tempt you with her nakedness.....than she is just as much to blame. Lets be honest here, what guy, not in a realtionship, is going to turn down sex from someone he; knows / trusts, is attracted too???

Anyways.....her calling you the next day and talking baout kids etc...is crazy! Just tell her you thought you explained yourself that you didn't want a relationship and by proceeding anyways with 'the deed', you thought she was cool with it. Just say if she isn't, than it will probably ruin the friendship for now, which may already be ruined by you two slamming.

Infinite_Loser

Lots of responses in such a short time. She called me this morning (Woke me up, actually) and I asked if I could talk to her after I get back from class. So yeah... I plan on telling her right as soon as I'm done with my 2:30 class.

Will post an update later.

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I believe in equality; Everyone is equally inferior to me.

Leto

she's (and you are) still in school? And she's talking about marriage? You need to set her down and explain priorities at the very least.

Oh yes, and the romance part!

indebut

good luck!

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Lucifer

sorry, that comment made more sense in my head

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1123, 6536, 5321

bloody_rose20

Prince

One fuck and you're mated for life? Geez.

Run away....fast.

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Infinite_Loser

I forgot about this thread >_<

Anyway, I told her and well... Let's just say she hasn't spoken to me since.

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I believe in equality; Everyone is equally inferior to me.

tooth

A shitty situation to get into, but no contact is probably about the best you can really hope for. Did you honestly think that she would listen to you, and then things would go back to the way they were before?

There will be other friends, and other girlfriends.

JustJess

You did the right thing. It's a shame that the friendship is ruined, especially since she probably needs your honesty right about now, but it is what it is. She's a foolish person, and foolish people get into foolish situations.

But let's hear it for having the balls to break it off!

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My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.

Glory's Sun

wow. One fuck and she wants to get married. Perhaps you should write a book.

heh.

Seriously, she obviously has some sort of mental issues to be attaching that quickly and that deeply. Even if she wanted it for years, I doubt she would have been able to start talking about marriage because she would wait to see your reaction first.

kudos to you for telling her how it was and backing out of it. It was a disaster waiting to happen.