MrFriendly

Howdy all :-)

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day, and we came to a disagreement, and I'm keen to know what others think. So to give you some back ground, as of next month it will have been 6 years since I last had sex, it might seem like a long time, but honestly, it kinda just wooshed by, but I digress.

You see, my friend jokingly said "How on earth are you going to keep it together when you next have sex, it will be like loosing your virginity again hehe". My response was that I would probably just be brutally honest and tell my next partner that it's been a while, and I'm a bit on the nervous side. My friend thought that was a bad idea, she thinks that would be a total turn off for most women, and what I should do is just be cool and roll with it.

I can understand where she's coming from, but still, getting that off my chest and out in the open will mean I can be cool and just roll with it. I'm an honest guy, I don't like hiding things.

So I'm keen to know your thoughts. Ladies, if guy told you that it's been a while, would you think less of him, would it put you off, what would your reaction be? Gents, what do you think you'd do in that circumstance?

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Lizra

Ummmm......just roll with it.
It would be cool if you could do it twice, back to back.....the second time being more thorough and intimate.....can guys do that easily?

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Happy atheist

BlackKittyKat

Hey I think you should be honest and if the girl really likes you then she'll understand. who knows it could turn her on even more and you could be having some great sex after a few rounds

I believe being honest is very important.

Acetylene

I think men are way too obsessed with seeming experienced. I know I would much prefer a nervous, eager, excited partner with no STDs than a suave, cool, slutty partner who's already seen it all and isn't impressed with me. And I know quite a few girls who not only like guys who HAVEN'T been around the block 500 times, but especially like virgins.

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Charlatan

it all depends on the partner. some may think it's cool that you haven't had sex in 6 years and others may think you are a freak.

unless it's a one night stand (something i think would be unlikely given your current status) I would expect that you would know your partner well enough to understand what kind of communication she or he would like.

in the end though, communication is the key to any successful relationship.

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- Old Man Luedecke

pig

MrFriendly,

I'd say play it by ear. If its a girl that you're thinking of developing something with, then its probably your call; if you're just getting your swerve on with someone you picked up, the fewer details the better. Assuming that this is after a period of dating and so forth; I just don't see it being particularly important.

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MrFriendly

:-)

I'm not really a one night stand / picking up sort of guy.

Lizra - given how long it's been, I think I have enough pent up sexual energy to last more than one round hehehehe.

I dare say when the next opportunity comes up, it's going to be with someone I'm pretty keen on, in which case why keep anything bottled up?

There's some good advice in here, I guess I just wanted to hear a females perspective on it :-)

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skier

I would think that by the time you get to the point of having sex, she's not going to be concerned how long it's been since you've last done it.

I just don't feel it's a big issue and you should relax about it.

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SaltPork

be honest about it. if you're not a one night stand guy, then it will be better to be up front because she'll mean something.

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It was like that when I got here....I swear.

cadre

Personally, I would like to know. But I agree that it's probably dependant on the girl so you'll just have to see maybe.

As far as personal experience goes, my boyfriend was a virgin the first time we had sex and I did not know. I really wish he had told me though because I would have gone about it differently. I'd be the same way with this I think

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LoganSnake

If it's a one nighter, roll with it. If it's a girl you've dated for a while before having sex, tell her. Then again, person depending, you might have to do the opposite...

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Toaster126

And that's exactly why he shouldn't have told you. Not because people having sex should be dishonest with each other (I don't think failure to tell is dishonesty unless she asks you and you say something untrue), but because there's the chance that it will make things all awkward and unfun. Just calm down about it and let things happen as they may.

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"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

surferlove007

I would say something, if she's worth anything she'll totally understand

World's King

When you come in 16 seconds I'm sure she'll figure it out.

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Ourcrazymodern?

SIX YEARS!!!!? Sorry, I just find that a little hard to fathom.

Honesty is the best policy.

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cadre

I fail to see what you mean.

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My life is one of those 'you had to be there' jokes.

Jinn

Tell her; that doesn't mean you have to announce boldly with your hands on your hips -- I HAVEN'T HAD SEX IN SIX YEARS!

But you can mention that it's been a while. 'A while' could mean anything from a week to 50 years,' but it serves the purpose of helping her understand without making it awkward.

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Lizra

Geez....how about saying, "I've been saving myself for a special woman...... you!
Then, if you come in 16 seconds, she might be flattered, and you can quickly grab her and take your time showing her how much you care about her pleasure, before she has time to even think about getting up. Ok! It's a plan!

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MrFriendly

I pretty much had that in mind hehe

Sex to me is about mutual pleasure. I find it hard to enjoy myself unless my partner is too.

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You are not a slave

MSD

If you're not looking for a one-nighter, anyone worth being with will be understanding. Just tell her you've taken a break from dating for a while or that you're not into one-time hookups and haven't found anyone special in a while.

little_tippler

I agree with most posters that a woman who is actually in it for more than just sex will understand and you should tell her.

To be blunt, if I was the girl told this, and I liked you enough, here is what I'd think:

"That's a little odd...a lot of years. But at least he's not sleeping around with lots of girls. I wonder is he telling the truth? Probably, why would someone say something like that? It's kind of sweet...let's see where this goes..."

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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

waltert

you could just use an extended pleasure condom. your penis will go basically numb. it can be pretty lame if you're the guy wearing it, but after 6 years, I doubt anything would be lame.