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Old 06-22-2003, 08:51 AM   #1 (permalink)
green
 
Need help telling off a girl

OK, here's the story... there's a girl my age where I work that pretty much the entire workplace has been lusting after since she came to work here. It just so happens that I'm the only one she's been coming on to, and she's been doing it in a big way. The thing is, I'm not interested. At all. In the slightest. I'm engaged, and I have no desire whatsoever to do anything that would break that up. Hell, I wouldn't be interested if I WASN'T engaged. This girl simply does not attract me. however, I just can't tell her off. I want to try to be as nice as possible, but no matter how big the hints I drop, she still keeps going. Hell, I've TOLD her I'm engaged on several occasions, but apparently she just doesn't get it... or something. Does anyone have any ideas how I can just end this, but at the same time avoid being a jerk about it?
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Old 06-22-2003, 09:13 AM   #2 (permalink)
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well if she wont stop when youve told her your engaged... i dunno what would work...
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Old 06-22-2003, 10:52 AM   #3 (permalink)
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I say if you've told her you're engaged and it did nothing, then take the kid gloves off and flat out tell her you're not the least bit interested. You've tried not being a jerk and it didn't work, so you're gonna have to be a jerk. Some people don't take subtle hints, if it doesn't stop, you could always drop a sexual harassment charge on her, if the positions were reversed and you were coming on to the engaged woman, you'd already be fired.
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Old 06-22-2003, 11:46 AM   #4 (permalink)
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be considerate
be polite
but be direct.

let her know that it's making you somewhat uncomfortable.
believe it or not, she might not be aware of it.

this is one to start slowly, but let her know your REAL viewpoint.
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Old 06-22-2003, 12:29 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Location: the phoenix metro
here's an interesting way to change her gears: befriend her, then introduce her to your fiancee and involve her in the wedding planning process. it'll drive home into her head the idea that you're taken and soon to be married and that you're not for her.
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Old 06-22-2003, 01:50 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Tell her your an adult and have no fucking time for games.If she still persists,tell her to fuck off.

Harsh? I think not. A buddy of mine was in your situation and played along(not that you are playing along) and his fiancee dump him.The other girl moved to the next person available to see who's life she could fuck up next. Show no mercy.Tell her to bugger off.
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Old 06-22-2003, 06:22 PM   #7 (permalink)
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If it's taking place at work, nail her for sexual harassment.

No, really, seriously. Stop laughing. Men can be harassed too, and that's exactly what she's doing. Be a hero, man.
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Old 06-22-2003, 10:24 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Ask her to help you pick out a present for your fiance. She'll get the hint.
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Old 06-22-2003, 10:28 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by HFrankenstein
If it's taking place at work, nail her for sexual harassment.

No, really, seriously. Stop laughing. Men can be harassed too, and that's exactly what she's doing. Be a hero, man.
I think it is perfectly OK to come on to someone, provided that you stop after they make it obvious that they are not interested.

I think you should ask her to help you pick out flowers for your fiance. She will get the hint, and you get to make your fiance really happy too.
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Old 06-22-2003, 10:44 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by Greg700
Ask her to help you pick out a present for your fiance. She'll get the hint.
I think that that's too far to take it, as I've already outright told her, I'm engaged. On many occasions, too, actually. It went kind of like this each time:

Her: So, how's life?

Me: Oh, great. My fiancee and I are doing really well.

Her: (rushed) 's nice.

She totally blows it off when I mention it, and it's just not getting through to her. As far as a sexual harassment suit goes, I don't feel like it's really come to that. If she pushed me in a janitor's closet and started unbuttoning my shirt, then THAT is too far. But what she's done at this point, while I'm personally not at all thrilled with it, I don't really think merits that, just yet at least.

My idea so far is to just say this outright to her, so that the point really gets across to her, that I am engaged, and I think that everything is perfect with my fiancee, and that I really couldn't want anything else in the world. If she wants to be my friend, fine, I like making friends. But it can't go any further than that, ever, because I just have no desire whatsoever to take it there, and I really just don't want to. At all. I am so happy right now, I don't need anything on the side. If she doesn't want to be friends with me after that, and she was in it solely for a chance to fuck me, then she can go fuck HERSELF instead, because I don't need to associate myself with someone who is willing to tear my life apart just so they can fuck me. Bullshit.
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Old 06-22-2003, 11:19 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I find the "help pick out a present" idea the best. Make a buddy out of her.
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Old 06-23-2003, 03:29 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by Greg700
Ask her to help you pick out a present for your fiance. She'll get the hint.
Yup, this is the best idea I've seen
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Old 06-23-2003, 05:15 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by KWSN
I think that that's too far to take it, as I've already outright told her, I'm engaged. On many occasions, too, actually. It went kind of like this each time:

Her: So, how's life?

Me: Oh, great. My fiancee and I are doing really well.

Her: (rushed) 's nice.

She totally blows it off when I mention it, and it's just not getting through to her. As far as a sexual harassment suit goes, I don't feel like it's really come to that. If she pushed me in a janitor's closet and started unbuttoning my shirt, then THAT is too far. But what she's done at this point, while I'm personally not at all thrilled with it, I don't really think merits that, just yet at least.

My idea so far is to just say this outright to her, so that the point really gets across to her, that I am engaged, and I think that everything is perfect with my fiancee, and that I really couldn't want anything else in the world. If she wants to be my friend, fine, I like making friends. But it can't go any further than that, ever, because I just have no desire whatsoever to take it there, and I really just don't want to. At all. I am so happy right now, I don't need anything on the side. If she doesn't want to be friends with me after that, and she was in it solely for a chance to fuck me, then she can go fuck HERSELF instead, because I don't need to associate myself with someone who is willing to tear my life apart just so they can fuck me. Bullshit.
I think you answered your own question here.
Just be direct and up front with her. Honesty can go a long way in situations like that. Be sincere and to the point.
Women often find themselves in this same situation and many of them handle it so poorly. I have many male friends and a few who I had to have this very conversation with and they respect me for my honesty and direct approach.
I find it rather admirable of you to be reaching out to finding a way to address this in the best manner possible. Something tells me you'll do just fine. And IF she gets all bent, well, you don't need "friends" like that anyway.
Good Luck.
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Old 06-24-2003, 12:25 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Just drop it in her lap, bro. Be direct, but be polite.
Don't come off with "Listen, bitch...". But say something to the effect of "You realize that I am engaged and in no way interested in screwing things up..."

Be prepared for the counter-attack though. "What would make you think that I was interested in you in the first place?? I wouldn't date you if blah blah blah..." Women can be nasty when they get embarrassed.
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Old 06-24-2003, 07:16 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Isn't it funny how as soon as you get into a serious relationship all sorts of women start sweatin' you? The reason she goes for you over the others is that you are a challenge. All the other guys are puppy dogs for her but you are out of her reach so she persues you. Women are strange animals.

You've made it clear that you have a fiance. Next time she makes any sort of an advance just tell her that she makes you uncomfortable when she does that, that you are committed to your fiance, and that you would appreciate it if she kept your interactions on the friend level. After that, start completely ignoring her and be cold.
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Old 06-25-2003, 06:08 PM   #16 (permalink)
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A novel way that works really well, although, it will take great restraint on your part, is to somehow or another end up at HER place allowing her to make all the moves. Slowly and sensually undress her completly nude, and then after she thinks the big moment is finally here, excuse yourself to the bathroom and walk out the door.

I guarantee she'll never bother you again.
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Old 06-25-2003, 09:20 PM   #17 (permalink)
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She has probably been cheated on before, and views all men as potential cheaters so no matter how dedicated to your fiancee you are, she may still see a chance of getting with you. And she wants to get with you because you are engaged and shown proof that you can commit to a relationship.

If you have to, start getting rude and tell her there is No chance whatsoever. Or depending where you work, a surprise visit by your finacee might be good.
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Old 06-25-2003, 09:39 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Screw being friends, you don't want a social relationship with this girl. It can only fuck things up with your fiance, beleive me. Just tell this chick that, while it's great talking to her and all, you'd like to keep things strictly professional with her. No talking about personal lives, no going out on weekends, no going out period. At most, lunch with the whole crew.
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Old 06-26-2003, 06:41 PM   #19 (permalink)
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The idea that popped into my head after reading all the replies is as follows, I'm presuming that you told your GF about her, so a introduction might be in order. When two ladies meet, they tend to volumes at times without speaking a word. And by the presence of you GF, that in itself, I would think will be enough.
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Old 07-02-2003, 03:38 PM   #20 (permalink)
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this is what i would do "go suck your dads dick you big peace of shit i dont like you, you look like shit you fucken dirty ass biatch!!!!!!!"
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Old 07-02-2003, 03:41 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Get a bucket of iced water.. next time she comes around.. dunk it on her head
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Old 07-02-2003, 03:43 PM   #22 (permalink)
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i8one2 has a good idea as well.. hehe.. when you do that tho.. either perpare to stand back or step in.. hehe
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Old 07-02-2003, 04:25 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by sexyboy3000
this is what i would do "go suck your dads dick you big peace of shit i dont like you, you look like shit you fucken dirty ass biatch!!!!!!!"
And we finally have a winner!!

Why the hell is everyone being so nice. Being nice isn't getting it done. Tell her you think she's a stupid fucking cunt and you wish that she'd drop dead in front of you so you could piss in her face. I'll bet that she never talks to you again. Problem solved.... Just don't do this at work.
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Old 07-02-2003, 09:29 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Agreed, if you've been nice and it hasn't worked, give it to her straight: I DO NOT LIKE YOU.
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Old 07-02-2003, 10:08 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Be nice, but firm. Tell her what you told us you were going to, but I'd stop after the "...don't need anything on the side." That should do the trick. If not, have your fiancee come by for a "surprise visit" or "lunch date" if your work allows it.
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Old 07-02-2003, 11:32 PM   #26 (permalink)
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ahem.

Fuck. Off.

if that dosen't do it nothing will....just blow her off.
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Old 07-03-2003, 01:08 AM   #27 (permalink)
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For some people, it doesn't matter if you're already involved with someone else. I agree with rogue, be direct but polite. She probably doesn't get it. I mean, you've told her you're engaged, but she could interpret that in a few twisted ways.
Perhaps she thinks that because you're not actually married yet, you're fair game. Or maybe it's her last chance. Or maybe because you haven't stated directly your lack of interest, she thinks you're using that as an excuse and that you could be interested. Being engaged doesn't directly state or explain your lack of interest in her.
It's not nice to hurt feelings unnecessarily. Telling her to fuck off might be productive, but it can also be damaging.
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Old 07-05-2003, 03:41 PM   #28 (permalink)
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I'd tell her the following

"Listen, I think you like me, but there is a problem, I don't like you. So please leave me alone". If she doesn't understand and leave, I think you have some options

1) check your law and your office manual for definitions of "sexual harrasment". I don't know, but you may need or not need physical contact to file for harassment. Then file a complain at police directly (a complain filed in the office may causually "be lost" or never be reported to police), so check if u need to let the office know you're filing for sexual harrasment, but don't give up filing the complain to police directly.

2) check with a lawyer. Expecially if her position in the workforce is lower then yours or if you're his boss, direclty on indirectly.

No need to be paranoid, but better prepared then sorry.
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Old 07-05-2003, 04:40 PM   #29 (permalink)
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Kill her.
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