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Old 06-30-2003, 08:40 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Interracial relashionship

Hi, I would like to know if some of you guy could give me some advice.

I have been dating this awesome girl for a while, and everything is great between us. She is Chinese and I am caucassian. The problem is that her father doesn't approve of the relationship, because I am not chinese.

Is there anything I can do? Everytime I meet him I am very polite and very nice to him. However, it seems that this isn't enough.

Any of you ever been in this kind of situation? got any tips?
thanks a lot!
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Old 06-30-2003, 09:32 AM   #2 (permalink)
Banned
 
Location: Pennsytuckia
Well, this is a tough one. The father is the same as a white father with a daughter with a black boyfriend. He doesn’t like you because he is old fashioned (so they like to say) and he is afraid you will hurt his daughter. Only time can fix the problem. He needs to know that you are the one his daughter has chosen and that you will treat her like she deserves to be treated.

Without knowing more detail it is hard to give any more advice than this. Depending on how religious she is and how into Chinese culture she is it is hard to say what else you could do. If they are very into their culture then maybe you could start showing interest in it. Let her father know you are willing to accept what she is and possibly adopt some of it yourself.

Hope this helps a little.
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Old 06-30-2003, 09:45 AM   #3 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: South of the border
This thing happened to me at the beginning of my relationship. Her whole family would not approve of our relationship (not her parents, uncles, aunts or granparents ). They said she was too young, that we weren't mature enough, etc, etc, etc....

Here's the reason why her parents finally approved:

  • Her older sisters talked to their parents to try and convince them
  • Most of her family already knew me and my family
  • They know how responsible and intelligent I am

Now, our relationship has lasted for over a year But still, most of her uncles/aunts still do not approve our relationship (which is a big deal considering how close their family is) and her grandparents still don't acknowledge us as a couple

kamui, you're doing OK by being polite and very nice to him. Does he know you well? Cuz it would really help if he knew you for who you actually are... Also, try to get some members of her family on your side, and they can try to talk to her father... You need to show him your determination as well...

I hope my advice is useful... and if you really love her things will turn out for the best... you'll see

GOOD LUCK
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Old 06-30-2003, 10:11 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Location: Northern VA
I am Pakistani and my girlfriend is Italian. I am Muslim and she is Catholic (at least we were raised that way). As you can guess things weren't that pretty. My best advice to you is show her family how much you care about your little china doll. Be very polite and respectful when you see them. Hell, even goes as far as helping the father around the house with fixer upper projects or what have you. I know my gf's mom is down with me, cause she constantly buys me gifts and supposedly talks about how great I am. But her father is still kind of iffy...I think he likes me, but still would rather see his daughter with someone of her "own kind".
Just show respect and in time, hopefully you will get respect.
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Old 06-30-2003, 10:19 AM   #5 (permalink)
Banned
 
Location: Pennsytuckia
Just want to point out one thing. I am a father of a little girl. Lucky for me she is only 11 right now but when she is dating, no man will be good enough and I wont like any of them until she makes me. See what I am getting at here?
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Old 06-30-2003, 10:26 AM   #6 (permalink)
Swollen Member
 
Location: Northern VA
HAHAHAHAHA amen!!! Black, White, Brown, Yellow, Green...I won't care, I'm gonna hate them either way. God I hope I don't have any daughters.
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Old 06-30-2003, 10:41 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Location: Manhattan, NY
don't be the former in my sig...

and then on top of that, try to show your caring mature side to the family.

after that... it's all you can do
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Old 06-30-2003, 11:40 AM   #8 (permalink)
Dubya
 
Location: VA
The fact that he's letting you in the front door is a good sign. An ex of mine tried to hide our relationship from her parents. God was that an ugly ugly mess.

It got better when she went to college... (then it was just summer and winter vacation hell)
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Old 06-30-2003, 12:39 PM   #9 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: Sydney, Australia
I think it really depends on the situation. I'm from Malaysia, of Chinese descent. My GF is caucasian Australian - We've been going out for just about 5 years now, and I'm certain both sets of parents are cool with it now. I think there was a bit of friction with her folks at first (but maybe it had something to do with us almost being "caught" on the day I met them? ) We're all cool now though. My parents have always been pretty open-minded, but I know others in the family would only really accept their kids going out with other Chinese.

Just be a decent person, and all will go well
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Old 07-01-2003, 08:06 PM   #10 (permalink)
Flavour of the Weak
 
Location: Canada
Whatever you do, don't call her dad Mao. Don't idly chat about 'ricin' your car. Don't call things Oriental. Don't say things like Ching Chang Wong Wong.
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Old 07-01-2003, 10:20 PM   #11 (permalink)
Psycho
 
<i>kamui</i> Sir. I address you as sir because you seem to be respectful of your bride to be and her family, culture, and that deserves consideration.

My homelife is centered around the Mexican/Indian (she doesn't like Hispanic or Native American, albeit her mother is Tribal, and her father Mexican) woman I have loved for years.

We had no problem with the stout Catholicism from her family or me being a white man. (I am a Methodist). My family had problems with me being with a lovely dark skinned woman that didn't fit in with the scheme of things. Since I have been on my own since the age of fourteen, and they did not know of my love for her until I was in my late twentys, they just had to deal with it.

Culture shock can be horribly destructive to a relationship, and old style beliefs are not engraved in stone anymore. Young people are crossing the continents via instantantinous communications and understanding the differences in cultures has become a prerequisite for success in this world.

Bottom line my friend, respect his beliefs, standards, yet, allow that he must respect and understand his beloved daughters upbringing that introduced her in to a world that let her fall in love with you. He raised her in a way that allowed for such open minded thought.

Back to your "why doesnt he like me" question?

Because your dating my daughter you asshole!
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Old 07-01-2003, 10:57 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Location: North Carolina
Start by being the best possible boyfriend...no reason to give him any ammunition.

Otherwise, just ignore him. Eventually, you should be able to shut him up by marrying her.
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Old 07-01-2003, 11:42 PM   #13 (permalink)
Cute and Cuddly
 
Location: Teegeeack.
My fiancee's Chinese.
All you can do is try to keep things calm.
The only thing that truly works is to prove to her parents that you're sincere, and will be a good husband.
Only patience will help.
Don't complain, just take it if you feel like you're being treated unjustly. Remember that your position in this whole situation is easy; your girlfriend is the one taking the flak. Don't add to her troubles by being a drama queen. In the end, you will be accepted if you deserve it. It may not mean they'll like you, but that's not what's important.

And yeah, if you're not serious, stay the hell away.
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Old 07-02-2003, 01:46 AM   #14 (permalink)
don't ignore this-->
 
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Location: CA
whatever you do, don't pull at the corners of your eyes and tell him 5 dollah get him everyting! took me years to figure that out.
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Old 07-02-2003, 05:20 AM   #15 (permalink)
Loser
 
My girlfriend is Korean, and at first BOTH of her parents thought of me to be the devil himself. But over time they realized that I wasnt a bad kid (I'm really not, graduated 8th in my class, don't do drugs, work 2 jobs, going to college, etc etc). It's now been 20 months since we've been together, and they've even invited me over for dinner a few times. The only things that are going to be working on your side are time, and the fact that his daughter is going to see you regardless of his opinion.
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