Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > The Academy > Tilted Sexuality

LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 06-30-2003, 08:40 AM   #1 (permalink)
Interracial relashionship

Hi, I would like to know if some of you guy could give me some advice.

I have been dating this awesome girl for a while, and everything is great between us. She is Chinese and I am caucassian. The problem is that her father doesn't approve of the relationship, because I am not chinese.

Is there anything I can do? Everytime I meet him I am very polite and very nice to him. However, it seems that this isn't enough.

Any of you ever been in this kind of situation? got any tips?
thanks a lot!
kamui is offline  
Old 06-30-2003, 09:32 AM   #2 (permalink)
Location: Pennsytuckia
Well, this is a tough one. The father is the same as a white father with a daughter with a black boyfriend. He doesn’t like you because he is old fashioned (so they like to say) and he is afraid you will hurt his daughter. Only time can fix the problem. He needs to know that you are the one his daughter has chosen and that you will treat her like she deserves to be treated.

Without knowing more detail it is hard to give any more advice than this. Depending on how religious she is and how into Chinese culture she is it is hard to say what else you could do. If they are very into their culture then maybe you could start showing interest in it. Let her father know you are willing to accept what she is and possibly adopt some of it yourself.

Hope this helps a little.
Darkblack is offline  
Old 06-30-2003, 09:45 AM   #3 (permalink)
Location: South of the border
This thing happened to me at the beginning of my relationship. Her whole family would not approve of our relationship (not her parents, uncles, aunts or granparents ). They said she was too young, that we weren't mature enough, etc, etc, etc....

Here's the reason why her parents finally approved:

  • Her older sisters talked to their parents to try and convince them
  • Most of her family already knew me and my family
  • They know how responsible and intelligent I am

Now, our relationship has lasted for over a year But still, most of her uncles/aunts still do not approve our relationship (which is a big deal considering how close their family is) and her grandparents still don't acknowledge us as a couple

kamui, you're doing OK by being polite and very nice to him. Does he know you well? Cuz it would really help if he knew you for who you actually are... Also, try to get some members of her family on your side, and they can try to talk to her father... You need to show him your determination as well...

I hope my advice is useful... and if you really love her things will turn out for the best... you'll see

"The weak are food for the strong, so die and let me feast!" - Makoto Shishio (RK)
Memalvada is offline  
Old 06-30-2003, 10:11 AM   #4 (permalink)
Swollen Member
Location: Northern VA
I am Pakistani and my girlfriend is Italian. I am Muslim and she is Catholic (at least we were raised that way). As you can guess things weren't that pretty. My best advice to you is show her family how much you care about your little china doll. Be very polite and respectful when you see them. Hell, even goes as far as helping the father around the house with fixer upper projects or what have you. I know my gf's mom is down with me, cause she constantly buys me gifts and supposedly talks about how great I am. But her father is still kind of iffy...I think he likes me, but still would rather see his daughter with someone of her "own kind".
Just show respect and in time, hopefully you will get respect.
Jim Kata is offline  
Old 06-30-2003, 10:19 AM   #5 (permalink)
Location: Pennsytuckia
Just want to point out one thing. I am a father of a little girl. Lucky for me she is only 11 right now but when she is dating, no man will be good enough and I wont like any of them until she makes me. See what I am getting at here?
Darkblack is offline  
Old 06-30-2003, 10:26 AM   #6 (permalink)
Swollen Member
Location: Northern VA
HAHAHAHAHA amen!!! Black, White, Brown, Yellow, Green...I won't care, I'm gonna hate them either way. God I hope I don't have any daughters.
Jim Kata is offline  
Old 06-30-2003, 10:41 AM   #7 (permalink)
Tilted Cat Head
Cynthetiq's Avatar
Location: Manhattan, NY
don't be the former in my sig...

and then on top of that, try to show your caring mature side to the family.

after that... it's all you can do
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.
Cynthetiq is offline  
Old 06-30-2003, 11:40 AM   #8 (permalink)
Location: VA
The fact that he's letting you in the front door is a good sign. An ex of mine tried to hide our relationship from her parents. God was that an ugly ugly mess.

It got better when she went to college... (then it was just summer and winter vacation hell)
"In Iraq, no doubt about it, it's tough. It's hard work. It's incredibly hard. It's - and it's hard work. I understand how hard it is. I get the casualty reports every day. I see on the TV screens how hard it is. But it's necessary work. We're making progress. It is hard work."
Sparhawk is offline  
Old 06-30-2003, 12:39 PM   #9 (permalink)
Location: Sydney, Australia
I think it really depends on the situation. I'm from Malaysia, of Chinese descent. My GF is caucasian Australian - We've been going out for just about 5 years now, and I'm certain both sets of parents are cool with it now. I think there was a bit of friction with her folks at first (but maybe it had something to do with us almost being "caught" on the day I met them? ) We're all cool now though. My parents have always been pretty open-minded, but I know others in the family would only really accept their kids going out with other Chinese.

Just be a decent person, and all will go well
Grrr... Argh....
losfp is offline  
Old 07-01-2003, 08:06 PM   #10 (permalink)
Flavour of the Weak
Location: Canada
Whatever you do, don't call her dad Mao. Don't idly chat about 'ricin' your car. Don't call things Oriental. Don't say things like Ching Chang Wong Wong.
ninety09 is offline  
Old 07-01-2003, 10:20 PM   #11 (permalink)
<i>kamui</i> Sir. I address you as sir because you seem to be respectful of your bride to be and her family, culture, and that deserves consideration.

My homelife is centered around the Mexican/Indian (she doesn't like Hispanic or Native American, albeit her mother is Tribal, and her father Mexican) woman I have loved for years.

We had no problem with the stout Catholicism from her family or me being a white man. (I am a Methodist). My family had problems with me being with a lovely dark skinned woman that didn't fit in with the scheme of things. Since I have been on my own since the age of fourteen, and they did not know of my love for her until I was in my late twentys, they just had to deal with it.

Culture shock can be horribly destructive to a relationship, and old style beliefs are not engraved in stone anymore. Young people are crossing the continents via instantantinous communications and understanding the differences in cultures has become a prerequisite for success in this world.

Bottom line my friend, respect his beliefs, standards, yet, allow that he must respect and understand his beloved daughters upbringing that introduced her in to a world that let her fall in love with you. He raised her in a way that allowed for such open minded thought.

Back to your "why doesnt he like me" question?

Because your dating my daughter you asshole!
poof is offline  
Old 07-01-2003, 10:57 PM   #12 (permalink)
Eccentric insomniac
Slims's Avatar
Location: North Carolina
Start by being the best possible boyfriend...no reason to give him any ammunition.

Otherwise, just ignore him. Eventually, you should be able to shut him up by marrying her.
"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill

"All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence
Slims is offline  
Old 07-01-2003, 11:42 PM   #13 (permalink)
Cute and Cuddly
Location: Teegeeack.
My fiancee's Chinese.
All you can do is try to keep things calm.
The only thing that truly works is to prove to her parents that you're sincere, and will be a good husband.
Only patience will help.
Don't complain, just take it if you feel like you're being treated unjustly. Remember that your position in this whole situation is easy; your girlfriend is the one taking the flak. Don't add to her troubles by being a drama queen. In the end, you will be accepted if you deserve it. It may not mean they'll like you, but that's not what's important.

And yeah, if you're not serious, stay the hell away.
The above was written by a true prophet. Trust me.

"What doesn't kill you, makes you bitter and paranoid". - SB2000

XenuHubbard is offline  
Old 07-02-2003, 01:46 AM   #14 (permalink)
don't ignore this-->
bermuDa's Avatar
Location: CA
whatever you do, don't pull at the corners of your eyes and tell him 5 dollah get him everyting! took me years to figure that out.
I am the very model of a moderator gentleman.
bermuDa is offline  
Old 07-02-2003, 05:20 AM   #15 (permalink)
My girlfriend is Korean, and at first BOTH of her parents thought of me to be the devil himself. But over time they realized that I wasnt a bad kid (I'm really not, graduated 8th in my class, don't do drugs, work 2 jobs, going to college, etc etc). It's now been 20 months since we've been together, and they've even invited me over for dinner a few times. The only things that are going to be working on your side are time, and the fact that his daughter is going to see you regardless of his opinion.
WarWagon is offline  

interracial, relashionship

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

All times are GMT -8. The time now is 03:18 PM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360