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Old 07-01-2003, 03:40 PM   #1 (permalink)
Stare At The Sun's Avatar
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
Problems getting it up...

*****Warning EXPLICIT explaining....*****

My problem can not be that common, I am an 18 year old male, i have a pretty attractive girlfriend, and i cant keep it up for more than a minute. I will be kissing her, and hard, but once she takes control, or the action stops, instant mushroom. Also, she cant give me a handjob, or oral sex. Basically, the only thing i can do is fuck her, and not stop. I havent tried viagra, im to embarrased to. . I dont know what to think, i mean, nothign seems to work, we've tried lotions and shit, little knock off pills at a sex store, but it doesnt work. Also, i'm not really that sensitive down there, when she goes down, it doesnt feel like anything is happening, basically, my dick is about as sensative as my arm. I can masturbate, and orgasm, but i dunno, im just not very sensative down there. Sex works and all, only reason is, is like masturbation, its constant stimulation, everywhere, and i control where/what im doing.

To answer what some might say, its not a control thing, as sex w/ her on top is fine, but other than that, it just doesnt work.

Cliffnotes. 18 year old male cant get it up for a blow/hand job, and doesnt have much feeling down there.

Any help you guys could offer would be great. Sorry for being so explicit about everything, any clarification/questions, just ask, im a open book..
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Old 07-01-2003, 04:36 PM   #2 (permalink)
nefarious's Avatar
Location: Tucson, AZ
i was exactly the same way quite recently .. thankfully not any more..
my problem was that i kept worrying that that would happen .. and i couldnt comepletely relax.

i think you can lose some sensitivity if you constantly masturbate ..
it was mostly a mental thing for me.
Si vis pacem, para bellum.
- Vegetius "Do Re Mil.3, Prol.
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Old 07-01-2003, 04:44 PM   #3 (permalink)
I think if you tried Viagra you would be fine. It sounds like your confidence is down. Start taking Viagra see if your confidence increases.

Buy the Viagra online, even have someone else order it for you. Plenty of people use it even though they really donít need it.
Running Wild
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Old 07-01-2003, 05:38 PM   #4 (permalink)
Location: Canada
Pffft. At 18, there's no way you should require viagra. Especially if you can get it up on your own and masturbate to completion. If you are feeling a bit worried, you can go get a physical from your doctor who will undoubtedly tell you everything is physically okay.

I suffered from this same problem in my early experiences with women. Masturbating less will help somewhat, but what also will help is to masturbate differently -- pay attention to how your girl does it, and try to simulate that more carefully on your own. Use less pressure, slower or faster strokes, whatever. Learn how to come on your own with similar sensations and it will be easier.

Also, pay attention when you come to the mindset you are in and the contracting muscles of your groin area. Then, when she is working on you concentrate on replicating these feelings. If you just lie there and do nothing except worry about the fact you are not coming, it's not going to happen.

Finally, if what she is doing just isn't keeping it going, help the girl out and show her either with your hand or by talking to her and guiding your hand.

For oral sex, it will help if she can take it at a bit of an angle so that the head of your penis hits the sides of her mouth (or her throat if she can deep throat), as the added friction will help you out. Also, it is usually easier to come via oral after already had sex and come once, since your penis is more sensitive.

It can be a lot of hard work (pardon the pun) to get it done the first time, but after that it gets easier and easier.

Sit back, don't worry & enjoy!
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Old 07-01-2003, 06:40 PM   #5 (permalink)
Location: Wisconsin, USA
I was getting this problem too. It was sporadic, but geting worse untill I found the problem completely by accident:

I used to use Sudafed heavily because of alergies. I stopped taking it since it wasn't doing much for me anymore, and all of a sudden my problems were gone. I have a friend who's ex has the same trouble, and guess what? He's on the stuff 24x7 as well. If I take it for more than 2 days, I have trouble staying up unless I'm fucking. Needless to say I don't use it anymore.

Don't know if you use the stuff, but the point is that it could be something simple like this. FWIW.
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Old 07-01-2003, 08:03 PM   #6 (permalink)
clockworkgreen's Avatar
Location: DC
Geez, my problem is that I have too much sensitivity....I guess we all need to meet somewhere in the middle. Just don't have your junk in your hands when we do.
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Old 07-01-2003, 08:08 PM   #7 (permalink)
Stare At The Sun's Avatar
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
Thanks for the input, i dunno what to think,i mean, im pretty relaxed and stuff, but i think i might try ordering viagra online...anyone know sites? . Man, i feel pathetic.

And seriously, i think the issue is the sensitivity(SP) Cause honestly, its very hard for me to feel anything down there, other than the head, basically, theres nothing.I dunno, eventually i'll figure it out, also, keep the advice coming..thanks
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Old 07-01-2003, 11:40 PM   #8 (permalink)
Location: Sydney, Australia

One of my past boyfriends had a similar problem but he wasn't even able to get it up to fuck let alone where I could suck and tug it.

We basically got around it because I let him know I wasn't really interested in his cock - if he was getting me off (and it's easy to do that without a penis!) I was quite happy no matter the implements.

It ended up that after awhile making me cum all over the place he forgot that he had problems, he was able to join in and receive some of the pleasure he'd been giving me. It was awhile longer before hand jobs and oral sex where effective but that happened as well.

I think it was a combination of an initial physical problem (epilepsy medication) and this then exacerbated by worry over performance issues - the amount of pressure that is attached to owning a cock - oh my goodness! I have to feel for you guys sometimes.

It can be hard finding a girl willing to leave your cock alone though - alot of self-esteem issues are then brought into play as she may feel she's not satisfying you, or sexy enough for you. You just need to re-assure her that you find her sexy as hell, and want to be sexual with her and do yummy things to her and leave not think of your cock for a bit - maybe(hopefully) it will just come to the party all of it's own accord.

Something else to consider if you do feel it's a sensitivity issue is getting a piercing or two - that might sensitize it right up I don't know any men with peircings who weren't sensitize beforehand but I do know girls with genital piercings who say they weren't sensitize but now they are. Since it's the same kind of tissue it may be an option to explore.

Good luck.
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Old 07-02-2003, 12:01 AM   #9 (permalink)
Location: 'bout 2 feet from my iMac
before you go medicating yourself, because really, that shouldn't be an issue, annd you shouldn't be prescribing yourself meds anyway, give masturbation a rest for a week or so. relax, have fun forget you're having sex, and don't sweat orgasming. concentrate on something else. making her cum, seeing hwo many freckles you can count, whatever.

if it seems like a sensitivity problem, physically, you may wanna talk to a doc. don't worry, they hear this stuff every day, they're not gonna mock you or anything.
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Old 07-02-2003, 11:49 AM   #10 (permalink)
rmarshall's Avatar
Location: Kingston,Ontario
I agree, the viagra isn't a good solution if you're already "getting it up" but can't keep it up. The problem is in your head.

I had a similar problem and bought viagra from the internet. It helped a bit because when you get hard, you get really hard. It's good for boosting your ego. I bought from Kwikmed and bought 30 pills @ about $12 each. I used maybe a half-dozen and ended up throwing the rest away over a year later because they expired.

Once you get over whatever nervousness, or performance anxiety or whatever, you won't need anything.

Get some toys and get busy making the girl cum. That does it for me. When she cums and squirts and moans, then I get hard and can really enjoy it. Do that a couple of times a day and your problems are a memory.

edit: Oh yeah, fucking in the morning is good. Everybody is a stud in the morning. If you must do it at night, take some ginseng and maybe some multivitamins at dinnertime to get the energy up. I'm usually short on energy at night. And plenty of fluids. It's about hydraulics, you know.
"Do not resent growing old. Many are denied the privilege" Irish proverb

Last edited by rmarshall; 07-02-2003 at 11:54 AM..
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Old 07-02-2003, 12:16 PM   #11 (permalink)
I don't think your problem is physical. Perhaps you've been masturbating too much, and its affecting your sensitivity. Its very hard for a pussy to keep up with your own hand, expecially if you exert a lot of pressure.

Lay off the jerking off for a few weeks. As mentioned earlier, there are many other ways of getting a girl off other than penetration.

In fact, she would probably enjoy you to perform oral sex on her.
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Old 07-02-2003, 05:24 PM   #12 (permalink)
Darth Papa
ratbastid's Avatar
Location: Yonder
Only thing I haven't heard asked yet is whether you're ALREADY medicating yourself. Many anti-anxiety drugs have this very side-effect.

Anything ring a bell there?
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Old 07-02-2003, 10:49 PM   #13 (permalink)
Stare At The Sun's Avatar
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
only thing im on is asthma medicine and allergy medicine, clartitin.

I dunno, im still confused as to what to do. The whole "its mental" thing, is cool and all, but i've tried to relax and just go with it so many times, it just doesnt help.

I honestly think that if i was more sensitive down there, it would help a lot, cause seriously, half the time when she tries to do shit down there, i dont feel most anything. some pressure here, and some movement there, but for the most part, no pleasure comes from it .

I know some guys just dont like getting head. sucks to be me.
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Old 07-02-2003, 10:56 PM   #14 (permalink)
Jesus Freak
Location: Following the light...
Try not taking the medications for a few days (if you can bear the allergies) and see if it's better. That and not masterbating as much seem to be the general consensus here.
"People say I'm strange, does that make me a stranger?"
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Old 07-03-2003, 01:33 AM   #15 (permalink)
lady's Avatar
Location: Vancouver, BC
claritin dehydrates you. i don't remember the exact mechanism, but it winds up reducing blood volume which can make it more difficult for women to achieve orgasm and men to "get it up"
Our doubts are traitors,
And make us lose the good we oft might win
By fearing to attempt.
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Old 07-03-2003, 03:55 AM   #16 (permalink)
High Honorary Junkie
Location: Tri-state.
I've had a similar problem in that I simply wasn't in the "mood" for sex. My girlfriend might try to seduce and arouse me, and that worked, but I might spontaneously lose my erection and just stop.

I reason, I quickly realized, was stress. Very simply, I've only had problems like that 3 times (not that hard to remember how many times you couldn't get/keep it up) and every time has been a time of stress. It doesn't happen anymore because I'm able to recognize when I'm feeling stressed...so instead of having sex, we'll talk about things and just *gasp* cuddle.

My best advice is to relax and stop thinking about it so much. Let it be natural and if you really aren't feeling up to it, let her know. If you have a caring girlfriend, she'll understand and be cool with it.

I'm 19, BTW. Good luck!
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Old 07-03-2003, 05:30 AM   #17 (permalink)
Location: VA
I was on an anti-depressant and in a relationship at the time, and the anti-depressant screwed with my 'abilities' so much it made me even MORE depressed.
"In Iraq, no doubt about it, it's tough. It's hard work. It's incredibly hard. It's - and it's hard work. I understand how hard it is. I get the casualty reports every day. I see on the TV screens how hard it is. But it's necessary work. We're making progress. It is hard work."
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Old 07-03-2003, 12:18 PM   #18 (permalink)
Location: College Station, TX
see a doctor
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Old 07-03-2003, 01:14 PM   #19 (permalink)
Kid_Karysma's Avatar
Location: The Top Rope
Definitely talk to a doctor. It's tough and embarassing and I had this problem as well. God, it seems like every guy has this problem. There's a lot of pressure to please a girl and not be a 2minuteman. Curveedv8 has great advice. I haven't tried that, but that's basically what my ex and I had to do. After a while my penis just began to work.

Don't be so down on yourself. We're all here for you and hope the best for you, Man. Don't pierce it, that just sounds like a bad idea.

Laying off the stroking probably wouldn't hurt. She'd be impressed when you shoot a gallon.

Good Luck
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Old 07-16-2003, 06:32 PM   #20 (permalink)
An adverse side effect of claritin is erectile dysfunction.

We have a winner.

It made me not even think about sex for like 3 weeks couldnt get it up either. =P
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Old 07-17-2003, 01:11 AM   #21 (permalink)
spacecowboy's Avatar
Location: out thair
Talk to your Doctor! with out a exam you can't be sure.
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Old 07-17-2003, 10:20 AM   #22 (permalink)
...getting it up

At your age, the lack of sensitivity sounds like a physical problem and should be addressed right away with your doctor. Nerve or circulation issues occur frequently and shouldn't be ignored. If an 18 year old "needs" Viagra, it is absolutely a physical thing. At 18 I and everyone I know had issues keeping it down not keeping it up.

Don't self medicate. Consult your doctor.
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