dd3953

okay. so i haven't much experience with sex, dating, or relationships. and, i'm not sure why, i started thinking about sexual tension. i don't think i've ever experienced sexual tension, but since i don't know what it looks or feels like, that statement feels false.


i've seen what it looks like movies, but i want to know if that's what it looks like in real life. i figure if enough people can give me an idea, i might be able to find a "common thread" - something i can compare to the experiences i have had, and maybe make a little more sense of new ones.

when was a time you felt sexual tension between you and someone else? how did it express itself? what made you think it was tension?

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Plan9

Usually sexual tension is what guys feel when girls get comfortable touching them on the shoulder as a way to make conversation more personal.

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Hyacinthe

Now I feel bad Crompsin cause I do stuff like that all the time and for me it's not a sign of sexual tension but a way to make sure they're actually paying attention to me or to let them know I am moving near them and not to back up and step on me or something.

For me sexual tension takes the form of continous sideways glances, biting of the lower lip, a tendency to lean against the person in question and rest my head on their shoulder or chest, leaning over a pool table to flash a bit of cleavage - things like that

I blush more easily and I get this knot which seems to be spilt into 3 parts, one in my groin, one in my stomach and one in my throat.

I'm a pretty tactile person in general so I can get away with hugs and cuddling pretty often too.

At work sexual tension takes on a different dynamic - I tend to be alot more mercenarily minded there, sexual tension for me experienced by someone else becomes a thing to be exploited (not too much or they won't come back) then I'm more likely to bend over to flash a bit of thong and ass and show off long legs, dirty dance with one of the other girls - things that I would never dream of doing in my daily persona

I guess for me sexual tension expresses itself as an awareness of who is looking at what and being totally aware of my body.

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dlish

sexual tension is that eery silence, losing line of thought, along with the uncomfortable-ness of situations between those you feel an attraction to.

the classic type would be when a cute female is stuck with you in a lift and there is so much energy in there between two people that you can actually feel the heat of the moment but you dont know if you want the ride to end or keep going.

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Zeraph

Like literal sexual tension? Or are you just trying to figure out if a girl likes you? Big difference, and the latter is a lot easier to answer.

Bear Cub

It's how taut the cables are when she's on the love swing.

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The_Jazz

Crompsin, I'm mucho disappointed in you. This was the correct answer:

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dd3953

Zeraph, i mean literal sexual tension.
and you're right, figuring out if a girl likes me is a lot easier to answer

i've only met one chick who likes me, and from what i've read here, there isn't any tension involved.

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Seaver

Sexual tension is when two people either A) Are dating other people, B) Work together, or C) Both, yet have very strong chemistry. Neither side wants to screw things up, so the flirtation continues indefinately.

It's the inside jokes, the normal day-to-day touching of shoulders, the hugs, the glances, which would otherwise be friends yet continually have a sexual hue to them. It's forbidden, and both sides know it would never work out, but both sides want it.

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dlish

if you really must know...

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I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

Zeraph

It's when she treats you normally/professionally, but she's too focused on you, she licks her lips a lot, plays with her hair, laughs at your stupid jokes, her pupils dilate more than normal, her cheeks become rosy, she smooths her clothes a lot, she looks down/up at you, acts giddy, etc. Basically all the signs that she's flirting, but keeping it toned down to within the social norm, and not making any outright propositions.

But really, it's quite hard to define, and even that's not quite it exactly. It's like the legal definition of porn or whatever, I'll know it when I see it.

Plan9

Or she's thinking about Brad Pitt... or the fighter pilot guy from Battlestar Galactica.

I used to think women were interested in me, but now I stop fooling myself.
-----Added 24/1/2009 at 03 : 17 : 37-----
Hilarious video. I haven't jizzed in my pants since I was interrupted in a port-a-john in Afghanistan by rocket fire. You know the real reason we switched to the new ACUs? They hide semen stains better than the last uniform. Good for lonely deployments.

I'm sorry. Ya know, my original post before I edited it was, "You mean the rubberlike forcefield surrounding The_Jazz and UsTwo?"

...

Back to the OP: Honestly, I think that sexual tension is usually one-sided. Mostly a male invention. Just because a woman likes you doesn't mean she secretly wants to you to smack that like Akon right-quick and in a hurry (despite what BET videos would have you believe). People in the US, for the most part, are slutty enough to give into whatever mutual desire is there if the circumstances are kosher. I know I am.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

dippin

I agree, but I would add when you are dating someone and the social situation makes it impossible for anything to happen. In other words, sexual tension is when you want it, you know the other person wants it, but it can't happen.

For example: tagging along to a family reunion when they put the SO in a different room, with her sisters, and someone is always around preventing any escapades.

In any case, it is something that you have to experience to know it. If you have to ask if something is sexual tension, it certainly isn't.

dd3953

which is why i figured i'd ask. since i doubt that i have experienced it. now i'm wondering how many other people haven't or if i'm in this boat alone.

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Plan9

Honestly, whenever I feel "sexual tension" I know it's probably just a figment of my imagination.

When it happened it was always around people that were "pfft! no way, never happen" like coworkers or friends.

Didn't stop the furious masturbation later, but still... it wasn't something that broke into the Real World (TM).

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Anormalguy

An unintentenial chemistry between two people where one or both people know that acting on the attraction would be inappropriate.

It's something you'll know when you experience it.

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dd3953

Okay, so a few people have labeled it "inappropriate." That got me thinking - say person A and B have felt the tension, they do not act it on, does it ever go away?

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dippin

It is not that its inappropriate, its just that there needs to be something stopping them from transforming sexual desire into action. Sexual tension takes place when there is a reciprocation of attitudes where it is clear that both want to have sex with each other, but for whatever reason can't. That is, if there is nothing inappropriate about it, if there is nothing stopping the 2 people, then there is no tension, just lust and sex itself. And yes, it goes away.

I am not sure about your situation, but is it taking place between you and someone who is available, or who you would have no impediments from actually having sex with? I say this because for a long time when I was young I often confused sexual tension with me just having the hots for someone. But then I realized that things never went forward simply because she wasn't reciprocating, which inevitably made me realize that it was just my perception of things, not actual tension. That is, I was the only one feeling it, and she was oblivious to it.

I only really found out about sexual tension with the girlfriend of my best friend in college. Little by little I noticed that we always behaved differently around each other when my friend wasn't close by. I mean she would lay on my lap, we would have these full body hugs where I could both feel her nether regions on my thigh and she could feel my erections and we would still take a couple of seconds to pull away, she would accidentally rub her breasts against me and so. All of these things developing slowly over a period of time. And then I realized that it wasnt just her hitting on me or vice versa, because we started to try to actively avoid being that close to each other, or being alone together. That is the key to "sexual tension." If there is nothing stopping you, if there is no resistance on either part, there is no "tension." I knew if I acted on it I would be rejected, and vice versa, and we were lucky enough never to have any opportunity when we were both drunk or otherwise incapacitated. We just stopped putting ourselves in those types of situations, and for a while the looks across the room continued, but eventually it all died down.

Soon after I met my wife, and they broke up and then married other people.

dd3953

okay, so the tension itself is not inappropriate, thanks for clearing that up - guess I misread.

I'm not in a "situation" - this whole thing is purely curiosity.

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ItWasMe

And along those lines (if I may borrow from your answer Abnormalguy)

Sometimes, two people are even caught off guard by this strong chemistry, but something is stopping a persuit. In cases where one is married, or the relationship is boss/employee, seeker/confessor, officer/enlisted, acting on the attraction would be inappropriate.

Sometimes it isn't inappropriate to explore the chemistry, but something else is holding at least one of them back. Such as, the person is a long time friend and you fear risking the friendship. Maybe the person once dated someone close to you, and you avoid risking that friendship. Perhaps the person you are attracted to is YOUR ex. It could be the two people are already friends, both shy, both fearful of taking a first step not knowing if the other feels the same pull. Maybe one is on the rebound from a recent breakup, which could hold both of them back.

Sometimes the sexual tension is accompanied with romantic feelings or feelings of friendship. Sometimes not, when two strangers meet.

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World's King

I have strong sexual tension with a good friend of mine. We flirt back and forth constantly. Nothing will ever happen... we know that. (Okay, so we made out once in a drunken stooper... )


Sexual tension is more of a game. It's really nothing to be taken seriously. Now I know most people will disagree with me. But let me explain. Sexual tension is only the beginning part of liking someone. If it never goes any further... then you're stuck where you're at. For me and my friend... It will never go any further because I have a very serious girlfriend (we live together). Should that end one day... we might take that step forward.

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surferlove007

Sexual tension can be awesome...I've experienced it many times before. Not to mention taking it further. It's just wow. "Like, jeez if you weren't married I could screw your brains out...but oh wait. You are! Never mind!"

The wanting of the unattainable/illogical...where your logic falls behind and you're left to want/lust after things/people you know won't happen or work out."

Even being in a stable relationship, sexual tension is still palpable. Odds are people following their sexual tension leads many cheating scenarios...although if you've discussed kinkier options with the SO it might not be considered cheating. ;-)
Who knows how it could end...

LordEden

I had some heavy sexual tension with a good (ex-)friend of mine. We hung out and all of our friends told us we should date. I didn't want too and she got with a friend of a friend. After 6 months or so it started happening, all the things with the eyes, touches, and whatnot. Well, it got to the point that everyone could just see it from a mile away and we didn't know what to do. We went the wrong way, got REAL drunk one night and made out. It was bad and led to more bad things (as she was still dating the guy). As I said with the EX friend we no longer talk because of it because she picked him.

Sometimes you should leave flirting/tension to just that.

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