StuffGuyDude

So my girlfriend is really shy, and as such isn't too great at "dirty talk" in the bedroom. She likes to dress up in costumes (schoolgirl, cheerleader, halloween costumes, etc) while we do our thing and pretend she's whatever she's dressed as, but as for conveying that with words and generally just acting/talking "naughty" for lack of a better term, she's admittedly not very good at it. I've tried to give her some tips, but they just haven't really sunk in, and she responds really well to reading articles about these types of things.

So I was wondering if anyone had any ebooks/blogs/articles on bedroom roleplaying and talking dirty, specifically geared towards the ladies. Thanks in advance!

dddave

I don't have a link to share, but I can tell you that I simply showed my wife my example. When she did let something nasty out of her mouth in the bedroom, I just made sure I let her know that it was a turn-on to me.

When we first met, she was very reserved about dirty talk but now she says things like "Fuck me harder," or even "Fill me with your cum." She shocks me sometimes... in a good way.

We did have a conversation on the first night we slept together where I told her some important things: (1) Good sex is messy, loud, fun and sometimes embarrassing, and (2) Outside the bedroom, it's okay to call it a penis or vagina, but in bed it's a cock or pussy, and (3) It's not only OK, but recommended that we can use the "F" word to describe what we're doing... it doesn't always have to be romantic.

Strange Famous

If she doesnt like to swear I dont see the value in trying to encourge her, unless you are somehow especially excited by bad language.

I know that if for example my girlfriend starting calling people "cunt" or "cuntie" and saying "fuck" every other sentence (as I talk unfortunately) I wouldnt exactly be excited about it... not that I could criticise her over it, as I am very foul mouthed and inarticulate myself.

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

World's King

You can't teach someone how to talk dirty. It has to come naturally.

__________________
heavy is the head that wears the crown

dddave

Amen.

StuffGuyDude

Not quite what I was talking about, though maybe I wasn't too clear in my post. She has no aversion to saying things along the lines of "I'm your dirty little slut, fill me with your hot cum," etc. The issue is that when we're having sex, she doesn't really say those things because she just doesn't know what to say, when to say it, etc. I was hoping to maybe find some articles or some books specifically about being more open with this kind of thing. She's the kind of person that's nervous that she's going to do something "wrong" and offend me, and i've told her that i'm perfectly comfortable with the fact that she might not get it "right," the important thing is that she just lets loose and goes with whatever comes to mind, but these sorts of things never really sink in unless she reads about them. I've found a handful of ebooks specifically about "talking dirty" in the bedroom, but they're all the "here's two paragraphs, for just $35.99 you can read the rest and have the BEST SEX OF YOUR LIFE!!!!" scams.

dddave

Dumb question... how old are you?

Sometimes this stuff comes with time.

And if your lover can say "I'm your dirty little slut" you are not doing too badly.

If she's awkward at times, then you have to know there is no manual fo her to read.

Just be the best lover you can be, encourage her to do the things you like, and don't expect too much.

Strange Famous

I dont know about it. In my life I've never known a real woman say "I'm your dirty little slut, fill with me with hot cum"... I'd be quite taken aback if any girl I was with said it, I think stuff like that only happens in porno movies - but perhaps I've had a sheltered life?

I dont think any article is going to tell you of things like this in any case... maybe the best thing is just to not concentrate too much on the details and just try to both do what comes naturally. If she feel's like she is putting on a performance maybe thats why she feels reticent about it... personally I have always found concentrating on things like that creates more pressure and its more fun for both people to just feel open and confiden enough to do what they feel.

But I would ask - without trying to being critical about it - what it is about having your girlfriend run herself down with negative commnts like calling herself a slut that is appealing?

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

dddave

You are absolutely right, vulgar language in everyday life is just that - vulgar. My feeling though is that IN BED, that language has its place. If my wife were to say "Put your penis in my vagina" I would be very tuned off. When she (and she is a very conservative person) says "Fuck me now," it makes me crazy with desire for her

Strange Famous

I agree that something like "put your penis in my vagina" would sound strange and unattractive.

I might, I suppose, if I was in a certain mood, say something like "I want to fuck you immediately" although it is unlikely, but personally I wouldnt feel happy to hear my girlfriend call herself a dirty slut as mentioned in other posts.

If my girlfriend said "fuck me now" I might quite like that kind of assertiveness

If she said "Im a slut" I'd feel kind of bad that she was talking negatively about herself.

But everyone is different and has different buttons, if two people find something pleasurable it's all good as long as no harm is being done.

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

Lady Bear Cub

I'm usually making too much noise to actually talk during sex. If something slips out, it's usually "fuck me like that" or "fuck me harder" and that's pretty much already been covered by previous posts.

As for role playing dirty talk.. I think that needs to just come naturally. I don't think you can really teach it. Maybe if she reads some dirty books it will give her some ideas of what to say. Dirty books are loaded with that type of stuff.

__________________
"I give myself very good advice,
But I very seldom follow it,
Will I ever learn to do the things I should?"

seamaiden

I disagree. When I was younger I didn't talk much during sex. I think it's necessary to be comfortable with your own sexuality and know what turns you, and your partner, on before talking dirty feels right. Now I like to talk about what feels good for me, or fantasies I have, while we fuck. It feels natural now, but I had to work at being comfortable sharing my "dirty thoughts". In that sense, I taught myself it was okay to be a dirty girl for the sake of better sex.

Shaindra

Yes you have. There are actually quite a few of us who've said those words and more outside of porn.

To the OP...I sort of agree with the others. It isn't something you can learn from a book or really something you can teach. There has to be a basic comfort-level that can take some people years or even decades to develop. She's already got an idea of what you want and will likely get only *more* awkward instead of less if you push. The best thing to do is respond enthusiastically when she does say something.

You can also ind some porn or erotica with the language you like. Let her watch/read and comment how the language turns you on.

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"Never regret something that once made you smile."

StuffGuyDude

While I thank everyone for the advice, I still dont think i've quite conveyed the issue correctly. I'm in no way trying to push or force her to do something she isn't comfortable doing. She's 100% a-ok with talking dirty in the bedroom, she's not shy or uncomfortable about it. The issue is that she has absolutely no experience with actually doing it, and therefor is looking for tips on dirty talking technique (ideas of what to say, voice inflection, what *not* to say, etc).

To draw a parallel, the situation is exactly like if she was ready and willing to say, give a blowjob, but she's never done it before and doesn't want to hurt the man. So she would read one of the million "guide to amazing sex" books or "how to give your man a great blowjob" blogs/articles to learn more about how to give a blowjob the man will enjoy. We're looking for resources like those columns/books, except about talking dirty in bed instead of blowjobs.

Redlemon

I remember seeing a guide in the sexuality section of some big bookstore like Barnes & Noble; of course, that was like 15 years ago or something. Try that out, that way you can see the whole book ahead of time.

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I can't read your signature. Sorry.

Shaindra

Tell her if she isn't sure about saying something, to use a husky whisper in your ear. No worries about inflection and it's just as hot.

__________________
"Never regret something that once made you smile."

Lady Bear Cub

Don't say "I'm pregnant."

__________________
"I give myself very good advice,
But I very seldom follow it,
Will I ever learn to do the things I should?"

StuffGuyDude

Thanks for all the discussion in this thread, but I found exactly what we were looking for in "Talk Sexy To the One You Love: And other secrets for improving communication" By Barbara Keesling. You can find it at pretty much any online book retailer for $10-15, buy the .pdf straight from the authors website for about the same price, or (if its your thing) find the pdf floating around ebook sharing websites (which I will not be providing links to). It's written specifically towards women who want to learn how to talk dirty in the bedroom in both fun and erotic ways, with a strong emphasis on creating a no-pressure environment. It's based around 50 or so small exercises designed to help her be more confident about her body and saying these types of things in the bedroom. Sometimes it's a little to "self-helpey" for my taste, but I showed it to my girlfriend and she thinks its exactly what she needs and is excited to give it a try. I'd suggest anyone interested in this kind of thing to get their hands on a copy, and for those of you who said you don't understand the appeal, give it a once-over, even if it's just to try to better understand why people enjoy this kind of thing.

NotSoInnocent

I have to say in response to Strange Famous, it really turns me on when my husband calls my a dirty whore or a fucking slut. But he was my first and I was his. Outside the bedroom we're Mr and Mrs Nice, Straight and Clean. Inside the walls of our bedroom I want to be his whore, as dirty as I possibly can be and I want to hear him tell me how dirty and bad I am.

mencunfem

TALKING DIRTY cannot be taught. It has to be coaxed. Initiator and follower technique works. This is what I do. Sex has different moments of heights of ecstasy. You will know her/his high moments. As initiator, I whisper and ask, "You like my cock?". I get a nod or a soft "yes"!. I whisper and request a repeat, "I like your cock" . It is a conversational erotic sex game. "what cock" I ask.
She says "big cock" or "long cock" or "hard cock". I make them repeat, I like your big,long, hard cock". I have got them comfortable to say, "I like your licking"; "lick me now"; "good fucking" and so on. there are times in foreplay, where I delay touch and the urge makes them say, "rub my cunt". It is confidence with partner, loss of shyness and courage that brings the words out at heights of performance. I use to say, there are only three of us here... "you,me and we. So, why shy". Then it works, Give time.
mencunfem