I put out soo much for my g/f, but get little in return. What should I do? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

urgodhere · 07-07-2003, 10:01 PM

My girlfriend and I are sexually active and most times we dont normally have sex. We normally do alot of other stuff like touching and orals. But most of the time, she seems to be on the recieving end. And by most of the time I mean about every time we do "stuff", i get it once where she gets it 10 times. Kind of an unequal ratio if you ask me. Has anyone else have/had this problem? And if so, are there any solutions that you have come up with to get your equal share? And I am not really searching for a harsh way of telling her to give me a piece, I am looking for a sloution that will not hurt her feelings or hamper the relationship. Thank you for any help.

Mojo_PeiPei · 07-07-2003, 10:42 PM

It doesn't have to be harsh, but if it is a committed meaningful relationship, then you should have no problem talking to her about it.

relic · 07-07-2003, 10:43 PM

i had this a while ago, where I'd always go down on her, and she would rarely go down on me. Then I just talked to her about it. Wondering if she didn't like to do it. Turns out she was just afraid she was bad at it, and then discussed it a little, and now all is well and she loves to do it =).

Communcation is the cornerstone of a good relationship. Also, don't think of it like a "i give you one, you give me one" kind of thing. It's not about that.

Radio Monk33 · 07-07-2003, 10:57 PM

Yeah its not something that you should be like counting/keeping track of. But if you aren't happy with how its working out you should just let her know and you guys can work it out from there.

Radio Monk33 · 07-07-2003, 11:13 PM

Yeah its not something that you should be like counting/keeping track of. But if you aren't happy with how its working out you should just let her know and you guys can work it out from there.

sub zero · 07-08-2003, 12:47 AM

Communication is everything.

Sleepyjack · 07-08-2003, 04:32 AM

i am with RadioMonk33 here.
don't try to quantify anything. If you're still enjoying yourself and she is, then there should be no need to disscuss this. Its always better to give than to receive. Sometimes seeing the smile or expression on someones face for something you're doing or giving to them is more than enough. I don't know if its just me, but i can really "get off" to seeing or hearing a chick "get off"

-Anders · 07-08-2003, 05:14 AM

You just have to talk about it, as sub zero said, 'Communication is everything.'
And indeed it is - if you dont talk about it, how is it going to get any better? It wont, because neither of you will knwo what to do

Conclamo Ludus · 07-08-2003, 02:24 PM

Communicate to her by cutting her off. Kidding. Ask her how she would feel about someone who got whatever they wanted and never had to give anything up for it?

crow_daw · 07-08-2003, 02:33 PM

I have a friend in the exact same predicament, except the ratio is more like all to naught. Literally, she never does him any oral or manual favors. And it frustrates the hell out of him. And he asks her about it, and she will always tell him not to worry, that next time he'll get some satisfaction or whatever. But it never happens. I'm not much assistance here I just realized, because my friend is still searching for the answer to this question as well.

clockworkgreen · 07-08-2003, 02:51 PM

I think the best thing to do is present her with a PowerPoint presentation with a pie chart showing the overwhelming amount of pussy you've treated with kindness.

tikki · 07-08-2003, 04:47 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by clockworkgreen
I think the best thing to do is present her with a PowerPoint presentation with a pie chart showing the overwhelming amount of pussy you've treated with kindness.

hehe. pie chart.

I didn't mind if I was on the giving end more, because when I received, it was that much more enjoyable.

yakimushi · 07-08-2003, 06:50 PM

Idea:
Take her to her favorite restaurant. Sit down, order drinks.

Don't let her order any food. Pay bill for two sodas, leave.

When she asks what the hell is going on, present scenario as allegory to your sex life.

Problem solved.

urgodhere · 07-08-2003, 06:53 PM

Thanx for all of the responses...good one clockworkgreen. But I think that I will talk ato her about it and see what happens. We love eachother alot and I am sure that she won't be emotionally damaged by this...but sometimes I can never tell.

n1ck31 · 07-08-2003, 07:22 PM

Just tell her, in passing, that you want more- shes probably just nervous or something like that. Talking about sex can be a difficult thing to do at first but it helps - a lot.

louiedog · 07-08-2003, 07:43 PM

2 words

dirty sanchez

GoldenOuroboros · 07-08-2003, 08:16 PM

talk talk talk talk taaaalk

Or if you've tried... meh..

have a good one

urgodhere · 07-10-2003, 10:48 AM

I talked to her about it and afterall, she just wasnt sure that I wanted to. But I told her that I did and everything is working out. We ahve gotten more comfortable with eachother and all that good stuff. Thank you for all the good replys.

Charlatan · 07-10-2003, 11:28 AM

Communication IS the key...

actionplant · 07-10-2003, 11:38 AM

Crow-daw...in your friend's case, I'm guessing sex isn't the only issue they have. Sounds like the partner that is not putting out so completely self-centered. I was with someone like that. It's one thing to give a lot of yourself, but you know, if you both really love each-other, you'll both want to bend over backwards to please each-other and may never noticed who is getting what more. If just one person is putting effort into the relationship, well, that's not a relationship, that's allowing yourself to get used, and that's really not healthy. I would talk with your friend about it and see if they'd be willing to talk with an impartial third party to work out the underlying issue. If the other partner isn't willing, that's a good time to leave.

Reign · 07-11-2003, 10:24 AM

urgodhere and fellow TFP members,

I've never posted before but I feel the need to post in this one as I myself have been having this exact problem with my finacee'.

Here is the situation as of last night:

I go down on her all the time and nearly every time I bring her to an orgasm but the gesture is never returned. She doesn't even go down on me...at all. She also rarely touches my penis as things were.

But just last night I figured out a way to get her more interested in my body. We were getting a little freaky last night which usually involves me teasing the hell out of her by massaging her vagina / clit and kissing her neck. When she told me she "wanted me" I told her that I'm not quite ready and that I need a little attention. She didn't go down on my but she got really close which drove me wild. Because she was procrastinating I decided to go down on her. I made her beg. Right when I penetrated her she asked me if I was ready, I told her "no" and that I wanted her to return the favor but I still wanted her equally as much. The end result was that we had sex for about 2 hours straight and I came 4 times and her 3. She asked were I got this energy from and I told her it was because of the small attention she gave me. Even just that little bit.

That was kinda' a lie because I can usually last that long anyway but because she showed some effort I gave her what she needed plus a little more. I felt so close to her as I felt that she was as there and as into it as I usually am.

So what you need to do is play hardball. When she tells you she wants you, you say "I don't know if I'm ready yet" and hope that she takes matters in to her own hands (so to speak). You situation may be a little bit different than mine but it's worth a try.

Just because a man can get an erection by just sneezing that doesn't mean we are ready to have sex. Make her understand that and things will be great.

I how ever am pretty sure that I'm scheduled to get a BJ from the one I love. We wil see.

Good Luck,
-R...

RWE · 07-11-2003, 02:06 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Sleepyjack
i am with RadioMonk33 here.
don't try to quantify anything. If you're still enjoying yourself and she is, then there should be no need to disscuss this. Its always better to give than to receive. Sometimes seeing the smile or expression on someones face for something you're doing or giving to them is more than enough. I don't know if its just me, but i can really "get off" to seeing or hearing a chick "get off"

you're not alone at all radiomonk, hearing a girl get off is something that drives me crazy

back to the main topic, i was in a similar situation with my former girlfriend. I brought it up and talked to her about it and she made an effort to do it more often...she wasn't that good at oral, though, so I think when i tried to give pointers and stuff I discouraged her, be subtle when you do stuff like that.

stinkynutz · 07-11-2003, 04:36 PM

man..i had the same fuckin problem. i would do soo much for her. my jaw would get numb and my tongue would lose feeling. i would make her come over and over. yet i wouldn't get shit in return other than blue balls. and i know she wasn't faking it. then after 8 months she dumped me after i've done soo much for her and been too nice to her....i guess that's what the problem was - i was too nice.

fukit....she has been trying to get back with me in the past month ( a year after we broke up)....i'm not really interested anymore.

nickt · 07-13-2003, 06:37 PM

Communicate with her...

...then grab her head and force it down!

That usually gets the message across!

tikki · 07-13-2003, 06:41 PM

And usually a bite mark I would think

Sleepyjack · 07-14-2003, 12:10 PM

Quote:

RWE said
you're not alone at all radiomonk, hearing a girl get off is something that drives me crazy

lol, that was me (Sleepyjack), honest mistake tho

anyways, good to see another "giver"

also, i don't know if this has been done before (well at the start of the popular white zombie song, which i can't think of the name atm) but they could record a compilation of various chicks "getting off", and i'd reckon it'd do pretty well

maybe with some backing music....

BigJayz · 07-14-2003, 02:16 PM

After you're done going down on her just lay in the bed on your back and she'll either have to get on top or start suckin, if she goes to get on top tell her you want some action too!!!

If that doesn't work, maybe she wants someone more aggressive. Talk dirty to her tell her to get on her knees and suck your f-in cock before you tie her ass up and shove it in her mouth. Who knows maybe she'll be really turned on by that and you might even have to tie her up.... DAMN is that such a bad thing?

Caser · 07-28-2003, 07:55 AM

i dunno what to say...tell her?

Mael · 07-28-2003, 09:58 AM

2 words: the shocker!!!

Subform · 07-28-2003, 10:24 AM

You should be able to talk to her about it mate. Even though it can be a hard nut to crack to get out of a pattern when its first there. ..

giblfiz · 07-28-2003, 01:07 PM

air45 · 07-28-2003, 01:17 PM

have you attempted to with-hold the oral treats she enjoys until she is on her knees with reciprocation?

she might think again if your tongue goes on the labor strike!

tfpfreak · 07-28-2003, 01:23 PM

Have to agree with everyone else ~ COMMUNICATE!

xavier · 07-28-2003, 01:34 PM

Maybe she feels that she is not doing it right. I was that way with my ex. I recieved more than i gave. I was self concious about the way I gave a bj. I was always scared I didn't do it right, after a while of me not giving him a bj, he finally just came out and asked "how come you don't give me head that much?" So I told him about my insecurities on my performance and he said don't worry about it. So then the more that I done it the better I became of it until I could do it that drives him insane.
As already replied, you need to communicate with her. My guy and myself had been together for over a year before he finally asked what was wrong, so i knew not to take it in the wrong way when he asked. Just don't be a smart ass about it, and listen to her reasoning and it should all work out

brad-va · 07-28-2003, 03:11 PM

communication is key. I had a girl with this problem once, who didn't want to talk about it tho (bad situation). I found that she liked the 69 position which guaranteed I would get some and she would too. might help...?

07-07-2003, 10:01 PM	#1 (permalink)
urgodhere Banned Location: Limbo	I put out soo much for my g/f, but get little in return. What should I do? My girlfriend and I are sexually active and most times we dont normally have sex. We normally do alot of other stuff like touching and orals. But most of the time, she seems to be on the recieving end. And by most of the time I mean about every time we do "stuff", i get it once where she gets it 10 times. Kind of an unequal ratio if you ask me. Has anyone else have/had this problem? And if so, are there any solutions that you have come up with to get your equal share? And I am not really searching for a harsh way of telling her to give me a piece, I am looking for a sloution that will not hurt her feelings or hamper the relationship. Thank you for any help.

07-07-2003, 10:42 PM	#2 (permalink)
Mojo_PeiPei Kiss of Death Location: Perpetual wind and sorrow	It doesn't have to be harsh, but if it is a committed meaningful relationship, then you should have no problem talking to her about it. __________________ To win a war you must serve no master but your ambition.

07-07-2003, 10:57 PM	#4 (permalink)
Radio Monk33 Psycho	Yeah its not something that you should be like counting/keeping track of. But if you aren't happy with how its working out you should just let her know and you guys can work it out from there. __________________ "Punk rock had this cool, political personal message. It was a bit more cerebral than just stupid cock rock, you know" -Kurt Cobain

07-07-2003, 11:13 PM	#5 (permalink)
Radio Monk33 Psycho	Yeah its not something that you should be like counting/keeping track of. But if you aren't happy with how its working out you should just let her know and you guys can work it out from there. __________________ "Punk rock had this cool, political personal message. It was a bit more cerebral than just stupid cock rock, you know" -Kurt Cobain

07-08-2003, 12:47 AM	#6 (permalink)
sub zero Addict Location: The one state that doesn't have black outs: TEXAS BABY!!!	Communication is everything. __________________ Did you Google it yet? Join the TFP Typing team!!

07-07-2003, 10:43 PM	#3 (permalink)
relic Tilted Location: Ontario	i had this a while ago, where I'd always go down on her, and she would rarely go down on me. Then I just talked to her about it. Wondering if she didn't like to do it. Turns out she was just afraid she was bad at it, and then discussed it a little, and now all is well and she loves to do it =). Communcation is the cornerstone of a good relationship. Also, don't think of it like a "i give you one, you give me one" kind of thing. It's not about that.

07-08-2003, 04:32 AM	#7 (permalink)
Sleepyjack Fast'n'Bulbous Location: Australia, Perth	i am with RadioMonk33 here. don't try to quantify anything. If you're still enjoying yourself and she is, then there should be no need to disscuss this. Its always better to give than to receive. Sometimes seeing the smile or expression on someones face for something you're doing or giving to them is more than enough. I don't know if its just me, but i can really "get off" to seeing or hearing a chick "get off" Last edited by Sleepyjack; 07-08-2003 at 04:44 AM..

07-08-2003, 05:14 AM	#8 (permalink)
-Anders Custom title. Location: Denmark.	You just have to talk about it, as sub zero said, 'Communication is everything.' And indeed it is - if you dont talk about it, how is it going to get any better? It wont, because neither of you will knwo what to do __________________ Signature 101

07-08-2003, 02:24 PM	#9 (permalink)
Conclamo Ludus Modern Man Location: West Michigan	Communicate to her by cutting her off. Kidding. Ask her how she would feel about someone who got whatever they wanted and never had to give anything up for it? __________________ Lord, have mercy on my wicked soul I wouldn't mistreat you baby, for my weight in gold. -Son House, Death Letter Blues

07-08-2003, 02:33 PM	#10 (permalink)
crow_daw Idolator Location: Vol Country	I have a friend in the exact same predicament, except the ratio is more like all to naught. Literally, she never does him any oral or manual favors. And it frustrates the hell out of him. And he asks her about it, and she will always tell him not to worry, that next time he'll get some satisfaction or whatever. But it never happens. I'm not much assistance here I just realized, because my friend is still searching for the answer to this question as well. __________________ "We each have a star, all we have to do is find it. Once you do, everyone who sees it will be blinded." - Earl Simmons

07-08-2003, 02:51 PM	#11 (permalink)
clockworkgreen Psycho Location: DC	I think the best thing to do is present her with a PowerPoint presentation with a pie chart showing the overwhelming amount of pussy you've treated with kindness.

07-08-2003, 06:50 PM	#13 (permalink)
yakimushi Addict	Idea: Take her to her favorite restaurant. Sit down, order drinks. Don't let her order any food. Pay bill for two sodas, leave. When she asks what the hell is going on, present scenario as allegory to your sex life. Problem solved.

07-08-2003, 06:53 PM	#14 (permalink)
urgodhere Banned Location: Limbo	Thanx for all of the responses...good one clockworkgreen. But I think that I will talk ato her about it and see what happens. We love eachother alot and I am sure that she won't be emotionally damaged by this...but sometimes I can never tell.

07-08-2003, 07:22 PM	#15 (permalink)
n1ck31 Upright	Just tell her, in passing, that you want more- shes probably just nervous or something like that. Talking about sex can be a difficult thing to do at first but it helps - a lot.

07-08-2003, 07:43 PM	#16 (permalink)
louiedog Crazy	2 words dirty sanchez

07-10-2003, 11:28 AM	#19 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	Communication IS the key... __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke

07-08-2003, 08:16 PM	#17 (permalink)
GoldenOuroboros The Cheshire Grin... Location: An Aussie Outback	talk talk talk talk taaaalk Or if you've tried... meh.. have a good one __________________ Can you see me grin grin grrriiiiinnnning?!

07-10-2003, 10:48 AM	#18 (permalink)
urgodhere Banned Location: Limbo	I talked to her about it and afterall, she just wasnt sure that I wanted to. But I told her that I did and everything is working out. We ahve gotten more comfortable with eachother and all that good stuff. Thank you for all the good replys.

07-10-2003, 11:38 AM	#20 (permalink)
actionplant Upright Location: Bismarck, ND	Crow-daw...in your friend's case, I'm guessing sex isn't the only issue they have. Sounds like the partner that is not putting out so completely self-centered. I was with someone like that. It's one thing to give a lot of yourself, but you know, if you both really love each-other, you'll both want to bend over backwards to please each-other and may never noticed who is getting what more. If just one person is putting effort into the relationship, well, that's not a relationship, that's allowing yourself to get used, and that's really not healthy. I would talk with your friend about it and see if they'd be willing to talk with an impartial third party to work out the underlying issue. If the other partner isn't willing, that's a good time to leave. __________________ I can't plug! Huh? Why not?

07-11-2003, 10:24 AM	#21 (permalink)
Reign Upright	urgodhere and fellow TFP members, I've never posted before but I feel the need to post in this one as I myself have been having this exact problem with my finacee'. Here is the situation as of last night: I go down on her all the time and nearly every time I bring her to an orgasm but the gesture is never returned. She doesn't even go down on me...at all. She also rarely touches my penis as things were. But just last night I figured out a way to get her more interested in my body. We were getting a little freaky last night which usually involves me teasing the hell out of her by massaging her vagina / clit and kissing her neck. When she told me she "wanted me" I told her that I'm not quite ready and that I need a little attention. She didn't go down on my but she got really close which drove me wild. Because she was procrastinating I decided to go down on her. I made her beg. Right when I penetrated her she asked me if I was ready, I told her "no" and that I wanted her to return the favor but I still wanted her equally as much. The end result was that we had sex for about 2 hours straight and I came 4 times and her 3. She asked were I got this energy from and I told her it was because of the small attention she gave me. Even just that little bit. That was kinda' a lie because I can usually last that long anyway but because she showed some effort I gave her what she needed plus a little more. I felt so close to her as I felt that she was as there and as into it as I usually am. So what you need to do is play hardball. When she tells you she wants you, you say "I don't know if I'm ready yet" and hope that she takes matters in to her own hands (so to speak). You situation may be a little bit different than mine but it's worth a try. Just because a man can get an erection by just sneezing that doesn't mean we are ready to have sex. Make her understand that and things will be great. I how ever am pretty sure that I'm scheduled to get a BJ from the one I love. We wil see. Good Luck, -R...

07-11-2003, 04:36 PM	#23 (permalink)
stinkynutz Insane	man..i had the same fuckin problem. i would do soo much for her. my jaw would get numb and my tongue would lose feeling. i would make her come over and over. yet i wouldn't get shit in return other than blue balls. and i know she wasn't faking it. then after 8 months she dumped me after i've done soo much for her and been too nice to her....i guess that's what the problem was - i was too nice. fukit....she has been trying to get back with me in the past month ( a year after we broke up)....i'm not really interested anymore.

07-13-2003, 06:37 PM	#24 (permalink)
nickt Whaddya mean my hair is "GREEN"??? Location: Melbourne	Communicate with her... ...then grab her head and force it down! That usually gets the message across! __________________ AND WHERE.......... ...is the Batman?

07-13-2003, 06:41 PM	#25 (permalink)
tikki Justified Location: West Lafayette, IN	And usually a bite mark I would think __________________ Take notice. Take interest. Take me with you.

07-14-2003, 02:16 PM	#27 (permalink)
BigJayz Crazy Location: Sunny So. Cal.	After you're done going down on her just lay in the bed on your back and she'll either have to get on top or start suckin, if she goes to get on top tell her you want some action too!!! If that doesn't work, maybe she wants someone more aggressive. Talk dirty to her tell her to get on her knees and suck your f-in cock before you tie her ass up and shove it in her mouth. Who knows maybe she'll be really turned on by that and you might even have to tie her up.... DAMN is that such a bad thing?

07-28-2003, 07:55 AM	#28 (permalink)
Caser Tilted Location: langley	i dunno what to say...tell her? __________________ ( . Y . )

07-28-2003, 09:58 AM	#29 (permalink)
Mael Banned Location: The Hell I Created.	2 words: the shocker!!!

07-28-2003, 10:24 AM	#30 (permalink)
Subform Crazy Location: Vordingborg, Denmark	You should be able to talk to her about it mate. Even though it can be a hard nut to crack to get out of a pattern when its first there. .. __________________ -+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ Subform - Allover the place

07-28-2003, 01:07 PM	#31 (permalink)
giblfiz is a shoggoth Location: LA	69 __________________ Use the star one and you'll be fighting off the old ones with your bare hands -A Shoggoth on the Roof

07-28-2003, 01:17 PM	#32 (permalink)
air45 Loser Location: Midwest	have you attempted to with-hold the oral treats she enjoys until she is on her knees with reciprocation? she might think again if your tongue goes on the labor strike!

07-28-2003, 01:23 PM	#33 (permalink)
tfpfreak Crazy Location: MS	Have to agree with everyone else ~ COMMUNICATE! __________________ Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be. ~ Clementine Paddleford

07-28-2003, 01:34 PM	#34 (permalink)
xavier Upright Location: Missouri	Maybe she feels that she is not doing it right. I was that way with my ex. I recieved more than i gave. I was self concious about the way I gave a bj. I was always scared I didn't do it right, after a while of me not giving him a bj, he finally just came out and asked "how come you don't give me head that much?" So I told him about my insecurities on my performance and he said don't worry about it. So then the more that I done it the better I became of it until I could do it that drives him insane. As already replied, you need to communicate with her. My guy and myself had been together for over a year before he finally asked what was wrong, so i knew not to take it in the wrong way when he asked. Just don't be a smart ass about it, and listen to her reasoning and it should all work out

07-28-2003, 03:11 PM	#35 (permalink)
brad-va Crazy Location: VA	communication is key. I had a girl with this problem once, who didn't want to talk about it tho (bad situation). I found that she liked the 69 position which guaranteed I would get some and she would too. might help...? __________________ -- If at first you don't succeed, try something else. You're obviously no good at that.