Need advice/help - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

vegeta0283 · 07-08-2003, 07:03 PM

ok im a guy and this friend of mine a girl who i would like to become significant others with is in a relationship with a complete dick and she has even said to me that a lot of times she doesnt want to be with him and she does want to at the same time.... she has expressed interest in me by saying she has feelings and if we had gotten together earlier before this guy that we wouild still be together and she has no doubt of that.... and recently she was in tears about this kid and i told her do what is best yadda yadda yadda and i made sure she knew that he had treated her this way for a long time and if she wasnt ok with it, she isnt, that the relationship should end...

then i hadnt talked to her in about a week, since the day before she was going to take his stuff back to him... so i called a few times to see if she wanted to do something but we both work and played email/phone tag for a while and i called today and she is at his house like nothing was wrong..... no lie she is in tears every other week from the jackass she is with... she says he has problems and thats why but it is no excuse....

well thank you for listening tilted forum.... any response/advice would be greatly appreciated... and perhaps if i have problems again i will do a dear abby.... and if it has any purpose we are both going on 20

WhoaitsZ · 07-08-2003, 07:08 PM

run like a motherfucker.

it

never

works dude.

sorry but trust me.... it doesn't work.

rival · 07-08-2003, 07:21 PM

Gotta agree with Whoa. Stay out of it. Too much trouble, there are other girls out there.

vegeta0283 · 07-08-2003, 07:28 PM

yeah i guess i just had to hear it from someone else...... i was looking on the forum searching for any other advice and the only thing i found was to be honest.... so i figure tell her everything then say if you want me im here, but only for so long, if not c ya..... sounds ok

wyld_bill2001 · 07-08-2003, 08:29 PM

im gonna be straight up with you..ask yourself this..whos she with right now??? theres your answer. move on fast.

erion · 07-09-2003, 05:50 AM

When I first met my wife she was in a realtionship with a guy who was obviously (to everyone but her) stringing her along. I just stayed friends and let her come to her own realizations along the way.

Inside of 6 months we were dating (by her inception) and the rest is history.

Moral of the story -- If she is smart enough, she'll see it on her own, but don't force the issue or you become the bad guy in her eyes.

isandro · 07-10-2003, 10:59 AM

Good to hear it's not doomed to fail erion!
I've had a similar experience and my theory is that the girl is either convinced that deep down, he's a good kid and she's trying to save him, or, somewhat more complex, she feels she's invested so much energy and emotion in him and still not getting the appreciation she wants from him. I find it hard to put it into words, but a blunt comparison would be losing badly at gambling and refusing to give up until you've had atleast one good win. Can get pretty desperate.

Whatever the case may be, this could go on for a couple of weeks, or many many years. And nothing changes untill you cut the cords.

I know that's painful, but hopefully liberating aswell.

Much strength to you!
And let us know if you take steps, I'm always curious to see how things turn out

Schwan · 07-10-2003, 12:44 PM

I think that you shouldn't cross her out just because she's with that guy. Some people stay in relationships out of habit - they met early on and she's not sure if she'd find anyone else to suit her needs. For all I know, she might be scared to be left alond. And there's a saying I heard last year: women are like monkeys, they won't let go of one branch if they're not holding another one. If she's a good gal and shows genuine, I repeat, genuine interest in you, then stick around. Besides, TFP doesn't stress this enough

- communicate, talk to her, you get the idea.

crow_daw · 07-10-2003, 06:07 PM

Dude, I'm kinda freaked out right now. I thought you were my friend Trey at first vegeta, because you just described his current situation to a T. If you ever truly figure this out, then PM me or somethin so I can give him some advice. I'm serious man, you guys are in the EXACT same situation.

scarebearjinx · 07-11-2003, 09:27 PM

kill him, grab her, move to europe or some place?

Donkeypuncher · 07-11-2003, 09:35 PM

Sure. Communicate. Long enough to tell her you have feelings for her and you're not ok seeing her do herself such an injustice. Then leave and don't look back.

If she dumps him and calls you, great. It's a new day. If you're smart, by then you will have already found someone who isn't so hooked on drama and just... likes you.

Shades · 07-11-2003, 10:20 PM

I stand firmly with the "run like a motherfucker" group. Maybe it'd work out, probably not, who cares. There are better chicks out there without all the baggage and hang ups.

asquint · 07-12-2003, 12:12 AM

if she is trying to save/fix him, you are next to be saved/fixed and summarily dumped when she finds another walking wounded

so.....Run Away

lurkette · 07-12-2003, 04:59 AM

My question is why would you want to be with a woman with so little self-respect, and who jerks you around like this? She stays with a guy who treats her like shit, but uses you as the shoulder to cry on despite knowing how you feel about her. Sounds like capital-T-trouble. Gotta add my vote to the "run, veg, run!" crowd. But you might seriously examine your motivations first and learn from them.

07-08-2003, 07:03 PM	#1 (permalink)
vegeta0283 Upright	Need advice/help ok im a guy and this friend of mine a girl who i would like to become significant others with is in a relationship with a complete dick and she has even said to me that a lot of times she doesnt want to be with him and she does want to at the same time.... she has expressed interest in me by saying she has feelings and if we had gotten together earlier before this guy that we wouild still be together and she has no doubt of that.... and recently she was in tears about this kid and i told her do what is best yadda yadda yadda and i made sure she knew that he had treated her this way for a long time and if she wasnt ok with it, she isnt, that the relationship should end... then i hadnt talked to her in about a week, since the day before she was going to take his stuff back to him... so i called a few times to see if she wanted to do something but we both work and played email/phone tag for a while and i called today and she is at his house like nothing was wrong..... no lie she is in tears every other week from the jackass she is with... she says he has problems and thats why but it is no excuse.... well thank you for listening tilted forum.... any response/advice would be greatly appreciated... and perhaps if i have problems again i will do a dear abby.... and if it has any purpose we are both going on 20

07-10-2003, 10:59 AM	#7 (permalink)
isandro Crazy Location: Groningen, Netherlands	Good to hear it's not doomed to fail erion! I've had a similar experience and my theory is that the girl is either convinced that deep down, he's a good kid and she's trying to save him, or, somewhat more complex, she feels she's invested so much energy and emotion in him and still not getting the appreciation she wants from him. I find it hard to put it into words, but a blunt comparison would be losing badly at gambling and refusing to give up until you've had atleast one good win. Can get pretty desperate. Whatever the case may be, this could go on for a couple of weeks, or many many years. And nothing changes untill you cut the cords. I know that's painful, but hopefully liberating aswell. Much strength to you! And let us know if you take steps, I'm always curious to see how things turn out __________________ -Life, liberty and the pursuit of hamburgers.

07-10-2003, 06:07 PM	#9 (permalink)
crow_daw Idolator Location: Vol Country	Dude, I'm kinda freaked out right now. I thought you were my friend Trey at first vegeta, because you just described his current situation to a T. If you ever truly figure this out, then PM me or somethin so I can give him some advice. I'm serious man, you guys are in the EXACT same situation. __________________ "We each have a star, all we have to do is find it. Once you do, everyone who sees it will be blinded." - Earl Simmons

07-11-2003, 09:35 PM	#11 (permalink)
Donkeypuncher Psycho Location: Pasadena, CA	Sure. Communicate. Long enough to tell her you have feelings for her and you're not ok seeing her do herself such an injustice. Then leave and don't look back. If she dumps him and calls you, great. It's a new day. If you're smart, by then you will have already found someone who isn't so hooked on drama and just... likes you. __________________ "take me down, little Susie, take me down I know you think you're the Queen of The Underground"

07-12-2003, 12:12 AM	#13 (permalink)
asquint Crazy Location: Orlando	if she is trying to save/fix him, you are next to be saved/fixed and summarily dumped when she finds another walking wounded so.....Run Away __________________ Hi-Tech Redneck

07-08-2003, 07:08 PM	#2 (permalink)
WhoaitsZ Crazy Location: right behind you...	run like a motherfucker. it never works dude. sorry but trust me.... it doesn't work.

07-08-2003, 07:21 PM	#3 (permalink)
rival Crazy Location: Pittsburgh, Pa	Gotta agree with Whoa. Stay out of it. Too much trouble, there are other girls out there.

07-08-2003, 07:28 PM	#4 (permalink)
vegeta0283 Upright	yeah i guess i just had to hear it from someone else...... i was looking on the forum searching for any other advice and the only thing i found was to be honest.... so i figure tell her everything then say if you want me im here, but only for so long, if not c ya..... sounds ok

07-08-2003, 08:29 PM	#5 (permalink)
wyld_bill2001 Upright	im gonna be straight up with you..ask yourself this..whos she with right now??? theres your answer. move on fast.

07-09-2003, 05:50 AM	#6 (permalink)
erion Psycho	When I first met my wife she was in a realtionship with a guy who was obviously (to everyone but her) stringing her along. I just stayed friends and let her come to her own realizations along the way. Inside of 6 months we were dating (by her inception) and the rest is history. Moral of the story -- If she is smart enough, she'll see it on her own, but don't force the issue or you become the bad guy in her eyes.

07-10-2003, 12:44 PM	#8 (permalink)
Schwan A boy and his dog Location: EU!	I think that you shouldn't cross her out just because she's with that guy. Some people stay in relationships out of habit - they met early on and she's not sure if she'd find anyone else to suit her needs. For all I know, she might be scared to be left alond. And there's a saying I heard last year: women are like monkeys, they won't let go of one branch if they're not holding another one. If she's a good gal and shows genuine, I repeat, genuine interest in you, then stick around. Besides, TFP doesn't stress this enough - communicate, talk to her, you get the idea.

07-11-2003, 09:27 PM	#10 (permalink)
scarebearjinx Psycho Location: in a deep, dark hole where rainbow creatures attack me to eat my fingernails.	kill him, grab her, move to europe or some place?

07-11-2003, 10:20 PM	#12 (permalink)
Shades Insane	I stand firmly with the "run like a motherfucker" group. Maybe it'd work out, probably not, who cares. There are better chicks out there without all the baggage and hang ups.

07-12-2003, 04:59 AM	#14 (permalink)
lurkette My future is coming on Moderator Emeritus Location: east of the sun and west of the moon	My question is why would you want to be with a woman with so little self-respect, and who jerks you around like this? She stays with a guy who treats her like shit, but uses you as the shoulder to cry on despite knowing how you feel about her. Sounds like capital-T-trouble. Gotta add my vote to the "run, veg, run!" crowd. But you might seriously examine your motivations first and learn from them. __________________ "If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France