Zeraph

For instance, 90 minutes away. Worth it? Even if it takes 90 minutes just to meet in the middle?

I know long distance relationships are a no go, but I'm not sure if ~90 minutes follows this category.

noodle

90 minutes is nothing in the grand scheme of things.
I'll drive 90 minutes for a good beer.

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Zeraph

See I sort of agree. How do I get her to understand?

kramus

I did it for a year and a half, then moved in and turned it into a 90 minute/75 mile commute for a year (made my 7 am start year round in all weathers, and with all the road hazards you can imagine in Ontario's 400 series highway system). Then quit my job to stay with her. All is good. Worked out just fine. I'd rather drive to be with her than chat on the bedamned phone.

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And now to disengage the clutch of the forebrain ...
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noodle

Offer her a good beer?
Ask her to try a few dates, then decide?

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genuinegirly

Both partners have to be committed to the idea of the relationship for it to work. This includes sharing fuel costs and making an effort to see each other. Meeting in the middle is not necessarily a practical solution, depending on how long you intend to visit and the amount of options for entertainment at that midpoint. If she isn't interested in finding a way to see you regularly when there's less than a 2 hour drive involved, I'm pretty sure it's just her way of saying she's "just not that into you."

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"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

Plan9

If you're just looking to get laid, there isn't any point in having a long distance relationship. Sex should never be that expensive to acquire.

My advice? Find someone more local. If you live near a major city, this is doubly so. Love, however, makes people incredibly irrational.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Baraka_Guru

So does money, but that doesn't mean we should do without either.

If it feels good, do it.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

RogueGypsy

I have to agree with Genuinegirly. Lala1 and I did this for 2 years, due to job and housing, before she moved in. We talked every night, but only spent weekends together. It's working out fine.


..
...

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ASU2003

Would you be willing to move?

Plan9

...

Just to be clear here, my point was the logic of "if it feels good, do it" should be a serious cost-benefit analysis that includes things like time and money and chance of failure. I mean, I'm quite sure that "If it feels good, do it" applies to a blowjob from any number of TFPers girlfriends/wives. HEY-OH!

Maybe I'm nitpicking here, but I'm way tired of people suggesting romantic comedy-style relationships are plausible in the real world in all but the most tiny of percentages. There is that brief rush of novelty and adventure (as in all relationships) and then the Cold Hard Math comes back. Let's get to that math part first, people. Daddy has to put away some money in his IRA someday. It may be bad for TFP post stats, but it's good for mental health.

Long Distance Relationships: We've all done it and have vowed not to do it again.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Baraka_Guru

Hey, 9er, aren't you the guy who says "we are what we do"?

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Plan9

Yes, I've been known to praise that hymn. Which is why the last line of post #11 is an important one in this thread.

My perspective is different than yours. I've only been with XX women over the years because "it didn't work out."

If you managed to make one long distance relationship work and turn it into a Real Relationship, more power to you.

I'm a big fan of Life Roulette. I like long odds as much as anybody else. But we're creatures with the capacity to learn.

Learn for ourselves from others. If someone wants to say, "Follow your heart (dick)," I would say, "Use your brain."

/Devil's Advocate'd!

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Lindy

So true. I'm in Boston. My Sig Other is currently living in Sweden. He is definitely a keeper, but when he comes back to the USA, he will probably take a job in Nebraska. Me moving is beginning to look like the only viable option.

Lindy