Marius1

On a TV chat show today there was a 20 yr old girl living with a 42 yr old man. Neither of then would win and beauty competitions. Both were very happy with the arrangement.

There were 4 disapproving friends and family, especially as he was her first real boyfreind.

Personally I thought they were stupid to disapprove so much as that will drive them closer together and the girl will be loath to break up the relationship if she later falls out of love with him, people dislike to be proven wrong. If she doesn't fall out of love perhaps it really is true love. If it isn't she'll learn for her past relationship the way we all do.

Here is the question:
Why is it though that open minded people can accept all sorts of different people coming together (race, country, homosexuality) but big age differences still get people's disaproval glands working full time?

motdakasha

I think it's because unlike the other factors, age has a very large biological impact. Think: Golddigger. Think: Diapers.
In my personal experience, men who attract a younger crowd are typically of that mental age group. This indication of immaturity is something I view as negative.

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johnnymysto

Yeah, I'd have to agree wit motdakasha. With the other pairings, the couple usually have equal amounts of life experience to bring to the union. But in a relationship where there is a 20-year gap, there is a lot of speculation as to whether the older is taking advantage of the younger. Or vice-versa, in the case of golddiggers. I'd say for the most part, there are ulterior motives in that kind of relationship; it is usually not about love.

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Bill O'Rights

No dammit!! I'm 41 years old and I don't want to agree with motdakasha. Unfortunately...I do. Anytime I see a guy (I so hate to say this) my age (there, I said it) with a girl, quite literally half his age, I may outwardly applaud his bravado, while passively wondering who has the larger issues...her or him.

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wry1

Gotta say, it's something which is really between the two in the relationship. I know a few women who really don't like men their own age, and while there's no way that I'd date them (sorry, but I prefer women either my age or a bit older), I can allow them the latitude to either enjoy it or get tired of it and move on.

tinfoil

I honestly don't see an issue. They are both adults and can both make their own decissions. My mother is over 10 years older than my step-father. A friends sister was dating a guy 20 years older. Ok, bad example .. he's a possesive dickhead but being an ass doesn't have age restrictions.

Now, I'm not saying that as I guy I would look for a lasting relationship with a girl half my age, but sure I'd try it out.

er.... when I get to the age that half my age is legal, that is.

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Lizziethedragon

Me 39, wife 28. No issues and we get along great.

Tack

Me 32, my wife 46. Same as above.

Double D

Why is there such disapproval of big age differences?

Motdakasha said it quite succinctly (she seems to do that a lot on the boards ) but I'll give it a go.

Assuming that they are of the same general background, people of roughly the same age have much in common because they've experienced the same cultural/historical events, trends, technological advances, music, etc.

We are many things, but our shared experiences, our *touchstones* are very important. They are a shorthand way of knowing one another.
A couple with a twenty-year age spread, can in no way have the same shared life experiences and therefore their pairing, besides being biologically illogical, makes no sense culturally.

When you combine these reasons, plus the notion, whether it is valid or not, that the couple may be expressing maladaptive emotional needs, collectively you have a big negative societal reaction.

sapiens

While age differences in general do disturb many people, it seems to be age differences when the woman is significantly older than the man that really turn heads.

evilmatt

not to threadjack, and please ignore if you wish, but I just wanted to bring up the fact that people look at celebrity couples where the man is older than the woman and say that it's wrong. like michael douglas (59) and catherine zeta jones (34) but then it's sexy when Madonna (45) french kisses Britany Spears (22) and christina aguilara (23).

Just a little observation brought to you by

evilmatt.

World's King

I'm 22. Since I was 16 I have yet to date a girl that's not 17-19. One day I will get out of this. But why should I deprive myself of "tightness" when it comes to me so much?

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raeanna74

I was once engaged to a man who was 10 years my senior. I was only 19 at the time. I broke off the relationship as I matured and began to see things in a wiser light. It wasn't that the age was the problem with our relationship. It was my immaturity and as I grew up we grew apart.

I think a big part of it is that the younger participate in a relationship such as this is often not mature enough to grow and mature at the same pace as the older one. We all knoe that children grow at different rates as they age. We do the same as adults mentally and emotionally. Once you pass you biological prime you begin to slow down. If the older person is technically past their prime and the younger one hasn't even reached it yet then theoretically they will out grow their partner. One of the best part of a marriage is the tandam growth of the two partners.

Like other said above here too. A lot of it has to do with the gold diggers and such that have give it a bad name so to speak. In terms of the talk show situation. I would hesitate to encourage the girl because she hasn't even reached the legal drinking age yet. The state sets that age because adults who are younger than 21 tend to more frequently be immature. I would probably encourage her to wait for marriage at least for a couple years. I would also encourage her to use Birth control very carefully until she is positive that as she matures they don't grow apart.

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Aladdin Sane

I'm 45, and although having sex with a younger woman is a great fantasy, I can't see having a serious relationship with a youner woman. What would we talk about? Britney and Christina? Snoop Dog? I don't think so.

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eci

I got loads of stick from my parents with a 4-year age gap (her older than me), so I try not to pass age judgements. Then again, in a long-term situation it could cause some weirdness - as people move biologically and mentally from 'adult' to 'old' and leave their partner behind in that regard. At the other end of the spectrum, as other posters have said, it does seem a bit creepy and predatory for someone to date a much younger partner.

Shyla Loral

Well, I am 34 and my hubby is 19. Believe me, that *does* "turn a lot of heads" as has been said in this thread. In some ways, he is more mature than me, heh. We don't really need anyone's approval, although his friends really like me, and that's nice.
When we're out somewhere, someone will say "Your son" or "Your mom" and we gently correct them, letting them know that we're married. Usually, people are receptive to it, occasionally, they're surprised.
It doesn't really matter to us. We're in love, and it's working out great.
Good thread.

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bonbonbox

For me age is not an issue. I say people that look down their noses at others and judge have mental and maturity issues of their own. Standards aren't. I've been on each side of the May/December calendar and have found that smiling faces are what matters. The negitivity is in the mind of the voyuer, not the couple.

Stinky Pee

What's the big deal? If it works, great! More power to the older. They're livin the dream. If someone gets hurt from it, perhaps they shouldn't have been stupid.

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B21

My gf is 5 years older then me and we never talk about age unless were going out for drinks.