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Old 09-15-2003, 11:50 PM   #1 (permalink)
is you wicked?
Location: I live in a giant bucket.
How far will you go with someone you don't love?

If the physical attraction is there, but you don't feel emotionally connected, how far will you go? A lot of my friends can/do go all the way with girls they don't love. This isn't something I would be comfortable doing.

I know many of you are in serious relationships. How did you view this subject before? Now that you're in a serious relationship, is there anything you wish you had done differently?

I'm constantly hearing "Just fuck her and get it over with," but I just wouldn't feel right. I'm not alone, am I?
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Old 09-15-2003, 11:59 PM   #2 (permalink)
Location: Australia, Perth
Thats become close to my attitude now, but in the past i have gone all the way with someone i didn't really care about.

Also you can't spend your time redigesting past regrets, so i don't really think about changing what i've done, cause i can't....
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Old 09-16-2003, 12:24 AM   #3 (permalink)
Vanishing, like I do..
Location: Austin, TX
Friends.. That's all for me.
Toy-like people make me boy-like.
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Old 09-16-2003, 12:48 AM   #4 (permalink)
Location: Long Beach CA
I would be quite happy to have a completely sexual relationship with someone I had no feelings for. I just regret that I was unable to do so before I got into a serious relationship. Now that I'm committed, I wish that I'd gotten to experience some things that I can't do now. Too bad, so sad...I'll cry later.
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Old 09-16-2003, 01:25 AM   #5 (permalink)
Id need to care.
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Old 09-16-2003, 01:27 AM   #6 (permalink)
If she has real feelings for you and you just continue for sex then I think no, if she is in the same situation than it would be ok. Noone in the relationship should be left hanging
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Old 09-16-2003, 01:38 AM   #7 (permalink)
The Cheshire Grin...
Location: An Aussie Outback
nah couldn't.. if I can't love a person I can't 'love' a person..
Can you see me grin grin grrriiiiinnnning?!
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Old 09-16-2003, 01:54 AM   #8 (permalink)
Location: Denmark
I'd go all the way if I was single. it's just sex. it's only about pleasure.
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for company.
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Old 09-16-2003, 02:02 AM   #9 (permalink)
Is mad at you.
Location: Bored in Sacramento
I could probably have sex if I wasn't dating.
But I'm not sure, now that I've had sex a couple of times, I've realized its more about bonding with a person and less about pleasure. I mean, the sex act is fun, but for me it is the new relationship I have formed that I didn't even know was possible.
This too shall pass.
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Old 09-16-2003, 02:35 AM   #10 (permalink)
bundy's Avatar
Location: Tokyo
why does love have to be brought into the equation.

as long as you are both aware, and noones being hurt ... whats wrong with pleasure, for pleasures sake??

to answer the question, iŽd go all the way, as long as she knows my feelings and intentions.
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Old 09-16-2003, 04:40 AM   #11 (permalink)
It would have to be an equal amount of emotional non-involvement for me to do it. I mean we would both have to know it was sex for the sake of sex and there weren't going to be any other expectations besides, as Larry Flynt one put it "pure carnality."

That is to say I wouldn't have sex with someone who wants a relationship that I have little or no interest in. I wouldn't let someone think there was going to be more than the sex just to get it.

That being said, I have never actually had intercourse with someone with whom I was not emotionally involved. There have been lots of other activities that led to orgasm, but no penetration.
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Old 09-16-2003, 04:51 AM   #12 (permalink)
Is In Love
Averett's Avatar
Location: I'm workin' on it
I've had sex with two guys who I was not "in love" with. The first... well, that was just a fucked up situation, shouldnt have happened in the first place. But I'm an idiot..

The second... I care about this guy a ton, and I would get in a relationship with im in a heartbeat. I do love him, but its different from relationship love. If that makes any sense.

Would I make a habit of this? No. I'm too crazy, I couldn't handle it. I've passed up other chances because I know it wouldnt be good for me.
Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.
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Old 09-16-2003, 05:46 AM   #13 (permalink)
will always be an Alyson Hanniganite
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Location: In the dust of the archives
Originally posted by Battlefield
If she has real feelings for you and you just continue for sex then I think no, if she is in the same situation than it would be ok. Noone in the relationship should be left hanging
I think that about sums it up. As long as all parties involved are clear on what is expected, and what to expect, before, during and after...then O.K.
"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.
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Old 09-16-2003, 08:13 AM   #14 (permalink)
How far will you go with someone you don't love?
Not far.
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Old 09-16-2003, 08:14 AM   #15 (permalink)
it all depends
i have no emotional connection but if some famous chick wanted to F, i don't think i'd have a problem doing it
but just some girl on the street i wouldn't do much of anything
some regular girl that i know and think well of, i'd trade oral i think
[Arthur] HA HA HA HA, It's a little joke![/Arthur]
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Old 09-16-2003, 09:27 AM   #16 (permalink)
Location: Salt Lake City
Someone will always want more once sex happens, at least in my opinion, I guess I could go as far as cuddling while watching a movie or something.
The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of because words diminish your feelings. Words shrink things that seem timeless when they are in your head to no more than living size when they are brought out. -Stephen King
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Old 09-16-2003, 09:29 AM   #17 (permalink)
Is In Love
Averett's Avatar
Location: I'm workin' on it
I think you're right, Beltruckus. Thats why I doubt I'd go that route again. Because I know I wanted more with the 2nd guy, and it just is not possible.

I don't know how people go the whole fuck buddy route consistently.
Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.
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Old 09-16-2003, 11:52 AM   #18 (permalink)
IC3's Avatar
Location: Canada
Doesn't matter to me.

Sex with no strings attached is good.
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Old 09-16-2003, 12:06 PM   #19 (permalink)
Location: Nova Scotia
I don't think I would enjoy it very much
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Old 09-16-2003, 12:23 PM   #20 (permalink)
Boy am I horny today
absorbentishe's Avatar
Location: T O L E D O, Toledo!!
Sex for sex is great if you can get it. I wasn't into that before I was married. So for me, I couldn't, I wish I could but can't/won't.
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Old 09-16-2003, 12:23 PM   #21 (permalink)
I've had long, serious relationships with people that I didn't "love". We had great sex - enjoyed each others company, and I think she loved me - but I just never came to love her. I wasn't "using" the other person, or taking advantage, or leading on, or anything bad. Sex is not some magical, mystical thing. It is important and it isn't. It can be meaningful, or just fun - It can be a thousand things. It is nothing if you don't have it. You won't be good at it if you don't practice. The worst thing possible would be to fall in love with someone before you had sex, and then when you have sex find out it is horrible and you are sexually incompatible. I couldn't "fall in love" with someone who didn't knock my socks off sexually. You have seen too many movies on Lifetime. Loosen up and get out there and live, love and learn. You won't find what you need without making lots of mistakes first. Your method is pretty close to rainbows and unicorns. You need to wise up and live a little.
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Old 09-16-2003, 12:37 PM   #22 (permalink)
All the way.

Yes, I know, I'm an asshole.
Originally Posted by analog
Just ask her why the hell she got rid of all the meat... and then tell her you'd rather die young with a cheeseburger in your hand and a smile on your face than old with a grimace and a refrigerator full of rabbit food.
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Old 09-16-2003, 12:49 PM   #23 (permalink)
Turn off your TV.
Location: ... .- -. ..-. .-. .- -. -.-. .. ... -.-. --- --..-- -.-. .-
Nothing wrong with having a fuck buddy as long as you both want the same thing and nothing more. Just make sure that that's the case for you both. If not, forget about it and move on.
"inhuman fiery goat worship" is an anagram for "information superhighway" -kingvolc
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Old 09-16-2003, 12:54 PM   #24 (permalink)
World's King's Avatar
Location: Denver City Denver
I'm pretty damn shallow so I'll go as far as the situation will alloy... sex, oral... anal?
heavy is the head that wears the crown
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Old 09-16-2003, 01:18 PM   #25 (permalink)
Location: Austin
Hmmm... I'd have to be at least very good friends with them. I'm 34 and have only had sex with 5 people, including Meff. Two were good friends of long standing, 2 were previous husband (whom I was married to at the time).
I don't think I could have a onenight stand.
"Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead" Ben Franklin, Poor Richard's Almanac.

Meff r0x
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Old 09-16-2003, 02:38 PM   #26 (permalink)
Location: Earth
I have gone all the way with chick i really didnt care for, i know alot of you frown upon this but hi im sure she felt the same way about me. Its just sex.
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Old 09-16-2003, 03:12 PM   #27 (permalink)
Location: UCSD
I find sex for me is more of an expression of love for the person (I guess Im too sentimental) so no, I wouldnt go anywhere past the friend stuff with a friend.
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Old 09-16-2003, 03:33 PM   #28 (permalink)
I have no problem with other people having casual sex. personally, I would never do it. When I lost my virginity, I was in love. She ended up dumping me, and I still think she is the best girl I have ever been with. Love is way more important.
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Old 09-16-2003, 04:30 PM   #29 (permalink)
The sky calls to us ...
MSD's Avatar
Super Moderator
Location: CT
I wouldn't do anything with someone who I wasn't in love with. It's not morals holding me back, the thought of just fucking someone doesn't appeal to me.
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Old 09-16-2003, 05:49 PM   #30 (permalink)
filtherton's Avatar
Location: In the land of ice and snow.
In the past i've passed up the opportunity to "drive pile" because i didn't love the lady, but as i've gotten a wee bit older, i think the "love" threshold has turned into the "like" threshold. The inevitable exception being if it felt like a bad situation, i.e. she was too drunk, etc. Since i'm not single though, it doesn't really matter, cause right now i luuuurve the lady i sleep with.
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Old 09-17-2003, 03:34 PM   #31 (permalink)
anleja's Avatar
Location: ignoreland
My past has proven to myself that I need to feel the love bond before I go "all the way." But man, sometimes I wish I could go back...

When I was about 18 and going to college art class, this woman sat next to me who was pretty hot, a little older, with red hair, petite... it turns out she was married to someone even older than her, he was probably in his late 40s, early 50s. Anyway, I don't think she was too happy, at least not sexually fulfilled. One day, the teacher of the class postponed some exam, the woman turned to me and said something like how we should celebrate the postponed exam by going to a movie. I just acted clueless. Another time she drove me to my dad's house, no one was home for about a week, it would have been perfect to invite her in, but I didn't.

Another college girl wanted me, I think... but she also was in a relationship! We had to pair up, so we chose each other. She asked the teacher if we could do the work in the hallway, he agreed. So, she is laying on her tummy in the hallway, giving me a great look of her cleavage. We'd go out for lunch and smoke pot, I swear I could've had her, but, like the other girl, she was in a relationship. The last time I saw her she was crying because she thought she was pregnant by her boyfriend.

So, I think it would have been fun, but I would have probably regretted it due to their being in relationships.

If they weren't in a relationship, I think having sex with them would've been nice. Oh well. I think I made the right decision. I'll try to do it with only people (or person) I love. Less issues (but I guess that depends on who you ask, also).

Last edited by anleja; 09-17-2003 at 03:36 PM..
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Old 09-17-2003, 09:00 PM   #32 (permalink)
If both people are in it just for the sex then all the way is fine but if she wants more than sex stay away
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Old 09-17-2003, 09:19 PM   #33 (permalink)
i think if its your first time its gota be with some one you love, but your standards deminish as you get more and more.
The Vagina - the mysterious hole from whence you came, and into which you hope to cum again.

Good Times
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Old 09-18-2003, 01:35 AM   #34 (permalink)
Post-modernism meets Individualism AKA the Clash
anti fishstick's Avatar
Location: oregon
i'd probably make out..

i'd only have sex if i cared about the person.
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~Anais Nin
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Old 09-18-2003, 06:50 AM   #35 (permalink)
Location: Far too far from my Angel....
I know what you asked, and I'm going to answer this in a somewhat round-about way.....

Would I go all the way with someone I didn't love? Perhaps. It would depend on a few very important things, however:

**Did the other person feel the same way?

**Was there some sort of emotional connection there, but not necessarily love?

....and my most important criterion........

**Was I potentially in love with someone else?

If the other person felt the same way, and there was something of an emotional content to our interaction, and if I wasn't pursuing someone else for a serious relationship then yes, I'd go all the way with someone I didn't "love".

I just can't go through with it unless all three criteria are satisfactorily answered, though.
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Old 09-18-2003, 07:13 AM   #36 (permalink)
i'd like to amend my earlier post,
i would do a chick a previously had feelings for but don't now
only because i'm curious what it would have been like since we didn't have sex
and there are a couple girls that i know not my gf that i would have sex with
damn i wish my gf could talk them into threesomes
[Arthur] HA HA HA HA, It's a little joke![/Arthur]
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Old 09-18-2003, 03:28 PM   #37 (permalink)
it's jam
splck's Avatar
Location: Lowerainland BC
As long as it was understood by both people that it's just for fun, then all the way baby!
I wouldn't lead someone on just to get into her pants, that's not cool.
nice line eh?
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Old 09-18-2003, 03:34 PM   #38 (permalink)
shit faced cockmaster
legolas's Avatar
Location: CT
I will not sleep with someone I don't love. I would probably do about everything else though...
"To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."
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Old 09-18-2003, 07:20 PM   #39 (permalink)
Location: University of North Carolina at Greensboro
I would probably go no further then making out, if that far.
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Old 09-18-2003, 07:37 PM   #40 (permalink)
Eccentric insomniac
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Location: North Carolina
"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill

"All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence

Last edited by Slims; 12-20-2010 at 07:13 PM..
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