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Old 09-15-2003, 11:50 PM   #1 (permalink)
is you wicked?
 
Location: I live in a giant bucket.
How far will you go with someone you don't love?

If the physical attraction is there, but you don't feel emotionally connected, how far will you go? A lot of my friends can/do go all the way with girls they don't love. This isn't something I would be comfortable doing.

I know many of you are in serious relationships. How did you view this subject before? Now that you're in a serious relationship, is there anything you wish you had done differently?

I'm constantly hearing "Just fuck her and get it over with," but I just wouldn't feel right. I'm not alone, am I?
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Old 09-15-2003, 11:59 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Location: Australia, Perth
Thats become close to my attitude now, but in the past i have gone all the way with someone i didn't really care about.

Also you can't spend your time redigesting past regrets, so i don't really think about changing what i've done, cause i can't....
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Old 09-16-2003, 12:24 AM   #3 (permalink)
Vanishing, like I do..
 
Location: Austin, TX
Friends.. That's all for me.
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Old 09-16-2003, 12:48 AM   #4 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: Long Beach CA
I would be quite happy to have a completely sexual relationship with someone I had no feelings for. I just regret that I was unable to do so before I got into a serious relationship. Now that I'm committed, I wish that I'd gotten to experience some things that I can't do now. Too bad, so sad...I'll cry later.
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Old 09-16-2003, 01:25 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Id need to care.
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Old 09-16-2003, 01:27 AM   #6 (permalink)
Crazy
 
If she has real feelings for you and you just continue for sex then I think no, if she is in the same situation than it would be ok. Noone in the relationship should be left hanging
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Old 09-16-2003, 01:38 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Location: An Aussie Outback
nah couldn't.. if I can't love a person I can't 'love' a person..
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Old 09-16-2003, 01:54 AM   #8 (permalink)
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I'd go all the way if I was single. it's just sex. it's only about pleasure.
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Old 09-16-2003, 02:02 AM   #9 (permalink)
Is mad at you.
 
Location: Bored in Sacramento
I could probably have sex if I wasn't dating.
But I'm not sure, now that I've had sex a couple of times, I've realized its more about bonding with a person and less about pleasure. I mean, the sex act is fun, but for me it is the new relationship I have formed that I didn't even know was possible.
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Old 09-16-2003, 02:35 AM   #10 (permalink)
.
 
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Location: Tokyo
why does love have to be brought into the equation.

as long as you are both aware, and noones being hurt ... whats wrong with pleasure, for pleasures sake??

to answer the question, iŽd go all the way, as long as she knows my feelings and intentions.
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Old 09-16-2003, 04:40 AM   #11 (permalink)
Psycho
 
It would have to be an equal amount of emotional non-involvement for me to do it. I mean we would both have to know it was sex for the sake of sex and there weren't going to be any other expectations besides, as Larry Flynt one put it "pure carnality."

That is to say I wouldn't have sex with someone who wants a relationship that I have little or no interest in. I wouldn't let someone think there was going to be more than the sex just to get it.

That being said, I have never actually had intercourse with someone with whom I was not emotionally involved. There have been lots of other activities that led to orgasm, but no penetration.
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Old 09-16-2003, 04:51 AM   #12 (permalink)
Is In Love
 
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Location: I'm workin' on it
I've had sex with two guys who I was not "in love" with. The first... well, that was just a fucked up situation, shouldnt have happened in the first place. But I'm an idiot..

The second... I care about this guy a ton, and I would get in a relationship with im in a heartbeat. I do love him, but its different from relationship love. If that makes any sense.

Would I make a habit of this? No. I'm too crazy, I couldn't handle it. I've passed up other chances because I know it wouldnt be good for me.
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Old 09-16-2003, 05:46 AM   #13 (permalink)
will always be an Alyson Hanniganite
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by Battlefield
If she has real feelings for you and you just continue for sex then I think no, if she is in the same situation than it would be ok. Noone in the relationship should be left hanging
I think that about sums it up. As long as all parties involved are clear on what is expected, and what to expect, before, during and after...then O.K.
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Old 09-16-2003, 08:13 AM   #14 (permalink)
Upright
 
Quote:
How far will you go with someone you don't love?
Not far.
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Old 09-16-2003, 08:14 AM   #15 (permalink)
Crazy
 
it all depends
i have no emotional connection but if some famous chick wanted to F, i don't think i'd have a problem doing it
but just some girl on the street i wouldn't do much of anything
some regular girl that i know and think well of, i'd trade oral i think
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Old 09-16-2003, 09:27 AM   #16 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: Salt Lake City
Someone will always want more once sex happens, at least in my opinion, I guess I could go as far as cuddling while watching a movie or something.
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Old 09-16-2003, 09:29 AM   #17 (permalink)
Is In Love
 
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Location: I'm workin' on it
I think you're right, Beltruckus. Thats why I doubt I'd go that route again. Because I know I wanted more with the 2nd guy, and it just is not possible.

I don't know how people go the whole fuck buddy route consistently.
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Old 09-16-2003, 11:52 AM   #18 (permalink)
IC3
Poison
 
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Location: Canada
Doesn't matter to me.

Sex with no strings attached is good.
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Old 09-16-2003, 12:06 PM   #19 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: Nova Scotia
I don't think I would enjoy it very much
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Old 09-16-2003, 12:23 PM   #20 (permalink)
Boy am I horny today
 
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Location: T O L E D O, Toledo!!
Sex for sex is great if you can get it. I wasn't into that before I was married. So for me, I couldn't, I wish I could but can't/won't.
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Old 09-16-2003, 12:23 PM   #21 (permalink)
Addict
 
I've had long, serious relationships with people that I didn't "love". We had great sex - enjoyed each others company, and I think she loved me - but I just never came to love her. I wasn't "using" the other person, or taking advantage, or leading on, or anything bad. Sex is not some magical, mystical thing. It is important and it isn't. It can be meaningful, or just fun - It can be a thousand things. It is nothing if you don't have it. You won't be good at it if you don't practice. The worst thing possible would be to fall in love with someone before you had sex, and then when you have sex find out it is horrible and you are sexually incompatible. I couldn't "fall in love" with someone who didn't knock my socks off sexually. You have seen too many movies on Lifetime. Loosen up and get out there and live, love and learn. You won't find what you need without making lots of mistakes first. Your method is pretty close to rainbows and unicorns. You need to wise up and live a little.
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Old 09-16-2003, 12:37 PM   #22 (permalink)
Crazy
 
All the way.

Yes, I know, I'm an asshole.
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Old 09-16-2003, 12:49 PM   #23 (permalink)
Turn off your TV.
 
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Nothing wrong with having a fuck buddy as long as you both want the same thing and nothing more. Just make sure that that's the case for you both. If not, forget about it and move on.
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Old 09-16-2003, 12:54 PM   #24 (permalink)
Here
 
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Location: Denver City Denver
I'm pretty damn shallow so I'll go as far as the situation will alloy... sex, oral... anal?
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Old 09-16-2003, 01:18 PM   #25 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: Austin
Hmmm... I'd have to be at least very good friends with them. I'm 34 and have only had sex with 5 people, including Meff. Two were good friends of long standing, 2 were previous husband (whom I was married to at the time).
I don't think I could have a onenight stand.
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Old 09-16-2003, 02:38 PM   #26 (permalink)
B21
Loser
 
Location: Earth
I have gone all the way with chick i really didnt care for, i know alot of you frown upon this but hi im sure she felt the same way about me. Its just sex.
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Old 09-16-2003, 03:12 PM   #27 (permalink)
Banned
 
Location: UCSD
I find sex for me is more of an expression of love for the person (I guess Im too sentimental) so no, I wouldnt go anywhere past the friend stuff with a friend.
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Old 09-16-2003, 03:33 PM   #28 (permalink)
Upright
 
I have no problem with other people having casual sex. personally, I would never do it. When I lost my virginity, I was in love. She ended up dumping me, and I still think she is the best girl I have ever been with. Love is way more important.
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Old 09-16-2003, 04:30 PM   #29 (permalink)
MSD
The sky calls to us ...
 
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I wouldn't do anything with someone who I wasn't in love with. It's not morals holding me back, the thought of just fucking someone doesn't appeal to me.
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Old 09-16-2003, 05:49 PM   #30 (permalink)
Junkie
 
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Location: In the land of ice and snow.
In the past i've passed up the opportunity to "drive pile" because i didn't love the lady, but as i've gotten a wee bit older, i think the "love" threshold has turned into the "like" threshold. The inevitable exception being if it felt like a bad situation, i.e. she was too drunk, etc. Since i'm not single though, it doesn't really matter, cause right now i luuuurve the lady i sleep with.
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Old 09-17-2003, 03:34 PM   #31 (permalink)
disconnected
 
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Location: ignoreland
My past has proven to myself that I need to feel the love bond before I go "all the way." But man, sometimes I wish I could go back...

When I was about 18 and going to college art class, this woman sat next to me who was pretty hot, a little older, with red hair, petite... it turns out she was married to someone even older than her, he was probably in his late 40s, early 50s. Anyway, I don't think she was too happy, at least not sexually fulfilled. One day, the teacher of the class postponed some exam, the woman turned to me and said something like how we should celebrate the postponed exam by going to a movie. I just acted clueless. Another time she drove me to my dad's house, no one was home for about a week, it would have been perfect to invite her in, but I didn't.

Another college girl wanted me, I think... but she also was in a relationship! We had to pair up, so we chose each other. She asked the teacher if we could do the work in the hallway, he agreed. So, she is laying on her tummy in the hallway, giving me a great look of her cleavage. We'd go out for lunch and smoke pot, I swear I could've had her, but, like the other girl, she was in a relationship. The last time I saw her she was crying because she thought she was pregnant by her boyfriend.

So, I think it would have been fun, but I would have probably regretted it due to their being in relationships.

If they weren't in a relationship, I think having sex with them would've been nice. Oh well. I think I made the right decision. I'll try to do it with only people (or person) I love. Less issues (but I guess that depends on who you ask, also).

Last edited by anleja; 09-17-2003 at 03:36 PM..
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Old 09-17-2003, 09:00 PM   #32 (permalink)
Crazy
 
If both people are in it just for the sex then all the way is fine but if she wants more than sex stay away
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Old 09-17-2003, 09:19 PM   #33 (permalink)
Insane
 
i think if its your first time its gota be with some one you love, but your standards deminish as you get more and more.
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Old 09-18-2003, 01:35 AM   #34 (permalink)
Post-modernism meets Individualism AKA the Clash
 
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Location: oregon
i'd probably make out..

i'd only have sex if i cared about the person.
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Old 09-18-2003, 06:50 AM   #35 (permalink)
Loser
 
Location: Far too far from my Angel....
I know what you asked, and I'm going to answer this in a somewhat round-about way.....

Would I go all the way with someone I didn't love? Perhaps. It would depend on a few very important things, however:

**Did the other person feel the same way?

**Was there some sort of emotional connection there, but not necessarily love?

....and my most important criterion........

**Was I potentially in love with someone else?


If the other person felt the same way, and there was something of an emotional content to our interaction, and if I wasn't pursuing someone else for a serious relationship then yes, I'd go all the way with someone I didn't "love".

I just can't go through with it unless all three criteria are satisfactorily answered, though.
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Old 09-18-2003, 07:13 AM   #36 (permalink)
Crazy
 
i'd like to amend my earlier post,
i would do a chick a previously had feelings for but don't now
only because i'm curious what it would have been like since we didn't have sex
and there are a couple girls that i know not my gf that i would have sex with
damn i wish my gf could talk them into threesomes
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Old 09-18-2003, 03:28 PM   #37 (permalink)
it's jam
 
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Location: Lowerainland BC
As long as it was understood by both people that it's just for fun, then all the way baby!
I wouldn't lead someone on just to get into her pants, that's not cool.
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Old 09-18-2003, 03:34 PM   #38 (permalink)
shit faced cockmaster
 
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Location: CT
I will not sleep with someone I don't love. I would probably do about everything else though...
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Old 09-18-2003, 07:20 PM   #39 (permalink)
Addict
 
Location: University of North Carolina at Greensboro
I would probably go no further then making out, if that far.
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Old 09-18-2003, 07:37 PM   #40 (permalink)
Eccentric insomniac
 
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Location: North Carolina
edited
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