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Old 09-21-2003, 11:58 AM   #1 (permalink)
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A real, honest question for all...

I just got done watching <i>Chasing Amy</i> again- I watch it all the time, I'm a big Kevin Smith fan- and reminded me of something I wanted to ask about here on the forum. In case you're not familiar with it, it's about a lesbian who falls for a guy.

In the movie, though, there is a scene in which they're discussing "how far" a girl goes with regard to sex, based on intimacy or just regular lust.

For lesbians and truly bisexual females:

Does the level of intimacy between you and the girl you're with decide what activities you engage in during sex? Example- if it's pure lust, and not love at all ("just sex"), are there things you find to be too intimate to do, and reserve them for someone you truly care about (love, or at least closer)?

I'd also like to hear from everyone else on this, too. Straight, gay, doesn't matter. Are there things that you, as a girl, will not do with a one-nighter (or equivalent) that you WILL do once you become closer to a person? I know many who will not give head to a guy until several dates in, or even more, and some will not let a guy do certain positions until they have become closer.

I'm not aware of anything like this for straight guys, although some guys say they will only go down on a girl after they've been together a while, but that's kinda silly considering that's one of the best ways to pleasure a girl.

Please give specific detail if you can, but don't give out anything you're uncomfortbale with.
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Old 09-21-2003, 12:44 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Location: Silicon Valley, CA
when i'm with a guy, some of the things i reserve for an intimate relationship are anal sex and sex with an extra person. both require a lot of trust in your significant other. there isn't much i've left as "special" when it comes to men.

as for girls, i haven't gone down on one and i don't plan to unless she is really extremely special because that's the one thing i don't like: cunnilingus. my bi and lesbian friends tell me that once i finally get over my fear or whatever you want to call it, i'll probably love it and never want to stop. some have offered to teach me how, heh. they're probably right, though. as for intimacy with a girl, i fondle all of my friends and have kissed several. the one thing i've done that's intimate is manual stimulation. though one of my friends and i have been teasing each other forever about strap-ons.. wonder if that will ever come to fruition.. i guess i find girls more "special" to me because i have certain things i've reserved for particular levels of intimacy. i'm also a lot more shy when it comes to being serious with girls. (i have no problem being playful with them.)
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Last edited by motdakasha; 09-21-2003 at 12:47 PM..
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Old 09-21-2003, 01:01 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Location: Upper Michigan
As for being with another girl - I personally take it slow because most of the girls I'm with are newer to the girl on girl thing. I watch that they are comfortable with things. I have one friend who I'm quite comfortable with. We've showered together a few times and done other fun things. We kiss and fondle often. With new girls though I tend to shy away from kissing. They seem to as well. It's just the eye to eye and kissing that seems more intimate and "loveing" instead of just sexual pleasure.

With guys the kissing doesn't matter so much. That may be just that I'm more familiar with sexual pleasure with men than women am still just a little shy with women.

Most of the time with women it's all about pleasure and "showing off" for the guys that we're with. My one girl friend more more loving too but we've gotten closer and talk often. With guys it's more about pleasure. With hubby it's about love.
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Old 09-21-2003, 05:06 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Location: Rhode Island
There are certain things that I won't do if I'm with a girl I don't really know all that well, or at least intimately, namely because I'm scared of how she'll react if I try to put something somewhere it may not belong, but if she's all about it, well, bring it on.

I guess I'm just a stereotypical guy when it comes to that.

As far as going down on a girl...I love every minute of it, and in my experience, most girls love it, too. So I'll always go for the gold in that aspect - whether it's our first time or not. If I'm turned away, I'm turned away, but it hasn't happened yet, so...

"What's a nubian...? Bitch, you almost made me laugh...."
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Old 09-21-2003, 10:53 PM   #5 (permalink)
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183 views and 3 posts? come on, people!!
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Old 09-22-2003, 12:21 AM   #6 (permalink)
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It's a great topic, but most of us people are men who aren't supposed to answer your question...
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Old 09-22-2003, 01:01 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Location: Denver City Denver
As a lesbian... ?

Wait... nevermind.
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Old 09-22-2003, 01:15 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Location: Wellington, New Zealand
Fundamentally anything that requires a significant degree of trust. I'm not about to let someone I don't know well and trust immobilise me, for example. And unless I've got a reasonable handle on how they think, any serious bondage or sadism by me is out, too.

Likewise, barebacking would have to be with someone I can trust completely (my wife, for example).
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Old 09-22-2003, 06:35 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Location: northern california
See I think that it really gets down to the person you are with. Personally I have been in situations were it was a first date and the trust was there almost instantly. and on the other hand I have been so eager to just be with him that I took chances... But i am a big believer in knowing each other before sex.

However in a situation where a third person I know is there, Then I would not mind having the third a complete mystery. Actually been in a situation where the third was introduced in a bound sex play where I could do nothing about it... It was incredible sex... And I did not have any say in what I would or would not do.. It was still great....

Im not very bi, So that part is harder. The few times I have been in a lez situation everything felt weird.

But, I cant think of a situation where I would not do something sexually, holding back, on the first time. Hell, if I've gone that far why hold back..!
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Old 09-22-2003, 06:47 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Location: Central Wis.
As a former lesbian or whatever that is, I have a bit to say on this subject...

Looking back, I don't think I really enjoyed sex with all but one of my gfs. And there were only five. With the four that left me rather cold, here's my diatribe on this:

Maybe I just have an unusually high level of sexual energy, but they weren't able to keep up with me. I had to adapt to the needs of each one, which was fine, but they didn't feel the need to adapt to my own needs. To make this clearer: If they just wanted their clit rubbed, I'd just do that. But if I wanted a good clit-like or penetration, they'd look at me like I was insane... and do to me the exact same thing I did to them. So I'd be left unsatisfied.

I tried to help them along, but they just didn't seem to care.

I know that if I waited a while, I'd find the right girl who was willing to give me everything and maybe want everything from me in return. But life didn't work out that way. I fell in love with Mr.S, and I won't be dating anymore women. Fucking them? That's different. In a couple years, we'll probably try adding another girl to the mix.

I dated more women than I slept with, though. And with them, if I didn't feel a spark in them... something kind of indescribable. I guess you'd call it chemistry, but it's more esoteric than that. For a couple of them, I didn't even kiss them. I would caress them and touch them, but never in intimate places, and I wouldn't kiss them. If I did kiss someone, I'd probably end up fucking them.
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Old 09-22-2003, 09:06 PM   #11 (permalink)
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vveronica always makes me smile in these discussions. Maybe it's because I want in her pants, and she seems the type who'd let me.

But MAYBE it's because I appreciate her point of view. I guess I'm just more open, or maybe I view sex as less intimate. For whatever reason, if I'm actually in bed with the person, there's probably not a lot I won't do. It may have seemed short, but they underwent a strong screening process to get there. (I've just gotten very good and quick with the screenings.)
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