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Old 09-30-2003, 06:19 AM   #1 (permalink)
Loser
 
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Location: Midwest
help with famous sex, please can you?

who have sex with famous sex lady?

i am interest in having a date with tv relic hunter, tia carrere.

who know how to arrange this kind of famous arrangement? i have try a phone book for hollywood, but no listing for tia carrere or for 'relic hunter.'

maybe i try the manager or agent? do they arrange a date?

i do not desire to send a letter mail, because who know if tia carrere really see this letter?

e-mail is good, maybe?

i also like to date jlo, because she is no longer marry ben afflack and so she is available for premium man such as me.

help for me!
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Old 09-30-2003, 07:04 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Location: Edinburgh
As much as many people might think otherwise, 'Hollywood celebrity' is not necessarily the same as 'prositute'.

Tia Carrere and Jennifer Lopez are actors and musicians and celebrities, they're not hookers. You can't pay, or arrange to have sex with them!

You'll have to settle with watching their movies and listening to their music, and finding a nice young local woman you can get to know
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Old 09-30-2003, 07:11 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Location: Midwest
you misunderstand me!

i do not like to pay jlo or tia carrere! i want to date them, like a movie or miniature golfing. then sex can happen if chemistry is cooking!

yes, for certain, they are actor and singer--but they are also lady who like to meet nice premium man like me! maybe they want nice normal man who will not make movie away from home? this is possible no matter what you think!

please need more help!
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Old 09-30-2003, 08:23 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Location: Fresno, CA
Air, I hate to break it to you, but your much-sought-after Relic Huntress is currently married to Simon Wakelin.

J-Lo, however, is incredibly available. I say begin a concentrated regimen of stalking her. Call her agent five times a day pestering them for an 'interview'. Show up at her house and try to get in. Once J-Lo sees that you're trying so desperately for her love that you two were, indeed, meant to be together. She'll welcome you with open arms for such engagements as putt-putt golf and PG-13 movies. After a few weeks of this, she'll be begging for the hot beef injection. You played her right into your arms.

The entire previous paragraph was sarcasm. I do not really suggest a regimen of stalking. People like J-Lo are probably not grounded in real life due to the attention people lavish on them. Look for someone more attainable.
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Old 09-30-2003, 08:45 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Ya, seriously man, just go to the bar and get a normal woman.
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Old 09-30-2003, 09:06 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Plus, they tend to have really really big bodyguards.

Really big.
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Old 09-30-2003, 09:21 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Location: Midwest
hm.

ok, maybe you is right.

but i am in love with jlo and tia carrere, so maybe i can dream this in the right way to make reality!
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Old 09-30-2003, 09:29 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by air45
but i am in love with jlo and tia carrere
Pick one. Getting a threesome would be almost infinitely more difficult than bedding either one alone.
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Old 09-30-2003, 09:30 AM   #9 (permalink)
Here
 
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*backs away slowly*
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Old 09-30-2003, 09:35 AM   #10 (permalink)
Is In Love
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by World's King
*backs away slowly*
I concur.
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Old 09-30-2003, 09:54 AM   #11 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
It is going to take a bit of work to wrangle JLo's ass into bed. May I suggest:


And some of these:
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Old 09-30-2003, 10:00 AM   #12 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
And if you can't get Jlo ...
Try some of these:

Some of this:

One of these:

And add one:
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Old 09-30-2003, 10:02 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Location: Midwest
some of tfp is not taking me serious.

i know when the people make fun of me and the idea of mine.

never mind.
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Old 09-30-2003, 10:08 AM   #14 (permalink)
Crazy
 
What people here are getting at, Air, is that while it's good to have goals, the end result of you getting to sleep with J-Lo or the Relic Hunter is not going to be worth all the work you would have to put into it. Actors/Musicians/Stars usually date within their own social structure (i.e. other stars). You would have to be a star yourself to even get near them. And for what? A piece of ass? It's just not worth it.
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Old 09-30-2003, 10:25 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Location: Bradford, UK
Nevermind

Last edited by prince_albert; 09-30-2003 at 10:27 AM..
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Old 09-30-2003, 10:39 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Location: Orange County, California
crazycousinjim, your posts made me spit out my water
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Old 09-30-2003, 02:04 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Location: Yonder
Here's whatcha do.

Go to LA. When you get there, go to Hollywood. When you get there, look around for somebody selling "maps to stars homes". Buy one.

Then find your favorite celebrities on the map. Go to their house. When you get there, you'll want to brush your hair and look in a mirror and make sure there's nothing in your teeth. Also, use a breath mint! Famous people don't like bad breath!

Go up to the door and knock. When the famous person answers the door, say "Hello! I am air45 and I have come for the sexing with you! Ok!"

Dirty, dirty love will surely follow.

Good luck!
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Old 09-30-2003, 02:44 PM   #18 (permalink)
Addict
 
Location: around the corner
And thats the buzzer !!!
Okay perhaps a wee visit to a prof. would help.
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Old 09-30-2003, 03:08 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Location: An Aussie Outback
I'd go along with RatBastids idea air.. and if that doesn't work.. try either of crazycousinjims ideas

But in all seriousness Natureboy has it about right.. very rarely they date outside their own social structure.. but it does happen.. hey look at Notting Hill
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Old 09-30-2003, 03:15 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by bryanzera
Air, I hate to break it to you, but your much-sought-after Relic Huntress is currently married to Simon Wakelin.
actually, i think they're divorced. she mentioned that, or maybe just seperated, in her playboy pictorial interview. unless she got married again really recently.
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Old 09-30-2003, 03:17 PM   #21 (permalink)
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I would say the chances of you getting with one of these ladies is slim. Also it would be based solely on their looks and the image that media projects of them.
Often these people aren't quite what they seem. You may work very very hard and succeed in meeting one of them and find out that they are terrible spoiled brats. I'm not saying they are for sure but you just don't know. There are some really beautiful women out there who would love some of that adoring attention that you desire to fawn on these women. Give these every day women a treat and get to know someone real not someone you've only seen in movies and media. The real person behind it may be nothing like your imagination. Then what would you fantacise about?
Enjoy your fantasy and find someone who you will have more in common with that you can share your love with.
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Old 09-30-2003, 03:22 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
<< Edited out >>

Last edited by crazycousinjim; 10-01-2003 at 01:08 AM..
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Old 10-01-2003, 04:22 AM   #23 (permalink)
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Location: Denver
One last thing, air45... but have you considered that such women might actually SUCK at relationships, sex, etc? Of course you wouldn't know unless you tried, but the fact is they're just as human as everyone else. So, once again, if you want a girlfriend or something, head over to a bar or some social place and say "Hi" to somebody.

edit: one of these days i'm gonna follow my own advice...
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Old 10-01-2003, 06:50 AM   #24 (permalink)
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Not to put to fine a point on it, but honestly, if someone here DID have the secret to having sex with famous movie stars, do you seriously think they'd share it?

Even for a LOT of money?
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Old 10-01-2003, 08:40 AM   #25 (permalink)
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crazycousinjim, good post dude.
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Old 10-01-2003, 08:44 AM   #26 (permalink)
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Location: Midwest
thanks you to the tfp lady and guy who give me serious advice.

i think your words are true--the famous lady may be a lot of work! plus i have work in wisconsin so dates would hard to schedule.

i will have the fantasy still!
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Old 10-01-2003, 11:05 AM   #27 (permalink)
Addict
 
You could always go to stalker school. I went for a while but I just felt so under appreciated so I dropped out.
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Old 10-01-2003, 11:48 AM   #28 (permalink)
Loser
 
The only way is to meet them on the internet.

Glad I could help.
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Old 10-01-2003, 05:08 PM   #29 (permalink)
.
 
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Location: Tokyo
air45, have you called their agents?

i believe that a few celebs hook up with each other through their agents, managers and people.
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Old 10-01-2003, 08:52 PM   #30 (permalink)
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because you are "premium man such as yourself", just send them a few thousand copies of your portfolio, including most of your posts here at TFP and they will not be able to resist you.

i can hardly resist you...and im not gay.
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Old 10-01-2003, 09:43 PM   #31 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: Texas
krazy,
So air, what has attracted you to these women, clearly you said they're women who are looking for a guy like you. And just like them, there are tons of other women with, who knows, better personalities or character that might interest you just the same.
And what can you offer to these women like J-Lo and Tia Carerre, one of 'em is married and the other one is surrounded by luxury?
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Old 10-07-2003, 10:16 AM   #32 (permalink)
Loser
 
Location: Far too far from my Angel....
Quote:
Originally posted by crazycousinjim
It is going to take a bit of work to wrangle JLo's ass into bed. May I suggest:


And some of these:

That's a mighty big ass.....you're gonna' need bigger darts.

I say just be yourself and if you happen to meet one of these famous ladies don't try too hard. Granted, you're in the Midwest...it's not very likely that you're going to be running into 'em downtown or something. But speaking as someone who has routinely been up-close and personal with the well-known, it's the grounded, natural people they enjoy most; people who don't spoil them or treat them as being better than anyone else.

Good luck with your stalking!
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Old 10-07-2003, 10:23 AM   #33 (permalink)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
 
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You could always stalk them......that way at least you will get noticed
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Old 10-07-2003, 10:30 AM   #34 (permalink)
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Location: Silicon Valley, Utah
I wouldn't think that they are good for you air, because you wouldn't be compatible with woman like them. They seem very mean, and probably very needy, which you definetly need to keep away from.
I would suggest Yasmine Bleeth or Jennifer Love Hewitt, both very nice ladies and both much easier to get a hold of for conversation.
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Old 10-07-2003, 10:33 AM   #35 (permalink)
Boy am I horny today
 
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Location: T O L E D O, Toledo!!
hey <B>air45</B>, the chances of just "meeting" them on the street are pretty slim, but it can happen. A friend of mine live in NYC, and has run into some celebs on the streets, accompanied by body guards of course. That would probably be your best metod of meeting them, a chance encounter. If you were to go through their manager, they might get a restraining order on your ass, and then you'll be called a stalker, but then again, they might be flattered enough to take you up.
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Old 10-07-2003, 12:15 PM   #36 (permalink)
It wasnt me
 
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Location: Scotland
Wink at one of the bodyguards, they'll know it was really meant for her and bring it to her attention. No doubt she'll then fall instantly in love with you, give the aforementioned guard a big bonus and whisk you off to her Hollywood mansion for a life of pina coladas, free ferraris and amazing sex.

Or maybe dont wink.
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Old 10-07-2003, 12:51 PM   #37 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Quote:
Originally posted by floonine
I would suggest Yasmine Bleeth
me too, just find out who her coke dealer is, get in contact with her that way
go on a binge with her, you can tap some baywatch ass, take some pics for future sale to a magazine, and you'll be beyond cool in my book

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