Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > The Academy > Tilted Sexuality


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 10-01-2003, 10:02 AM   #1 (permalink)
Dubya
 
Location: VA
Friend seperated from husband

A good friend of mine seperated from her husband a month ago, and myself and other friends have been supporting her through the ordeal. She's a great girl, and my guy friends have all (myself included) told the couple how lucky he is, what a great catch she is, etc.

Now I find myself with a bit of a dilemma: she's been hinting at wanting more than just a friendship with me, but I'm a little hesitant. I mean, the wedding band has come off, but she's still technically married, which would technically make me "the other guy AKA the asshole". On the other hand, she's an attractive, smart, funny, caring girl who is available...

Any ideas/What would you do?
Sparhawk is offline  
Old 10-01-2003, 10:11 AM   #2 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: RI
I would wait. How long was her previous relationship? I believe the longer the investment into a relationship the more emotions you'll have to come over and the longer it'll take to get over it. If she's been seperated for only a month, she's probably still confused about the whole ordeal. Let her file all the papers and give her some time after that.
Fallon is offline  
Old 10-01-2003, 10:27 AM   #3 (permalink)
Is In Love
 
Averett's Avatar
 
Location: I'm workin' on it
What would I do? Nothing at all. Married/seperated anything like that, I would not touch with a 39 1/2 pole. If she is interested, she will get a divorce from her husband. Wait until the ink is dry on that little document.


My sister has been messing around with a married man. Of course he says he will leave his wife. This has not happened. I've lost all respect for her.
__________________
Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.
Averett is offline  
Old 10-01-2003, 10:30 AM   #4 (permalink)
Insane
 
Even if she no longer wants to be with her ex, she probably doesn't want to feel alone at this particular time either. I would say be there for her as a friend and just give her time to really think about what she wants. Let her know your intrested in her, but you don't want to rush anything. Give her time to really get over her past relationship.
Apache is offline  
Old 10-01-2003, 10:33 AM   #5 (permalink)
Registered User
 
skysooner's Avatar
 
Location: Oklahoma
Doing anything at this point is a big mistake. Apache has it right. Be there for her emotionally but not physically. The chances of anything working out long-term with her on that kind of emotional rollercoaster are very small.
skysooner is offline  
Old 10-01-2003, 10:42 AM   #6 (permalink)
Loser
 
I'd leave my own marriage and move into her place.

I mean, that's EXACTLY what I did when I found out Jin was separated and getting a divorce. I'd wanted her for six years. Now I have her, and things are wonderful.
Thraeryn is offline  
Old 10-01-2003, 11:12 AM   #7 (permalink)
Overreactor
 
Location: South Ca'lina
Rebound. Give her some time first.
__________________
"I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request." - Capt. Barbossa
johnnymysto is offline  
Old 10-01-2003, 12:04 PM   #8 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: Jersey
Definitely hold off. She's probably very vunerable at this point and it's possible she could go back to her husband. Just keep in mind, you're the one that could get hurt in this, not her. Good luck
yoshi is offline  
Old 10-01-2003, 03:27 PM   #9 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: New Mexico
I'd hold her tight, comfort her, and tell her softly that you think she's just wonderfully attractive, but you want to wait until she's single. Then take her home and drive away.

She'll remember how attracted to you she felt, and yet be really impressed that you valued her marriage vow, when she was feeling so lonely, undesirable and horny. It will restore her faith in her attractiveness, without shame. It will endear you to her greatly. And it will lay the track for her to come to you to celebrate her divorce by spending a great weekend at your place.
__________________
Trueheart
Dale Kemp is offline  
Old 10-01-2003, 08:32 PM   #10 (permalink)
Banned
 
she's rebounding, be veeeeeeeeeeeeeery careful
analog is offline  
Old 10-02-2003, 05:17 AM   #11 (permalink)
Dubya
 
Location: VA
Quote:
Originally posted by Apache
Even if she no longer wants to be with her ex, she probably doesn't want to feel alone at this particular time either. I would say be there for her as a friend and just give her time to really think about what she wants. Let her know your intrested in her, but you don't want to rush anything. Give her time to really get over her past relationship.
This is what my gut is telling me, seems the majority of opinions here are along these lines. Thanks guys!
Sparhawk is offline  
Old 10-02-2003, 05:25 AM   #12 (permalink)
Loser
 
Bah. No one listens to the voice of experience.

Of course, in the past people have routinely marveled at my dastardly acts.

I'm beginning to think I should keep my opinions to myself.
Thraeryn is offline  
Old 10-04-2003, 07:06 PM   #13 (permalink)
EVIL!
 
Location: Southwest of nowhere
Stay friends and not lovers. Wait til the divorce is thru before going any further.
__________________
When all else fails, QUIT.
santafe5000 is offline  
Old 10-04-2003, 07:20 PM   #14 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: Nova Scotia
Yeah, I would talk to her about it but say you wouldn't be comfortable until after they've had a divorce
Robblee is offline  
Old 10-04-2003, 07:26 PM   #15 (permalink)
lost and found
 
Johnny Rotten's Avatar
 
Location: Berkeley
If she's taken the ring off only a month after separation and before making the divorce final, you're prime rebound material. Whatever you guys establish, it probably won't last if you get going right now. I would let her know what you think about her and that you don't want to rush into things until she's had some time to think.
__________________
"The idea that money doesn't buy you happiness is a lie put about by the rich, to stop the poor from killing them." -- Michael Caine
Johnny Rotten is offline  
Old 10-04-2003, 08:33 PM   #16 (permalink)
Banned
 
Location: St. Paul, MN
if she's smart enough, and i guess that she is from what you say of her, don't just realize this is probably a rebound, tell her this. work it through, and give yourself the best shot at a relationship that will work.
chavos is offline  
Old 10-04-2003, 09:07 PM   #17 (permalink)
/nɑndəsˈkrɪpt/
 
Prince's Avatar
 
Location: LV-426
Well, I believe it was John Travolta's character Vincent Vega in Pulp Fiction who said to himself something along the line of "you're gonna thank her for the lovely evening, say goodnight, get in your car, drive home, jerk off and go to sleep...and that's all you're gonna do."

I've found this to be a very good piece of advice.
__________________
Who is John Galt?
Prince is offline  
Old 10-05-2003, 10:21 AM   #18 (permalink)
Loser
 
Location: Far too far from my Angel....
I'd say that the proper course lies somewhere between the majority who say "do nothing at all but be there" and Thraeryn, who says "do it! do it!"....

Personally, in such a situation - especially if you are attracted to this person - I'd go with the following:

Tell her the truth. Tell her how attracted to her you are, but that it also wouldn't be fair to her if you were to pursue her while she's in this (somewhat) vulnerable time in her life. Tell her that you'd truly enjoy spending time with her, but that for now you'd rather take things slowly and see what's there.

Take your time. If she goes back to the husband, she'll always remember - and thank you for - your honesty, consideration and integrity. If she goes through with the divorce, then you've already laid the groundwork for a possible relationship with her.

But as always, that's just my humble opinion.
wry1 is offline  
Old 10-05-2003, 11:05 AM   #19 (permalink)
It wasnt me
 
tekaweni's Avatar
 
Location: Scotland
Dale Kemp, what great advice. I second that approach, word for word.
__________________
If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten
tekaweni is offline  
 

Tags
friend, husband, seperated

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 05:01 AM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360