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Old 04-27-2003, 08:39 AM   #1 (permalink)
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A moral/legal dilemma

Ok here goes. I'm 20 yrs old. I've been talking to a girl for a month or so now, and I just started seeing her last week. We have a lot in common, enjoy the same things, have like senses of humor, and love talking to each other. We're at the "friends" stage right now, but both agree that we would like to be more in the future. Oh and by the way, she's 15, 16 in August. Suggestions please! Full speed ahead? Or should I put the brakes on?
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Last edited by brandon11983; 04-27-2003 at 08:45 AM..
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Old 04-27-2003, 08:58 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Five years won't make a difference.......in a decade. For now, it means you are very different stages of your lives, or at the very least, you should be. There is a reason this is illegal. A relationship between the two of you can be on equal terms and an unequal relation ship between an adult and a 15 year old is wrong.
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Old 04-27-2003, 09:00 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Your in the same boat as me pretty much, I have been talking with a girl that is 17 I am 24...She is very nice, And we are just talking right now.

I plan on goin out with her on a couple dates and see how things flow...If they are good, Then It may turn into more than friends.
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Old 04-27-2003, 09:16 AM   #4 (permalink)
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If her parents approve and you get along with her, by all means go ahead. Although, greytone does bring a good point about being at very different stages in your lives. I have a friend who was 20 when he started dating a 14 year old about 3 years ago. Everything was cool, the parents knew about it, liked him and knew he was a decent guy. They recently broke up cuz she wants to "reconsider her life plan". Shes going to college out of town, etc.

Just something to think about.
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Old 04-27-2003, 09:23 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Consult a lawyer.

Are you in college? Near a college? There has to something interesting over there that would be much safer territory. Once I got to college, I couldn't imagine being interested in anything else. I mean, coeds, man. College cuties. It's a no-brainer, right? Oh well.
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Old 04-27-2003, 09:34 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Danger Will Robinson, Danger!

I agree, 30 and 35 isn't that big a deal, but you are both still maturing, your friend especially. And any physical relationship could get you charged with statutory rape and you DON'T want to go down this road, even if your dick is saying, "YES YES YES!".

I can really sympathize man. When I was 18 I met the most amazing girl. She was incredibly talented and sensitive and we just clicked. Unfortunately, I was a senior and she was a freshman (18 and 14). I was blessed to give her her first kiss, but we both came to our senses, plus I think her dad was getting on her about me. He certainly made it chilly for me when I went over to her house.

So I hate (really hate) to be the voice of bad news, but I think you need to back off.

You probably won't listen, but you when you hit your 30's and look back at this mistake, you'll be able to say that you were warned.

Sigh, good luck man.
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Old 04-27-2003, 09:36 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
but both agree that we would like to be more in the future
By 'future', you mean in 2 years and a couple months, right?
 
Old 04-27-2003, 09:37 AM   #8 (permalink)
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wait till she's 18.

i'm sure that if her mom finds out that if anything is going on, she's going to take legal action against you.

trust me, it's not worth it.
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Old 04-27-2003, 09:44 AM   #9 (permalink)
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<b><i>"Danger Will Robinson, Danger!"</i></b><br>I almost got caught up in something like this long time ago. It was okay with her mother but her father,divorced from her mother, threatened to kill me. I made myself scarce before he got cops got involved. Emotionally I don't think a 15/16 year old is ready to make a comittment. Statistacally it won't last.
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Old 04-27-2003, 09:50 AM   #10 (permalink)
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If you've got something that good together, you'll still have it in a couple of years. If not, then it's not worth bothering with anyway. Back off from each other a bit if you need to, otherwise just stay friends for another two or three years, then reconsider your relationship. I'm twenty-three and seeing a girl who's nineteen and her parent's are fine about it, but we're at more similar stages of our lives right now.
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Old 04-27-2003, 10:08 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Old 04-27-2003, 10:25 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by Johnny Rotten
Consult a lawyer.

Are you in college? Near a college? There has to something interesting over there that would be much safer territory. Once I got to college, I couldn't imagine being interested in anything else. I mean, coeds, man. College cuties. It's a no-brainer, right? Oh well.
I am in college right now. All the college hotties are spoken for. Plus, all college chicks want to do is party and shit like that, and I'm not a huge party animal.

Her mom is "tolerant" of it at this point. She knows that we have been talking a lot, and hasn't called the cops yet... so I guess that's a good sign. She is going to see if we can go out with her mom's knowledge next week. I hope that goes well.
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Old 04-27-2003, 10:48 AM   #13 (permalink)
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They're all spoken for? They all want to party and shit like that? And you're saying you've been going out with this girl secretly?

Good luck there.
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Old 04-27-2003, 12:49 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Dude, take it easy for now! as many people have been saying it doesn't erally matter in a couple of years but for now a bit too risky. also, them younger bitches are dumb and clingy as fuck. so enjoy whatever is legal and then in a couple of years (2 at least) come back to her.
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Old 04-27-2003, 12:55 PM   #15 (permalink)
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I think it's a bad idea. Start looking for girls in different places. You will eventually be glad you did.

Good luck man.
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Old 04-27-2003, 02:17 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Ask yourself this, "Am I willing to keep it in my pants until she's of legal age, assuming it lasts that long?" If you can't do that, ask yourself, "Is she so special that I'm willing to be registered as a sex-offender and never be able to get financial aid for college or a decent job if her parents don't see it the same way we do?"

That second one is a no-brainer.
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Old 04-27-2003, 03:42 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Man you can get older chicks. Its just not worth it and its not fair to her because of your experiences in dating.
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Old 04-27-2003, 05:54 PM   #18 (permalink)
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I'm not so sure that she is anywhere near where you are in life. Do you really want to sympathize with her high school problems, and can she relate about where you are in life?

I was glad to see the legal part was prominently recognized by you in the tiltle of this post. It's the most important part. Don't put yourself in a situation where you cross the legal line.
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Old 04-27-2003, 06:06 PM   #19 (permalink)
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What you are considering doing is a felony in most states. Think about that...a F E L O N Y! Is it really worth that...a felony sex crime?
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Old 04-27-2003, 11:50 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Although that doesn't sound like many years apart, you're young enough that it's a large PHYSICAL maturity gap, not to mention the mental and emotional.

I promise you'll get many disgusted looks when you tell people her age.

I don't necessarily find it disgusting, but come on, you can do better than camping out in high school parking lots.
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Old 04-28-2003, 03:49 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Your both hot for each other now. If and when it cools off, you're wide open for anything that the other side wants to dish out.

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Old 04-28-2003, 08:05 AM   #22 (permalink)
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If you care about her that much, wait until she's legal.
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Old 04-28-2003, 09:09 AM   #23 (permalink)
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I have to agree with everyone here.... No matter what the two of you feel it is strongly looked down upon in our society. You won't get past her father with out a choke down.....

Plus you need to look at some other things. Like when you're 21 and she's16.... it's like going to 6 flags and she can't go on half the rides with you.
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Old 04-30-2003, 02:28 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Just remember, the statutory rape laws vary from state to state. In most states, the age of consent is either 16 or 18, and there are spans on either side of her age where you'll be okay - in some states, as long as five years older. (For example, if the age of consent were 16, and the "sway" period was five years, as long as you were 21 or younger, then you would be okay.)

Another thing to think about: You have sex with her illegally. You break up. She gets pissed. She calls cops, presses charges. You go to jail, and probably have to register as a convicted sex offender wherever you move for the rest of your life. Ouch.
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Old 04-30-2003, 07:19 PM   #25 (permalink)
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you could wait until she's 16... and mess with her on federal property. federal law limits are 16.
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Old 05-01-2003, 04:00 AM   #26 (permalink)
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my view on this is if your both just under the legal age, no worries.

if you are both over the legal age, no worries.

if one is and one isnt, stay away from that with a ten foot pole.

Look at it this way:

She tells her good friend "Stacy" that you two did it.

"Stacy", in an arguement with her own mother, yells that everyone else is doing "it" such as you and your gf.

"Stacy's" mother gets concerned and calls the police.

Police investigate. You get a criminal conviction, and she walks away scot free.

The above scenario is pretty feasible, and there are a million scenarios like it. all it takes is one person to know what you two are doing and to report it to the police, and then you can say goodbye mr. brandon, hello mr. sex offender!

and i don't think it would be easy to abstain in a relationship for two years.
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Old 05-01-2003, 05:17 AM   #27 (permalink)
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Been there. Done that. Paid big time. Learned my lesson.

I was 20. She had just turned 16. I got her pregnant. We got married. She had miscarriage. We got annullment. I got the hospital bills.

I was lucky. Her father could have sent me to jail.

Don't go near this. I'm warning you. Don't risk screwing up your life.

If she really means that much to you, then wait. If you also mean that much to her, then she will still be around in 3 years.
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Old 05-01-2003, 06:49 PM   #28 (permalink)
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Old 05-01-2003, 10:53 PM   #29 (permalink)
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My two cents, for what it ammounts to:

I'm 24, I'm dating a girl who is 21. I love her. We're both in college. She's an undergraduate in the major that I'm a graduate student in. Sometimes, the problems that she has, the issues that she deals with, I've already been through. I want to help her, but the truth is that she'll work through it herself. Sometimes I feel scared, that what she's going through may not turn out like it did for me, or that because I already think I know what to do that she'll be turned off. Other times, I'm not entirely sure that she fully appreciates things that are eating me.

All this is in a relatioship where our ages are close and we're in very similar situations. My point is that, even if you think it's no big deal, and that you really like this girl, issues are going to come up. Problems that she has will seem trite and unintersting to you. And she will occaisionally feel the same way about things you are going through. You are 25% apart in your lives. This is going to cause problems the deeper you get in with her.

I'm going to add some personal information that may help persuade you. I will guess in advance that you don't want to hear this. I don't blame you. I couldn't find anyone in college either, not in the 5 years I was an undergraduate. I don't know what the problem was, I just couldn't ever seem to make it happen. Now that I'm with the girl that I'm with, I won't let her go. I have to keep giving myself honesty checks, to make sure that I love her and not just love having a girl friend. It's kept me straight for the last six months.

So I think you should ask yourself, do you want to date THIS girl, or do you want to date A girl? I think it's more of the latter than the former.

In the end, it's your heart and your life. It's up to you to save both.
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Old 05-01-2003, 11:04 PM   #30 (permalink)
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"I am in college right now. All the college hotties are spoken for. Plus, all college chicks want to do is party and shit like that, and I'm not a huge party animal."

um, just because girls your age are in relationships doesn't mean you can go after a fifteen year old. And what you say about college girls just wanting to party isn't true either. Lots of my introverted friends find wonderfull women who are interested in much more than parties.

The girl is too young to be able to deal with you on equal footing. Girls that age look up to older guys because they dont' do all the stupid things that other fifteen year olds do, and they usually aren't as pimply and awkward. It would not be right to take advantage of that.
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Old 05-02-2003, 01:14 AM   #31 (permalink)
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think back to what you were like at 15: what you thought about and how you saw the world. I'm 20 too, between 18 and 20 wasn't that big of a deal, between 15 and 17 there was a huge change though. things like self confidence, flimsy/weak convictions completely change how a person would react in a situation. You know what you want and you know what your beliefs are, but does she know hers?
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