Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > The Academy > Tilted Sexuality

LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 04-27-2003, 08:39 AM   #1 (permalink)
brandon11983's Avatar
Location: Chitown!!
A moral/legal dilemma

Ok here goes. I'm 20 yrs old. I've been talking to a girl for a month or so now, and I just started seeing her last week. We have a lot in common, enjoy the same things, have like senses of humor, and love talking to each other. We're at the "friends" stage right now, but both agree that we would like to be more in the future. Oh and by the way, she's 15, 16 in August. Suggestions please! Full speed ahead? Or should I put the brakes on?
Well behaved women rarely make history.

Last edited by brandon11983; 04-27-2003 at 08:45 AM..
brandon11983 is offline  
Old 04-27-2003, 08:58 AM   #2 (permalink)
greytone's Avatar
Five years won't make a difference.......in a decade. For now, it means you are very different stages of your lives, or at the very least, you should be. There is a reason this is illegal. A relationship between the two of you can be on equal terms and an unequal relation ship between an adult and a 15 year old is wrong.
I was there to see beautiful naked women. So was everybody else. It's a common failing.
Robert A Heinlein in "They Do It With Mirrors"
greytone is offline  
Old 04-27-2003, 09:00 AM   #3 (permalink)
IC3's Avatar
Location: Canada
Your in the same boat as me pretty much, I have been talking with a girl that is 17 I am 24...She is very nice, And we are just talking right now.

I plan on goin out with her on a couple dates and see how things flow...If they are good, Then It may turn into more than friends.
IC3 is offline  
Old 04-27-2003, 09:16 AM   #4 (permalink)
Location: Canada
If her parents approve and you get along with her, by all means go ahead. Although, greytone does bring a good point about being at very different stages in your lives. I have a friend who was 20 when he started dating a 14 year old about 3 years ago. Everything was cool, the parents knew about it, liked him and knew he was a decent guy. They recently broke up cuz she wants to "reconsider her life plan". Shes going to college out of town, etc.

Just something to think about.
Legalize it.
Shokan is offline  
Old 04-27-2003, 09:23 AM   #5 (permalink)
lost and found
Johnny Rotten's Avatar
Location: Berkeley
Consult a lawyer.

Are you in college? Near a college? There has to something interesting over there that would be much safer territory. Once I got to college, I couldn't imagine being interested in anything else. I mean, coeds, man. College cuties. It's a no-brainer, right? Oh well.
"The idea that money doesn't buy you happiness is a lie put about by the rich, to stop the poor from killing them." -- Michael Caine
Johnny Rotten is offline  
Old 04-27-2003, 09:34 AM   #6 (permalink)
Cracking the Whip
Lebell's Avatar
Location: Sexymama's arms...
Danger Will Robinson, Danger!

I agree, 30 and 35 isn't that big a deal, but you are both still maturing, your friend especially. And any physical relationship could get you charged with statutory rape and you DON'T want to go down this road, even if your dick is saying, "YES YES YES!".

I can really sympathize man. When I was 18 I met the most amazing girl. She was incredibly talented and sensitive and we just clicked. Unfortunately, I was a senior and she was a freshman (18 and 14). I was blessed to give her her first kiss, but we both came to our senses, plus I think her dad was getting on her about me. He certainly made it chilly for me when I went over to her house.

So I hate (really hate) to be the voice of bad news, but I think you need to back off.

You probably won't listen, but you when you hit your 30's and look back at this mistake, you'll be able to say that you were warned.

Sigh, good luck man.
"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." C. S. Lewis

The ONLY sponsors we have are YOU!

Please Donate!
Lebell is offline  
Old 04-27-2003, 09:36 AM   #7 (permalink)
Big Julie
but both agree that we would like to be more in the future
By 'future', you mean in 2 years and a couple months, right?
Old 04-27-2003, 09:37 AM   #8 (permalink)
The GrandDaddy of them all!
The_Dude's Avatar
Location: Austin, TX
wait till she's 18.

i'm sure that if her mom finds out that if anything is going on, she's going to take legal action against you.

trust me, it's not worth it.
"Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity." - Darrel K Royal
The_Dude is offline  
Old 04-27-2003, 09:44 AM   #9 (permalink)
Modo's Avatar
Location: USA half way between East and West
<b><i>"Danger Will Robinson, Danger!"</i></b><br>I almost got caught up in something like this long time ago. It was okay with her mother but her father,divorced from her mother, threatened to kill me. I made myself scarce before he got cops got involved. Emotionally I don't think a 15/16 year old is ready to make a comittment. Statistacally it won't last.
Modo is offline  
Old 04-27-2003, 09:50 AM   #10 (permalink)
Location: Grey Britain
If you've got something that good together, you'll still have it in a couple of years. If not, then it's not worth bothering with anyway. Back off from each other a bit if you need to, otherwise just stay friends for another two or three years, then reconsider your relationship. I'm twenty-three and seeing a girl who's nineteen and her parent's are fine about it, but we're at more similar stages of our lives right now.
"No one was behaving from very Buddhist motives. Then, thought Pigsy, he was hardly a Buddha, nor was he a monkey. Presently, he was a pig spirit changed into a little girl pretending to be a little boy to be offered to a water monster. It was all very simple to a pig spirit."
John Henry is offline  
Old 04-27-2003, 10:08 AM   #11 (permalink)
The Griffin
Hanxter's Avatar
She better not be related to me - I'll kill ya - if Big Bubba in your cell doesn't get to ya first!!!
Hanxter is offline  
Old 04-27-2003, 10:25 AM   #12 (permalink)
brandon11983's Avatar
Location: Chitown!!
Originally posted by Johnny Rotten
Consult a lawyer.

Are you in college? Near a college? There has to something interesting over there that would be much safer territory. Once I got to college, I couldn't imagine being interested in anything else. I mean, coeds, man. College cuties. It's a no-brainer, right? Oh well.
I am in college right now. All the college hotties are spoken for. Plus, all college chicks want to do is party and shit like that, and I'm not a huge party animal.

Her mom is "tolerant" of it at this point. She knows that we have been talking a lot, and hasn't called the cops yet... so I guess that's a good sign. She is going to see if we can go out with her mom's knowledge next week. I hope that goes well.
Well behaved women rarely make history.

Last edited by brandon11983; 04-27-2003 at 10:29 AM..
brandon11983 is offline  
Old 04-27-2003, 10:48 AM   #13 (permalink)
lost and found
Johnny Rotten's Avatar
Location: Berkeley
They're all spoken for? They all want to party and shit like that? And you're saying you've been going out with this girl secretly?

Good luck there.
"The idea that money doesn't buy you happiness is a lie put about by the rich, to stop the poor from killing them." -- Michael Caine
Johnny Rotten is offline  
Old 04-27-2003, 12:49 PM   #14 (permalink)
Location: Toronto, Canada
Dude, take it easy for now! as many people have been saying it doesn't erally matter in a couple of years but for now a bit too risky. also, them younger bitches are dumb and clingy as fuck. so enjoy whatever is legal and then in a couple of years (2 at least) come back to her.
I am the minister of defence in qpid's liberation army so we can take the world over before Microsoft does.
eli is offline  
Old 04-27-2003, 12:55 PM   #15 (permalink)
Right Now
Location: Home
I think it's a bad idea. Start looking for girls in different places. You will eventually be glad you did.

Good luck man.
Peetster is offline  
Old 04-27-2003, 02:17 PM   #16 (permalink)
The sky calls to us ...
MSD's Avatar
Super Moderator
Location: CT
Ask yourself this, "Am I willing to keep it in my pants until she's of legal age, assuming it lasts that long?" If you can't do that, ask yourself, "Is she so special that I'm willing to be registered as a sex-offender and never be able to get financial aid for college or a decent job if her parents don't see it the same way we do?"

That second one is a no-brainer.
MSD is offline  
Old 04-27-2003, 03:42 PM   #17 (permalink)
Man you can get older chicks. Its just not worth it and its not fair to her because of your experiences in dating.
zfleebin is offline  
Old 04-27-2003, 05:54 PM   #18 (permalink)
gov135's Avatar
Location: Midwest
I'm not so sure that she is anywhere near where you are in life. Do you really want to sympathize with her high school problems, and can she relate about where you are in life?

I was glad to see the legal part was prominently recognized by you in the tiltle of this post. It's the most important part. Don't put yourself in a situation where you cross the legal line.
gov135 is offline  
Old 04-27-2003, 06:06 PM   #19 (permalink)
cj2112's Avatar
Location: Grants Pass OR
What you are considering doing is a felony in most states. Think about that...a F E L O N Y! Is it really worth that...a felony sex crime?
cj2112 is offline  
Old 04-27-2003, 11:50 PM   #20 (permalink)
Psychopathic Akimbo Action Pirate
Location: ...between Christ and Belial.
Although that doesn't sound like many years apart, you're young enough that it's a large PHYSICAL maturity gap, not to mention the mental and emotional.

I promise you'll get many disgusted looks when you tell people her age.

I don't necessarily find it disgusting, but come on, you can do better than camping out in high school parking lots.
On the outside I'm jazz, but my soul is rock and roll.

Sleep is a waste of time. Join the Insomniac Club.
Antagony is offline  
Old 04-28-2003, 03:49 AM   #21 (permalink)
Your both hot for each other now. If and when it cools off, you're wide open for anything that the other side wants to dish out.

Think with your head and not with your _____!
mjby2 is offline  
Old 04-28-2003, 08:05 AM   #22 (permalink)
There's someone in my head, but its not me
Zotz's Avatar
If you care about her that much, wait until she's legal.
Zotz is offline  
Old 04-28-2003, 09:09 AM   #23 (permalink)
spurt king
Location: Out of my mind
I have to agree with everyone here.... No matter what the two of you feel it is strongly looked down upon in our society. You won't get past her father with out a choke down.....

Plus you need to look at some other things. Like when you're 21 and she's16.... it's like going to 6 flags and she can't go on half the rides with you.
No signature at this time.
GSRIDER is offline  
Old 04-30-2003, 02:28 PM   #24 (permalink)
Just remember, the statutory rape laws vary from state to state. In most states, the age of consent is either 16 or 18, and there are spans on either side of her age where you'll be okay - in some states, as long as five years older. (For example, if the age of consent were 16, and the "sway" period was five years, as long as you were 21 or younger, then you would be okay.)

Another thing to think about: You have sex with her illegally. You break up. She gets pissed. She calls cops, presses charges. You go to jail, and probably have to register as a convicted sex offender wherever you move for the rest of your life. Ouch.
1234567 is offline  
Old 04-30-2003, 07:19 PM   #25 (permalink)
Tilted Cat Head
Cynthetiq's Avatar
Location: Manhattan, NY
you could wait until she's 16... and mess with her on federal property. federal law limits are 16.
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.
Cynthetiq is offline  
Old 05-01-2003, 04:00 AM   #26 (permalink)
Location: Drifting.
my view on this is if your both just under the legal age, no worries.

if you are both over the legal age, no worries.

if one is and one isnt, stay away from that with a ten foot pole.

Look at it this way:

She tells her good friend "Stacy" that you two did it.

"Stacy", in an arguement with her own mother, yells that everyone else is doing "it" such as you and your gf.

"Stacy's" mother gets concerned and calls the police.

Police investigate. You get a criminal conviction, and she walks away scot free.

The above scenario is pretty feasible, and there are a million scenarios like it. all it takes is one person to know what you two are doing and to report it to the police, and then you can say goodbye mr. brandon, hello mr. sex offender!

and i don't think it would be easy to abstain in a relationship for two years.
Loki is offline  
Old 05-01-2003, 05:17 AM   #27 (permalink)
Essen meine kurze Hosen
Location: NY Burbs
Been there. Done that. Paid big time. Learned my lesson.

I was 20. She had just turned 16. I got her pregnant. We got married. She had miscarriage. We got annullment. I got the hospital bills.

I was lucky. Her father could have sent me to jail.

Don't go near this. I'm warning you. Don't risk screwing up your life.

If she really means that much to you, then wait. If you also mean that much to her, then she will still be around in 3 years.
Out the 10Base-T, through the router, down the T1, over the leased line, off the bridge, past the firewall...nothing but Net.
platypus is offline  
Old 05-01-2003, 06:49 PM   #28 (permalink)
Location: Northern Virginia
Can we say ANTI-LOCK BRAKES!!!
MilleniumZeus is offline  
Old 05-01-2003, 10:53 PM   #29 (permalink)
My two cents, for what it ammounts to:

I'm 24, I'm dating a girl who is 21. I love her. We're both in college. She's an undergraduate in the major that I'm a graduate student in. Sometimes, the problems that she has, the issues that she deals with, I've already been through. I want to help her, but the truth is that she'll work through it herself. Sometimes I feel scared, that what she's going through may not turn out like it did for me, or that because I already think I know what to do that she'll be turned off. Other times, I'm not entirely sure that she fully appreciates things that are eating me.

All this is in a relatioship where our ages are close and we're in very similar situations. My point is that, even if you think it's no big deal, and that you really like this girl, issues are going to come up. Problems that she has will seem trite and unintersting to you. And she will occaisionally feel the same way about things you are going through. You are 25% apart in your lives. This is going to cause problems the deeper you get in with her.

I'm going to add some personal information that may help persuade you. I will guess in advance that you don't want to hear this. I don't blame you. I couldn't find anyone in college either, not in the 5 years I was an undergraduate. I don't know what the problem was, I just couldn't ever seem to make it happen. Now that I'm with the girl that I'm with, I won't let her go. I have to keep giving myself honesty checks, to make sure that I love her and not just love having a girl friend. It's kept me straight for the last six months.

So I think you should ask yourself, do you want to date THIS girl, or do you want to date A girl? I think it's more of the latter than the former.

In the end, it's your heart and your life. It's up to you to save both.
Shades is offline  
Old 05-01-2003, 11:04 PM   #30 (permalink)
Eccentric insomniac
Slims's Avatar
Location: North Carolina
"I am in college right now. All the college hotties are spoken for. Plus, all college chicks want to do is party and shit like that, and I'm not a huge party animal."

um, just because girls your age are in relationships doesn't mean you can go after a fifteen year old. And what you say about college girls just wanting to party isn't true either. Lots of my introverted friends find wonderfull women who are interested in much more than parties.

The girl is too young to be able to deal with you on equal footing. Girls that age look up to older guys because they dont' do all the stupid things that other fifteen year olds do, and they usually aren't as pimply and awkward. It would not be right to take advantage of that.
"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill

"All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence
Slims is offline  
Old 05-02-2003, 01:14 AM   #31 (permalink)
think back to what you were like at 15: what you thought about and how you saw the world. I'm 20 too, between 18 and 20 wasn't that big of a deal, between 15 and 17 there was a huge change though. things like self confidence, flimsy/weak convictions completely change how a person would react in a situation. You know what you want and you know what your beliefs are, but does she know hers?
"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
RWE is offline  

dilemma, moral or legal

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

All times are GMT -8. The time now is 07:24 PM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360