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Old 10-19-2003, 02:17 PM   #1 (permalink)
Location: Windsor, ON
Best friends with benefits!

I mean seriously, isn't this the best way to go? You get to satisfy your sexual urges AND satisfy your need for companionship without leaving yourself emotionally open to heartbreak. No commitments, no strings attached. Discuss.
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Old 10-19-2003, 02:19 PM   #2 (permalink)
Is In Love
Averett's Avatar
Location: I'm workin' on it
I couldn't do it. Sure, it does sound like the most ideal situation for some, but I guess I'm still looking for all of the above. The best friend/boyfriend package.
Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.
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Old 10-19-2003, 02:54 PM   #3 (permalink)
It wasnt me
tekaweni's Avatar
Location: Scotland
I did that 25 years ago. At the time it was perfect for us both, and things stayed like that for 5 years.

We got married almost 20 years ago. It's still pretty damn good :-)
If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten
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Old 10-19-2003, 03:44 PM   #4 (permalink)
JStrider's Avatar
Location: The Woodlands, TX
sex for me (and most people i would assume) is an emotional thing... i know i would become emotionally involved...

not that i would mind too much depending on the situation and time etc...

~Clatto Verata Nicto
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Old 10-19-2003, 04:03 PM   #5 (permalink)
Location: The Internet
I'm working on this one
rm -f /bin/laden
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Old 10-19-2003, 04:10 PM   #6 (permalink)
elfuq's Avatar
Location: San Francisco
I'm living this one - see um my post about non-monogamous relarionship from a week or two ago. Though it's still pretty confused.
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Old 10-19-2003, 04:23 PM   #7 (permalink)
Location: UCSD, 510.49 miles from my love
Completely and totally with JStrider on this - its an emotional connection, not a necessary filling.
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Old 10-19-2003, 05:44 PM   #8 (permalink)
Well, I can see how this can work.

My wife and I are best friends, and there are definitely benefits. Like, she cooks a mean tomato sauce :-)
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Old 10-19-2003, 06:04 PM   #9 (permalink)
don't ignore this-->
bermuDa's Avatar
Location: CA
sex is better if there's an emotional connection, but it's still good without it... I think I wouldn't mind having a FWB just so I can get over the insecurities that seem to go hand in hand with monogamy... Learn to just have fun and not worry about what she's doing when I'm not around.
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Old 10-19-2003, 06:12 PM   #10 (permalink)
Tilted F*ckhead
Church's Avatar
Location: New Jersey
Sorry, I couldn't resist.



This pre-booty call agreement (hereinafter referred to as the "Agreement") is entered into on the _______(DD/MM/YY) by ___________ (fill in name) and _____________ (fill in name).
This agreement shall cover the following rules and principles:

1. No sleeping over, ever Ė if its that good, you can come back to repeat it in the morning.

2. No meeting in public except for dinner or drinks before the events of the evening.

3. No calls before 9pm -- we don't have anything to talk about.

4. None of that "lovemaking" crap -- only sex allowed.

5. No emotional discussions (i.e. Where are we heading with this? Do you love me? Do I look fat in this?) The answers will be nowhere, no, and yes, so don't ask.

6. No plans made in advance -- that is why you are called the "backup," unless you're from out-of-town, then it's only a one-time advanced arrangement.

7. All gifts accepted -- including money.

8. No baby talk -- however, dirty talk is encouraged.

9. No asking for comparisons with former lovers -- it's really none of your damn business.

10. No calling each other "friends with privileges," we are not friends, just bed buddies.

11. Calling out the wrong name during sex is okay -- don't be offended.

12. No extra clothing -- I don't want you leaving anything behind when you leave.

13. No falling asleep right after sex -- it's over, so get up, get dressed, go home, and donít hit your ass on the door going out.

14. Don't be offended if I don't ask if you enjoyed it -- I really don't care.

15. You cannot borrow my car for any reason.

16. If anyone asks who you are, the standard response will be: "My roommate's girlfriend/boyfriend."

17. Doggie style is the preferred position -- the less eye contact, the better, plus we can watch tv at the same time.

18. NO condoms means NO sex.

19. Bring your own drink -- I am not a liquor store.

20. No phone use, please -- I don't want anyone calling back looking for you.

21. If going to a hotel room, we either split the cost, or alternate who's paying... you pay this time, I pay next.

22. Don't bring any of your friends with you unless they're gonna join the party.

* Extra tip for successful booty calls:
The aforementioned rules may only be altered by the holder of the agreement. If the other party attempts to change or alter any terms of this Agreement, it will automatically become null and void, and you will then be removed from the Booty Call List and deleted from phone memory and e-mail list. In otherwords, you will be blocked from all communications until you understand the rules.

Participating Party 1:
Date: ________________

Participating Party 2:
Date: ________________
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Old 10-19-2003, 06:19 PM   #11 (permalink)
High Honorary Junkie
Location: Tri-state.
i'm sure that I could do this - it's been done - but I still have to think pretty highly of the friend
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Old 10-19-2003, 06:47 PM   #12 (permalink)
Is mad at you.
Location: Bored in Sacramento
I want some kind of connection with the person. Sex has a lot of responsibility and I never really realized all the stuff it stirs up in a relationship, I don't think I would want to deal with all that stuff in only a friendship.
This too shall pass.
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Old 10-19-2003, 06:56 PM   #13 (permalink)
beauty in the breakdown
Location: Chapel Hill, NC
Yeah, I have to say that I think I would become attached.

I also think that the best relationships are essentially best friends. The ones that I have noticed lasted the longest really do just seem like friends more than anything else.

Not to say that I wouldnt mind hooking up with a friend occasionally, but for me, that would essentially mean the start of a relationship.

I think the only time I could have random sexual activity with *no* strings attached would be if, say, you met a girl at a party. Although doing that frequently isnt exactly the safest thing in the world to do.
"Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws."
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Old 10-19-2003, 09:15 PM   #14 (permalink)
Location: DC
My girlfriend and I started as friends with benefits. We were like that for a year before I began having seriously strong romantic feelings for her and wanted a commitment, although we are still not monogamous.
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Old 10-19-2003, 10:06 PM   #15 (permalink)
Only problem with this is when one person gets attached.. it gets hard after that.
Fetch me the spirit, the son and the father,
Tell them their pillar of faith has ascended.
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Old 10-19-2003, 10:15 PM   #16 (permalink)
Location: West Lafayette, IN
I couldn't do it, because I usually get attached to a person really bad, so I am sure it would just lead to that. It'd be nice if I could do the whole friends with benefits thing though. I wouldn't mind using that pre-booty agreement right about now. :-D
Take notice. Take interest. Take me with you.
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Old 10-19-2003, 11:28 PM   #17 (permalink)
Irradiation for fun and profit
Location: Controlled access area
Originally posted by FallenAvatar
Only problem with this is when one person gets attached.. it gets hard after that.
That is definitely the problem; I've had a couple of flings where I had known the girl for quite awhile and she stated that she wanted sex. In both cases despite the fact that I had done my best to make sure that it was just a physical thing it went awry when the girl developed an emotional attachment. At that point it really isn't worth it; sex without emotion isn't that great, and it certainly isn't worth hurting the girl over.
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Old 10-19-2003, 11:37 PM   #18 (permalink)
Location: In my own little world.
I had a couple of those type of relationships they are great no hang ups just two friends that need satisfaction.To me sex is passionate energy put into motion,emotion has nothing to do with it.
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Old 10-20-2003, 01:49 PM   #19 (permalink)
Location: St. Louis, MO
The one time I entered such a relationship it only took the girl about a week to get completely emotionally BOUND to me. She cut off a long-term relationship just so should could have a better shot at me (and we live two states apart, we were going to the same school for about a month). I ended it then.

It hasn't worked in practice and I don't see it working very well in theory, either. The act is just too emotional, and I doubt that all parties involved in a fuckbuddy relationship can keep emotional distance for very long.
The facehugger is short-lived outside the egg which normally protects it. Armed with a long grasping tail, a spray of highly-concentrated acid and the single-minded desire to impregnate a single selected prey using its extending probe, it will fearlessly pursue and attack a single selected target until it has succeeded in attachment or it or its target is dead
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Old 10-20-2003, 01:52 PM   #20 (permalink)
IC3's Avatar
Location: Canada
I like sex with no strings attached.

Sex is sex...Making love to a girl is a whole different thing, Something I haven't done...Except with one girl.

All the rest is just sex.
"To win any battle, you must fight as if you were already dead" -Musashi
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Old 10-20-2003, 02:07 PM   #21 (permalink)
Location: Rio Grande Valley, Texas
I'm conflicted about this one:

I think that sex can be "just sex", but the majority of Americans (at least, this may be too narrow) are raised in a culture where sex is brainwashed into us to equal love.

Sex without love in these cultures is sometimes less than optimal.

Theoretically, one could distance one's self from the cultural influences, and just have fun, but that can be /very/ difficult, even for someone with a strong will. I know I can't do it.
"I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I'm frightened of the old ones." -- John Cage (1912 - 1992)
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Old 10-20-2003, 02:50 PM   #22 (permalink)
Location: northern california
best way to go by far. But isn't that why they made cousins... hehehehehehe
...We find ourselves in a struggle for our very right to exsist... We will not go quietly into the night... We will not give up without a fight...
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Old 10-20-2003, 03:22 PM   #23 (permalink)
The sky calls to us ...
MSD's Avatar
Super Moderator
Location: CT
Originally posted by vveronica
best way to go by far. But isn't that why they made cousins... hehehehehehe

That's something I didn't need to hear. Really, did you need to say that?

For me, I'd rather have sex within some sort of relationship than just fucking. It's not brainwashing that did it, it just doesn't appeal to me that much. I'm not saying that I wouldn't, but I won't just go fuck someone because I'm horny.
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Old 10-20-2003, 03:39 PM   #24 (permalink)
Location: New Mexico
I truly need the sense of purpose, of belonging, or conection, of loving and being loved, that come from marriage. But if I were a rich man, I'd be sore tempted to have a mistress on the side. Sexually, that would be the greatest.
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Old 10-20-2003, 03:42 PM   #25 (permalink)
thats the shit im working on that rite now
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Old 10-20-2003, 04:49 PM   #26 (permalink)
Location: University of North Carolina at Greensboro
My current girlfriend and I did this for about 2 weeks or so before we realized we both wanted more in our relationship. We both realized that we had really strong feelings for each other, and that FWB wasnt what we wanted. We've now been going out ever since. Going on almost 5 months now.
Conclusion: Flamethrowers and Furries go togerther like Pol Pot and the Cambodian populace.

Last edited by Captain Canada; 10-20-2003 at 04:53 PM..
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Old 10-20-2003, 05:33 PM   #27 (permalink)
Registered User
skysooner's Avatar
Location: Oklahoma
Fun if you are both into it, but it rarely happens that way. Usually one gets attached and then ends up faking not caring for the other person just to stay near them. I know that I would never be able to maintain such a relationship for long.
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Old 10-20-2003, 06:36 PM   #28 (permalink)
I am currently enjoying a sexual relationship with my best friend. It's the best job with the best benefit package I've ever had!
She had diamonds on the inside.

~Ben Harper
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Old 10-20-2003, 10:14 PM   #29 (permalink)
someone always gets attached... i've only done this once anyway, and it was with the girl i'd just broken up with a month prior... fucked casually for a while after that.. but it got in the way of emotions...
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Old 10-21-2003, 04:28 PM   #30 (permalink)
Emotions tend to mess everything up, if only there were a way to shut them off every now and then.
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Old 10-22-2003, 03:20 PM   #31 (permalink)
Location: looking in a mirror
Hmm, I'm currently involved in a pretty serious relationship (got together as juniors in HS, now I'm a college sophomore), and I don't see it ending anytime soon, but if it does I think I'll be looking for something more casual, since I've been in serious relationships with no real breaks since I was a freshman in HS.

And if I dooo need a FWB I've got a girl in mind that'd work quite nicely. /end impossible dreaming
it's all about self-indulgence
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Old 10-22-2003, 06:03 PM   #32 (permalink)
Location: The Great Northwest
If you can just keep it friends

It does get harder when one gets attached. I found with myself and my friends the more times you have sex it adds to the emotional connection.

I have gotten seriously attached to the "friend with benefits" I have in the past two or three months.

It's hard.
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Old 11-06-2003, 03:48 PM   #33 (permalink)
Location: Alaska
I say go for it. Sex is just something that you need. If you enjoy sex you can keep it just that, SEX!
To be in love is another matter for another String......
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Old 11-06-2003, 06:31 PM   #34 (permalink)
Location: Davidson College, NC
A beautiful thing indeed.
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Old 11-06-2003, 07:53 PM   #35 (permalink)
Location: STL, MO
I have casual sex with friends on occasion (last night). I try to not make it terribly regular because of the chance that emotions may get in the way. It's fun most of the time though. I don't personally see anything *really* wrong with it. Just practice safe sex kids
"Saints need sinners."
Alan Watts
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Old 11-06-2003, 08:15 PM   #36 (permalink)
I'm lucky in the sense that the women I frequent are mature enough to understand the difference between shit and bullshit. If people feel fucking is better when in love good for them. Sex is just one of the many experiences in life in which personal meaning can be applied to for whatever emotion is sought.
" In Canada, you can tell the most blatant lie in a calm voice, and people will believe you over someone who's a little passionate about the truth." David Warren, Western Standard.
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Old 11-06-2003, 08:24 PM   #37 (permalink)
Location: Texas
This probably won't ever happen to me but I wish :P
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Old 11-06-2003, 08:51 PM   #38 (permalink)
not your typical god-fearing junkie
Location: State of Confusion
Personally, I have atleast 5 or 6 that I rotate....Its nice to have more than one because some are busy some nights and some have boyfriends occasionally.

It works out fine for what we want. And nothing more. I'm probably a bastard for this in some way, but they don't want anymore than sex, and personally, I don't either. My only vice is they have to be tested for VD so we're all still clean afterwards. Of course we use protection

It works.
the light that burns twice as bright
burns half as long

and you have burned so very, very brightly
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Old 11-06-2003, 09:55 PM   #39 (permalink)
Location: Australia
Yeah I've had a 'fuckbudy'. Started of as good friends and we ending up having sex on her birthday after a few to many drinks. Was great, we were both single at the time and decided that having sex on ocassions was fun but swore we would never 'make love'. Stuck to that plan for nearlly 1 & 1/2 years on and off depending on the other relationships we've been in.

Made me trully realise that there is a world of difference between sex and making love. There both great but the later can't be beat when in a great relationship, onlly problem is they are pretty rare.
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Old 11-06-2003, 11:08 PM   #40 (permalink)
Vanishing, like I do..
Location: Austin, TX
Uhm, dunno about most here... but my wife is my best friend, and I get some pretty damn good benefits.
Toy-like people make me boy-like.
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benefits, friends

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