Things said BEFORE sex...
 

Couldn't resist! :crazy:

Last thing I said before sex was:

AW SEEEEEEX SEEEEEEEEEEEXXX!!! :snuggle snuggle:

"Y'know, that bra strap is really in the way."

*insert inane babble here*

the speech centers of my brain are the first to suffer from lack of adequate blood flow...

Hey... you awake?

What is that you're wearing?

Yes

Puhleeeeeeeeeeeze

Shall I get the toys out?

Or, I don't care if you are sleeping...

:lol: Best yet! That's too funny..

"Oh, all right. But make it a quickie." (He always wants to have sex just as I'm ready to go to sleep!)

Do you have a condom?

Wanna fuck?

I said: "Now this is a one time thing, one friend helping out another friend..."

He said: "If we're going to do this, we're going to do it right"

And we did.

Some things said before

"Wwhat the fuck are you--oh"
"Lets hurry up"
"But what if your parent hear us?"
"Make it quick"
"We're out?"

"Good morning"
"Good night"
"Are you as horny as I am?"

The list goes on and on i'm afraid...

Him:
Do you really wanna have sex?

Me:
Are you sure he won't hear? (a family member sleeping a foot away)
Here...let me do it.
Cold!!! (lube)

"All I have is a twenty"

The wife and I have a slogan we shout out before sex when something goes wrong:

TRUE SEX!

A "true sex" moment happens when:

- You both get into position, look up, and see all three housecats on the edge of the bed, watching intently.

- The missus is using a diaphram and, when she lays down, the damn thing pops out of place and flies across the room (we changed methods)

- The boys at the condom factory decided to have a joke and made a condom which was fused shut on the inside, halfway down. And there it is, stuck on the tip and refusing to be pulled down. And it's THE LAST GODDAMN CONDOM IN THE BOX.

- I lose all manual motor control and am somehow entirely incompetent to disengage her bra catch.

Sometimes I shout it out. Sometimes she does. Sometimes we're of one mind and shout it out together. Anyway, it helps anybody from getting too steamed up about a few minor bumps in the road to connubial bliss -- and there are _always_ bumps.

OMG, yeah, I dunno, but I think my boyfriend got a couple of those defect condoms, because that's happened to us.

And I think we were making out or something and his cat started watching us.

Last thing I heard was" That's not gonna fit in my...*gag*!!!"

"We should be naked now."

"I can't believe I'm doin' this. I just met you yesterday."

"No, my girlfriend won't mind."

"Yes, my girlfriend is gonna join us."

"Mom?"

or got change for a twenty...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Lol. I am going to have to remember this one. Good one.

Last time we had a True Sex moment was when the kid just happened to wake up as we were heading to the bedroom while stripping our clothes off. I called out to hubby. "Start without me."

Aside from the standard lines "Ya wanna play." and the like, I think the most unusual lines have been said while we were swinging. Like "Well, How do we get started." Said by a 40 yr old woman.

"Wanna see my tan line?" Me: "uh, sure"

Me, being a relative rookie to the whole sex world, says, "what are you doing? She says "showing you my tan line", "But you're taking off your pants?" She says, "we can't fuck with our pants on can we?"

I can be really dumb sometimes, and it's always the inopportune times it seems :(

Says to cat on bed: "Umm, kitty, you're taking up some valuble realestate."

-SF

"Your parents won't be back 'til when?"

"Of course I love you"

/one ticket please

Can we go twice tonight?

incoherent drunk mumblings

well...

I was once asked before hand, the Stupid Queastion of all time by some bimbo I picked up at a party while we were on our way to one of the back bed rooms.
"Will you still respect me in the morning?"
Seeing as I was slightly buzzed, and in a good enough mood I didn't care if I got laid or not, I deisided to tell the truth.
"I don't even respect you now."
Instead of getting pissed and storming off like I expected, she stopped, looked up at me, and said
"Well, it can't hurt your opinion of me then." before draggin me into the bed room and fucking my brains out. To this day I have no idea how the night managed to work out that way....

"You know, I think you're really fucking annoying..."

then there's the old TRUE SEX moment of the "blow job belch" by the girlfriend which made both of us laugh too hard to continue for a while.

Do you want me to stop?

...as I'm starting to go down on her :-)

Hey girl do me a favor and put the brake on your wheel chair so you stay still for me...

I can beat that. My ex was riding me and after having finished, she got off of me and let out a loud queaf right onto my dick.

As far as pre-sex words: "So shall I get Don Juan (a vibrator) out of his house?"

"I think we should go into the bedroom"

"you ready for inside time?"
hehehehe