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Old 05-08-2004, 07:10 AM   #1 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Girlfriend Wont Kiss me.

Ok I have been dating this girl for 2 weeks now (As of tomorrow). Due to my hectic work schedule and her athletic schedule we are only able to hang out on weekends and maybe once during the week. When we hang out, we just cuddle and talk for hours and hours on end, and its a wonderful time.

However, we haven't kissed yet, everytime I have tried she turns her head, and an akward tension begins to occur. She then will call me later that night, almost crying, saying she is sorry and that she is frsutrated with herself for not kissing me, and that she is just afraid to take our relationship to the next level. This has happend 3 seperate times.

(I didnt think kissing, was this big of a deal, so this is where I am really confused)

Her best friend and my best friend are dating and they are constantly telling her she needs to kiss me, and they are always ripping on me.

My Question is what should I do? I think it is a little rediculous a girl wont kiss her boyfriend after 2 weeks. And I am beginging to think its me. I don't know what to do. I have thought that maybe she just wants to be friends? Im not really sure. Anyone have any suggestions on what I should say to her, I dont want to rush her into anything, but we are not tlakign about sex here, we are talking about a kiss.
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Old 05-08-2004, 07:41 AM   #2 (permalink)
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well the only way i can really think of that it is such a problem is
A: shes never kissed a guy like that before...

B: she has kissed but for whatever reason thinks shes no good at it... and is embaresed
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Old 05-08-2004, 07:47 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Geez man that's rough. Why don't you just ask her what her problem is...if she has ever kissed a guy, or something. Communication seems essential here. If a girl wouldn't kiss me after 2 weeks, and turned her head if I tried, I'd get pretty upset...and prolly say something harsh directly to her.
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Old 05-08-2004, 08:41 AM   #4 (permalink)
Is In Love
 
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Well,how old are you two?
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Old 05-08-2004, 08:47 AM   #5 (permalink)
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communication is your best friend here, and always
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Old 05-08-2004, 08:52 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I don't think she's your girlfriend dude. She's just using you to supplicate her ego. You're just a friend.
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Old 05-08-2004, 09:49 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by Averett
Well,how old are you two?
i was wondering the same thing
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Old 05-08-2004, 09:59 AM   #8 (permalink)
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If it was me I would just stop trying it, for a little while anyway, cos if she does have a problem it will be adding a lot of pressure that the situation keeps coming up... so I would just totally go at her pace, for a couple of weeks anyway, and then maybe if she still doesnt want to, you should ask her why she doesnt want to? I mean, if she doesnt you have to respect that, but maybe she does want to but she has some issues and talking about it could help... I would just recomend not putting pressure on her and not making her feel threatened at all right now.
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Old 05-08-2004, 11:04 AM   #9 (permalink)
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For a lot of women kissing can be more intimate than sex.

I would take it slow.
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Old 05-08-2004, 11:48 AM   #10 (permalink)
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have you checked your breath?
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Old 05-08-2004, 01:25 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Originally posted by moonstrucksoul
have you checked your breath?
beat me to it...
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Old 05-08-2004, 02:20 PM   #12 (permalink)
Here
 
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Take your time.

(Even though 2 weeks is a long time to not kiss someone.)

She'll come around in no time. And soon she'll be suckin' your cock in the back seat of your car.
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Old 05-08-2004, 03:07 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Like others have said here, communication is key. Just ask her why it bothers her. I would guess that either she's never kissed anyone before and is apprehensive about her first kiss, or wants it to be 'perfect' or something; or perhaps she's had an experience in the past that makes her apprehensive about kissing now. Talk it about between the two of you, and of course be respectful, let her take the time she needs. She'll come around eventually.
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Old 05-08-2004, 03:14 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Kissing is pretty intimate.

Our girlfriend D has a sort of "lips" hang-up. She and her husband kiss each other on the cheek or the forehead if it's a non-sexual kiss. It was disorienting for lurkette and me, who kiss each other on the lips all the time--that's almost like a handshake for us. So when she didn't kiss us hello or goodbye on the lips, we had a hard time with it. We thought it was about us.
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Old 05-08-2004, 03:25 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by The Original King


She'll come around in no time. And soon she'll be suckin' your cock in the back seat of your car.
hahah!

but seriously how old are you?
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Old 05-08-2004, 06:45 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Im 22 and she is 21... Each time after it has happend she has called me later that night hysterically saying how pist she was at herself and all this stuff, and I am always like its no big deal don't worry about it, and we just move on real quick to different issues..

Her friend seems to have no idea what her problem is, she suggested that maybe she is afraid or emabrrased about being bad at it.

Im used to moving A LOT faster with girls, and I usually would have told her off by now, or at least been an ass about it, (I know thats wrong of me, but this frustrates the hell out of me)...

I care about this girl so much though, and I want this relationship to succed. What should I do?

*O and about the just friends thing, I have talked to her about this and been like "We are boyfriend and girlfriend, not just close friends anyway, and even suggesting breaking up and going back the way things were" And she then got upset and told me how much she card about me and that she wanted to continue being my girlfriend and all this stuff.. Which confuses me even more? Because It would seem as if she doesnt want anything more than a friendship.

I am 22 years old and a good looking young man, I have been with my fair share of woman, and its a major ego blow to get denied a kiss by your girlfriend. However, something about this girl makes me want to take it slow and just do things at her pace. I really dont know what I should do? Should i break it off?

Last edited by Ryan; 05-08-2004 at 06:49 PM..
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Old 05-10-2004, 08:43 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Location: canada
if it takes her this long to kiss you.....how long to get your dink in her???

she's prolly just scared of the transition from friends to more than friends. Go out to a bar one night...both of you should have a few and watch how easy it becomes......maybe she just needs that little nudge over the edge
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Old 05-10-2004, 10:06 AM   #18 (permalink)
Tone.
 
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let's be blunt. You're obviously adding a lot of stress to the relationship by trying repeatedly to get her to go where she is not yet comfortable going.

Is your goal to have a good relationship, or is your goal to make out? Try letting her make the first move. If you quit acting like a horny teenager and start acting like someone who cares about her and her comfort level, she might just come around faster than if you keep bashing your head up against the same wall.

Quote:
if it takes her this long to kiss you.....how long to get your dink in her???
That is a singularly asshole thing to say.
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Old 05-10-2004, 11:07 AM   #19 (permalink)
change is hard.
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by shakran
let's be blunt. You're obviously adding a lot of stress to the relationship by trying repeatedly to get her to go where she is not yet comfortable going.

Is your goal to have a good relationship, or is your goal to make out? Try letting her make the first move. If you quit acting like a horny teenager and start acting like someone who cares about her and her comfort level, she might just come around faster than if you keep bashing your head up against the same wall.

AGREED! I couldn't have put it better. The best things in life don't happen instantly, you have to work for them and love is one of the best things out there. I'm sure kissing her isn't even something you want to do, you just assume it's something you need to do to progress the relationship because thats what you've done all your life. Try taking it slower, notice her, talk to her, give her the love and attention she needs and she will come around in no time.
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Old 05-10-2004, 11:20 AM   #20 (permalink)
Upright
 
As has already been said, talk about it. Communication is a form of intimacy. I would bet she has been with some real losers or maybe experienced some form of sexual assault (or at least sexually uncomfortable situations) before you came along. The crying hysterically thing kind of tipped me off.

If you really want to go there with her, you have to go her speed...if you finally do get there, she'll thank you for it.
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Old 05-10-2004, 01:02 PM   #21 (permalink)
Crazy
 
I dont apprecaite being compared to a horny teenager, because, I am not, and I have stated before I am really care about this girl and I am willing to go at her pace. I understand your point though, and your insight helps, thank you.

I think I will just let it go and take things are whatever pace she does, and maybe break traditional molds and let her make the first move.

Ill post back with some updates when thigns happen.. Thanks for advice everyone I really apprecaite it.
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Old 05-10-2004, 01:36 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Location: belgium
hmm, i'm a girl, 23 myself... and i really can't imagine not wanting to kiss my boyfriend, especially in the first two weeks!! Man, me and my guy, we couldn't breath at times, we were kissing more than we were talking to each other (now that's an exaggeration, but still !)

Well, i find it strange... maybe she did have some bad experiences with kissing... do you know if she has had a lot of previous boyfriends and serious relationships (serious meaning at least with the kissing-part!) ?
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Old 05-10-2004, 01:43 PM   #23 (permalink)
On the lam
 
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Location: northern va
ON THE OTHER HAND... this girl has ISSUES. it's good to be patient, and I agree with everyone else--if you want to stick with the girl, ease up on the pressure. However, you should also seriously start thinking what you're setting yourself up for. If it turns serious, it may be years before you have sex, and are you the kind of person who can stay celibate for that long? and obviously kissing is a big deal for her--she feels that physical intimacy can only be coupled by a strong strong relationship. If you get anywhere near second base or so, my guess is she will be devestated if you decide that the relationship can't work for whatever reason. Can you deal with that? She has ISSUES. seriously. consider what you're getting yourself into, and if she's worth it.
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Old 05-17-2004, 12:10 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Wow, she is your girlfriend after just two weeks? You are either really smooth or really naive. lol, just playing.

There is nothing wrong with taking time to get a comfort level with someone, especially since it has only been 2 weeks. As has been said before, communication is key. Don't force her to do anything she is not ready to do. She will respect you more if you let her take her own time to respond to your advances.
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Old 05-18-2004, 12:47 PM   #25 (permalink)
Upright
 
i hate to be the bearer of bad news but it sounds like this girl maybe isn't all that crazy about you. i could definately be wrong, but if it were me who didn't want to kiss my own boyfriend, my reasoning would be because the thought of kissing him grosses me out and i'm somewhat scared of hurting him by ending things so i just keep seeing him.. just an opinion..
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Old 05-19-2004, 12:28 AM   #26 (permalink)
Addict
 
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GRAB 'ER TITTIES!!!

and on a serious note : tell her that you are ready when she is, and that you'll be there for her....


*oh yeah, don't actually pay attention to me, im drunk
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Old 05-19-2004, 03:25 AM   #27 (permalink)
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I'm going to echo the person who said she's not into you OR she has stunningly, STUNNINGLY bad issues which 2 weeks in are already climbing to the surface. I'd ask why she even wants to be in this pseudo relationship. Anyway, this is definitely a sign to move along. You'll be thankful when you're banging some other chick in 3 weeks.

Last edited by clockworkgreen; 05-19-2004 at 03:30 AM..
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Old 05-19-2004, 02:03 PM   #28 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Ok. prior to our beoing BF/gf we were friends for 6 months, dated for 2 of those 6 months (sorta dated) she is the one who asked me to be her bf... As for her not being into me and such? maybe..

Anyways 3 nights ago we hung out and she amde the move to kiss me and we made out for an hour or so, then we restrated the movie and just cuddled on her couch for the night.

She said in the past she had been hurt by guys and she usually waits 2-3 weeks before pursuing any kind of sexual activity with someone.
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Old 05-19-2004, 02:13 PM   #29 (permalink)
Psycho
 
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So you can wait 2-3 weeks for actual sexual activity?
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Old 05-19-2004, 02:41 PM   #30 (permalink)
Crazy
 
i'd suggest just being patient with her.

"If at first you dont succeed, try try again" unknown author.
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Old 05-20-2004, 08:28 AM   #31 (permalink)
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Will she let you kiss her starfish?
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Old 05-20-2004, 08:33 AM   #32 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by Ryan
Anyways 3 nights ago we hung out and she amde the move to kiss me and we made out for an hour or so, then we restrated the movie and just cuddled on her couch for the night.

She said in the past she had been hurt by guys and she usually waits 2-3 weeks before pursuing any kind of sexual activity with someone.
YAY
and an attaboy for waiting for her to come to you - and not giving up on her...
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Old 05-20-2004, 08:33 AM   #33 (permalink)
whoopity doo
 
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Try a breath mint maybe...

seriously, this just sounds odd. If she's this hung up on a kiss, then who knows how hung up she'll be on other things. Sounds like a painfull project to take on
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Old 05-20-2004, 08:45 AM   #34 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Bobaphat
Try a breath mint maybe...

seriously, this just sounds odd. If she's this hung up on a kiss, then who knows how hung up she'll be on other things. Sounds like a painfull project to take on

You saying that a little hard work and persistence isn't worth it Bobaphat?
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Old 05-20-2004, 08:56 PM   #35 (permalink)
Psycho
 
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Something definetly seems strange about the situation, I would advise you address the issue with her.
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Old 05-20-2004, 10:02 PM   #36 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: that place with the thing
Quote:
Originally posted by Ryan
She said in the past she had been hurt by guys and she usually waits 2-3 weeks before pursuing any kind of sexual activity with someone.
I really don't think this is strange at all.

I'm in college, I am apparently at least average in looks and I tend to attract women every once in a while. And I have a policy: if I'm actually interested in a girl for more than just sweaty animal sex, I won't kiss her before the end of the third date. Simple as that. I want to get to know her on a personal, non-physical level and see if that would gel, and I want her to have the opportunity to do the same.

It's led to some problems. Denying a girl who obviously leans in at the end of the night can be a blow to her self-esteem. That's what makes communication so important. When stuff like that happens, you just call up the next morning, let your date know you had an amazing time, and set something else up. Or, if you really enjoyed it, send some flowers.

Anyway, my point is: if she wants to wait, it's really not strange. Some people don't adhere to the socially normal "fuck after a week" thing.
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Old 05-20-2004, 10:09 PM   #37 (permalink)
Psycho
 
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She will come around on her own time. The more pressure she had the less she wanted to do it.
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Old 05-20-2004, 10:47 PM   #38 (permalink)
whoopity doo
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by NeoSparky
You saying that a little hard work and persistence isn't worth it Bobaphat?
I am just saying that you need to pick your battles. If this is a battle, then what else will be? I am not just talking about knockin boots either, I mean throught the entire relationship. If you think she's worth it, then fine, put in all the work you want, just be prepared to be very frustrated later because it stops getting cute eventually.
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Old 05-20-2004, 10:53 PM   #39 (permalink)
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Shit, if he didn't really think he could make it work, he probably wouldn't have been asking for advice on this board.

Congrats buddy, hope everything turns out alright for you.
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