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Old 06-14-2004, 09:17 PM   #1 (permalink)
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long distance relationship

I have been dating my boyfriend for about 7 months now and we are separated for the summer because he had togo back home to take some classes at the junior college there. I am having a really hard time being without him. I think the main reason is because I feel like he is putting in no effort. I guess what I am asking is how do you make a long distance relationship work?
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Old 06-14-2004, 09:27 PM   #2 (permalink)
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well, first things first...

sounds like you and he need to have a talk about each other's expectations of your relationship and go from there... if you feel he isn't putting in enough effort, maybe you're not looking for the same things and that needs to be resolved before you can focus on making the long-distance part work. otherwise it's like trying to build a bookshelf using only scotch tape... it might hold together for a while, but eventually it will all fall apart.
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Old 06-16-2004, 09:52 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I am also currently in a long distance relationship. We've been together for almost six months now. I read your thread and I swear to god this is exactly what I was going through like 5 days ago!

I also felt that he was putting in no effort. I realize he is busy with work, classes, hanging with family and hanging out with friends, but I need some attention too!! So we talked about it. Or actually I sent him an email because I wanted to talk to him one night after not talking for about 3 days, but he was going out with the boys. I was fed up. I explained in the email exactly how I was feeling. I don't think he really had any clue. They are not mind readers.

Communication is soooo important. Especially in a LDR. Now, he tries to call me everyday and if I go to bed before he can call he'll leave a message on my cell. Just talk it over with him, let him know how you feel. Explain to him that you just need a little more time from him. You both need to be on the same level for this to work. There is no guarantee that a LDR will work. It takes a lot of effort on both ends. Good Luck!!
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Old 06-16-2004, 11:13 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Two words: Phone sex.

The advice of another person couldn't hold a candle to advice from yourself. Look at the situation objectively and let the answers come from within - after all, it's your relationship - you know best.

And if he really doesn't care - don't waste your time.
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Old 06-17-2004, 05:22 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Seven months is not a lot of time to spend together before taking on a long distance thing... imo.


Good luck.
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Old 06-17-2004, 06:27 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by SixEdxMia
Seven months is not a lot of time to spend together before taking on a long distance thing... imo.


Good luck.
Maybe not for some. I had been together with my wife (as of this saturday) for 4 months before we took on a LDR. We'd travel back and forth to visit each other, but for the most part we were together for the summers and apart for the school year. This lasted for 4 years.

As has been said before, communication is the key for keeping things going. I'm not great at communicating in general and I found that the LD thing helped force me to communicate well with her. We talked on the phone nearly every single day and when we couldn't do that, email. It was hard as hell at times, but we worked through it all and we're getting married in 2 days. They can work out, and mine worked out for the best, we feel that we're stronger for having gone through it.

Good luck.
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Old 06-18-2004, 10:05 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by sherpahigh
Maybe not for some. I had been together with my wife (as of this saturday) for 4 months before we took on a LDR. We'd travel back and forth to visit each other, but for the most part we were together for the summers and apart for the school year. This lasted for 4 years.

thanks a lot, me and my girlfriend are going into a long distance relationship as of august for the same reason, and eventhough I already knew deep down what to do about it, your post gave me even more confidence in the matter. Thank you so much.
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Old 06-19-2004, 01:32 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Last edited by jay-g; 03-20-2008 at 11:55 AM..
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Old 06-19-2004, 04:49 PM   #9 (permalink)
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My boyfriend and I were together a measly 3 months before he had to leave for school, and we were thrown into a long distance relationship.

It's now been 13 months and we're still fine. You just have to put a lot of commitment in, talk a lot (or at least communicate), and be understanding. Think about the outcome in the future.

sherpahigh, you rock. My boyfriend and I are trying to pull off the same thing you had to go through. For the next four years, we'll be 4 hours apart for two weeks at a time, except for summers. I'm glad to know SOMEONE has done it. Thanks.

Last edited by la petite moi; 06-19-2004 at 04:52 PM..
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Old 06-19-2004, 06:03 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Long distant relationships never work out in the end.
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Old 06-19-2004, 08:13 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Thanks for the advice. I called and talked with him and he has made an effort to call me, just to say good night. The good thing is our relationship is only long distance because he went home for the summer and come August first we will be togther again.

The funny thing is my best friends both of them are in long distance realtionships to so this advice has actually helped the two of them as well
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Old 06-24-2004, 09:13 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Well, I have been reading this board for a few weeks and finally came across a thread I could add something too. I met this girl the second day of a deployment (she was on vacation). I spent as much time with her as possible and after 30 days, I had to leave. We carried on a long distance relationship for 3 years. That included 3 duty stations, her going to college, her parents moving once she graduated, and more deployments for me. We saw eachother probably 3 times a year for a total of 4 months out of 12. We got married last year.

As stated in previous posts, communication is definately one of the keys, but trust is the one thing you need to have. We talked everyday, maybe just to update eachother on what was going on and what we were going to be doing, but we talked. This wasn't always easy with 12 hour time differences and not always being near phones. Your situation doesn't sound as extreme, but if you both believe in what you have, talk about it and trust eachother; it can work.

I ran across more people telling me I was wasting time, and she was definately screwing around on me and so on, than I care to count.

I am still in the military and having been through this already, the deployments aren't as scary for her as they are for others.
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Old 06-25-2004, 08:05 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Long distance relationships have really been problematic for me as I am pretty much a quiet individual and i am terrible with phones. Need intimacy to keep the relation going.
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Old 06-26-2004, 04:51 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by Jesus Pimp
Long distant relationships never work out in the end.
Wrong.

My wife is Dutch. I am Texan. We met in Amsterdam. Saw each other 3 times in 3 years. On the third time we got married. All of this before cheap long distance and the internet.

We will celebrate our 16th anniversary in a few weeks.
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Old 06-27-2004, 05:55 AM   #15 (permalink)
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I didn't mean to kill the thread. Honest.
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Old 06-28-2004, 03:58 AM   #16 (permalink)
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I have been in this situation a couple of times in my life. Once ended in a miserable failure the other, well I am now married to a wonderful woman. From these two and what I have seen from my friends long distance dose not make or brake a relationship. What it dose do however is add a whole new level of difficulty to the situation. Because of the extra work required to maintain the relationship if there were problems to begin with or if it was never ment to last this will become evident much quicker.

Good luck with yours.
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Old 06-28-2004, 02:36 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Distance toppled my seven-year relationship. We were 131 miles apart going to different schools. I thought that we would always be together...sadly our lives moved apart. He even dumped me over the phone! (Dick!)

I swore I would NEVER do another long distance thing EVER again, but my current boyfriend of 10 months is a traveler, and will be gone for a month doing a cross-country RV/road trip with his friend, and then in Sept. he is leaving for Europe for another month, and then in Nov. he is going to Australia with his dad...you guessed it, for another month. I would go, but I have school to attend.

I sometimes wonder if I should stick with it...it's hard to be left behind all the time....*sigh* But love is a strong force...I don't know...do whatever you want.
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Old 06-28-2004, 07:00 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Both people need to be independent, but not so independent that you forget why you're dating somebody. That shit is apparently pretty hard to find, so let me know where I can get it if you find it.
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Old 06-28-2004, 07:09 PM   #19 (permalink)
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I've been with my present girlfriend for six months soon. I'm leaving to go to college in August. It has her completely tore up. I'm going to try to come back as often as I can, but we are accustomed to seeing each other every day. I know that its going to be hard, and to be honest I'm not very optimistic, but I'm willing to try anything for her.

She's going to break down man, I recently went to Florida for five days and she cried like I was going to war the night before I left.
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Old 07-15-2004, 03:03 PM   #20 (permalink)
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My advice based on experience.

First the wanting them around feels kind of reassuring that it's the real thing. Phone sex is fun at the outset. Then it gets old. Then the schedules don't match up. Then resentment sets in. Then it's a matter of time.

Even with weekenders of crazy-fierce sex, partying with the new friends, and getting to know their life "there" - it eventually collapses.

When it does (and I mean when) try and take the best things you can from it and move on. Bitterness only makes you hurt more.

Last edited by bbrown4; 07-15-2004 at 03:05 PM..
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Old 07-18-2004, 04:26 PM   #21 (permalink)
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MY last gf and I were together only 2 months before she left for India for 5. IT was really REALLY hard at first on teh both of us but once we both realized that communication was the key (even though that sounds very cliche) we spoke more often, e-mailed and such and our relationship grew even stronger. Teh first couple days after she got back were a little wierd as we were used to the time apart, BUT after that things were better than ever. Sad to say other stuff came up a few months down the line but that has nothing to do with this.
Anyways make sure that you are in constant communication (talking etc.) and that you both know what needs you each have (ie: when it is even possible to talk, how often, money of calls etc...)
Good luck and i recommend doing a search on long distance relationships on here because i had one before asking the same q's as have other ppl.
-T
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Old 07-19-2004, 07:56 PM   #22 (permalink)
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my gf and i had been together for 9 months before we had to go for the LDR.....we'd met at the beginning of the school year and have been together ever since. She lives up in Northern California and i live in Southern California. the distance part sucks balls but we're working throught it. whats worse is that she is going to France for the fall semester and she'll be gone for 3 months. I know its going to be difficult but i love her to death and im willing to make it work. i might even go visit her but as everybody has been saying its communication that is key. i think as long as you talk at least once a day if not once every other day you should be fine. good luck
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