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Old 06-29-2004, 12:43 AM   #1 (permalink)
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In a three-way relationship...

Names have been changed to protect the guilty. ;-) I apologize if it's a little long.

I guess this all started a few months ago. I decided I wanted to get back into role-playing games, so I started going to a gaming club on Friday nights, and soon settled into a AD&D game run by a guy, whom I'll call "Mike". He, his girlfriend (whom I'll refer to as "Amy"), a couple other guys and I got together weekly to play. Mike and I got to be friends, and he started inviting me over to his place once in a while to hang out with him, Amy (she lives with him), and sometimes his 17 year old brother. We all got along pretty well together.

Sometime in April they mentioned that one of their housemates was moving out, so they needed someone to move in (they knew I lived with my mom, and had been wanting to move out) so I told them I'd consider moving in with them. Ended up moving in at the beginning of May. Worked out rather well, I got along great with Mike and Amy, and our other housemate keeps to himself for the most part.

Three weeks ago, Mike, Amy and I got home after an AD&D session that ran particularly late, and one of the other guys in the game who had given us a ride home hung around chatting with Mike. Amy flopped down on the futon, and I, being bored, pulled up a bean bag chair and sat on it in frond of the futon. We chatted for a bit, kinda flirting, and she started playing with my hair. I commented that it amused me that Mike was too engrossed in his conversation to say anything, and Amy commented that Mike just didn't mind. We continued our conversation, and her hand ended up on my upper thigh, and she asked me "Is my hand in an okay place?" I told her I didn't mind. I don't quite recall what happened next but the other guy left, Amy joined me on the bean bag chair, and Mike sat down near us.

We chatted for a bit, and Mike suggested to Amy that I be invited to bed with them. She though that sounded good, so she did just that; invited me to bed with them. I though to my self 'what the hell, why not?' and agreed. Mike said he needed to use the bathroom, so he wandered off saying we should join him when he finished. Amy and I cuddled for about 15 minutes, before we got up and wandered back to check on Mike. He was in bed, in his underwear, reading. I mentioned we thought he was going to come get us. Amy and I into the bed (clothed) with her in between me and Mike, and we turned out the light. Before long Mike had Amy naked, and I striped down to my underwear, and we were each sucking on one of her nipples while he gave her a hand job. Soon it progressed to him fucking her with his body perpendicular to hers on the bed, me rubbing her nipples with my fingers and kissing her, and her giving me a hand job. After a while, Mike said, "hey Amy you wanna finish me off in your mouth so Yotta can have a turn?" . Before I could say I didn't really want to do that (for several reasons, not the least of which is that I'm technically still a virgin) she shook her head no, and went back to kissing me. After we finished, Amy got up, turned the light on, gave the two of us a huge smile, and hopped in the shower. I was feeling like I needed one too, so I gathered up my clothing off the floor and got into the other shower, then we went to bed.

Next morning I was sitting on my bed with anime playing on my computer, and the door open for ventilation (my room gets hot if i keep the door closed) and she wandered in in her night gown, and asked what I was watching. I told her, and invited her to join me. So, I restarted the DVD from the first episode, she closed my door, and we lay down on my bed, and we cuddled, and watched for a while. I started fingering her after a while, and we stopped paying any attention to the anime. We finished and started chatting, and she told me that I was pretty god with my hands, and had lost count after cumming 6 times the previous night. She asked me if I was a virgin, and I told her I was. She said she didn't want to push me into actual sex until I was sure I was ready. She told me that she and Mike had agreed to have an ?open relationship? from the start (as long as everybody knew about everybody else), though previously neither of them had done more then dating on the side.

This whole thing has been going surprisingly well... we're all still getting along great, both Mike and Amy have been careful not to hurt my feelings, Amy and I have been hanging out a bit, and I'm still getting along as god as ever with Mike. I've been really happy these last few weeks. They want me to go with them when they move to a new apartment this fall.

And since I know someone's going to ask... I'm 19, Amy is 21, and Mike is 29.

I guess I'm posting because I wanted to share this with you guys. Feel free to ask question or leave comments. I'm sure I'll get a few "someone is going to get hurt" responses, though I really don't think that's going to happen.
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Old 06-29-2004, 02:23 AM   #2 (permalink)
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If they are okay with it, and you are okay with it. I say go for it. Looks like a blast so far to me!
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Old 06-29-2004, 02:32 AM   #3 (permalink)
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I have zero experience with this kind of relationships, but yeah, I could see where someone (and then, probably all) will get hurt at some point.

But that is with all good things ("they must come to an end").

So while things are good, go for it! Don't rush into stuff and don't see this relationship as the ultimate thing in life. Try not to let your life revolve around them.

But most of all: Enjoy! It seems like I would

Kind of a two-sided post, I know... but I meant to emphasize the 'enjoy' part!
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Old 06-29-2004, 04:33 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Good for you!

I'm in a four-way relationship right now. It's an amazing thing, isn't it? I never knew that I could love three people the way I've always loved the one. I just never knew I was capable of that much intimacy.

I'll warn you about this one aspect of polyamory: there are landmines everywhere you step, and you never quite know when somebody's going to do or say something that will blow you up. But if you're all mature, stable people, you'll be able to piece each other back together again.

Know this, too: you're wired to be jealous. And so is she, and so is he. We all are. It's not like you ARE that way, it's just the way things are hooked up in your brain; there will come a time when your automatic first response will be jealousy. Which is not at ALL to say you can't or won't rise above it, you just gotta know it's likely to come up for you at some point.
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Old 06-29-2004, 07:35 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Live it up while you can. It's not often to meet people like that, so just enjoy. Eventually things may sour, or you'll meet a girl that is not into that.
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Old 06-29-2004, 07:47 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I did that for four years and can quite honestly say it was great the entire time...luckily we were all adult enuff to handle and little problem life might have interjected without it becoming a huge thing blown way out of proportion...in a relationship like this communication is your most important friend, having a good understanding of any boundaries is important.

I hope it continues to be a good experience for you
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Old 06-29-2004, 12:40 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Lucky bastard. Sounds like they're quite respectful of your wishes as well and that's pretty cool. Just be sure to keep a solid head about it.
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Old 06-29-2004, 01:15 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I'm in a three-way myself right now, we'll call them "right hand" and "left hand", to keep anonymity.

Thanks for bragging- i mean, sharing.

But seriously, I hope all works out for the best- if it does, it sounds like you've got something nice there. Good luck!
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Old 06-29-2004, 04:31 PM   #9 (permalink)
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It takes a speacial type of person to do that. I don't have it but seems you do. best-o-luck.
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Old 06-30-2004, 07:01 AM   #10 (permalink)
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I would be vary wary of getting hurt. Especially with you being a virgin.

Not saying that it couldn't work out. Just saying that your situation just sounds like it could blow up in somebody's face. Be careful, and I wouldn't get too attached if I were you. I'd have an exit plan ready(like being able to move back in with your Mom if need be), in case things turn ugly down the road.
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Old 06-30-2004, 10:13 AM   #11 (permalink)
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It sounds to me like you might be setting yourself up to get hurt. Someone getting too attached, or strife forming because a small amounts of jealously, could end up being a problem.

I personally would never do this because the possibility of something bad happening always arises when two girls like, or are in competition for the attention for the same guy, or vise versa.

It does sound like a lot of fun, but is something I would never personally choose to do. My husband and I don't share. What is between us is sacred, and no extra fun is worth sacrificing or risking changing that.

If I weren’t in a committed relationship, things might be different, but I still think the potential for someone getting hurt is there. I agree that it really does depend on your maturity levels, and how rationally you handle being in the situation. Knowing all the potential outcomes, before starting the relationship would help. Make sure you set healthy boundaries with each other, and always be straightforward with one another.

Be Careful.

Last edited by pinkie; 06-30-2004 at 03:35 PM..
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Old 06-30-2004, 11:09 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Old 06-30-2004, 12:34 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Poly-family

I happen to have been in a 3 person relationship for just over 5 years now. I've been legally married to one woman and spiritually married to the other (and they to each other) for 3 of those years. We are a three (well, 4, we have a daughter) person family. None of us can imagine life without the others. Often times things are very very very hard, and jealousy does arise, no matter how non jealous you think you are. Still, you can work through it, fi you want to. I personally have seen less outright fights arise between the three of us than I had seen in my past 'traditional' relationships because we have a third person we can vent to if need be.

I would say to be careful, but go where your heart leads you. If you follow your heart (and not parts of you that claim to be your heart, but your actual heart!) you may end up weeping, or you may end up in paradise, but you will never misstep.

That's just my theory though.
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Old 06-30-2004, 02:55 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by analog
I'm in a three-way myself right now, we'll call them "right hand" and "left hand", to keep anonymity.

Thanks for bragging- i mean, sharing.

But seriously, I hope all works out for the best- if it does, it sounds like you've got something nice there. Good luck!

HAHAHAHAHA.....oh shit, my stomach hurts from laughing.

That was funny analog.



Threesomes are not my forte. I just don't like to share and know my jealous side would prevail and cause unwanted stress and tension in my life. I have stopped doing things in my life that add to the already enormous levels of stress....lol.

If you are comfortable with it, I say go for it. You are young and should experience many types of sexual pleasure. Good luck and give us the dirty details....
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Old 06-30-2004, 03:27 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Be careful, have fun and remember: it's only gay if your balls touch.

While this is going on, do not stop dating. Go out with other women.
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Old 07-02-2004, 08:46 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Thanks for the advice guys. I'm well aware that this could turn ugly, but I don't think it will, and if it does, well, I will have had fun while it lasted.

I do intend to do my best to avoid making Mike jealous, I'm less worried about getting jealous myself, because, well... Mike was there first

Dating other women is probably a good idea too, though I really had been having bad luck with that.
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Old 07-11-2004, 03:17 AM   #17 (permalink)
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I have a chicken!
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Old 07-11-2004, 04:14 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Me and my wife have had other women as well. We enjoy ourselves very much because we know that our love is strong and that we would never leave each other. That keeps those pesky jealousy bugs away. I say enjoy yourself! There are more ppl out there that are open minded to this way of life than you think.....trust me.
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Old 02-20-2005, 10:46 AM   #19 (permalink)
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If anyone was wondering, we're all still together
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Old 02-20-2005, 03:31 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Thanks for the update, Yotta... I am in a situation right now that seems to be leading in a similar direction. I would be curious to hear after 7 months your take on things. Has the relationship deepened? Do you just consider yourselves "good" friends, or is it a more intimate relationship between all of you? How has the dynamic with the other gentleman played out? Have you dated other women as well? Just curious... Thanks!
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Old 02-20-2005, 06:09 PM   #21 (permalink)
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So you got into a 3 way relationship... by playing AD&D a lot?

Damn dude. You may be my personal hero.



I'm glad to hear things are working out with you. Ditto on chicken's questions; I'm curious how these things actually work.
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Old 02-21-2005, 08:34 AM   #22 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yotta
If anyone was wondering, we're all still together
Good for you! ANY relationship is hard to sustain over a course of months, let alone a polyamorous one.

Let's do the math:

The number of relationships between any number of things 'n' can be expressed as n * (n-1). So between two people there are (2 * (2-1)) = 2 relationships (me to her, her to me). That's two relationships to manage, two sets of opinions and jealousies and feelings, etc. Between three people there are (3 * (3-1)) = 6 relationships (you to her, her to you, you to him, him to you, her to him, him to her). Between 4, there are 12, etc. In other words, each linear increase in the number of people involved dramatically increases the complexity of the situation and the "whole big relationship".

Congrats on having the numbers on your side!
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Old 02-21-2005, 08:57 AM   #23 (permalink)
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I really do not have any experience when it comes to being in a 3 way relationship, I've basically had the normal thing, but I'd assume it's exciting, no? I don't know, for me, I think it's too much stress, I wouldn't be able to deal with it.
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Old 02-21-2005, 08:58 AM   #24 (permalink)
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Oh, and I also wanted to say, just as long as noone gets hurt, you do your thing!
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Old 02-21-2005, 07:18 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MooseMan3000
So you got into a 3 way relationship... by playing AD&D a lot?

Damn dude. You may be my personal hero.



I'm glad to hear things are working out with you. Ditto on chicken's questions; I'm curious how these things actually work.
Just because........

My 'wives' and I also met playing AD&D.

Guess the geeks just know how to do it!
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Old 02-21-2005, 09:22 PM   #26 (permalink)
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Be careful, have fun and remember: it's only gay if your balls touch.
Just so you know, I laughed so hard that my cat ran out of the room and has been giving me the evil eye for about 10 minutes!!!

Thank you!
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Old 02-21-2005, 09:53 PM   #27 (permalink)
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i suppose it goes to show that geeks can and do shag like minxes! (Martel included)

me and SO have talked about opening up to another woman in our relationship (i'm a woman btw) and i think it could be fun- i'm encouraging him to flirt and have fun, cause he really didn't have the confidence in himself to do that before we got married. it's fun, and it's a HUGE turn on for me, to think about having another woman in the bed with us. I just hope we can find the right one!
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Old 02-21-2005, 10:22 PM   #28 (permalink)
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Wow dude. That's one cool ..story :-)

You've given me things to consider should I have another girlfriend before I die.
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Old 02-21-2005, 10:48 PM   #29 (permalink)
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Last edited by insidious_machinae; 03-20-2010 at 10:35 AM..
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Old 02-22-2005, 05:35 AM   #30 (permalink)
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If I remember correctly I got it from a fake inspirational poster. It was a photo of two guys getting a chick at both ends and the title was

'Team work'
and the subtitle underneath was:
'It's only gay if your balls touch'

I have the picture at home, but not out here in London. I'll post it if I can find it or remember when I get home in April.
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Old 02-22-2005, 06:43 AM   #31 (permalink)
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These things can be great, but can turn ugly easily. Just make sure that you are comfortable and make sure everyone talks a lot. Communication is the key.
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Old 04-02-2005, 11:50 PM   #32 (permalink)
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did any body notice ?
i have a chicken?
WTF?
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Old 04-03-2005, 01:41 AM   #33 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gbrad64466
did any body notice ?
i have a chicken?
WTF?
yep, I saw that and my exact thought was what the fuck is that about....then I laughed.
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Old 04-03-2005, 09:50 PM   #34 (permalink)
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Well, she's still in love with her other boyfriend, and she and I love each other deeply. He and I are still very good friends.
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Old 04-03-2005, 09:56 PM   #35 (permalink)
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when are you going to get another chance like this?

you're still young, you should explore while you can, cuz its not as easy when u get older.
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Old 04-03-2005, 10:28 PM   #36 (permalink)
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My hubby and i thought that an open relationship would be perfect for us . . . but when it came time a couple months ago to make the actual final sexual leap into it with the other man, I couldn't do it and we decided it wasn't for us, we're happy with just each other . . . but we were/are always honest, as long as you have honesty, you have everything you need.

My personal thought on your situation and life in general is:
I think how anyone finds happiness, more power to them and you seem happy, so more power to you yotta!

In this world, there are so many ppl who are trying to fit into a mold and are unhappy, there are so many ppl incapable of letting love and feelings into their lives . . . so i praise you for rising above the mold and i am happy for you that you've found yourself some joy and love

Sweetpea
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