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Old 07-03-2004, 09:01 AM   #1 (permalink)
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X-Relationship Advice (i know.. i know)

Ok people.. I'm sorry.. it's another advice thread.. but I need your help..

Story: My X-GF have been/were together for just over a year. We've been living together for almost 8 months. Just last month, we broke a lease to move into her parent's basement suite because she plans on going back to school in this August and, as a couple, we needed to save some cash for that. Well.. we just broke up. We were arguing a lot as of late.. a lot of stress was put on the relationship from outside sources and this tension was too much to bear. So I broke up with her.. she turns on the waterworks .. then.. the idiot I am.. I take her back.. you know the whole "we'll make it work.. we just have to try.. relationships take effort.. compromises.. blah blah".. yeah.. so.. because she has such a strong personality.. she was waiting for me to become vulnerable again.. so now she basically broke up with me.. well.. i think im fine with it.. i wasn't for a while.. but i think i am now.. it's been 8 days.. the worst 8 days of my life.. but anyways.. on to the advice asking.. i will be moving out, hopefully, by the end of the month.. 3.5 weeks left. The friendship relationship is going downhill fast.. we're both bitter at eachother.. what advice could you guys give me to make the next 3.5 weeks not such a living hell. The only think i've realized is to try and be civil.. don't intentionally irritate her.. and DON'T plead for her back! No matter what though.. she is still the biggest bitch to me.. this morning.. i said "Good Morning".. she didn't even look at me.. grrr.. How do I/we do this without ruining what could be a great friendship?

Thanks in advance people.. appreciate it.
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Old 07-03-2004, 09:34 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Treat her how you want to be treated by her. Don't sink to her level. For the next 3.5 weeks talk to her like you would any normal friend. If you are friendly cordial etc. I'm sure she'll at least make an attempt at softening up.
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Old 07-03-2004, 10:41 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Why not just crash at a buddy's house for now?
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Old 07-03-2004, 11:53 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Yeah.. the golden rule.. treat her how I want to be treated.. but it's hard.. very hard.. especially when she just treats me like a bitch right back.. this morning.. i say "good morning".. she dosn't reply.. then.. im on my way out.. apartment hunting.. "have a good day" i say.. she responds all cutesy and crap.. the head games this girl plays..

as far as living with a buddy.. i hate imposing on people like that.. and i dont have too many friends that I know well enough to ask that of..

guys.. i need a way to put up with her head games.. and be civil.. without going nuts myself..
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Old 07-03-2004, 12:08 PM   #5 (permalink)
That's what she said
 
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i don't understand what makes you think you could have a "great friendship" with this girl... she obviously doesn't have the maturity level required to be civil for the next few weeks. if i were you, i'd either be so overly nice and sweet that it'll drive her nuts... or i'd just avoid her as much as possible.
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Old 07-03-2004, 12:20 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I agree with the others, treat her like you want to be treated. Maybe she's just pissed that you broke up with her first and now she feels she got back at you because she put you through what you put her through when you first broke up with her. Just be civil, and hopefully she'll come around.
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Old 07-03-2004, 01:06 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Move out sooner.
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Old 07-04-2004, 12:44 PM   #8 (permalink)
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guys.. help me out here.. where can i find a detailed chronological list of the stages men go through during hard breakups.. id love to know where im at at this point.. last night was weird as hell.. the alcohol didnt help any.. boy, it was rough.. suggestion for you guys.. don't beg.. never beg.. thanks for all the advice thus far.. id really like to know what made me start begging for her back last night.. after everything was fine.. i need to know what the stages are.. so i can prepare myself.. grr
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Old 07-04-2004, 05:54 PM   #9 (permalink)
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if there was such a guide it would make alot of things obsolete. ie Drinking/porn/rebounds/ blocking your caller id (for those drunken 3am "I want you back!" or " Can we have sex just 1 last time!" calls)

Either way you have to go through each stage 1 at a time. From what you have posted I wouldn't worry about the "friendship" it appears that the only one worried about it is you.
As far as living together for the next little while give your selves some space. you can't expect each other to bounce back from being a couple to friends and not living together in just a week and half.
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Old 07-15-2004, 02:53 PM   #10 (permalink)
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I'm with pinkie - bail out right after you are done reading this.
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Old 07-16-2004, 01:45 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Location: In a forest of red tape (but hey, I have scissors)
One word; run.

Make that two words; run fast

Personally, I wouldn't be too concerned about trying to preserve a relationship. You're too close to the fire at this point. If you harbor any desire to see if something would work in the future, get away now before all structure breaks loose. You are doing neither of you any good waiting until the end of the month, because it, more than likely, is only going to get worse.
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Old 07-16-2004, 02:52 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Here's the recepie for success:

Curb + bitch + kick, combine and serve cold

...because life is too short to be miserable...
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Old 07-17-2004, 05:33 AM   #13 (permalink)
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You hate imposing on people, but you are willing to stay in this house with your EXGIRLFRIEND for 3 weeks. It's a pathetic attempt to retain a relationship that obviously doesn't work and you need to get out right now. I'm sure that your friends will be happy to provide a place for you to crash and you'll be able to clear your head of this girl.

You won't get her back and if you do, it will end up the same way. Turn around and walk away.
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Old 07-17-2004, 05:45 AM   #14 (permalink)
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I'd get away from her more shes out of your head and your way the better it will be
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Old 07-17-2004, 05:59 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by redarrow
Why not just crash at a buddy's house for now?
i agree with that.

or you can talk to her and ask her if she wants you to move out NOW, or if you're feeling really sneaky, ask her if she wants you to sleep on the street, then start heading out the door.

i'm sure she doesn't hate you, just probably feeling vindictive because you dumped her (HOW DARE YOU!?)
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Old 07-17-2004, 11:07 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Well guys.. here's an update.. it's now been three weeks.. the first week.. i went through some weird phases.. anger, denial, false acceptance.. second week.. rebuilding time.. went apartment hunting with a good buddy of mine who was also looking for a place.. third week.. got a condo.. moved in yesterday.. met a few people.. having some great times.. and casual safe sex.. my ex has become extremely petty.. im working with some of our mutual friends to make sure they hook her up with a good guy.. she seems to attract the worst guys.. i dunno.. i still love her.. i dont want to see her hurt.. and i think she needs to spend some time with someone to get her mind off the breakup. ive set a date with her and i to meet at a starbucks next week and to go over some stuff and see what type of friendship, or any relationship we should have. i resent her but still love her.. so im torn. she would be a great friend if needed, as i think i would be to her.

i just wanted to thank everyone for the replies.. i took in to account all of your experienced replies in my making my decisions these past 3-4 weeks.. and, for myself, have not been this happy in a while. again thank you.

just a ps... my ex hated doing the dishes.. the girl i slpet with last night is in my kitchen right now cleaning up.. what a contrast.. i should go help her though..

thanks again

Last edited by kefs; 07-17-2004 at 12:30 PM..
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Old 07-17-2004, 11:10 AM   #17 (permalink)
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lol, that means she's a keeper ;-)
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