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Old 08-08-2004, 08:50 PM   #1 (permalink)
Can't get over her, for the millionth time..

Well it's another relationship advice thread, and my situation is pretty generic also it seems. Anyways, i figured I would post and see if anyone could help smack some sense into me.

Problem - I still like the girl, I broke up with, and its killing me.. Yea, you've heard it all before

Backstory - We met about 8 months ago, messed around for a couple of months when we first met, then dated for 4 months.

We then broke up two months ago, and still remained really close friends. Like we would hang out all the time. Things were basically the same as when we were going out, just no "nookie."

Anyways, about a month ago I told her I still liked her and stuff, she said she felt the same, and we had a great night together. Then the next day we got into a big fight and I blew up at her, and she basically told me we would never be again.

Current - So now a month after that we are still hanging out about once a week, talk everyday online and on the phone etc. Its like we are great friends, and she seems perfectly content with that, however, its killing me!!

To complicate matters even more, her best friend and my best friend have been dating for quite some time now. Which means it would be hard to just up and stop seeing her...

Anyways, I think my problems came from not taking time off from her when we broke up and I mean she is content because im always here for her etc. Im becoming "that guy."

I dont know what to do!

I've been with other girls since we broke up, I do activities to keep my mind off her etc. I just want to be with this girl more than anything, because I feel like we could be great together if we had another chance..

What should I do? I've talked to her about my feeligns before and we always have a good heart to heart and the past time two times I talked to her we had sex afterwards, but then the next day, its as if we are still friends again and nothing more... Should I talk to her one last time?

Thanks in advance for the input, and sorry about the long post.
Ryan is offline  
Old 08-08-2004, 09:05 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Location: All over the Net....(ok Wisconsin)
From what you wrote, it sounds like there must be a communication error somewhere.??? My suggestion is, explain to her that you still have feelings for her and you have changed your perspective about your relationship (you've had a month to think it over) and that you are "ready" to ensue an awsome relationship with her. Make sure you change your attitude about things. Don't be so quick to blow up and make your point. Remember...everyone wants to be heard and what may not be important to you, may be critical to your partener. And then.......really work on your issue together. If she is willing to still talk and participate with you after sex, I think there is still some feelings for you. Make sure you include her in your process. Everyone wants to feel needed too.
Hope that helps somewhat.
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Dawson70 is offline  
Old 08-08-2004, 11:11 PM   #3 (permalink)
just my opinion here.. but if you got angry and blew up at her.. well then i suggest you make a sincere apology
take the humble path here and explain your situation, and give her time to vent and find out her take on the whole situation..
if she doesn't have feelings for you.. then no amount of affection on your part will fix the problem..
thalakos315 is offline  
Old 08-09-2004, 05:45 AM   #4 (permalink)
Location: Dallas, Tx
all you can do is talk to her and tell her how you feel. you cant convince her of anything. sounds to me like she only wants to be friends with you...but thats just me.
st33lr4t is offline  
Old 08-09-2004, 06:15 AM   #5 (permalink)
Is mad at you.
Location: Bored in Sacramento
Re: Can't get over her, for the millionth time..

I know it sucks, but if you want to get over her, you need to stop hanging out with her... for a few months at least. How do you expect to get over someone you see on a regular basis? I know it sounds cold, but you need to cut and run. 3 or 4 months down the line, if you still want to be friends, try looking her up then.
This too shall pass.
Harshaw is offline  
Old 08-09-2004, 06:41 AM   #6 (permalink)
Moderator Emeritus
Location: Chicago
How about a clearer definition of "You blew up at her"

Have you a temper? And did you lose your temper? The losing of your temper may be a deal breaker for her- and there's not a lot you can do to change that.

Give her space... Let her figure out what she wants to do with you?
Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.
maleficent is offline  
Old 08-09-2004, 08:19 AM   #7 (permalink)
face f$cker
Location: canada
cut her off dude.....you'll never get over her...hanging out and talking to her every day.....regardless of if your best friends are dating.
hossified is offline  
Old 08-09-2004, 08:25 AM   #8 (permalink)
This is not what you wanna hear, but stop seeing her. It's gonna hurt, but there's no other way. If she's dating your best friend, stop seeing him for a while too. At least not when she's with him. If he's a good friend, he'll understand. The key here is, don't meet her, don't talk to her. In a few months you'll be glad you did it.
I want no escape.
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Old 08-09-2004, 08:34 AM   #9 (permalink)
on fire
animosity's Avatar
Location: Atlanta, GA
Originally posted by thalakos315
if she doesn't have feelings for you.. then no amount of affection on your part will fix the problem..
Find that out. If she has no feelings for you any longer you must.....

Originally posted by hossified
cut her off dude.....you'll never get over her...hanging out and talking to her every day.....regardless of if your best friends are dating.

The only way I was able to get over my ex was by not talking to her for a month. Now we are both friends and happy with that. I just talked to her for 2 hours last night about the girl I am now seeing and the guy she is now seeing.
animosity is offline  
Old 08-09-2004, 10:14 AM   #10 (permalink)
Location: Somewhere just beyond the realm of sanity...
Umm, what!

First off girls fucking with your head is normal and theres nothing wrong with that, because sadly its damn near impossible to be happy in life without involving a woman in it. So you've gotta love the highs and deal the the lows.

quote "Ask your friend if he liked the taste of your dick, because he's eating we're you've already plowed."

Did you tell you're friend he could date your ex. If so you're an idiot. If not you're friends a dick and you should tell him so.

quote is from issac hayes.
Proud memeber of the Insomniac Club.
The.Lunatic is offline  
Old 08-09-2004, 11:21 AM   #11 (permalink)
Ok to clear some things up... She isnt dating my best friend. My best friend and her best friend are going out. So we always hang out as a group of 4, and all of our friends are close, so thats why its hard to just cut her off, because we are always hanging out with the same people...

I've met a couple of girls recently, I think I will see where things go with them, and hopefully they will take my mind of her. If not, I guess I will just talk to her about my feelings and see where things go from there.

Thanks for the advice guys, Ill keep you posted.
Ryan is offline  
Old 08-09-2004, 01:11 PM   #12 (permalink)
Location: Right behind you...BOO!
Don't date girls to take your mind off of someone else...that is just kinda rude on your part, and they will let you know it eventually. If you think dating to take your mind off of your ex is a good way to solve problems...well that's a whole other thread. But I can say that all that gets you is comparing everyone else to her and you will always see the better in your ex, because you actually took the time to get to know her...

What you need to to is date other people who interest you and the forgetting about her should come naturally and on it's own. If you want a distraction take up a new hobby or play a community sport or volenteer to clean-up a local area, you can walk all over those without hurting anyone Not trying to be harsh in the least...just making my point.
Smile It makes people wonder what you're up too!
Hash_Browns is offline  
Old 08-09-2004, 03:25 PM   #13 (permalink)
Yea, I understand where your coming from, I think you took what I said the wrong way though. I meant like I have found a couple of girls who I would like to get to know better, and by seeing where things go with them, I was refering to a possible relationship etc.

Yea, I know it would be wrong to just use someone else as my "rebound" girl, and Im not like that.

Thanks for the tips about taking up a community sport or something, I have been going to the gym more recently as of late and that seems to be helpin a tad bit.
Ryan is offline  
Old 08-09-2004, 04:09 PM   #14 (permalink)
amonkie's Avatar
Location: Windy City
You may not like hearing this, but it may be time to get a new group of friends. If she's not returning your feelings, then you need a find a way where she's not occupying your mind 24/7 because you're interacting with her. Yes, you have mutual friends, and it sucks when relationships affect more than just the two of you, but you need to think about keeping yourself mentally healthy, as well. Finding and meeting new people (NOT just "a couple of girls") that have similiar interests will give you a way to fill the space she has in your life, but also give you a place to go so you don't feel like you're hanging out with her and the group because they're your only friends.
Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

Last edited by amonkie; 08-11-2004 at 12:13 AM..
amonkie is offline  
Old 08-10-2004, 01:33 PM   #15 (permalink)
Location: San Diego
Drop her and 1 of 2 things will occur.....

1. Like a 3 year old when she puts her toy down (you) and someone else picks it up (another girl) she will want you back


2. She really does not want you back and its over.

You got a 50/50 shot
98MustGT is offline  

her, millionth, time

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