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- - no SO stresses me out. (https://thetfp.com/tfp/tilted-sexuality/65358-no-so-stresses-me-out.html)

no SO stresses me out.

habit....You've been so used to having someone that its hard for you to adjust without one. Look at it from the standpoint that now are ARE free to do things without considering anyone else. There is nothing that says you cant "date" dating can be fun when done right....as long as you consider said girl DURING the date.

There seems to be a terrible tendancy in people that they either conciously or subconciously think they are less of a person if they dont have a siamese twin at all times. Take this time to get to know YOURSELF, figure the things you really like, the things you dont really like....hang out and be sociable, make friends etc....you are NOT less of a person because you dont have a female attached to you!!!!

Quote:

Originally posted by st33lr4t

ive lived most of my 27yrs with a g/f. i was dependant on all my previous g/f's to make me happy. i was always concerned about being somone who i thought they wanted me to be instead of just being me.

If you haven't actually read what you typed, this should be sending warning signals all over your brain. It makes complete sense why you think you need a significant other if you rely on them for your happiness. No S/O = not happy, and happiness is a desired state of being.

Your first step seems to be finding a way to make yourself happy that does not rely on other people. Only then, the absence of a S/O will still be missed, but it will not be a need. When you do end up with a S/O again, your relationship will be that much more healthy because you have you have established who YOU are, and the new person only helps to enhance that feeling, not create it.

Quote:

Originally posted by st33lr4t
im hung up on having a SO. i am obviously getting something out of having a SO but im not sure what.

Validation. That someone finds you worthy of being loved.

Quote:

maleficent said
Validation. That someone finds you worthy of being loved.

Exactly. Everyone wants to be loved by someone :)

Quote:

Originally posted by st33lr4t
...why am i so stressed out about being without a SO. knowing that i have a SO just puts me at ease even if the relationship isnt that great. i have no idea why i have such a high importance on having a SO. im the type of guy that does everything against societies wishes yet the absence of a SO bothers me.

ive lived most of my 27yrs with a g/f. i was dependant on all my previous g/f's to make me happy. i was always concerned about being somone who i thought they wanted me to be instead of just being me. now that i have this free energy i really do not want anyone in my life right now. ive had this 'thing' with this amazing girl recently...i really cant see any reason why we shouldnt be together. i find myself torn between wanting to be in a relationship with her yet i dont want to be tied down. and by tied down i dont mean i want to date other people...i just want to do what i want when i want without considering her. ive always considered others before myself so now its my turn.

so ya...im not sure why i have this NEED to have a SO.

I think you answer your own question here when you say you're dependent on them to be happy. Like maleficent said, you need validation but more specifically, you need self-validation through external sources such as other people (especially girlfriends). Take the time for yourself for awhile.. You said you don't want to be tied down and it seems like you've pretty much been in relationships all your life. Take a break to call your own. You might learn a lot and become a better person. Or at least yourself. :) That doesn't mean you can't still keep this girl as a friend though. And maybe later on, she'll become special. ;) I've always thought relationships are more fulfilling when they're built on friendship afterall. I wouldn't want to marry anyone I don't consider my best friend...