FallenAvatar

I'm been sitting here thinking for a while about a lot of post that show up on this sexuality forum. I got to thinking about Halx's post about the use of the terms Gay, Straight, and Bi-Sexual. This has lead me to think about sexuality as a whole and how much, even when secluded, it is of our everday lives. I've thought to myself and I wonder how would life be if we were unable to express our sexuality. How terrible would life be?

Then at the same time I wonder, what would life be like if our sexuality was something we could express completely whenever or wherever we choose?

I ask these questions simply to wonder. Just ideas I'm passing off to wonder many of life's questions. We all know that sexuality is important and somewhat vital, but I ask that those who choose to read this please think hard about this then respond to the questions.

la petite moi

Uh, personally, I dont typically believe in a certain 'sexuality'. To me, love has no gender.

Unfortunately, most of us (including me), have been accustomed to these labels of 'sexuality' through social taboos.

FallenAvatar

Well my main questions were not aimed at weither you're Straight, Gay, or Bi-Sexual. It's not the people you wish to act with it's the activity itself. I care not what your orientation is, I'm just wondering how different the world would be if say we couldn't express our feelings to people at all or the way we wished. Likewise how would the world be if we could do whatever we wanted whenever we wished?

Sorry if I may have confused you.

And I will agree with you love, has no gender.

radioguy

"Likewise how would the world be if we could do whatever we wanted whenever we wished?" from FallenAvatar



It would be great and free, for a while. But, isn't that what happened in Rome? Orgies and anarchy everywhere. While the former may sound good, I wouldn't want it at the cost of the latter.

FallenAvatar

I'm not sure radio. I don't mean to say that I wish everything was that free, I think that would probably disgust me eventually. I tend to favor only one partner and plan to just keep everything between her and I. I more wonder what the world would be like without the use of sexuality more so. Something like a world without love I guess. I only bring these things up as more of a thought about our sexuality, I like deep thoughts as well as discussions, I was just wondering how everyone felt.

QuasiMojo

you might ask the question-
What makes the world go round more, Sex or Music?

__________________
AzAbOv ZoBeLoE

FallenAvatar

Well.. music as well as sex are both interesting and fun things, but I pretty much think many can live without music. Sex is eventually needed for pro-creation. I can imagine living without music, it would really suck I can say that for sure, but to live without sex. To be defined to now sexuality that would really be hell. How would one express some of their most loving desires? I don't mean to say that all love is sex, but in a simplistic answer love and sexuality are very intwined. Sexuality seems to be one of those forces that drags that person too you even if it isn't exactly the actually the act of sex.

So in answer to your question QuasiMojo I think Sexuality makes it go round, yet I find them both to be important.

I'm not expecting to get one sure answer from everyone, I'm just trying to make a thought a discussion if you will of a life where your sexuality is restricted fully. A place where you cannot totally express yourself. And through that many will hopefully find new things about themselves after they think hard enough. I guess everyone treats their sexuality differently, how do you express yourself?

Jam

sexuality plays no role in my life.. poor lonely me.. ohwell off to post on some other topic...

lurkette

I think if we were free to express our sexuality whenever and wherever (provided it was consentual) we'd probably be a lot happier and more peaceful. There are some sexual mores that make sense from a utilitarian or even evolutionary point of view (incest is bad for the species because of genetics) but there are others (some might argue that monogamy is one of these) that are completely arbitrary, or that were once utilitarian but have become codified by tradition and really have no reason to exist any more.

As far as sexual preference is concerned, there are two schools of thought. One says that sexuality is largely biologically programmed. The other says that sexuality is entirely socially constructed. I think it has to be both/and - people are wired a certain way, and when you combine that wiring with certain experiences, you get certain outcomes in terms of sexuality. So I don't necessarily think that sexuality is just a continuum and people could slide from homo- to hetero- at will if they just mastered their fears or whatever. I also don't think that sex is always necessary to express love. How would it be if we could express love completely wherever we chose?

__________________
"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France

FallenAvatar

I will agree that sex isn't always necessary to express love, but then again Sexuality itself isn't just confined to "sex". Sex appeal as well as smaller acts such as petting or kisses or even cuddling is still sexuality. I have thought about it and I would love to be able to express my sexuality whenever I could. Yet, as I think about it many would take it out of hand. I know the worldn't couldn't sucessfully live without the expression of sexuality at some point(s).

As for your coversation on Monogamy. I think it is possible to love more than one woman, or more than one man.. but I don't see that sexually possible. I can only have one woman, I could only share that with her. Love that envolves sexuality is still love but I find it to be a different love. I can't possible begin to understand how some can cheat and search for other lovers when they already have one. I just doesn't make sense to me. I guess it's a way out for those to chicken to talk it out or end it. I'm sure there could be exceptions to this rule where as there are two women and one man, or vise versa ... but I think that's far and few between. The only time I could think to even except that would maybe be twins. Twins usually share a special bond and I guess in a way they could share a lover, without crossing the line of sharing each other.

lurkette

I don't know how to explain it except to say that it is, in fact, possible. I admit it's hard to understand, but I absolutely love ratbastid, and I absolutely love our "umfriends" D&S. Do I have a primary connection to ratbastid? Yes, but our love for each other doesn't preclude our expressing our love for D&S sexually. The way we've managed to understand it is the concept that love is not a finite supply: if I give love/sexual attention to D, that doesn't mean I have less love for ratbastid. *shrug*

__________________
"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France

FallenAvatar

I understand what you mean Lurkette I'm not condeming you for it or persecuting you. It isn't my style but it is yours. I could again say I think it's alright. It is in a relationship like that where problems can approach because of boundries, but if all the boundries are covered then nothing is to be worried of it.

As you say Ratbastid is your love and always will be, but there are others that you can imagine and infact spend your time with sexually. As long as this is ok with him, and even allowed for him there should be no problem. I can't say that all love has to be manogamous but I can say that's just my view for myself.

You've just given us an example of sexuality which I found interesting Lurkette. You are letting your sexuality out and using your freedom as a human being. A lot can be learned of ideas such as these. I hope many can see and understand that. I am sorry if I made you feel like I was dissaproving. It is not my place to approve or disapprove of your practice but I can say it is part of your sexual freedom.

I hope the best of times are given to you and that you do have success with your choice, as I wish many.

adam

There is a fine story called "Love is not a Pie" -- one of the "Best American Short Stories" from the early 1990s, I think. I agree with it, but... time is a pie. Alas. There is only so much time I can spend in a day with someone. (And in my case, it's significantly less because I am a hardcore introvert and take a lot of "alone time" to recharge.)

So while I can see in theory how polyamory could work, in practice I think the difficulties are significant, and even more so if you have kids (who take -- and need -- a lot of time).

It makes a nice fantasy, though.

FallenAvatar

It is true adam, many options are possible in relationships including the sex, and the numbers involved. It's a option of choice an expression of the freedom of human sexuality. It may not be real for you or for me but for some such relationships exist.

adam

Oh, I didn't doubt that they exist. I just doubt how practical they are for most folks. I read an article on polyamory (NYT? or WSJ, can't remember). It was a nice article and didn't demonize the folks involved, but my overall impression was "Man, that's a lot of work keeping those relationships going." So I suspect you need a high degree of commitment to pull it off.

lurkette

FallenAvatar, I didn't feel like you were disapproving; I just wanted to add to the discussion that it is possible to love more than one person and express that love sexually.

And adam, it IS a lot of work. We aren't even really in a committed relationship with this couple, like living with them and planning on a long-term life together, although they are our best friends and we could all see spending our lives in close proximity. But it does require a high degree of commitment to our primary relationships and to the well-being and happiness of all the people involved, and definitely takes responsible, brutally honest, and constant communication. All of those things (and the sex!!!) are reasons, in my book, that this is a good thing. It's good practice for being completely honest and open.

__________________
"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France

FallenAvatar

I am sure that it is something you have worked hard for and if it is working I would see no reason to back away from that other couple. It sounds like you're all pretty close. Like I have said I don't know it's something I could do. I strive really hard in my relationships to keep my partner happy in all aspects and I bet this is even harder!

Sexuality is a wonder sometimes isn't it? As well as life.