Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > The Academy > Tilted Sexuality


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 05-17-2003, 04:06 PM   #1 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: South of the border
the truth hurts

Ok, so here's what happened:

I was talking with my GF today, and i was telling her all the reasons why I though and felt she was special. Then all of a sudden, she asks me to tell her what I didnt like about her. So, as I'm completely honest with her, i told her the truth...

And I screwed up by being completely honest with her because now she's sad ... And i cant seem to cheer her up again... what can I do?
__________________
"The weak are food for the strong, so die and let me feast!" - Makoto Shishio (RK)
Memalvada is offline  
Old 05-17-2003, 04:13 PM   #2 (permalink)
Addict
 
Location: Canada
Maybe try putting something special together for her, such as dinner. And make her aware that all those good things you said far outweigh the bad.

Ask her to point out the things she doesnt like about you. That might help "even the score" so to speak.
__________________
Legalize it.
Shokan is offline  
Old 05-17-2003, 08:14 PM   #3 (permalink)
Fear the bunny
 
Location: Hanging off the tip of the Right Wing
Sorry, but you deserve to be called a dumbass. You never ever, ever tell a woman anything that is wrong with her when she wants you to.

Let's practice now, shall we: "I. Wouldn't. Change. Anything. Baby. You're. Perfect. The. Way. You. Are."

Sure it's B.S., but it's what she really wants to hear.
__________________
Activism is a way for useless people to feel important.
BoCo is offline  
Old 05-17-2003, 08:24 PM   #4 (permalink)
Loser
 
If I only knew then what I know now.
gibber71 is offline  
Old 05-17-2003, 08:27 PM   #5 (permalink)
Loser
 

You poor bastard, you stepped right into a classic trap.
Even if they do say they want the truth about that stuff,
they don't want to hear it about themselves.
And even now some ladies will tell you this is the more "honest" way.

Don't believe them, they don't know themselves.
Oh so many men, have fallen for that one.
Is it fair? no.
Is it reality? yes

Take her out on a nice long romantic dinner,
and start telling her again, all those nice things that are special about her that you were saying in the first place.

I hope you learned a lesson, because I certainly haven't yet.
I still fall for that one to this day.
rogue49 is offline  
Old 05-17-2003, 10:56 PM   #6 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Radio Monk33's Avatar
 
LOL ah yes the classic trap.

Also be careful for "Does this make me look fat?"

I havent been exposed to it yet...but I have no doubt I'll have to face it soon. I'll be ready though..
__________________
"Punk rock had this cool, political personal message. It was a bit more cerebral than just stupid cock rock, you know"
-Kurt Cobain
Radio Monk33 is offline  
Old 05-17-2003, 11:35 PM   #7 (permalink)
big damn hero
 
guthmund's Avatar
 
You certainly screwed up, but you can fix it.

take her to dinner; maybe a nice walk.

take her home and graphically tell her why you like the parts and places of her you do like
__________________
No signature. None. Seriously.
guthmund is offline  
Old 05-18-2003, 04:28 AM   #8 (permalink)
Addict
 
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Better yet, dump her and find someone who won't mess up your mind with these pathetic manipulative mind games. If you can't be honest when asked to be, then there's no where to go but downhill. Yeah, you can bow to her manipulation of her by attempting to manipulate her. Great basis for a relationship.
mtsgsd is offline  
Old 05-18-2003, 08:01 AM   #9 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: South of the border
LOL, thanx for the advice guys...

I really was a "dumbass", but i thought the things I was telling her in the first place would completely outweight her negative aspects... guess they didn't...

Its hard to understand women
__________________
"The weak are food for the strong, so die and let me feast!" - Makoto Shishio (RK)
Memalvada is offline  
Old 05-18-2003, 08:19 AM   #10 (permalink)
Upright
 
Women are wired differently than men are. Frustrating but true. But what you're dealing with is a confidence issue; she doesn't have enough self-confidence to trust that when you compliment her, there's not another shoe waiting to drop.

If you look at it this way, what you need to do is convince her not that she's pretty or smart or whatever enough (you can't, because she has to do that herself), but that you're happy to have her in your life and that she makes your life better. (If she does.) Those are things that you control, and they sound credible coming out of your mouth; she can't deny that if you say it's true. Or, better said, you're in good position to refute her if she does...

good luck
rweiss005 is offline  
Old 05-18-2003, 10:23 AM   #11 (permalink)
Insane
 
I don't understand why on earth she'd ruin a perfectly good adoration session by asking you such a question?

uptown is offline  
Old 05-18-2003, 11:11 AM   #12 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Next time a girl asks you if thie shirt makes her look fat, tell her no. Her fat makes her look fat!!
BigBlueWrecking is offline  
Old 05-18-2003, 01:03 PM   #13 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Finland
Heh, that's a classic trap indeed. Have fallen into it myself before, but now i know better.
alpha is offline  
Old 05-18-2003, 01:04 PM   #14 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Minx's Avatar
 
Location: Up yonder
Quote:
Originally posted by Memalvada
LOL, thanx for the advice guys...

I really was a "dumbass", but i thought the things I was telling her in the first place would completely outweight her negative aspects... guess they didn't...

Its hard to understand women
Don't even try to understand us honey! I liked the idea mentioned about asking her to express your bad points but if she's sad or hurting she may lash out just to "get you back" so I wouldn't go that route perhaps. The best thing to do is remind how much you love her and all the good things about her. We're such sensitive creatures it's stupid! It'll all be water under the bridge in no time, but it wouldn't hurt to do a little sucking up in the meantime!
__________________
You've been a naughty boy....go to my room!
Minx is offline  
Old 05-18-2003, 05:34 PM   #15 (permalink)
Eccentric insomniac
 
Slims's Avatar
 
Location: North Carolina
Maybe you should offer to circle her 'problem areas' with a magic marker. I saw that on howard stern a long time ago and I have been dying to do that to someone.
__________________
"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill

"All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence
Slims is offline  
Old 05-18-2003, 05:46 PM   #16 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Boone,NC
Hmmm.... I like gregs idea... but I dont think I'd want all my problem areas circled!!
ally is offline  
Old 05-19-2003, 12:54 PM   #17 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: WI
Ok, I'm new here but I felt the need to reply. She asked you a question and you gave her an honest answer. If she didn't want to hear it she shouldn't have asked you. YOU are not a fault here.

If I ask my husband a question I expect HONESTY. If it makes me look fat - tell me! I would rather not be walking around looking fat!! I trust him to tell me the truth - on big things and little ones. And if it's something I don't think I want to hear - I don't ask.

If you don't give and take honesty on the simple things - how is the relationship ever going to last? Love and trust go hand in hand. Without one you just can't have the other.

Ok, getting all mushy here - gotta go!
Balaniki is offline  
Old 05-19-2003, 01:19 PM   #18 (permalink)
Fluxing wildly...
 
MrFlux's Avatar
 
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
Quote:
Originally posted by Balaniki
If I ask my husband a question I expect HONESTY. If it makes me look fat - tell me! I would rather not be walking around looking fat!! I trust him to tell me the truth - on big things and little ones. And if it's something I don't think I want to hear - I don't ask.
Exactly, if she didn't want to hear it she shouldn't have asked! Tell her to stop messing around with you like that, it's not fair at all, expecially seeing as you did NOTHING at all wrong.
Just talk to her about it, explain to her that she asked in the first place and you were simply being honest, and there's nothing wrong with that. Also give her lots of compliments, she's obviously not the most secure person around if she can't stand hearing anything bad about herself.
MrFlux is offline  
Old 05-19-2003, 02:27 PM   #19 (permalink)
Cracking the Whip
 
Lebell's Avatar
 
Location: Sexymama's arms...
Folks,

You have to realize that the question asked was not the question voiced.

The question asked was "Can you please reassure me?".

While you can go off on the poor woman for not asking for what she really wanted, I think it is important to note that we all do this, sometimes more subtly, sometimes not.
__________________
"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." C. S. Lewis

The ONLY sponsors we have are YOU!

Please Donate!
Lebell is offline  
Old 05-19-2003, 04:06 PM   #20 (permalink)
Addict
 
Location: Wisconsin, USA
I'm not sure I can agree there Lebell. This is what he said:

<I was talking with my GF today, and i was telling her all the reasons why I though and felt she was special. Then all of a sudden, she asks me to tell her what I didnt like about her. So, as I'm completely honest with her, i told her the truth...<

So, he was complimenting her (highly) in the first place, and she then asked him the loaded question. Looks like the only reassurance she wanted was that she had him wrapped around her finger. Now ok, that's a little harsh, but she's in the wrong here any way you look at it, and he shouldn't have to pay for it.
mtsgsd is offline  
Old 05-19-2003, 04:18 PM   #21 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: British Columbia
understanding women is like trying to 'cut down the mightyest tree in the forest.... with a herring'
Eviltree is offline  
Old 05-19-2003, 04:22 PM   #22 (permalink)
The Cheshire Grin...
 
Location: An Aussie Outback
Women = Enigma.. argh!
__________________
Can you see me grin grin grrriiiiinnnning?!
GoldenOuroboros is offline  
Old 05-21-2003, 09:46 PM   #23 (permalink)
Know Where!
 
MacGnG's Avatar
 
communication: theres problems just talk about it, she's wrong for being mad, you were just tellin the truth. nothing u can do but talk, make her dinner and talk about it. you'll make the relationship better and u never know what might happen afterwards
MacGnG is offline  
Old 05-22-2003, 07:33 AM   #24 (permalink)
BFG Builder
 
Location: University of Maryland
Remember; you can play mind games too. Next time she asks you for something like that, ask her to criticize you instead.

You'll end up in a big fight, but the makeup sex will be worth it.
__________________
If ignorance is bliss, you must be having an orgasm.
DelayedReaction is offline  
Old 05-26-2003, 11:56 AM   #25 (permalink)
Slave of Fear
 
Balaniki it isn't a matter of right or wrong. It is a matter of staying out of trouble with the one you love. When it comes to questions of this nature, lie, lie, lie and then lie some more.
And just to be fair. Ladies if your guy asks a stupid question like "does size matter" lie, lie, lie and then lie some more.
Frowning Budah is offline  
Old 05-26-2003, 01:14 PM   #26 (permalink)
Addict
 
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Oh right, that's the basis for a long relationship all right, just lie like crazy so you don't hurt each other's feelings. 'Course, you'll never actually know each other, and will be miserable doing things you hate because you think the other person likes it, when they're actually doing it because they think YOU like it. etc. etc.\

I'm not saying pure honesty isn't the path to hell as well, but you can't lie like budah is saying either. A relationship that dies because of honesty is one that needed to end anyway IMHO.
mtsgsd is offline  
Old 05-27-2003, 08:33 AM   #27 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: New Jersey / Delaware
I didn't take the time to read the whole thread, so pardon me if someone has already said this:

Next time you encounter that trap, just jokingly say "Well, pretty much everything. I'm only with you for your money, y'know." Then laugh, pray that she laughs too, and change the subject. If she doesn't laugh, then she's got no sense of humor and is probably a tightwad. Let her start a fight, then dump her the next day. If she does laugh, then congrats, you just made your girl laugh, one of the most important things for a boyfriend to do.
__________________
When in doubt, sauerkraut.
HFrankenstein is offline  
Old 05-27-2003, 08:58 AM   #28 (permalink)
Insane
 
ganon's Avatar
 
Location: in my head
interesting thread. having been married for over 16yrs to one of the many psycho hose beasts, i have some wisdom to share. I have figured out women. i have also learned how not to play the game. this young gentleman needs to understand that some woman desire to create chaos in their lives in order to feel the rush, excitement, and unpredictability that emotions bring to their lives (read: drama) because they want to feel ALIVE! when you can supply that in a healthy way, without having to dip into the sucking black hole of the female self-image wasteland, you'll be on your way. Always leave the responsibility for the question asked on the asker. but do it at the time the question is asked. If she wants to know what you think is wrong with her, ask her why. find the root issue, don't waste time scratching the surface. Don't allow the drama to fire up.
__________________
"My give up, my give up." - Jar Jar Binks

Last edited by ganon; 05-27-2003 at 09:02 AM..
ganon is offline  
Old 05-27-2003, 09:37 AM   #29 (permalink)
Addict
 
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Quote:
Originally posted by ganon
If she wants to know what you think is wrong with her, ask her why. find the root issue, don't waste time scratching the surface. Don't allow the drama to fire up.
Excellent response Ganon.
mtsgsd is offline  
Old 05-29-2003, 10:07 AM   #30 (permalink)
Upright
 
I'd have to agree with Balaniki. If she asks you a question she probably expects an honest answer. On the other hand, women are sensitive critters, so be subtle and gentle. She doesn't need the full details of why she drives you nuts, give her the essentials directly and breifly and move on.
As the saying goes, a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down.
far2bored is offline  
Old 05-29-2003, 10:12 AM   #31 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: New Jersey / Delaware
<i>Never</i> tell a woman what's wrong with her, far2bored, <i>ever</i>. It was a test, Memalvada. Don't worry, you'll pass it next time (see my earlier post).
__________________
When in doubt, sauerkraut.
HFrankenstein is offline  
Old 05-29-2003, 10:18 AM   #32 (permalink)
Insane
 
ganon's Avatar
 
Location: in my head
Quote:
Originally posted by HFrankenstein
<i>Never</i> tell a woman what's wrong with her, far2bored, <i>ever</i>. It was a test, Memalvada. Don't worry, you'll pass it next time (see my earlier post).
I can't agree with this one, because as i see it, tests aren't allowed. don't play the game, at all.
__________________
"My give up, my give up." - Jar Jar Binks
ganon is offline  
Old 05-29-2003, 10:24 AM   #33 (permalink)
Banned
 
Hmm. I know what my bf doesn't like in me and he knows what ticks me off or annoys in him. Depends on how long you have been together, but during the years you will at some point come clean about these issues. They are usually best left to be taken out when you are both in a good mood and everything is good in your relationship, but it takes time before couples get the stage of being casually able to analyse stuff together. If you have just fallen in love and have romantic ideas about being the perfect couple or your being the only man she sees and vv. it's not yet a good idea.

There are some individuals who can't take critique very well. And everybody have some weak posts they would like to hide from others and keep the illusion that their partner doesn't see this flaw, cos love makes it all just perfect. Use your common sense before saying out the bad things. A normal person will sulk after hearing negative critique for a few days, but get back to normal pretty soon.

You think only women can be moody after hearing the truth or your opinion anyway? A girl had told my bf that he has a great looking ass. He was watching it from the mirror and told me this and I just casually said "nah, your ass is not special, you just have a pretty face so you are just generally cute and you used to be athletic after army". He has mentioned his butt as "nothing special" almost every time when he's been putting his trousers on when I have been in the same room. Three men I know whined after xmas that they had gotten a "christmas belly" after all eating going on during holidays. I said to all of them (in separate discussions) that there is no such thing, it has been there before. One of them showed me his tummy in March. "See, no tummy!!" Two are still sulking or in denial. It's nearky summer so maybe it's a grill belly or beach belly season for them soon.
suviko is offline  
Old 05-29-2003, 11:50 AM   #34 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: 4th has left the building - goodbye folks
Another related life lesson that I learnt the hard way:

When you are deciding whether to get back together with your ex and your friends tell you to write a pros and cons list.... DON'T. Furthermore, NEVER let your friends add their own thoughts to the list. And, finally, IF you are too stupid to follow the above advice, don't be so stupid as to let your once-again girlfriend find the list. She won't see the funny side. Probably because there isn't one
__________________
I've been 4thTimeLucky, you've been great. Goodnight and God bless!
4thTimeLucky is offline  
Old 05-29-2003, 12:01 PM   #35 (permalink)
Banned
 
4thTimeLucky:

"And, finally, IF you are too stupid to follow the above advice--"

You have great input, but that attitude towards other posters' opinions being stupid is uncorrect.
suviko is offline  
Old 05-29-2003, 04:28 PM   #36 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: nowhere near good food
don't blame it on women. If youa sked a woman, during sex, who her best lover was, and she said "that would be howard. He was in the marines, and his shoulders were broad, and he could do it for hours." how do you think your erection would fare? Honesty works when it's really wanted. If it's not, then change the subject.
__________________
Fark headline: "Kobe's lawyers gain access to text messages sent by accuser soon after the alleged attack. Omg koby frkd me nda assnowi m gona b richlolol1.111.~.11"
308 holez is offline  
Old 05-29-2003, 04:47 PM   #37 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: New Jersey / Delaware
My point exactly. That was the test, to see if he'd dance around it properly.
__________________
When in doubt, sauerkraut.
HFrankenstein is offline  
Old 05-29-2003, 07:21 PM   #38 (permalink)
Loser
 
If she can't accept and respect your honest opinion, then I'm afraid she isn't mature enough for a serious relationship. Get a real woman,not a wannabe.
gibber71 is offline  
 

Tags
hurts, truth

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 08:12 PM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360