Giltwist

I am a bit in a bind, so I thought I would ask for some advice. A couple weeks ago I was dumped from an 18 month relationship because I really couldn't love her as much as she love me and she also claimed I just wasn't passionate at all.

So, now there's this other girl. We met a couple years back and had real chemistry right from the get go. So we started dating, and she fell for me hard and fast. I really wasn't ready for that, not just so soon into the relationship but psychologically speaking too. Every so often over the years, when neither of us had anybody, we'd occasionally sneak a kiss and it would be so intense that we were both like "Woah, can't do that again" So here we are, three years into a friendship and we are working together again.

Being lonely after the recent breakup, and being human, I snuck another kiss from her. I had forgotten what that lightning was like. Our chemistry is just so incredibly strong that I can't even describe it. That one kiss made her remember how she felt about me, and now I don't know what to do.

I don't think I love her but I can't deny the overwhelming sexual tension between us. When I'm with her, all I can think about is how much I want her skin against mine so I can feel that spark again. But when we're apart, nothing. I mean I still like her, but I don't feel that nagging ache or need to be with her like I would expect if I were "in love" with her. It's like she's this really awesome drug that's not addicting. But, let's be honest, it feels REALLY good just to have her lips brush my ears, and who doesn't like feeling good?

Thoughts? Suggestions?

G.

Glory's Sun

sexual tension is a good thing..you don't have to be in love with someone to have some fun with them. If you both want it then go for it..just make sure you let her know where you stand so she doesn't expect more.

lunchbox

I had this situation before and it turned out to me that its just I had sexual memories from this person and they kept rushing back whenever I was near her. I couldn't stand her as a person a lot of the time but I kept wanting to be with her physically. I kept trying to ignore it and go on without thinking about it. I got lucky though and she ended up proving to me she wasn't worth my time through several judgements that made me realize she was just a really bad person and I shouldn't be dealing with her.

My suggestion is if you both just need someone for the physicality of it, do it with no ties and no worries. Don't try to make a relationship out of sex.

StickODynomite

Well, looks like guccilvr and lunchbox said what I was going to. You'd have to just talk to her and let her know where you stand if you want to go ahead and do anything sexual with her, that way she's not thinking you're doing it all out of love, when it's really out of lust.

Good luck.

__________________
"The human mind is like a parachute, it works best when open."

JaySpencer

Sex is what defines us in so many ways. You found a person with whom you are physically compatable, but is that a rebound situation, coupled with strong past feelings resurfacing?

In addition, it sounds like you have reason not to let it happen, but is that accurate? Is there really any reason not to let it? Are you just assuming that it's unwise to proceed, or do you have good cause not to?

Dude51

You said that you weren't ready for the type of relationship that she wanted previously, but there is nothing to say that you aren't ready for a relationship with this girl now. Things change and having energy between you two is one peice of a big puzzle. What would happen if you communicated that you wanted to have some fun? On the rebound and having some fun sounds OK to me, but don't get too involved without reason. If you find yourself picking up the phone to take your "friendship" out of the bedroom then you have built upon your current lust for her and something may come from it.