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Old 05-19-2003, 10:30 PM   #1 (permalink)
Upright
 
Chris, I can not get over her.

I'm not sure where to bring this so I brought it here.

Chris and I went to high school together. During Senior year she liked me but I wanted somebody else. I didn't want anything to do with her. Then I joined the Army and went through Basic Training and was convinved the God was punishing me for all the worng I had done to all the people in my life. Including her. I began to wonder who she really wa and what she was doing. After Graduation and Airborne School I contacted her. We wrote a few letters back and forth then contact trailed off until I left the 82nd.
One night I was driving past her place of work and saw her car. I stopped. And my life changed. Over the course of the summer we started dating. She helped me perpare for my Freshman year at college, she was already on her Senior year.
Chris... how do I describe her? Strong, tall, beautiful, smart, creative all the things I was not. Kind, loving, feminine, sexy, happy...
We would ride horses together and talk of everything. She had a quick wit and faster mind that came up with all kinds of ideas. She loved art and books and movies. The same things I loved.
I wish I had the time and words to tell you about her. Nothing better had ever happened to me in my life and nothing as good will ever happen to me again.
Eventually we made love for the first time and I took her virginity. The only thing she told me was to cherish it and I did and still do.
Eventually we moved in together. I was still in the Army National Guard and had to go away form time to time but she aws always there for me when I returned.
Then, in 1998, she got pregnant. She had been on birth control but nothing is fool proof.
Chris decided to have an abortion. I did not want her to and begged her to have our baby. She said no, it was much to soon and we were not stable enough. I told her I would married her and go back into the Army active duty. It did not matter.
She expected mre to leave her but no, I would stay by her side, even if I did not believe in what she was doing.
Chris had the abortion. I was there. I held her hand through out the experance and took care of her at home.
AS you can guess that ended our relationship. Not immeadtly, we lasted maybe another year or so but I can not get over her. I think about her every day. I regret everything worng I ever said or did to her. I hate myself for all of that.
If things could have only turned out diffrent...
It has been almost four years since I last talked to her. She does not want anything to do with me anymore. She has a new boyfriend and a new life.
But I am still living in the past. I can not forget her. I can't hold a relationship together, I compare every woman I meet with her. I think about her every day. I feel such sadness... Often I have wished I was dead, to forget all this and make up for the life of my lost child. I know that she once loved me and that I was once worthy of being loved by her but now I do not matter.
I don't know what else to do. Will I go on living the rest of my life with this shadow following me forever?
I have sought councling and everthing else but it does not seem to help.
So here I am telling my story to the world.
What do I do, I can't get her out of my mind?
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Old 05-19-2003, 10:48 PM   #2 (permalink)
Loser
 
Keep repeating to yourself,
Let it go, do what you need & move on.

Day by day.
You will slowly heal, and sometime in the future you will find someone you will connect with,
and whether this turns out good or bad, for pleasure or pain;
you will find you can love someone else and you can be reborn.

Just keep trying.
The trick is to keep breathing.

Take a deep one right now.

Last edited by rogue49; 05-19-2003 at 10:51 PM..
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Old 05-20-2003, 08:22 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Location: California
What you have in your heart for Chris is True Love...... nothing anyone can say or do will ever change that, I could say "Time heals all wounds" but for some people (myself included) that isn't the case..... I feel the same for my Regina as you do Chris, but our love can never be..... call it a strange twist of fate to find the one person you could love forever and have that love dashed against the rocks..... I feel your pain and if I knew the answer I would gladly tell you, unfortunately there is no answer Even if I met a wonderful girl today that could love me, In my heart I would still love my Regina..... She was and still is my 'Princess'

/me cries......
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Old 05-20-2003, 09:22 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Location: Youngstown, Ohio
it sounds so strange and so trite, but you have to let it go. If you dont, it will recycle though your soul forever. And that way, my friend, lies madness.

When you stare into the abyss too long, the abyss sometimes, stares back into you.

good luck
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Old 05-20-2003, 05:05 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Thank you for your responses. I wrote this after laying in bed for to long just thinking and thinking. I'm glad I'm not alone out here. I was beginning to feel like a crazy person.
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Old 05-20-2003, 05:46 PM   #6 (permalink)
Eccentric insomniac
 
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Location: North Carolina
When I lost my last girlfriend, I felt like you did... until I met my current girlfriend. After I met the new one, all my worries went away. I still care about my Ex, a lot, but I no longer feel a need to be with her or that "my world is over" feeling. I messed around with a couple different girls before hand, and like you mentioned, they just didn't compare to her. Now I have met somebody to whom my Ex doesn't compare, and life goes on.

Just realize that there are people out there who are just as awesome as your chris, and that sooner or later, you will bump into one of them.

Good luck
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Old 05-21-2003, 02:07 PM   #7 (permalink)
Junkie
 
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Location: Up yonder
I've learned the hard way you just have to put one foot in front of the other and keep going. Even when you don't want to or lack the courage to, it is the only way.
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Old 05-21-2003, 11:34 PM   #8 (permalink)
Psychopathic Akimbo Action Pirate
 
Location: ...between Christ and Belial.
Take a step back, and gaze upon yourself from a distance.

Look at your life. Think about what is wrong with your life, as you are apparently dissatisfied. As you yourself said, she is no longer a part of life. So that directly infers that the problem with what you are viewing is you.

That's not to say that you are a bad person, or even that you have done anything wrong at all. What I said may come across as mean. But you know what? You probably won't get out of this slump without being mean to yourself.

You need some resolve to fix your broken life. You can fight yourself for years saying "It's my fault" or "It's her fault", but that doesn't matter in the slightest. What's done is done.

She's gone, right? So quit worrying about it. For all you know, one of your friends, co-workers, or some stranger passing on the street is the woman of your dreams, but you might miss your opportunity if you don't regain some self-confidence. No, scratch that. You don't miss opportunities, but you do create them.

It obviously wasn't meant to be. Learn from your mistakes and grow stronger.

Call me naively optimistic, but some day you might kick this slump's ass hard enough that you'll look back and say, "That was the best thing that ever happened to me!"

I would wish you good luck, but I know that you can accomplish this without any.
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Last edited by Antagony; 05-21-2003 at 11:36 PM..
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