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Old 02-21-2005, 02:32 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Location: North Carolina
Tips for virgin newlyweds?

Well I've been married for a few months now, we were both virgins. The whole penetration thing came a lot less natural then I expected. I had a hard time getting in her, and I wouldn't be suprised it if it took a week before I actually penetrated her. Now penetration is getting a bit easier, however we're limited to missionary and cowgirl. We haven't been able to do other positions because penetration is very difficult or painful for her. Another thing we've found is that when she's riding on top and leans back, my penis can pop out, which is on the verge of painful. I really want to try more positions, especially ones that allow for some serious thrusting. What suggestions and tips can you give me? Thanks!
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Old 02-21-2005, 02:41 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Also, I have a hard time lasting long before I cum. I know that desensitizing cream exists, but won't that desensitize her inside? Thoughts and any other suggestions?
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Old 02-21-2005, 02:48 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Since we don't know all the details of your sex life, we can only speculate as to what you are trying to do and what you might not be doing. My bust suggestion would be to up your foreplay. Get her hot and wet before you attempt penetration. Touch her, have her touch herself, go down on her, kiss her in her where she's sensative, make her squirm a while before trying to jam it in. Remember that natural lubrication is internal and may need some help getting to the outside of the vagina in order to aid in penetration. You can also buy lubes to help out and there is not shame in that. Try astroglide or K-Y. Good luck
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Old 02-21-2005, 03:24 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Thanks for the suggestions. We've been using K-Y, and foreplay is part of the process at least some of the time. This brings up another question: are there negatives to having her cum before I try to penetrate? Does that cause her to cool down, tighten up, dry out, etc?
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Old 02-21-2005, 03:30 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I think that depends on the woman. My wife lurkette usually isn't much up for penetration after she cums. Though, actually... well, she sometimes has little orgasms that aren't really the "main event", and she's often VERY up for penetration after one or more of those.

I guess my point is, lurkette and I know each other inside and out. We've spent the last 13 years learning each other and honing our ability to do exactly what the other wants. We still occasionally discover new things--she spontaneously came up with a new oral trick the other day that quite literally makes my eyes roll back--but generally speaking, it's a matter of time, learning, and familiarity.

This is why I generally wouldn't recommend saving sex for marriage. I'm not criticizing your choice or your beliefs, but one of the things you'll have to contend with is that you're now in a lifelong relationship with somebody you have no sexual relatedness with. So your first job is to start building sexual relatedness.
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Old 02-21-2005, 03:57 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elsesomebody
Thanks for the suggestions. We've been using K-Y, and foreplay is part of the process at least some of the time. This brings up another question: are there negatives to having her cum before I try to penetrate? Does that cause her to cool down, tighten up, dry out, etc?
AT LEAST SOME OF THE TIME??? to quote Jeff Foxworthy: "women are like diesel engines- they take a while to warm up, but once they do, they can run a long, LONG time!" Sex feels SO MUCH BETTER when a woman is properly aroused. when a woman is aroused, the vagina elongates and widens, the uterus tips a little, and lubrication happens everywhere inside the vagina. this makes sex feel much better because the woman's body is ready for a penis to be in there! like, my SO's penis is BIG, and i know that if i'm not properly aroused it's bumping into things inside me, which HURTS! but when properly aroused, it feels WONDERFUL!! so that's something i'd recommend trying out- make sure you guys are ENJOYING sex, all of it, not just insert tab A into slot B, repeat!

secondly, by the question you asked about a woman's body response to having an orgasm, it sounds like you don't know about your wife's body- ask her! only she knows what happens to her after she comes. make sure you're communicating what you both want/need in the bedroom- it's easy for one person to miss something that the other person is desiring. also, don't bother with the K/Y, go get youself some O'My lube! it's fabulous and feels more like the real thing. O'My lube

but remember, if she's fully aroused she probably won't need lube- lots of lube cuts down on friction and that's bad. little bit of friction = whole lot o rockin!

anyway, as to the you coming really quick, that's pretty natural since you haven't had sex before. there's lots of sites on the internet with adivce about how to last longer- but the basic thing is if you feel yourself getting close, stop for a minute and divert your attention elsewhere- kiss your wife, take your penis out and finger her, suck her nipples. i would not, however, recommend counting backwards from 100 or something like that, because then you're not in the fun moment of having sex with your wife. lasting longer comes with having more sex! don't stress about it.

final two cents: go get The Guide to Getting it On! by Paul Joannides- it's a really awesome guide about all things sex (the fun and the purely biological) and you will learn A LOT that they don't tell you in sunday school! Check out the book!

SEX IS FUN AND WONDERFUL AND GREAT! ENJOY IT!!

ps- also, have her go to her gyno and get herself checked out- perhaps she's just small or her hymen is still blocking her vaginal opening- by getting her doctor involved you'll know for sure what's going on!
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Old 02-21-2005, 04:04 PM   #7 (permalink)
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You gotta just take it slow and learn about her. Just like playing an instrument, you gotta practise before you get good! Anyway, foreplay should ALWAYS be apart of your sex life, no matter what. Don't expect to be able to do every position in the world in the first year or so...cos that won't happen. Good luck.
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Old 02-21-2005, 04:12 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Me and my husband we're both virgins when we met. It seemed everything other than missionary or me on top hurt too. It just took me a little while to get used to everything. Now I can handle anything Just try different positions and if it hurts her, switch to something else and try that one another time. I know that's what worked for us, eventually it quit hurting and I'm sure it will for your wife too!
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Old 02-21-2005, 11:50 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Take plenty of time to tease each other before having sex. The more she is physically and emotionally ready for you, the better it will be. My SO and I find it helpful if he has an orgasm before we have sex, because he lasts longer the second time around. Perhaps you could suggest that to your wife...anything that helps you to learn about your bodies has got to be a good thing.
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Old 02-22-2005, 01:41 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Last edited by insidious_machinae; 03-20-2010 at 10:34 AM..
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Old 02-22-2005, 03:59 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobaphat
... make her squirm a while before trying to jam it in.
sorry this is a bit off subject but when i read this i couldnt help but laugh

as for your problem i dont think that i have much more to say that hasnt already been said...

oh umm... with her on top if you get up on your elbows while she leans back you wont pop out as much because you reduce the the angle. also when she is on top try having her come down to kiss you.

another position to try which might work is while you are spooning her try taking her from behind. you dont penetrate as deeply as you would with doggy and it means that you can stimulate her clit while you are inside her.

other than try different types of lube and go slow...
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Old 02-22-2005, 08:06 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Try the side by side position (a favorite of mine, and I don't know the technical term for it) and a little k-y. That stuff will really help make the experience even more pleasurable.
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Old 02-22-2005, 09:25 AM   #13 (permalink)
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I would advise not to use any desensitizing cream whatsoever. It may help you last longer, but in some cases it willl hinder your reactions to pain and other goings-on inside her vagina. You could be hurting her and not even know it (especially if she doesn't say anything while its happening).

Use a water-based liubricant like K-Y Jelly or AstroGlide. I have used the K-Y Warming Jelly before and my girlfriend has mentioned that too much can really surprise her when its applied or the sex is too vigorous.

Sometimes when performing oral sex on her, I like to tease her to death and then go right to it.. the teasing helps her get turned on and then after awhile she's ready to go. Just don't tease her too lightly because (as my girlfriend has mentioned to me before) it can tickle.
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Old 02-22-2005, 09:37 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Everyone here has some great advice, mostly I would say you will learn as you go. Use store bought lubricant as necessary, the more you use the easier penetration will be. Lots of foreplay is good, oral sex helps. Buy some toys! They make foreplay even more fun. Mostly have fun with it. Don't stress it will become easier over time.
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Old 02-25-2005, 01:38 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Location: North Carolina
Thanks for all the advice guys and gals. We're having fun learning together. We were able to try doggie style the other night after getting her quite stimulated. It was a completely different feeling. She said it was an uncomfortable feeling, but I didn't last very long.
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Old 02-28-2005, 11:35 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Rent porn- really, it is a great idea starter- DO NOT make the mistake of doing (or rather trying to do) everything they do, or beliveing that all that they do is fun- but it is a great visual tour of the possibilities- and it is in motion whic I find beats a book anyday.... then take it slow and get to know your and each others likes and dislikes. Do not let your expectations get the better of you- you could not , I wager, ride a bike well without practice, nor do any sport or physical skill perfectly right off the bat, and this is no different.......but for some reason people seem to think sex should be great right out of the box- silly people, like aything else, practice makes perfect....
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Old 03-02-2005, 01:53 PM   #17 (permalink)
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My girlfriend doesn't like having sex after she comes, because she gets too wet and starts up a quiefing storm, but it might help you out. Try to go down on her because thats the easiest way i can suggest getting her off. Get her off and right after she might be sensitive but it usually doesnt last for long. Then just slip it in. If she doesn't have problems with getting wet then you shouldn't have to use KY and if yall are going in without condoms that makes it alot harder at first when a girl is tighter. Try using a lubricated condom because the friction will be much less and it will make you last longer most likely. I wouldnt ever use desensitising cream because you will go limp as soon as it starts working. I actually had a wierd experience with that stuff because i tried to have sex with it to impress a girl because previously i had been depressed and it shattered my confidence so i no longer lasted long. Well anyway story goes i went limp never came yada yada, but the next time we had sex i lasted 3 hours. It was wierd i think my confidence was just restored but its just kind of funny how that works out. Try condoms,getting her off first, and for lasting long i would try masterbating and right before you come stopping waiting for it to settle back in and starting again. Do that several times before you come it will teach you more about your penis and all the feelings associated and such. Good luck with it though.
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Old 03-02-2005, 02:06 PM   #18 (permalink)
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I don't have any tips, but I wanted to express to y'all how wonderful it is to hear of virgin couples waiting till their wedding night to have sex. In this oversexed society, it's truly very refreshing!

Congrats to you both!
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Old 03-02-2005, 02:16 PM   #19 (permalink)
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The only tip I have is to have sex as quickly as possible.
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Old 03-06-2005, 08:59 PM   #20 (permalink)
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I suggest that after your warm-up sessions of oral and manual sex, get lubed and let her go on top. It's nicer if the woman leans forward when she's on top, instead of just being vertical. You get to feel boobs on your chest and she can do as she pleases. It also stimulates better.

Good luck with everything! It gets better as you practice. I promise.
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