Gaaarrrh!! Everything's changed - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Meier_Link · 03-26-2005, 08:41 AM

Jesus Christ man, I probably don't need advise because I know what I should do, but this is just so fucking frustrating.

I've been with my girlfriend for about 2 years, and nothing is the same anymore. I'm sure I've changed over the course of the relationship, but what I'm noticing most is how she's changed. We started out as a long distance relationship, she was in college and I lived hours away. We would talk everyday, we would make immense amounts of effort to see each other almost every weekend. She was so nice to me, she'd alway answer my calls or call back quickly, she was enamored with me, made me feel like a million bucks.

Now we've been living in the same city for about a year and things are so much different. We argue all the time over stupid shit. She doesn't wait for my calls, in fact most the time she doesn't even answer them. That frustrates the hell out of me. She used to want sex all the time, now I'm lucky if she wants it more than once or twice a week. This relationship has degraded into a depreciating experience for me.

It's time to get out of this relationship, it's been time for so long, but when it comes to it I just can't bring myself to end it. I'm probably moving soon, so maybe I should just let that end the relationship for me, tell her I can't do the long distance relationship anymore. I don't know if the pain of getting out of this relationship will be worse than the pain of staying in it any longer.

desal75 · 03-26-2005, 09:12 AM

The pain will be bad.
But you are in pain already and the longer you wait the more you just make it drag out. Plus if you end it now it is that much sooner you can get on with your life, spend time alone, find another girl, do whatever you want besides pulling your hair out dealing with this stuff.

Just tell her it is not working, she may feel the same way. It sucks things started out so good but that is the way things go. Just be glad you had those good times.

Gilda · 03-26-2005, 12:01 PM

Perhaps it was being at a distance that made things better when you were in the long distance phase of the relationship. That can add an incentive to make an extra effort. Being closer, you may expect things to be easier, and when they aren't it get's frustrating. It does sound as if things have turned sour in this relationship, but it always helps to "have the talk".

Get together with no other reason than to talk with her, and tell her how you feel and why you feel that way. Speak calmly, and without anger or bitterness. When you do, share your feelings without assessing blame. Do it like this: I feel _______ when you / we / I do ________.

For example: I'm disappointed when I call and you aren't home, and it makes me feel distant when you don't return my calls.

When she responds, echo her response back at her to show her that you are actually listening: I understand that you weren't able to return my call that night because it was too late and you didn't want to wake, me, but I still feel frustrated when you don't return my calls.

Now it sounds like maybe this relationship has just reached the point at which you've grown apart, and if that's so, you need to make a clean break. Leaving town gives you both a good excuse for that, a good point at which to find some closure. If so, use it for that, but try to end the relationship on friendly terms. You'll thank yourself later.

Sweetpea · 03-26-2005, 12:28 PM

Talk to her about how you feel . . . get it out in the open.

That being said, it just sounds like you've grown apart or grown in different directions. And you deserve a woman who is just as interested and engaged in the relationship as you are.

Never settle, never stay in a relationship that doesn't give you what you deserve, life is just too short for that.

Sweetpea

BigDonkey2 · 03-26-2005, 03:25 PM

Ya, I just got out of a 1 1/2 year relationship that was mostly long distance. Things were shaky and when she left (for France for the fall semester) we promised to be good to each other, but that went in the shitter. We were shitty all semester and I broke it off a week before she came back but then changed my mind and wanted to work things out. She ended up going back to Paris this Spring and things were good for about a month and then went back down the toilet, so I just ended it. If its that much pain for you I say just break it off and go your separate ways. I know I stayed in my relationship waaaaay too long. Things were really fucked up between us and I should've ended it earlier, but you live and you learn. Good luck.

fluster · 03-26-2005, 08:16 PM

When the pain of staying outweighs the pain of leaving it will happen. Moving away is a good time to move on. As sweetpea said, talk to her, let her know what you are feeling.

Take the chance to part on friendly terms now. If you don't, chances are it will get messy.

03-26-2005, 08:41 AM	#1 (permalink)
Meier_Link Psycho Location: in a state of confusion	Gaaarrrh!! Everything's changed Jesus Christ man, I probably don't need advise because I know what I should do, but this is just so fucking frustrating. I've been with my girlfriend for about 2 years, and nothing is the same anymore. I'm sure I've changed over the course of the relationship, but what I'm noticing most is how she's changed. We started out as a long distance relationship, she was in college and I lived hours away. We would talk everyday, we would make immense amounts of effort to see each other almost every weekend. She was so nice to me, she'd alway answer my calls or call back quickly, she was enamored with me, made me feel like a million bucks. Now we've been living in the same city for about a year and things are so much different. We argue all the time over stupid shit. She doesn't wait for my calls, in fact most the time she doesn't even answer them. That frustrates the hell out of me. She used to want sex all the time, now I'm lucky if she wants it more than once or twice a week. This relationship has degraded into a depreciating experience for me. It's time to get out of this relationship, it's been time for so long, but when it comes to it I just can't bring myself to end it. I'm probably moving soon, so maybe I should just let that end the relationship for me, tell her I can't do the long distance relationship anymore. I don't know if the pain of getting out of this relationship will be worse than the pain of staying in it any longer.

03-26-2005, 09:12 AM	#2 (permalink)
desal75 Psycho Location: Western New York	The pain will be bad. But you are in pain already and the longer you wait the more you just make it drag out. Plus if you end it now it is that much sooner you can get on with your life, spend time alone, find another girl, do whatever you want besides pulling your hair out dealing with this stuff. Just tell her it is not working, she may feel the same way. It sucks things started out so good but that is the way things go. Just be glad you had those good times. __________________ The Man in Black fled across the desert and the Gunslinger followed.

03-26-2005, 12:28 PM	#4 (permalink)
Sweetpea Fade out Location: in love	Talk to her about how you feel . . . get it out in the open. That being said, it just sounds like you've grown apart or grown in different directions. And you deserve a woman who is just as interested and engaged in the relationship as you are. Never settle, never stay in a relationship that doesn't give you what you deserve, life is just too short for that. Sweetpea __________________ Having a Pet Will Change Your Life! Looking for a great pet?! Click Here! "I am the Type of Person Who Can Get Away With A lot, Simply Because I Don't Ask Permission for the Privilege of Being Myself"

03-26-2005, 12:01 PM	#3 (permalink)
Gilda 32 flavors and then some Location: Out on a wire.	Perhaps it was being at a distance that made things better when you were in the long distance phase of the relationship. That can add an incentive to make an extra effort. Being closer, you may expect things to be easier, and when they aren't it get's frustrating. It does sound as if things have turned sour in this relationship, but it always helps to "have the talk". Get together with no other reason than to talk with her, and tell her how you feel and why you feel that way. Speak calmly, and without anger or bitterness. When you do, share your feelings without assessing blame. Do it like this: I feel _______ when you / we / I do ________. For example: I'm disappointed when I call and you aren't home, and it makes me feel distant when you don't return my calls. When she responds, echo her response back at her to show her that you are actually listening: I understand that you weren't able to return my call that night because it was too late and you didn't want to wake, me, but I still feel frustrated when you don't return my calls. Now it sounds like maybe this relationship has just reached the point at which you've grown apart, and if that's so, you need to make a clean break. Leaving town gives you both a good excuse for that, a good point at which to find some closure. If so, use it for that, but try to end the relationship on friendly terms. You'll thank yourself later.

03-26-2005, 03:25 PM	#5 (permalink)
BigDonkey2 Insane Location: California	Ya, I just got out of a 1 1/2 year relationship that was mostly long distance. Things were shaky and when she left (for France for the fall semester) we promised to be good to each other, but that went in the shitter. We were shitty all semester and I broke it off a week before she came back but then changed my mind and wanted to work things out. She ended up going back to Paris this Spring and things were good for about a month and then went back down the toilet, so I just ended it. If its that much pain for you I say just break it off and go your separate ways. I know I stayed in my relationship waaaaay too long. Things were really fucked up between us and I should've ended it earlier, but you live and you learn. Good luck.

03-26-2005, 08:16 PM	#6 (permalink)
fluster Psycho Location: Down Under	When the pain of staying outweighs the pain of leaving it will happen. Moving away is a good time to move on. As sweetpea said, talk to her, let her know what you are feeling. Take the chance to part on friendly terms now. If you don't, chances are it will get messy.