Cervantes

Reading through the thread (40 MISTAKES MEN MAKE WHILE HAVING SEX WITH WOMEN) spawned the idea of this thread. Since I have noticed that men isn't alone in making mistakes in bed, it would be interesting to see what a thread like this one would pull to the surface.

BTW. Let's try and keep this in the same humorous and lighthearted sprit as the linked thread.
So just whip out your pet peeves and share with the rest of us.


1) Just lying there, letting the man do all the work,
Sex is a mutual thing and should be enjoyed mutually, that means both has to put in their efforts to make the sex as good as possible.


2) Being absent in bed,
Do you want sex or do you want to inspect the ceiling?


3) Scraping your teeth on the penis while giving oral sex,
The abstract thought of having your penis inserted into an orifice that could snap it right of with reasonable ease is fully manageable, being reminded of the physical fact every now and then is a huge turnoff.


4) Faking an orgasm,
There is only one betrayal that is worse, if you didn't orgasm don't be afraid to say so. If you don't want to contine trying to reach it tell us, if you wish to keep trying tell us aswell (and don't forget to tell us how). Despite popular myths the vast majority of men do understand spoken language even during sex.


5) Not showing the guy how to pleasy you,
It is your body, you are the only expert in giving you pleasure. If you wish a fulfilling sexlife, in most cases, you have to instruct him. Most men know the basics, the specials of your body can only be fully explored if you show them to him.


6) Not being imaginative enough,
Men, just like women, get bored when something becomes routine. The man isn't the only one having sex and taking initiatives to keep the sexlife interesting isn't his responsibility alone.


7) Not taking the initiative to initiate sexplay,
Men just like women needs to feel wanted and desired, if we constantly have to initate sex we soon feel like we are taking advantage of you and that is not a good feeling.


8) Shoving your finger up his anus without consulting him first,
Despite the abundance of erotic stories that features this act, most men would like the opportunity to say yes or no before something as potentially traumatic as this happens.


9) Digging your fingernails into his back,
There are many men that like pain and find it erotic, but the majority don't.


10) Not wanting to try different poses,
See number 7 for explanation.


11) Finishing off oral sex with a handjob,
You worked so hard to get him to climax with your mouth and then you just pull back and finish the grand finale with a tacky handjob. How would you like it if the guy get's you to the brink of orgasm and then pulls back and finishes you off with his fingers?
We can totally respect that you don't want to swallow and we can understand that you don't like the taste but we can't understand why you don't take the semen in your mouth and then spit it out somewhere else. Less laundry, almost no mess and our enjoyment of your oral stimulation is tenfolded.


Please continue with your own peeves, and remember: this is all in good fun so no bashing and/or namecalling.

__________________
- "Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.."
- "Religions take everything that your DNA naturally wants to do to survive and pro-create and makes it wrong."
- "There is only one absolute truth and that is that there is only one absolute truth."

alpha

Good list you've written so far.. I can only think of one right now (from experience):

12) Enjoying receiving oral sex but not returning the favour

if you haven't got a good reason not to do it (i can't think of any btw), it's unfair to make your man work for your pleasure and never do it to him in return.

Suave

13) Laughing when we take our pants off. IT'S A LITTLE COLD OUT, OKAY?

__________________
"Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions." - Albert Einstein

"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." - Plato

Astrocloud

666) Just demanding sex without any foreplay. Most women have "the Fonzie" approach to getting sex from a man. They think that if they snap their fingers -it's enough to get us to want them.

Disk_Pusher

I feel so bad, but I'm guilty of #13 and I'll never forgive myself. Being a virgin, I didn't know the range of sizes men came in, and was confused that after I went down on my boyfriend for a good 5 minutes that it didn't get very large. I said, "Isn't is suposed to get bigger?"

...

I hate myself for that, but thankfully he was kind hearded enough to forgive my virgin stupidity.

MEAD

Oh man that is the burn that keeps on burning.

__________________
Here are some phrases I'd like to be able to say, in all honesty, before I die.
"That's it, send out the ninjas!"
"So then I had to kill my way to the second floor."

streak_56

I think I am scared to post in here.... the scratching thing doesn't bother me that much. I don't think any of these things bother me.

BUT the biggest one for me has to be (I'm going to die saying this, lord help me) EXPECTATIONS. How the heck am I supposed to be as good as your dreams?

zombie_sympathi

Uhm. Maybe because she doesn't like it?

Robaggio

Notice how the women's list is is "FOURTY mistakes" and ours is 13. Something about that just amused me, yet, it also made me feel bad that I'm a man

Sage

Not liking semen is like a guy saying he loves giving oral sex but hates the girl's natural juices. If you don't like to win you shouldn't run the race.

15) Expecting the guy to GIVE you an orgasm.
You can't buy it at the store, and it doesn't come gift-wrapped. An orgasm is a joint effort between both partners, and should be enjoyed by both!

__________________

skier

16. Not washing.

No, I don't mind eating you out. But you haven't showered in four days and your pussy smells like raw cat food and rancid tuna combined. It's a good thing my cock doesn't have tastebuds.

__________________
"Asking a bomb squad if an old bomb is still "real" is not the best thing to do if you want to save it." - denim

doncalypso

That was a good one...

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Doncalypso... the one and only Haitian Sensation

StormBerlin

Do the women you date have the habit of not bathing for four days at a time?

__________________
"if anal sex could get a girl pregnant i'd be tits deep in child support" Arcane

carguy

Now that was a good one!

skier

Oh, she would shower. But she wouldn't spend anytime cleaning down there. It was like the second round of fear factor every time she asked me to eat her out.

__________________
"Asking a bomb squad if an old bomb is still "real" is not the best thing to do if you want to save it." - denim

StanT

We know you're not a virgin and we're fine with that; but trying to get the last drop out of an extra-large tube of KY jelly doesn't make a good first impression.

Demeter

Haha! This invokes a picture of a woman absorbed in her work, frantically shaking & squeezing a small bottle while the man looks on half mortified.

And for Skier...I won't let my man go south unless I'm shaved, and I have showered in the last few hours.

__________________

I am not bound to please thee with my answers.
William Shakespeare

zombie_sympathi

Sage, I basically agree with you here. But I feel that there's a difference (to me, anyway) between licking something that is wet and then having something wet shoot into your mouth. However, this is coming from a person who doesn't like to "run the race." =p

Vincentt

That one has me laughing.

Once I went back to a girls dorm room in college, and there was a 100 condom pack (might have been more, it was huge and also mostly empty...) needless to say I felt very ackward.

__________________
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maleficent

they make good water balloons

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ktspktsp

Man, now I have thoughts of bugs and worms in there
Why oh why did you have to mention fear factor!

Suave

I think this picture is somewhat fitting under the circumstances.


NOT


SAFE


FOR


WORK







http://img99.echo.cx/img99/218/sem269hw.jpg







NOT


SAFE


FOR


WORK

__________________
"Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions." - Albert Einstein

"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." - Plato

Daniel_

LOL at this whole thread - just showed the picture to herself - funny - I never realised how high an arachnaphobe could jump...

__________________

╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

Squishor

Not safe For Squishor.

That gives me some major heeby jeebies.

777

I heard that this gal was cheating on her husband with some guy. The same night she fucked "the other man" in his car, she sleep with her husband. Or she would have, since her husband found a used condom in her. And since this little married couple didn't use condoms any more, she had some explaining to do.

So let's remember where we left our condoms before, during, and after sex.

__________________
"I don't know that I ever wanted greatness, on its own. It seems rather like wanting to be an engineer, rather than wanting to design something - or wanting to be a writer, rather than wanting to write. It should be a by-product, not a thing in itself. Otherwise, it's just an ego trip."

Roger Zelazny

Suave

And always remember: use condoms or spiders will come out of your vagina.

__________________
"Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions." - Albert Einstein

"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." - Plato

maleficent

Is that the new motto for safe sex? No more fear of STDs - it's all about teh spider..
:shudders:

That picture is actually kinda cool though... now roachjes,that'd be disgusting.. and don't you be searching for a picture of a roach.. that's not a challenge.

__________________

Amnesia620

That's hilarious!! OMG! Hahahahaha! That is great...

__________________
For example, I find that a lot of college girls are barbie doll carbon copies with few differences...Sadly, they're dumb, ditzy, immature, snotty, fake, or they are the gravitational center to orbiting drama. - Amnesia620

StormBerlin

Well the vagina is self cleaning, so I don't know what her problem was. Eww... fear factor... that show makes me want to throw up.

__________________
"if anal sex could get a girl pregnant i'd be tits deep in child support" Arcane

tacobaal

AMEN! grabing of your back / chest especially with sharp nails = a big no no for me, i dont want to be bleeding like that after sex

cheese

17. Not accepting Visa....

Jesus Pimp

18. Not knowing how to give handjobs. Yanking on my foreskin too hard

__________________
Never date anyone who doesn't make your dick hard.

raveneye

If I had to vote for the worst, it would be #3. There are even songs written about it. Has anybody heard Canned Heat's "You Can Fuck, But You Sure Can't Suck"? Dr. Demento has it in his collection, I sure would like to get a copy but I haven't seen any sign of it anywhere. I can vaguely remember the chorus, something like:

I can feel ALL your teeth, honey, on the end of my dick.
It's hurtin' me, hurtin' me to the bone.
To let you blow? Shit, honey, I just don't know . . .
You can fuck, but you sure can't suck.

It was a pretty funny song, slick and commercial. I wish I had it, it brings back lots of memories of college

ShaniFaye

I find this one
9) Digging your fingernails into his back,
There are many men that like pain and find it erotic, but the majority don't.

interesting.....I've never been with a man that didnt like it, yet you state the majority of men dont....

__________________
I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

chickentribs

Yeah - I have to admit that the day I say "try to calm down a bit" is the day I just need to hang it up!

__________________
Oft expectation fails...
and most oft there Where most it promises
- Shakespeare, W.

ruggerp11

Side not on 5)
You don't have to give us written instructions with a map included. You are more than able to give us clues verbally. A well placed moan or O YES works wonders for the men who are paying attention (MEN: PAY ATTENTION). We know that not all of you are comforatble telling a man how to please you, but giving us clues can still lead us to the promised land.

__________________
Patriotism means being loyal to your country all the time and to its government when it deserves it.
--Mark Twain
Do What makes you happy
--Me
BUT!
"Happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness" - Chuang-Tzu

boredom

I like nails in my back, i dont like the blood seeping into all the shirts i own though, makes it look like i have a train track of staples on my back.

__________________
Wiggum: Find anything this time, boys?
Cop: Uh, no sign of him, Chief.
Wiggum: Princess Opal?
Opal: I see nothing here, but I'm afraid it's splitsville for Delta
Burke and Major Dad.
Wiggum: But they seem so happy!
-- ``Bart the Murderer''

Cervantes

It's all a matter of what kind of partner you choose . some like it but the majority of men I've talked with, doesn't like it.
Note also my choice of words, many can mean 49.99999....%.. yet anything above that is a majority.

__________________
- "Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.."
- "Religions take everything that your DNA naturally wants to do to survive and pro-create and makes it wrong."
- "There is only one absolute truth and that is that there is only one absolute truth."

abaya

Wow, I had no idea that so many women dug their fingernails into men's backs... I thought that only happened in the movies. I guess I've never done it... but I keep my nails plain and short (no polish or manicures, etc), so I guess they wouldn't hurt even if I did use them.

I do like to grab ktspktsp when he's on top, to hold him closer and pull him into me, but I don't use my nails because I know that would hurt!! I just use my fingertips and press them into his back as I hug harder. I wouldn't want him digging nails into my back either, if he had them. Maybe I'm just not into pain...

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Squishor

Well I've been guilty of the fingernail thing on many occasions over the years, but it's usually not something I'm aware of at the time. I tend to get carried away and survey the aftermath later. I do try to stop it if I notice I'm doing it, and I haven't really had many complaints.

Abaya - my fingernails are also on the plain and short side but they can still draw blood. Skin is not very tough stuff.