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Old 08-06-2005, 10:06 PM   #1 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Emptiness/Loneliness and meeting women

So yeah, ever since my breakup(first in an extended relationship, 1 and a half years) about a month and a half ago, I've felt really lonely and empty. I've tried meeting new chicks, and I've met a few, I've done more with my friends, I've been working, but even at work I still feel it sometimes. I mean like tonight, I went out with one friend to the bar for a few hours, then came home and my other friend came over for a while, and I still feel extremely *alone* and unconnected.

How do I deal with this? Are my only options meeting someone new, or giving it time?

I mean hell, I'd love to meet someone new, but unfortunately chicks I've encountered who have personality/interests that genuinely mesh with mine are also extremely unattractive. So basically if someone who I find attractive, is comfortable with me, is a female, and is single "comes along", I doubt it will be soon. I had to wait 19 years for someone to "come along" like that(she "fell into my lap"). I feel like I'm either going to have to settle for someone who I really don't want/doesn't fit me, or set out on some needle in a haystack type search. I don't really want to date around and then end up with the least evil person. How did you find that next someone you really liked?
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Old 08-06-2005, 11:29 PM   #2 (permalink)
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How about yourself? Is your own company enough? It should be.

The few times I've gotten into substantial relationships, they began during a period when I was quite at peace with myself as an individual. The less I looked around for a missing piece and the more I focused on trucking along my own path, the more I had realistic opportunities for a new relationship spring up.
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Old 08-07-2005, 02:50 AM   #3 (permalink)
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You stated these "Chicks" have interests/personality that mesh with yours.....yet are Extremely unattractive, so I can only assume you are looking stricktly for Physical appearance. Um.....guess all I can say is....Good Luck.

If you are not basing attraction on who someone is, but instead on what they look like then yes....you will be lonely for some time to come. I would also try to get away from the word "Chick", as it tends to turn Women off, works well with girls though.
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Old 08-07-2005, 05:36 AM   #4 (permalink)
Crazy
 
I'm not in this all about looks. There are !!!!!plenty!!!!! of attractive college girls out there. I don't want an attractive girlfriend just because shes attractive. I'm relatively sure that most people would understand I didn't date my last girlfriend for looks if they saw her, even though to me there wasn't a more beautiful and attractive woman in the world because I loved her.

When I say extremely unattractive, I mean they haven't taken care of themselves at all, didn't attempt to dress in clothes that weren't ragged and fit them, etc, but they had similar interests and were good people.

You can't base a relationship solely on the fact that a person has a nice personality. If you're not attracted to them then they're just friend material, right?
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Old 08-07-2005, 05:56 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Location: under a rock
Wrong. You will BECOME attracted to someone if you fall in love with them. Beauty is a false and temporary thing, and your own desires will change over time.

If the reason why you find someone unattractive is bad clothing and tangled hair, then that is an even worse reason to reject them as "not girlfriend material", because these things are even more temporary. If, once you are close to them, you express delight whenever she wears anything you like, and fawn on her right after a bath, she'll get the hint and start dressing nicely more often.

Don't get me wrong, if someone is totally repuslive then don't try to force it. But take a good, hard look at someone before you reject them, and make sure you aren't basing a life-changing decision on a bad hair day!
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Old 08-07-2005, 06:28 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Acetylene
Wrong. You will BECOME attracted to someone if you fall in love with them. Beauty is a false and temporary thing, and your own desires will change over time.
Och... So true. As long as you do fall in love. Unfortunately, sometimes (often due to physical appearance) you trip and stumble and get stuck falling in like.

Can you use these girls you're not attracted to but have cool personalities to build up your friend base? Not "use" per se, but I'm sure y'all know what I mean. Sometimes it helps. Friendship without the relationship level pressure of feeling obligated to date, spend time together. You can enjoy each other's company without as much stress. And see where it goes from there. I've been on the receiving end of the "I'm just not physically attracted to you, but you have a great personality". But we're still friends and it's actually turned out to be a very good support. Because I have a great personality.
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Old 08-07-2005, 09:37 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Location: Preston lancs(i know i know)
it is true when you fal in love...the person can BECOME attractive.
u look for things for a long time...you find them when you stop looking, stop wanting...and stop letting ppl know yu are looking and wanting
make sure you get some girl -friends..they wil keep you happy and mean you are more likely to be friendly and approachable to other womenn..some of which you are likely to be introduced to thru having women as friends
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