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Old 06-02-2003, 12:35 AM   #1 (permalink)
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She's uncomfortable with public affection.

I just wanted to hear some opinions regarding my ex girlfriend's characteristic that she gets uncomfortable with public affection 70% of the time. I'm not sure what would cause it, but I've noticed it in a few friends of mine and I'm just kind of curious what's going on in their head.
In a small nutshell, I'm thinking it's that the girl doesn't completely, 100% love the guy at the time and almost doesn't want to be seen being taken over by him. I came to this by thinking of an inverse situation, being that the girl *loves* public affection. This would be because she's infatuated with the guy and almost wants everyone to witness "her catch"....
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Old 06-02-2003, 08:30 AM   #2 (permalink)
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my wife is not into PDA/SPA... public display of affection or showing public affection.

Not only that she doesn't wear many things that are "revealing" so there are no cleavages, bare shoulders, midriffs...

it took some time and understanding from me, who likes to not care about who's around me (except kids) and do as I please. Even when we were the ONLY people on a fjord in Iceland for at least 30 km... she was uncomfortable having sex by the waterfall... she kept thinking someone was watching or looking.

She's just self concious.
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Old 06-02-2003, 09:35 AM   #3 (permalink)
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I'm in the same boat- my girlfriend doesn't even like to hold hands much. And it does make me feel like she has doubts and isn't totally solid. What can you do?
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Old 06-02-2003, 11:43 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by Shades
And it does make me feel like she has doubts and isn't totally solid. What can you do?
Ask her?

i dunno, i'd honestly say, from a female perspective -
-Ever-'s theory may have some truth to it...i believe i've experienced both sides - guys who i didn't really want touching me in public, and guys who i'd let do almost anything to me, wherever, jsut because i was so happy to be with them, etc..

i dunno. just my 2 cents, and of course there are other reasons, as Cynthetiq has already said...
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Old 06-02-2003, 12:35 PM   #5 (permalink)
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every woman is different, and they all seem to have different reasons.
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Old 06-02-2003, 09:35 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Like what kind of affection showing?
Like I don't mind kissing and hugging and stuff to a certain extent but sometimes if it turns into fondling of the puppies then.... hmmm

I think you have a good theory but, they might be a person that hates to watch other couples that do that sort of thing, and they don't want to be one of those.hmm dunno
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Old 06-03-2003, 05:44 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Where I'm living in Asia, there is a culteral bias against PDA's. You just don't see it that often. I have always been a hand-holder, soft -stroker, ear/neck-nibbler. My GF understands, and actually likes my little affectionate touches, but I have definately had to cut back (when in Rome...).
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Old 06-03-2003, 03:41 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Thank her for people like me who can't stand people and their public affection. If there is a need for it,videotape it and put it in the titty board.Otherwise get a room.
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Old 06-03-2003, 04:01 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by gibber71
Thank her for people like me who can't stand people and their public affection. If there is a need for it,videotape it and put it in the titty board.Otherwise get a room.
Interesting. I wonder what draws the line between emotions like yours and mine, being that I don't even notice PDA if it's around me. And yes, I'm rather observative in general, guess I just don't think twice, or even once, about it it.
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Last edited by -Ever-; 06-03-2003 at 04:28 PM..
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Old 06-03-2003, 04:02 PM   #10 (permalink)
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My girlfriend isn't in to public displays of affection either, but I look past that. Hell, I agree with her, I don't like to see people swallowing each others faces in public, but there is nothing wrong with holding hands.

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Old 06-03-2003, 08:03 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Is there an underlying reason for her dislike for PDA? An ex of mine used to yell at me when he saw me holding hands with my new boyfriend my sophmore year of high school. Even five years later, I'm uncomfortable with overt PDA just because I had it ingrained in my brain that I was bad for doing it. I dunno...just felt the need to share.
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Old 06-03-2003, 09:39 PM   #12 (permalink)
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I dont care too much for large amounts of PDA.. A little here and there is fine, but when you get to, as Mr. Bungle so eloquently put it, the point of <i> swallowing each other's faces</I> then I have had enough.

Granted, if they are in a secluded spot and I happen upon them because I am looking for a little seclusion myself then I do not fault it, but rather try to slink away and let them be.

just my opinions on it... holding hands and the occassional peck on the cheek is ok though.. I barely notice these (unless it happens ever 23 seconds)
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Old 06-04-2003, 01:16 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Shy people in particular seem to be uncmfortable with PDA, and that makes sense. If she's generally a private person, I wouldn't read anything else into it. If she's really uninhibited, and the only inhibition is PDA with you, then maybe there's an issue there.
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Old 06-04-2003, 01:55 PM   #14 (permalink)
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00

Last edited by boatguy234; 11-09-2009 at 08:41 AM..
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Old 06-04-2003, 06:37 PM   #15 (permalink)
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I have no problem with public affection as long as it doesn't go too far....I just wish I had someone to give me some!
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Old 06-04-2003, 07:42 PM   #16 (permalink)
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yea. if pda happen's, then both couples are comfortable w/each other nuff to show feelings in public. OR i think it can be values. some people grow up in stricter environments or as a kid was discouraged anything remotely sexual. so especially in public, it may jus be some inner rule or value knawing at you. take that into consideration and dont jump to the conclusion that he/she isnt interested .
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Old 06-05-2003, 01:54 PM   #17 (permalink)
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I have found that some women don't want to take themselves off the market, so they don't like to be designated as taken in the way that pda can do that. Also, women generally respond negatively to insecurity in men, and men often use pda as a way to cull their girl out of the herd, and let it be know that the girl is taken. Hoping to drive away the circling males. The women smell the fear, perceive the weakness, and find it unattractive. That, or I am full of shit.
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Old 06-06-2003, 08:45 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by sierra2774
I have no problem with public affection as long as it doesn't go too far....I just wish I had someone to give me some!
two questions: how far is too far?
are you looking for volunteers?
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Old 06-06-2003, 09:38 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by cdwonderful
two questions: how far is too far?
are you looking for volunteers?
I am only looking for One volunteer...and I think you know who that would be.

As far as going too far....I really don't know what would be too far...guess I will have to wait and see.
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Old 06-06-2003, 09:47 AM   #20 (permalink)
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you all hang out in malls too much.
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Old 06-06-2003, 10:13 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by ganon
I have found that some women don't want to take themselves off the market, so they don't like to be designated as taken in the way that pda can do that. Also, women generally respond negatively to insecurity in men, and men often use pda as a way to cull their girl out of the herd, and let it be know that the girl is taken. Hoping to drive away the circling males. The women smell the fear, perceive the weakness, and find it unattractive. That, or I am full of shit.
Interesting.
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Old 06-06-2003, 03:17 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Its all about personalites. I personally am a PDA type person. Not to much but if I am out with my girlfriend and I want to kiss her I will. If others want to get offended by it or what not that is their problem. I don't hang on her excessivly or anything. Maybe they are just jealous because they are not getting any? Depending on where I am at I typically limit it to just holding hands though.
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Old 06-06-2003, 05:25 PM   #23 (permalink)
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<i> wants everyone to witness "her catch".... </i> this is not always true.. my ex i found out had been cheatin on me a couple times even though she was fond of hte public affection. ah well.. life goes on eh
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Old 06-12-2003, 04:21 PM   #24 (permalink)
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I'm a manly man, and I don't like being affectionate in public. I just don't, I don't know why. But I love my wife to the extreme, and she understands that just "the way I am".

It used to cause her grief, thinking I didn't love her and all, but she finally figured it out. It ain't no thang but a chickan wang.
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Old 06-13-2003, 04:56 AM   #25 (permalink)
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I have to agree with Forks there. The way you were raised determines your pda alot.

Also, shy people will usually shun away from that. But even very outgoing people can be that way, it just depends a bit on the person him/herself.

It's mostly for selfconscious people that pda does tend to single you out more than any other action. Hell, you can be standing on a stage, dancing and going all out and have a blast, just because there are other people doing that too. But in case of pda, it's something they perceive as: getting singled out and getting intimate, which for them is reserved mostly for private moments & locations.


And yes, I'm a self-conscious weirdo myself. So maybe I'm just talking about myself
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Old 06-13-2003, 06:46 AM   #26 (permalink)
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It's funny, but when I'm in my local environment I'm very inhibited, I don't like holding hands or anything. But if I'm out of town I don't mind it at all. Strange...
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Old 06-16-2003, 05:46 PM   #27 (permalink)
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I think it might be a bit much to assume that a reluctance to show PDA means she feels ambivalent about you. I ADORE my husband and there are times when I have no problem showing tons of affection (and even once wandering around in a public garden flashing him at every opportunity). But there are other times where...I don't know...it just doesn't seem appropriate. Like if we're with other people, it doesn't go much further than hand-holding and the occasional discreet smooch, unless we know the other person doesn't mind. Or in certain settings, or when I'm in certain moods.

As many others have said, you should talk to her about it. If it's something that really bothers you, or really bothers her, you should work it out.
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