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Old 07-14-2005, 01:54 AM   #1 (permalink)
Oh shit it's Wayne Brady!
CityOfAngels's Avatar
Location: Passenger seat of Wayne Brady's car.

No, I'm not talking about computer nerds who violate corporate computer systems. I'm talking about those guys who smack your arms, back, stomach, and sometimes face whenever you drive in a basketball. I HATE 'EM! There are three sizes of hackers:

Big/Tall hackers who don't know how to play, so they swing their big ass arms at your face whenever you go up for a bucket.

Medium-sized hackers who don't know how to play, so whenever you drive in, they decide they're in love with you and give you a big bear-hug.

Short/Small hackers who don't know how to play, so whenever you have the ball, they suddenly become Bruce Lee, and feel that they have to beat on anyone bigger than them to make up for their small size...and small penises.

There's one thing they all have in common: THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO PLAY! So if you're what we call a hacker, I want you to sit your ass in a chair and read a book, ANY book, that teaches the fundamentals of basketball. You will come to realize that there is such thing as a foul. You will find that there are actually effective ways to play defense by AIMING FOR THE BALL INSTEAD OF MY FACE!

Sorry, it's just I just came back from playing with this group of hooligans whose entire basketball arsenal was the karate chop and bear hug. The funny thing is I STILL balled them up. Why? Because they were too focused on where they should bump me rather than actually playing the game of basketball. I'm sitting here now, and the only time my body was more sore was the day I played basketball at three different gyms, and had to bike all around L.A. to get to each one.

If you are a hack, STAY OFF THE COURT!
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Old 07-14-2005, 08:42 AM   #2 (permalink)
Location: Australia, Perth
In a traditional game of basketball you normally have a number of fouls you can give before you sit out?
I don't see anything wrong with fouling, and even fouling to an xetent to "make them earn it" (and also earn it at the line!) without being violent, just fouling hard - it is a contact sport! This is what happens to Shaq all the time!
Although i only do this when i am playing in a proper game and these someone officiating.

Although if they don't think they're fouling you or they're fouling excessivley hard or violently, then there's a problem. It's hard to understand the circustances you were playing in? was it a game of street ball?
was it one on three? who else where you playing with, with the group of hooligans?

Anyway, on the contrary to that, whenever i play street ball - well, more-so just basketball on an outside court, i ain't a gangsta or anything i hate people who whinge and whine about really weak/soft fouls - although it's were a line is drawn; it's hard to understand the extent of what was actually happening through this communication of writing simple text! I mean, i am getting images of guys just bitch slapping you all the time on purpose? You should probably walk away from them instead of carry out a game if that's the case?

Last edited by Sleepyjack; 07-14-2005 at 08:45 AM..
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Old 07-14-2005, 09:36 AM   #3 (permalink)
Oh shit it's Wayne Brady!
CityOfAngels's Avatar
Location: Passenger seat of Wayne Brady's car.
OK so this is what it was. I went all across town to play ball with my friend and his co-workers. There were six of us. We were supposed to get a game of three on three going, but his coworkers pussied out and said they wanted to just play 21 instead. So you got 4 guys crowding the paint whenever I have the ball, and my opponent guarding me. I cross him up and get to the paint to lay that shit in, and suddenly I've got two arms to the gut (obstructing my arms from moving at all), a slap to the right arm, and one or two legs tripping me. Occasionally one of them will actually get their hand on the ball, but that's only about 1 out of 12 occurrences.

So basically, if I'm in the paint, not only am I quadruple-teamed (which is understandable, it is 21 afterall), but none of them are actually going for the ball. So I basically have two options here:
1) When I take it in, take it in HARD.
2) Take outside shots.

So when I take it in hard, I'm basically just a train car with a basketball. I'll knock one, maybe two people to the ground, so I only have two people to contend with, which is a lot easier than four. Doing so actually helped my game, because it made me choose my shots wisely, and I had to pull some crazy Dwyane Wade shit just to get the ball in the hole (not that I'm saying I'm capable of playing as good as Dwyane Wade, I'm just saying that it wasn't just go up straight with a layup). My outside shots would've been a better alternative if my shot was up to par, but sadly it isn't. I can hit shots, but since I've been focusing mainly on my inside game and my handles for the past year, I've gotten a bit rusty with my shot.

Another counter-active measure I took was I started fouling them back. But even then, I can't bring myself to foul blatantly like they were doing. The only time I'll foul is if someone is being guarded by someone else and they get past their defender and close to the basket. I'm not just gonna let them score. Only I started to foul HARD. Pretty much doing what all four of them were doing, but singlehandedly. Although I must say I didn't try to trip anyone and I didn't hit anyone in the gut. But I did hack a few arms.

Of course since these hackers are little bitches, they decide to try and pick a fight with me instead of take their own medicine. Shit got loose, but in the end they didn't have the balls to actually do anything. I never throw the first punch unless I absolutely know I'm going to have to defend myself, and 9 times out of ten, bitches like these will just get in your face to look tough in front of their friends. But to my point: Even though these guys were just all-out hacks, they didn't even have the balls to accept the fact that they were gonna get hacked back. I didn't take shit personally; I just figured out ways to get around their diabolical ways. They, having no actual game whatsoever, decide to take it personally and try to pick a fight.

Yes, fouling is a part of the game. But when it's that blatant, it's just not basketball anymore. I hack, but I'm not A hack. These guys were hacks. I have no room in my heart for hacks.
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Old 07-20-2005, 11:55 AM   #4 (permalink)
Location: Seattle
Your third paragraph says it all. You get what you pay for. I'm 48 and still have enough skills to ball with the young guys. However, the way the game has changed over the years has really turned me off. I bruise a lot easier these days.
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Old 07-20-2005, 12:09 PM   #5 (permalink)
Professional Loafer
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Location: texas
Originally Posted by CityOfAngels
No, I'm not talking about computer nerds who violate corporate computer systems.
They aren't called "hackers". They're official term is "crackers".

Just FYI.

The meaning of the term, when used in a computer context, has changed somewhat over the decades since it first came into use (when it was simply used as a verb for 'messing about' with, 'I hack around with computers'), as it has been given additional and clashing meanings by new users of the word.

Currently, "hacker" is used in two main ways, one pejorative and one complimentary: in popular usage and in the media, it generally describes computer intruders or criminals; in the computing community, it describes a particularly brilliant programmer or technical expert (for example: "Linus Torvalds, the creator of Linux, is a genius hacker."). The latter is said by some to be the "correct" usage of the word (see the Jargon File definition below).

The mainstream media's usage of the term may be traced back to the early 1980's (see History below). At the time in 1983 of the first national media use of the term to refer to computer intruders, even those in the computer community refered to such activity as "hacking", although this was not the exclusive use of the word. Due to the increasing media use of the term exclusively in the criminal connotation, the computer community began to differentiate the terminology they used at about that time, coining several alternative terms for such criminal activities, while retaining the legitimate and more common performed activities under the core meaning of "hack". As network news use of the term pertained primarily to the criminal activities, the mainstream media and general public have not followed suit. Through the present the mass media routinely describe computer criminals at all levels of technical sophistication as "hackers", and does not generally make use of the word "hacker" in any of its non-criminal connotations.

As a result of this difference, the term is the subject of some controversy. The pejorative connotation is disliked by many who identify themselves as hackers, and who do not like their label used negatively. Many users of the positive form say the "intruder" meaning should be deprecated, and advocate terms such as "cracker" or "black hat" to replace it. Others prefer to follow common popular usage, arguing that the positive form is confusing and never likely to become widespread. It should be noted however, that the positive definition of hacker was widely used as the predominant form for many years before the negative definition was popularized.

Sorry for this, I just wanted to set the record straight.

And by the way, I hate it in basketball when they do that too. Pisses me off.
"You hear the one about the fella who died, went to the pearly gates? St. Peter let him in. Sees a guy in a suit making a closing argument. Says, "Who's that?" St. Peter says, "Oh, that's God. Thinks he's Denny Crane."
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Old 07-20-2005, 04:55 PM   #6 (permalink)
Location: Austin....Austin, Massachusetts
Originally Posted by CityOfAngels
Big/Tall hackers who don't know how to play, so they swing their big ass arms at your face whenever you go up for a bucket.

If you are a hack, STAY OFF THE COURT!
ok as a former Big tall hack, i take offense to what your saying, being a so called hack wasnt my only game my coach called me a defensive specalist...plus you gotta remember that some of these hacks KNOW how to play and they know they have 5 fouls and they pick there spots and make sure you know that you cant just drive the lane for free...thats part of basketball, if there wasnt hacks every basketball game would be like watching the nba all star game NO DEFENSE...how boring is that to watch.....

big guys have size and they use it to there advantage, when you come down the lane im not going to just step aside and let you get an easy layup...

its part of the game, even at every level high school college players(theres plenty of "hacks" in college and if they didnt know how to play then they wouldnt be on the team) and at the pro level..rodman, barkley, plus evey team that uses the hack a shaq technique
"I have no idea whats going on"
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Old 07-23-2005, 09:52 PM   #7 (permalink)
MexicanOnABike's Avatar
Location: up north
oh... i thought this was another thread about footbags... "hackysacks.." we're usualy called hackers. hehehe....
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Old 07-23-2005, 11:33 PM   #8 (permalink)
Location: Sydney, Australia
I love the thought of 'hackers' in women's basketball.
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Old 07-24-2005, 01:10 AM   #9 (permalink)
Location: Florida
I consider myself a smart hacker.
I give the fouls that get you mad. If you are driving and not finishing quick, I will hack you, so you can try again.
If there is a mess in the paint, I will hack you so you can do the play again.
If you are going to win, I will not let you do an easy basket.
If you are going in a fast break, I may hack you.
I usually get a hold in the arm, I dont smack or hug.

I won't hit you on a one on one situation, neither where you are in the air.

Big and small guys get really mad at me because of that. I don't hack everytime, I hack when I need to, and when they don't want to call the foul.

Personally, I never call a foul unless I see blood coming out from me. I have been pushed while in the air (I consider that the lowest thing you could do in basketball) and I dont call foul. But yeah, I hate big guys swinging and small guys throwing a 100 short swings "aiming at the ball" when they are only hitting your hands and arms.
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Old 07-24-2005, 02:19 AM   #10 (permalink)
Found my way back
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Location: South Africa
If I had a Rand (local currency) for everytime I've been fouled on a basketball court I'd prolly be a gazillionaire. It's part of the game and personally, I don't have a problem with it. As long as it's a good foul. By good foul I mean a failed attempt at stealing the ball. There has to be some kind of intent to gain possesion. As soon as there isn't, the game loses something.

There'll always be big guys claiming to "own the paint" and doing their best to keep players out of their territory. And they can defend as hard as they want as long as there's intent to gain possesion - not to injure. Playing against guys like that can only improve your game.
Originally Posted by The_Jazz
Ok - can I edit my posts to read "what healer said"?
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