Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > Interests > Tilted Technology


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 02-02-2004, 11:27 PM   #1 (permalink)
Please touch this.
 
Halx's Avatar
 
Owner/Admin
Location: Manhattan
code sex in various languages

PHP Code:
<?php

function sex ($stamina$attraction$speed$bac$pname$plength) {
  if(
$stamina || $bac 1) {
    
dress("It won't get up!");
    exit;
  }
  
$db mysql_connect("Jennifer","Hal","I love you");
  
mysql_select_db($db,"pants");

  for(
$x=1$x<=($stamina-($attraction/2)); $x++) {
    
thrust($speed,$db,$pname,$plength);
  }
  
ejac();
  
dress("So, was it good for you?");
}

funtion thrust ($speed,$db,$pname,$length) {
  for(
$x=1$x<=$speed$x++) {
    
$premature rand(1,50);
    if(
$premature == 50) {
      
ejac();
      
dress("I know it happens to everybody, but it wasn't supposed to happen with you!");
      exit;
    }
    
$deep rand(0,$length);
    
$sql "INSERT INTO vagina (`penis_name`,`depth`,`speed`) VALUES ('$pname','$deep','$speed')";
    
mysql_query($sql) or die("Crap! I slipped! Woah.. damn your ass is tight!");
    if(
$speed 5) {
      
$speed 5;
    }
    
$grunt rand(1,$speed);
    
select ($grunt) {
      case 
'1':
        
$gruntsound "Uh!";
        break;
      case 
'2':
        
$gruntsound "Oh!";
        break;
      case 
'3':
        
$gruntsound "Ah!";
        break;
      case 
'4':
        
$gruntsound "Nnngh!";
        break;
      case 
'5':
        
$gruntsound "Ohhhh!";
        break;
    }
    echo 
$gruntsound;
  }
}
?>
__________________
You have found this post informative.
-The Administrator
[Don't Feed The Animals]

Last edited by Halx; 02-03-2004 at 08:52 AM..
Halx is offline  
Old 02-02-2004, 11:30 PM   #2 (permalink)
don't ignore this-->
 
bermuDa's Avatar
 
Location: CA
hal, you have entirely too much time on your hands! funny as hell though
__________________
I am the very model of a moderator gentleman.
bermuDa is offline  
Old 02-03-2004, 04:37 AM   #3 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Jack Ruby's Avatar
 
Location: Belgium


Nice one.
__________________
You don't know what you don't know.
Jack Ruby is offline  
Old 02-03-2004, 08:29 AM   #4 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Houston TX
amusing... even though I have very limited programming knowledge.. I understand enough visual basic to laugh at that one
__________________
Lathan Stanley
LStanley is offline  
Old 02-03-2004, 09:07 AM   #5 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Jack Ruby's Avatar
 
Location: Belgium
Quote:
Originally posted by LStanley
amusing... even though I have very limited programming knowledge.. I understand enough visual basic to laugh at that one
That's php. Or maybe you're just joking. I'll never understand this "human" comedy.
__________________
You don't know what you don't know.
Jack Ruby is offline  
Old 02-03-2004, 10:54 AM   #6 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: Nova Scotia, Canada
I'm curious to see the implementation of ejac();
__________________
Ask a simple question... get pain.
Marburg is offline  
Old 02-03-2004, 11:06 AM   #7 (permalink)
Please touch this.
 
Halx's Avatar
 
Owner/Admin
Location: Manhattan
I know I wrote it, but I just wanna point out that my favorite line is the mysql_connect line
__________________
You have found this post informative.
-The Administrator
[Don't Feed The Animals]
Halx is offline  
Old 02-03-2004, 11:35 AM   #8 (permalink)
Free Mars!
 
feelgood's Avatar
 
Location: I dunno, there's white people around me saying "eh" all the time
Man, that's hilarious

Indeed someone's got too much time on their hand...
__________________
Looking out the window, that's an act of war. Staring at my shoes, that's an act of war. Committing an act of war? Oh you better believe that's an act of war
feelgood is offline  
Old 02-03-2004, 12:10 PM   #9 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: San Francisco
Code:
#!/bin/sh
unzip
strip
touch
finger
mount
fsck
more
yes
umount
sleep
n0nsensical is offline  
Old 02-03-2004, 02:02 PM   #10 (permalink)
Bokonist
 
Location: Location, Location, Location...
hilarious
__________________
"Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before.
He is full of murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by their ignorance the hard way."
-Kurt Vonnegut
zenmaster10665 is offline  
Old 02-04-2004, 09:15 PM   #11 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Very nice.

Quote:
Originally posted by Halx
I know I wrote it, but I just wanna point out that my favorite line is the mysql_connect line
Hah, indeed - nice password.
Wombat is offline  
Old 02-05-2004, 05:46 AM   #12 (permalink)
Custom title.
 
Location: Denmark.
That's very funny
I think I'll go write one in python sometime later, haha.
__________________
Signature 101
-Anders is offline  
Old 02-07-2004, 12:08 AM   #13 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: Pittsburgh
Quote:
Originally posted by Halx
I know I wrote it, but I just wanna point out that my favorite line is the mysql_connect line
Actually, I like the mysql_query line.
Or Die.

Last edited by gigawatz; 02-07-2004 at 12:11 AM..
gigawatz is offline  
 

Tags
code, languages, sex

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 03:40 PM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360