Mephisto2

Came across these today and thought they were amusing.

Not sure where to post this, but I thought it might give some of the military types in this board a smile...

Murphy's Laws Of Combat

If the enemy is in range, so are you.

Incoming fire has the right of way.

Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire.

There is always a way.

The easy way is always mined.

Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.

Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.

The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: a. When you're ready for them. b. When you're not ready for them.

Teamwork is essential, it gives them someone else to shoot at.

If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed at you.

The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.

A "sucking chest wound" is natures way of telling you to slow down.

If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.

Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.

Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.

Make it tough enough for the enemy to get in and you won't be able to get out.

Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.

If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in a combat zone.

When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.

Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder.


Mr Mephisto

j8ear

Not sure why I remember this list. Was it here on at one time?

There are lots of them including these:

Friendly fire - isn't.

Recoilless rifles - aren't.

Suppressive fire - won't.

and my favorite:

Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse

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It's alot easier to ask for forgiveness then it is to ask for permission.

Amarth

These are good! Most amusing.

debaser

Murphey was an optimist...

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opey99

very interesting, and amusing!

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Giltwist

Here's a couple from Red Dwarf

Rimmer Directive #271 "No chance you metal bastard. "
Rimmer Directive "Never tangle with anything that's got more teeth than the entire Osmond family."

Some of Slovotsky's Laws (taken from Rosenberg's Guardians of Flame) There are more, but these are the ones with respect to combat. They are all pretty good, but better if read in context.

A hero's work is never done. Which is one of the minor reasons I don't recommend the profession.

It's easier to get forgiveness than to get permission.

Boldness is like a condom. If you depend on it all the time, no matter how good it is, and no matter how good you are, eventually it will break

Doing the best thing right away is much better than doing the second-best thing after much hesitation. I didn't say it's easier, mind, just better.

17: Thou shalt always cover thy ass.

...if you choose how to do it at random, you will screw it up...if you're careful about how you do it, you'll probably screw it up. Still, "probably" is better than "will."

The most important lesson in karate is running. The first thing you do in a fight, is to turn and run away. Run for at least a mile, preferably two or three. If he's still chasing you, he's probably out of breath by then. If it's still worth fighting about, you turn around and beat him up.

Just once, I'd like to have an enemy against whom nonviolence would be a workable option -- workable in the sense of me not ending up dancing on the end of a spear or cut into tiny, bite-sized pieces.

Health hint for the traveler: Don't throw rocks at guys with guns.

Easytiger

I would add my rules, devised in the days when I was still fighting in tournaments:

1. The other guy always knows what move you're about to make.

2. The other guy can take the hit you're about to deliver.

3. The other guy hits harder than you do.

4. The other guy is faster, smarter and stronger than you are.

5. Murphy was an optimist.

Fearless_Hyena

If it's stupid but works, it's not stupid.

ChickenNinja

The Rules of a Gunfight
Author Unknown (has been attributed to Clint Smith, John Farnam, Mark Moritz, as well as James Yeager)

1. Bring a gun. Preferably at least two guns. Bring all your friends who have guns.
2. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice.
3. Only hits counts. The only thing worse than a miss, is a slow miss.
4. If your shooting stance is good, you're probably not moving fast enough, or using cover correctly.
5. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend.
6. If you can choose what to bring to a gunfight, bring a long gun and a friend with a long gun.
7. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance or tactics. They will only remember who lived.
8. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating, reloading, and running.
9. Accuracy is relative: most combat shooting standards will be more dependent on "pucker factor" than the inherent accuracy of the gun. Use a gun that works EVERY TIME. All skill is in vain when an angel pisses in the flintlock of your musket.
10. Someday someone may kill you with your own gun, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.
11. Always cheat, always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
12. Have a plan.
13. Have a back-up plan, because the first one won't work.
14. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
15. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
16. Don't drop your guard.
17. Always tactical reload and threat scan 360 degrees.
18. Watch their hands. Hands kill. (In God we trust. Everyone else, keep your hands where I can see them.)
19. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.
20. The faster you finish the fight, the less shot you get...
21. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
22. Be courteous to everyone. Friendly to no one.
23. Your number one option for personal security is a lifelong commitment to avoidance, deterrence, and de-escalation.

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Someday someone may kill you with your own gun, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.

Moonduck

I've never seen the "Rules for a Gunfight" before. They're good! Especially liked, "Someday someone may kill you with your own gun, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.", and "Your number one option for personal security is a lifelong commitment to avoidance, deterrence, and de-escalation."

Halx

this was a great laugh, thanks

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yellowgowild

"It's easier to get forgiveness than to get permission. "
I have to tell my boss that.

mystix

Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous. Very true.

ChrisJericho

Yes, I have heard these before. I never forgot the "teamwork is essential, it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at."

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"A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows us that faith proves nothing." - Friedrich Nietzsche

minyn

awesome!

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"Woke up this morning with a blue moon in my eye"
~A3 "woke up this morning"

"Don't compromise yourself, you're all you've got." -Janis Joplin

ForgottenKnight

Yes! That is soo true!

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clifclav

Echoing Moonduck: 10. Someday someone may kill you with your own gun, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.
That is a great one. Thanks

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Neither rain , nor cold, nor dark of night shall.......ahh whatever, just get me a beer!

Mustis

Heh, nice post. Quite a few of these have some truth. Good read.