Academic Success

Hey folks, I'm looking for tips on how to improve one's academic confidence. Here's the story:
My lovely gf of going on 2 years is at a bit of a crossroads in her academic life. She recently finished a certificate program in dental assisting, but has come to the decision that this field will limit her potential. She wants to go back to school, finish her undergraduate degree and ultimately become a nurse. The problems she has expressed to me seem to revolve around her not being confident that she will succeed. She is convincing herself that she will not be able to pass her classes with good enough grades that will get her into the nursing program that she wants. My question to all of you folks is as follows: Have you ever found yourself in a situation like this, where you were afraid to pursue an academic track because you thought you might not be able to cut it? How did you work through that barrier and ultimately succeed?
I should add that were both in out mid to late 20s and I have been in a similar situation myself. I was in an engineering program for 2.5 years, dropped out and went to work for 5 years and have now returned to the same program with renewed vigor and much more success (so far). I suggested the obvious: take advantage of office hours, study skills classes (she hasn't been a full time student in probably 3 or 4 years), but I know there are more ideas. Please share your experiences!

 

It sounds like she's attempting to convince herself to not try in order to avoid potential failure.

I've gone to four colleges. The first of those, I was kicked out due to passing all of two classes in three full-time semesters.

When it came back around to thinking about going to college again, I was incredibly disinclined. I had shown myself at the first school to lack the discipline and maturity that was needed to pass (or, really, attend) classes in the first place. I didn't think I could do it. Then a coworker dragged me to another school, walked me through the enrollment process, and there I was, attending.

Admittedly, I failed two out of the four classes I signed up for that semester-- again, due to attendance.

The next semester, I caught my stride. Now I'm in graduate school. I haven't gotten anything below an A- in two years.

In my experience, teachers want their students to succeed. Most teachers. Not all, I will admit. I've had a couple of doozies over the years that made it very clear they hated all of their students and did not want to be there. But, for the most part, they want their students to pass their classes. They go out of their way to give help when it's asked for (and sometimes when it isn't). If you attend every class, or almost every class, and actually pay the remotest amount of attention, you will pass.

If you actually work on it, actually study, actually take notes, go to office hours, get tutoring if needed, an A is easy. You just need to know how much you need to do to pass and commit yourself to doing it.

And these are general "you"s. I know we're actually talking about her.

This is about the effort she is willing to put forth and her own awareness of her limits. I know, through trial and error, if I work at 50-60 hour week and attempt to pull 15 units a semester, I'll get As and Bs. I know if I lessen my workload or my classload, I can pull As. Some people (my sister, for example) can only handle two or three classes a semester while working 30 hours a week and achieve Bs and Cs.

Your girlfriend should have some awareness of her limits. And she's got her dental assistant's certificate, which is wonderful. She can work full-time and do one class a semester, or two, or three. She can go in and test the waters. And if she fails a class, all she'll need to do is retake it and/or petition to have the lower grade dropped from her record. I certainly had to do that for my earlier college years.

Worst situation that can happen? She takes the classes she needs. She fails. Now she's out however much she paid for them of the course of however many semesters.

Best situation? She takes the classes she needs. She passes. She applies to multiple nurses programs to cover her ass. She gets accepted.

She's in control of how she does in her classes. She is the one who most impacts if she passes or fails. Tell her to stop psyching herself out and take it one step at a time. Have her start by signing up for this fall semester.

 

You nailed it, and she even acknowledges this. She'll start taking a class,sometimes fall behind for some reason, and then stop trying, get discouraged, drop the class, rinse and repeat... The thing is, she's really smart but was labeled with a "leaning disability" when she was younger (like in elementary school). While i think it's important to diagnose these things, I think that in this case the label did far more damage to her confidence, since she was never told she was "smart", but i digress... Fast forward to today, every time she talks to one of the overworked and underpaid community college counselors they giver her mostly negative cut and dry responses to her questions and often supply incorrect information which further discourages her.
I suggested that she talk directly to the nursing school faculty who will definitely be able to advise her of the appropriate track. I attended the same CC when I was restarting my academic career and can say from experience that most of the academic counselors there are not good for much more than signing your add or drop slip. After several years of getting "you just need to take such and such and then you will get in for sure" and then being not accepted due to missing this or that class, I went directly to the department in the school I wanted to attend and had them make a plan for me. Surprise, surprise I was back at the University the next semester.
She's waitlisted for two classes this semester, so hopefully she'll get into them. I just need to get her to realize that she's a lot smarter than she thinks she is.

Thanks for the reply, Poetry and I'm glad to hear you're kicking ass in grad school!

 

Yes, when I was in computing science in my undergraduate degree. I was honest with myself and switched majors. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you can't cut it doing what you want. I just didn't have the math. Couldn't comprehend it. I've never been more depressed and upset with myself academically, because I tried. I tried hard. I went to office hours, I bugged TA's for extra help. I got a tutor. I still failed. I really wish I had better advice for you. I'd love to be able to say, "Try hard and you can achieve anything!" But in my experience, that just isn't true. So my real advice for your partner is to be honest with herself regarding her own aptitude and abilities, try hard, but don't get too down on yourself if it turns out you're not able to do it. As the Judge from Caddy Shack said, the world needs ditch diggers too. (and that's not meant to be an insult - I'm sure your partner would make an excellent ditch digger if that's what she wanted to do)

 

Many colleges and universities have "writing centres" where there are resources and classes on things like citations, and how to write a paper or proposal. These are well worth taking since, after all, the academic track means reading and writing papers.

I think one of the most important things is to find out what your passion is and read articles, books on that subject area outside of what is assigned. Become an expert in your narrow field. You need to lay the personal groundwork for when academic life eventually becomes less about professors giving you assignments and more about acting as a researcher within the university environment.

These two things worked for me.

 

Hi Scofflaw

I reckon the advice which urges that she should go for it is terrific. It will allow her to discover rather than presume her limits. If, due to past information and insensitive counselors, she has negative beliefs about her learning Ability, those are a separate issue which may invoke the 'afraid to do because afraid to fail' mechanism in smaller 'nibbles'. Supporting her in class attendance and prompt starting and handing in of assignments might be useful to have 'standing in the wings'. There is, of course, the possibility that having Started, then she'll be in a different league of motivation. Some people have a different way of dealing with 'fear of getting thrown out of' rather than 'fear of failing IF they went in'.

What else have you discovered in talking with her about all this?

Best wishes

 

Every semester I doubt my academic abilities. At this point, I've been doing the school thing long enough to know that I have a high probability of success. Before I had a history of successful results to reassure myself with, I'd just go with it. It's normal to feel uncertain and challenged by the prospect of learning new and challenging material. I'd do what I do in every situation where necessity wins out over apprehension: cross my fingers, take deep breaths and hope for the best.

 

How about, if she wont believe you, will she listen and talk to student nurses who are placed now where she would like to be. Reassurance from her future peers will probably help, she will know they can speak openly - ask students union if there is a way this could be done.

 

Well.. what is she best at? What does she like to do all day for work? Does she really like doing dental assisting or nursing?

My suggestions are to choose what she likes best and if she keeps failing, to just keep studying. How much studying constituted failing? Everyone is relative; perhaps she needs to study 3x more than she currently is. I believe in the 99% hard work, 1% intelligence part -- and I try to live by it myself. It has been ok for me.

 

Wow, thanks for all the stories and suggestions. Like some of you mentioned, I think once she makes it through a few classes she'll become more confidant in her abilities. Ill definitely suggest talking to other students in the nursing program, and when she starts going back to class I'll encourage her to not miss class and get assignments started early until her good study habits are reestablished. To answer your question, Zen, she seems to get discouraged easily. She'll be excited and motivated in the beginning, but the minute a class gets tough, she'll just shut down. There's also some of the "i've never been good at math and english" sentiment. To this I've told her that just because you don't think you're good at it doesn't mean you can't become good at it. Using myself as an example, I've taken several math classes multiple times because I either didn't put in the work the first time or just didn't get it. Even thought they were tough, I did eventually "get it".

Thanks again, folks. It means a lot to have all of your support. I will pass on the advice and encouragement.

 

The moment it gets tough is precisely why you're taking the class and going to school -- that's the *reason* for even more motivation. You want to learn it through and through, no matter what it takes - even if you have to read that same paragraph and set of equations 15 times before you get it. I've sat and paused on a page and thought about something for hours until I've gotten it through my skull. Failing that, I look for other resources (such as TA's) and keep asking them until I get it.

 

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: school is awesome. You get to go to a room full of people who want to learn so bad they're willing to pay for it, and you're getting information from a professional. You go to a place to expand your knowledge. It's not something to fear, it's something to gleefully anticipate. Even the worst or most difficult classes present you with an opportunity to understand more about the world, particularly in the field of medicine.

Tell your girlfriend Willravel is totally jealous.