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Adult Science Jokes

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by genuinemommy, Nov 21, 2011.

  1. Xazy Vertical

    I loved this scene
     
  2. uncle phil

    uncle phil Moderator Emeritus (and sorely missed) Staff Member Donor

    Location:
    pasco county
    Don't worry if it doesn't work right. If everything did, you'd be out of a job...
     
  3. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member Donor

    Location:
    Baltimore/DC
    Richard Feynman! surely you're joking...need to find my bongos...
    [​IMG]
     
  4. uncle phil

    uncle phil Moderator Emeritus (and sorely missed) Staff Member Donor

    Location:
    pasco county
    The biggest difference between time and space is that you can't reuse time...
     
  5. uncle phil

    uncle phil Moderator Emeritus (and sorely missed) Staff Member Donor

    Location:
    pasco county
    There is not now, and never will be, a language in which it is the least bit difficult to write bad programs...
     
  6. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member Donor

    Location:
    Baltimore/DC
    The optimist sees the glass half full.
    The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
    The chemist sees the glass completely full...half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
     
  7. uncle phil

    uncle phil Moderator Emeritus (and sorely missed) Staff Member Donor

    Location:
    pasco county
    Garbage to ten decimal places is still garbage...
     
  8. uncle phil

    uncle phil Moderator Emeritus (and sorely missed) Staff Member Donor

    Location:
    pasco county
    Klein bottle for rent--inquire within...
     
    • Like Like x 1
  9. uncle phil

    uncle phil Moderator Emeritus (and sorely missed) Staff Member Donor

    Location:
    pasco county
    There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary, and those who do not understand it...
     
  10. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member Donor

    Location:
    Baltimore/DC
    [​IMG]
    No use being a geek, unless you can prove it... ;)
     
    • Like Like x 2
  11. uncle phil

    uncle phil Moderator Emeritus (and sorely missed) Staff Member Donor

    Location:
    pasco county
    It is said that Lisp programmers know that memory management is so
    important that it cannot be left to the users and C programmers know
    that memory management is so important that it cannot be left to the
    system...
     
  12. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member Donor

    Location:
    Baltimore/DC
  13. uncle phil

    uncle phil Moderator Emeritus (and sorely missed) Staff Member Donor

    Location:
    pasco county
    IBM Canada Ltd. of Markham, Ont., ordered some parts from a new supplier
    in Japan. The company noted in its order that acceptable quality
    allowed for 1.5 per cent defects (a fairly high standard in North
    America at the time).
    The Japanese sent the order, with a few parts packaged
    separately in plastic. The accompanying letter said: "We don't know
    why you want 1.5 per cent defective parts, but for your convenience,
    we've packed them separately..."
     
    • Like Like x 1
  14. uncle phil

    uncle phil Moderator Emeritus (and sorely missed) Staff Member Donor

    Location:
    pasco county
    In a forest a fox bumps into a little rabbit, and says, "Hi,
    Junior, what are you up to?"
    "I'm writing a dissertation on how rabbits eat foxes," said
    the rabbit.
    "Come now, friend rabbit, you know that's impossible! No one
    will publish such rubbish!"
    "Well, follow me and I'll show you."
    They both go into the rabbit's dwelling and after a while the
    rabbit emerges with a satisfied expression on his face. Comes along a
    wolf. "Hello, little buddy, what are we doing these days?"
    "I'm writing the 2'nd chapter of my thesis, on how rabbits
    devour wolves."
    "Are you crazy? Where's your academic honesty?"
    "Come with me and I'll show you."
    As before, the rabbit comes out with a satisfied look on his
    face and a diploma in his paw. Finally, the camera pans into the
    rabbit's cave and, as everybody should have guessed by now, we see a
    mean-looking, huge lion, sitting, picking his teeth and belching, next
    to some furry, bloody remnants of the wolf and the fox.

    The moral: It's not the contents of your thesis that are
    important -- it's your PhD advisor that really counts...
     
    • Like Like x 2
  15. uncle phil

    uncle phil Moderator Emeritus (and sorely missed) Staff Member Donor

    Location:
    pasco county
    Is Windows a Virus?
    No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:

    1) They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.

    2) Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system
    as they do so - okay, Windows does that.

    3) Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay,
    Windows does that too.

    4) Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with
    valuable programs and systems. Sigh... Windows does that, too.

    5) Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too
    slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. Yup, that's with
    Windows, too.

    Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental
    differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running
    on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and
    they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature. So Windows is
    not a virus.

    It's a bug...
     
    • Like Like x 2
  16. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member Donor

    Location:
    Baltimore/DC
    More "adult" material for you... :p
    [​IMG]
    2 inches??? Well, I guess the "Motion of the Ocean" here applies...
    And as long as she gets to be atop... ;)
     
    Last edited: Aug 8, 2012
    • Like Like x 2
  17. uncle phil

    uncle phil Moderator Emeritus (and sorely missed) Staff Member Donor

    Location:
    pasco county
    Hello, Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.

    If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

    If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

    If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

    If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just
    stay on the line so we can trace the call.

    If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you
    which number to press.

    If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No
    one will answer...
     
  18. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member Donor

    Location:
    Baltimore/DC
    I love Fractals...I could just eat them up... ;)
    [​IMG]
     
    • Like Like x 1
  19. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member Donor

    Location:
    Baltimore/DC
    I know it's lame...but I havta... :p
    [​IMG]
     
  20. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member Donor

    Location:
    Baltimore/DC
    Take your pick...I love them all. :cool:
    [​IMG]
    Although Physics is my soul-mate.
     
    • Like Like x 2