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Adult Science Jokes

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by genuinemommy, Nov 21, 2011.

  1. Cayvmann

    Cayvmann Very Tilted

    Don't worry, they have never allowed any god particles in churches anyway...
     
  2. genuinemommy

    genuinemommy Moderator Staff Member

    Overheard in the greenhouse: "I'm so glad my husband's pollen tube isn't unicellular."
     
  3. uncle phil

    uncle phil Moderator Emeritus (and sorely missed) Staff Member

    Location:
    pasco county
    When Mr. Leno of the Tonight Show went J-walking and asked pedestrians some science questions, he discovered some amazing new facts about the universe:

    Jay Leno: "Why does dew appear on plants in the morning when the Sun comes up?" A waitress: "Is it because the Sun makes them perspire?"

    Jay Leno: "Why does the Moon orbit the Earth?" An auto mechanic: "To get to the other side?"

    Jay Leno: What are magnets?" A taxi driver: "Are they the things crawling over a week-old dead cat?"

    Jay Leno: Which is more useful, the Sun or the Moon?" A thirteen-year old: [Pause] "I think it's the Moon because the moon shines at night when you want the light, whereas the Sun shines during the day when you don't need it."
     
    • Like Like x 1
  4. fflowley

    fflowley Don't just do something, stand there! Donor

    This sounds like someone that needs to be seen in person to be fully appreciated.
     
  5. Daniel_

    Daniel_ The devil made me do it...

    What did the burette say to the clamp stand?

    Hold me titre!
     
    • Like Like x 1
  6. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member Donor

    Location:
    Baltimore/DC
    Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop.
    The cop says "Do you know how fast you were going?"
    Heisenberg says "No, but I know where I am."

    ;)
     
    • Like Like x 4
  7. uncle phil

    uncle phil Moderator Emeritus (and sorely missed) Staff Member

    Location:
    pasco county
    Q: What is Preparation A?
    A: It is the name of an over-the-counter product used to relieve the pain and suffering of asteroids
     
    • Like Like x 2
  8. fflowley

    fflowley Don't just do something, stand there! Donor

    I heard that one in a bar on Uranus............
     
  9. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member Donor

    Location:
    Baltimore/DC
    What's the square root of 69?

    Eight something...
     
    • Like Like x 1
  10. uncle phil

    uncle phil Moderator Emeritus (and sorely missed) Staff Member

    Location:
    pasco county
    It is reported that Copernicus' parents said the following to him at the age of twelve: "Copernicus, young man, when are you going to come to terms with the fact that the world does not revolve around you."
     
    • Like Like x 2
  11. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member Donor

    Location:
    Baltimore/DC
    Two atoms were walking across a road when one says, "I think I lost an electron!"
    The other replied, "Are you sure?"
    "Yes, I'm positive."



    An offering to replace the one someone told already. ..
     
    • Like Like x 4
  12. Tophat665

    Tophat665 Slightly Tilted

    Location:
    NoVA
    Pick-up line: You make me wish I were DNA Polymerase so I could unzip your genes.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  13. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member Donor

    Location:
    Baltimore/DC
    Term: transistor
    Definition: a nun who's had a sex change.
     
    • Like Like x 4
  14. uncle phil

    uncle phil Moderator Emeritus (and sorely missed) Staff Member

    Location:
    pasco county
    The Official Unabashed Scientific Dictionary defines black holes as what you get in black socks.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  15. genuinemommy

    genuinemommy Moderator Staff Member

    Maybe it just needs to be explained in the appropriate context:
    When pollen lands on the stigma of a flower, a chemical signal is sent from the stigma to the pollen which initiates pollen tube growth. A single cell expands the length of the stigma to fertilize an ovary. Double-fertilization occurs, in which two cells are fertilized within the plant. These develop into the embryo and endosperm.

    Human fertilization is a little different. I'm sure you're familiar with the male equivalent for a pollen tube, and you can fathom how unrewarding it would be, were it unicellular.
    --- merged: Mar 8, 2012 at 2:09 PM ---
    This one got a lot of laughter when I told it to my friends. Thank you!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 15, 2012
    • Like Like x 1
  16. fflowley

    fflowley Don't just do something, stand there! Donor

    Oh I get the joke (well sort of; I spent a long hot summer as an undergrad taking a plant biology course), it's the person telling the joke I'm more interested in.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 15, 2012
  17. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member Donor

    Location:
    Baltimore/DC
    So tell me something...Do Greek cows say Mu?
     
    Last edited: Mar 8, 2012
  18. uncle phil

    uncle phil Moderator Emeritus (and sorely missed) Staff Member

    Location:
    pasco county
    "Whatever the missing mass of the universe is, I hope it's not in cockroaches." – a New York City tenant.
     
  19. uncle phil

    uncle phil Moderator Emeritus (and sorely missed) Staff Member

    Location:
    pasco county
    From the public, his discovery brought cheers.
    From his wife, it drew nothing but torrents of tears.
    "For you see," said Ms. Halley,
    "He used to come daily;
    Now he comes once every 70 years!"
     
  20. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member Donor

    Location:
    Baltimore/DC
    Somewhere a priest, a lawyer and an engineer are about to be guillotined.

    The priest puts his head on the block, they pull the rope and nothing happens...
    he declares that he's been saved by divine intervention -- so he's let go.

    The lawyer is put on the block, and again the rope doesn't release the blade...
    he claims he can't be executed twice for the same crime and he is set free too.

    They grab the engineer and shove his head into the guillotine.
    He looks up at the release mechanism and says, "Wait a minute, I see your problem....."


     
    • Like Like x 2