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Adult Science Jokes

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by genuinemommy, Nov 21, 2011.

  1. fflowley

    fflowley Don't just do something, stand there! Donor

    This thread massively outperforms.
    It has exceeded all expectations.
    Keep em coming!
     
    • Like Like x 1
  2. uncle phil

    uncle phil Moderator Emeritus (and sorely missed) Staff Member

    Location:
    pasco county
    Students in an advanced biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question -- 'name seven advantages of mother's milk' -- was worth 70 points or none at all.

    One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages.

    He wrote:

    1) it is perfect formula for the child.
    2) it provides immunity against several diseases.
    3) it is always the right temperature.
    4) it is inexpensive.
    5) it bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
    6) it is always available as needed.
    And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote:

    7) it comes in two attractive containers....and the cat can't get it.

    He
    got an A...
     
    • Like Like x 1
  3. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member Donor

    Location:
    Baltimore/DC
    Quote from an old friend of mine:
    "No! Pi are ROUND!!"
     
    • Like Like x 1
  4. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member Donor

    Location:
    Baltimore/DC
    A farmer asks a physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician to build an enclosure for his cows using the smallest amount of fencing possible.
    The physicist builds a perfectly circular enclosure.
    The engineer builds an enclosure that backs onto a pre-existing wall.
    The mathematician builds a little tiny fence around himself and says "I declare myself to be on the outside."
     
    • Like Like x 1
  5. uncle phil

    uncle phil Moderator Emeritus (and sorely missed) Staff Member

    Location:
    pasco county
    An unemployed biologist was having considerable difficulty in finding a new job. He finally saw an add in a local newspaper for a position at a zoo. In the interview, the manager told him that their only gorilla, which had been a star attraction, had recently died, and it would be sometime before they could replace it. Meanwhile, they needed someone to dress up as a gorilla and pretend to be the animal. The biologist was quite embarrassed, but, being desperate for money, he accepted the job.

    The next day, the biologist put on a gorilla skin and headgear and entered a cage from a rear entrance. Visitors smiled at him and threw bread. After a while, the biologist really got into the act. He jumped up and down, beat his chest and roared as people cheered.

    The following day, the biologist entered the wrong cage by accident and found himself staring at a lion. The lion roared and rushed toward him. The scared biologist turned and ran, while screaming, "Help! Help!" The lion leaped onto the gorilla, knocked him to the ground and whispered in his ear, "Hey, it's me Leonard, your former co-worker. Shut up or we'll both lose our jobs!"
     
  6. uncle phil

    uncle phil Moderator Emeritus (and sorely missed) Staff Member

    Location:
    pasco county
    Outside his buckyball home, one molecule overheard another molecule saying, "I'm positive that a free electron once stripped me of an electron after he lepton me. You gotta keep your ion them..."
     
  7. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member Donor

    Location:
    Baltimore/DC
    A physicist, a chemist, and a mathematician are given a test to determine which profession is inherently smarter.
    The chemist is led into a small kitchen and said "The test is to see who perform the following task most efficiently. Boil a gallon of water."

    The chemist reaches into a cabinet, takes out a pot, fills it at the sink, places it on a burner, and waits.
    After all, what else can he do?

    The physicist saw the performance and said "I can improve on this".
    So he pulled out four pots, fills each with a quarter gallon, and boils each on a separate burner, chuckling at his own cleverness.

    The mathematician can't wait to show off HIS method, so after the physicist is done,
    the mathematician shoulders him aside, pours out all the water, turns off the stove, puts away the pots,
    and says "I have reduced this to a previously solved problem."
     
  8. uncle phil

    uncle phil Moderator Emeritus (and sorely missed) Staff Member

    Location:
    pasco county
    A chemistry professor couldn't resist interjecting a little philosophy into a class lecture. He interrupted his discussion on balancing chemical equations, saying, "Remember, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate!"
     
    • Like Like x 1
  9. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member Donor

    Location:
    Baltimore/DC
    curses, foiled. +1
     
  10. MSD

    MSD Very Tilted

    Location:
    CT
    Every year I bake a cheesecake for our family's Christmas party. When you bake a cheesecake, it tends to crack on top. This year, my cake protested and decided it wanted to be a pi.
    [​IMG]
    I poured the batter and baked it, it came out looking like this, it was purely by chance that this particular pattern formed.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  11. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member Donor

    Location:
    Baltimore/DC
    So would that be Pi squared?? (which seems like an oxymoron :rolleyes: )
     
  12. uncle phil

    uncle phil Moderator Emeritus (and sorely missed) Staff Member

    Location:
    pasco county
    One day on the Tonight Show, Jay Leno showed a classified add that read: "Do you have mole problems? If so, call Avogadro at 602-1023..."
     
    • Like Like x 1
  13. uncle phil

    uncle phil Moderator Emeritus (and sorely missed) Staff Member

    Location:
    pasco county
    A student comes into his lab class right at the end of the hour. Fearing he'll get an "F", he asks a fellow student what she's been doing. "We've been observing water under the microscope. We're suppose to write up what we see." The page of her notebook is filled with little figures resembling circles and ellipses with hair on them. The panic-stricken student hears the bell go off, opens his notebook and writes, "During this laboratory, I examined water under the microscope and I saw twice as many H's as O's..."
     
  14. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member Donor

    Location:
    Baltimore/DC
    What is the dullest element?
    Bohrium


    /eh...it's a dull day and I'm numb. :confused:
     
  15. uncle phil

    uncle phil Moderator Emeritus (and sorely missed) Staff Member

    Location:
    pasco county
    Q: How did the football cheerleader define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam?

    A: Fear of utility bills...
     
    • Like Like x 1
  16. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member Donor

    Location:
    Baltimore/DC
    A computer salesman, hardware engineer, and software engineer are driving back from a conference when their car gets a flat...

    The computer salesman says "Well, that's it. The car is broken. We need to buy a new one."

    The hardware engineer says "No, no, no. We can fix this, but first we have to isolate the problem.
    Let's take the back wheels and put them on the front, and put the front wheels on the back, and see if that changes anything."

    The software engineer looks at them like they're both nuts and says "You're both nuts.
    All we have to do is turn the car off and turn it on again, and the problem will go away."
     
    • Like Like x 1
  17. uncle phil

    uncle phil Moderator Emeritus (and sorely missed) Staff Member

    Location:
    pasco county
    The Official Unabashed Scientific Dictionary defines cation as a positively charged kitten...
     
    • Like Like x 1
  18. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member Donor

    Location:
    Baltimore/DC
    Why don't you ever see mathematicians at the beach?

    They have Sine and Cosine; they don't need the sun to get a Tan'...
     
    • Like Like x 1
  19. uncle phil

    uncle phil Moderator Emeritus (and sorely missed) Staff Member

    Location:
    pasco county
    Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
    A: A ferrous wheel:
    Fe - Fe
    / \
    Fe Fe
    \ /
    Fe - Fe
     
    • Like Like x 2
  20. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member Donor

    Location:
    Baltimore/DC
    Pi and the Imaginary Number are debating math...

    Pi says, "Get real."
    Imaginary yelps, "Be rational."
     
    • Like Like x 1