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Age difference in a real relationship

Discussion in 'Tilted Life and Sexuality' started by boink, Jan 10, 2021.

  1. boink

    boink Slightly Tilted

    What's the prevailing thought on age diferential in a real relationship ?
    Like no one night thing, no short term fling but if the goal is real life partner.

    Friend of mine said divide age of older participant by 1/2 and add 7 years and that's the minimum age of the younger parson in the partnership.
    I trust her judgement. But she doesn't controll who shows up on my radar or who indicates an interest.

    By that scale minimum I can accept is 36.

    I don't have any fetish for young women it's just that I've had a young gal showing interest. I'm inclined not to encourage but I'm only human and man she's smart and a stunner.
    I've known her dad for a few years, but I only met her at her dad's wedding a while back.
    I went to high school with her new step mom.
    Her dad said...yeah she had liked older men, she's a grown woman, she makes her own decesions...
    I'm like...jeez man thanks, I'm looking for reasons not to open this can of worms !
    But she's so beautiful. :eek:
    • Like Like x 1
  2. fflowley

    fflowley Don't just do something, stand there!

    How young is the fair maiden?
    I think consenting adults can do whatever they want to do.

    I turned 50 a year ago and my tastes have certainly changed over time.
    Physically I'm attracted to the "mom bod" in a way I never was 25 years ago.
    And mentally I'm just different than the young women I work with.
    I work with two women in their middle 20's who by any objective measure are quite attractive.
    The only feelings I have for them are paternal, as in wanting to mentor them and help them grow and succeed.
    • Like Like x 1
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  3. boink

    boink Slightly Tilted

    I thought I said...she's 28.
    I get what your saying about 'parental' feeling, both in concept and in my own gut.

    What I'm attracted to is really variable and depends a lot on how attracted someone might be to me. I'm not inclined to coerce anyone to get involved with me, persuasion on my part is a turn off.
    So, part of me wants to just be friendly and call it good, another part asks what if it's another case of loosing opertunity for a real relationship ?
    I don't need a sex partner bad enough to bring in a shit show of emotional pain, for me or her.
    I'm not really sure why she calls me. The conversation seems nice, I just wish we could meet and talk and feel out each other's sense of humor...but she's in Vancouver and I'm down I'm Seattle. There's the travel ban going on.
  4. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member

    I think you can go for it.
    There is no rule, other than law.

    It’s hard enough to find people you’re compatible with in this world.
    Ones that like you as much as you do them.

    This is true for both either men or women.
    Age gap relationships can be very successful.
    With either sex being older or younger.

    Personally, I don’t go after a particular type or age.
    I’ve dated a variety of ages, there’s no trend or pattern. Each individual has both good and bad points.

    By random circumstance, the last few I’ve been seriously involved with have been significantly younger.
    They asked me out, I went along with it. (25, 28, 23 respectively)

    Now they didn’t work out due to various reasons.
    But age wasn’t a factor. I’ve had challenges with older relationships too...or those near my own age.
    It’s a case by case basis.

    If it’s something you want, go for it.
    Ignore any “tsk” it’s not their life.
    People need to be concerned with their own issues
    Not what you’re up to.

    Hope it works out for you.
    • Like Like x 1
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  5. boink

    boink Slightly Tilted

    Thanks !
    I think I'll invite her to hang out if she can make time when she comes down to visit family whenever the damn virus allows.

    Appreciate your thoughts folks.
    • Like Like x 2
  6. redravin

    redravin Cynical Optimist Donor

    Age is a state of mind.
    Do what makes you both happy.

    For me personally I couldn't date anyone the same age or younger than my daughters.
    • Like Like x 2
  7. boink

    boink Slightly Tilted

    Yeah I can see that...
    I have no kids. That would be another thing, she might want them, at my age I don't.
  8. omega

    omega Very Tilted

    So you're 58? More than twice her age? That sounds gross. If this isn't some fantasy hypothetical then what is wrong with her psyche? And won't you feel weird creeping on someone who's basically a kid to? I'm 12 years younger than you and I'd be loathe to date a 28 year old. No life experience on her end. Nothing in common for you two. And no sexual attraction on her part. You're 58. Your body is not attractive to a 28 year old. It just isn't. These sort of relationships are generally manipulative. Look how skeevy Leonardo Dicaprio looks now. And if you're not wealthy, what do you have to offer?
    • Disagree Disagree x 2
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  9. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member

    Fully disagree.
    There's older people who don't have their shit together
    There's younger that do
    Toxic manipulation can come from the younger person too. (as it did in 2 of the 3 of my circumstances)
    Compatibility is relative.
    Most people judge from their own personal tastes and then apply that upon others.
    In the end, it's each person's comfort level. (as it is for ANY relationship aspect...consent and consideration is key)
    Last edited: May 2, 2023
    • Like Like x 1
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  10. boink

    boink Slightly Tilted

    Ok, yep ,58.
    I said, She stepped to me, She asked for facebook friendship, She messaged me when I got home from the wedding, She asked to hang, out sometime.

    Your making a lot of assumptions regarding her life exp points.

    And frankly chicks have said to me, 1st words outta their mouth, wow Johnny Depp's doppelganger !
    I don't say shit about myself but now that you question my visual appeal, I look fucking awesome and frankly I don't care what you think about how I look. Jealousy issues much ?
    It's not unusual for folks to think I'm in my 40s. Dispite smoking near 2packs a day.

    Of course I have concerns that's why I posted
    That seems pretty obvious.

    I've done nothing to encourage or initiate anything with her, zero I didn't even say hello first at the event where we met.

    What I have to offer...dude you don't know shit about me and frankly I'm not inclined to bust out a resume to you.

    I posted to get some thoughts from people not be judged.

    I would also like to hear from women who have had some experience in this too.
  11. omega

    omega Very Tilted

    You got my thoughts, too bad you don't like them. Claim what you want on the internet. I don't care. Outrageous claims can be dismissed without proof.
  12. omega

    omega Very Tilted

    This is from an article in AARP, so you might have already read it.

    The study points out that after six to 10 years of marriage, the age gap appears to widen and satisfaction tends to dissolve. “The people who are married to a much older or younger spouse tend to have larger declines in marital satisfaction over time as compared with those who are married to spouses who are similar in age,” according to the HILDA study.

    A similar U.S. study found comparable results. “The larger the age gap between you and your partner, the more likely your marriage will end in divorce,” says Randy Olson, senior data scientist at the University of Pennsylvania. “Only being one to five years away from your partner is nothing to worry about, but if you’re old enough to be your partner’s parent, then your marriage might be in trouble.”

    No one wants to enter into marriage expecting it to fail, but the information on May–December relationships seems to point to the same end result. When it comes to marriage, age differences matter
    • Like Like x 1
  13. boink

    boink Slightly Tilted

    There's a judgy subtext to your choice of words.
    I don't mind your opinion that it's a bad bet.

    I do have shit my together.
    So, just assume hypothetically I look great but I fart more and need to check my ear hair once a week, for the sake of argument at least.

    Wouldn't I feel creepy ?
    Well I don't know. I've never been in the situation with an age gap more than 10 years and the gal was older.
    It wasn't age that was the issue there.

    I guess my only logical thought would be if my motivation was to get some hot young tail, I'd feel creepy, but if there seemed to be (at least as there ever is) some genuine connection worth the effort of managing those obvious differences...i.e., love, then no I wouldn't feel creepy.
    Another way I spose is just to try and see how one feels, if one feels creepy then yeah, best to call it a day.

    AARP stuff I get goes into the recycling without reading. I'm not retired yet, but I'll check it out anyway.

    I could have parented her when I was 12 but I wouldn't think twice about dating someone 12 years younger than me now.

    Looked up Leo, I think I'm doin better. But my experience says Leo could lift and cut for 3 months and he'd be sunken cheeked and respectably lean.

    Anyway, opposing view is fine. I am thinking of your points or I wouldn't post.

    Could also be that the lack social opertunity in virusland has me bored enough that I felt like talking about it.
  14. rogue49

    rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member

    I think people decide to make a fuss about things until it happens to them.

    As I stated, I’ve been in a few age gap relationships
    Both ways...older and younger.
    ...and it is completely normal between two people. You don’t think about compatibility any more than any other.
    You have the same enjoyment and challenges as any other.

    People judge from the outside, whether it’s age, race, religion, culture, class, etc...and so on.

    Yet those SAME people forget about their OWN activities, which others may judge them for, or think them “gross”...or other negative statements.
    It smacks of self-centeredness and hypocrisy.

    Ex: my niece made statements about my relationship...but denied her own toxic ones. My sis did too...but chose to forget her own age gap relationships. It goes the other way...my dad encouraged and cheered me on in some male double-standards...but forgets his own choices, good and bad.

    I still say, as long as it’s legal, there’s consent, consideration and BOTH sides treat each other decently...it’s just fine.

    Quite frankly, it’s no body’s friggin’ business but those in the relationship.

    @omega you’re being a bit pushy here.
    Would you want others to judge you on your own actions and activities??
    • Like Like x 2
  15. omega

    omega Very Tilted

    He asked. So he made it our friggin business. Maybe those other people commenting to you are offering based on their own experiences. They recognize doom because they have lived it. I don't ask you your opinion because I don't value it. I have reached out to others in the past through DMs though when I felt I needed it.
    Let's get away from the looks angle, because that's not the important thing about age. I'm goimg to drill down on the fact that you have been smoking for 43 years. Combine that with your relatvely advanced age, and you are 5-10 years from a debilitating or fatal medical emergency. Heart attack, cancer, copd,emphysema. As the older person in the potential relationship, are you lookimg for an equal partner,or a future caretaker? You would be doimg her a disservice to enger in a relationship with her. She has her life ahead of her.
    One other thing. I'd love to see a picture of you smiling because to see a lifetime smoker look years younger would be astonishing. But maybe you have accomplished something that no one else has. It's possible.
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2021
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  16. fflowley

    fflowley Don't just do something, stand there!

    Pretty harsh.
    It's just a discussion, no?
    • Like Like x 2
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  17. Herculite

    Herculite Very Tilted

    I'm just 50 like probably a lot of the old times here who started back in the early 2000's.

    I had the opportunity to get a FWB relationship with a 29 year old. Just sex. It felt kinda wrong. I didn't take it for the age reason as well as the dynamic (hall pass from wife but she wouldn't be part of it, I don't like to swing that way).

    The equivalent here is me with a early 20's woman and that just feels horribly off to me. As a pure sexual thing maybe, but I'd never even think of more than that and honestly I'd avoid that.

    I could handle a 20 something right now, I'm still very energetic, adventurous etc, but when shes 40 and I'm 70? Who knows.
    • Like Like x 1
  18. boink

    boink Slightly Tilted

    I could have a case of pnumonia, complicated by smoking and die in 2-3 weeks.
    Then, maybe she'd be mid 40's, still attractive and own my estate free and clear. Including a house in a nice stable neighborhood close to downtown....could be a swell bargain for her assuming the previous years were mostly fun building out that house/sanctuary so it's nice and was a co created project.

    I do think your correct about bringing in my looks. It's really personal taste as well as it just needs to be accepted as hypothetical cause at this point I'm not inclined to share that here.
    Just sayin' that, someone says to me, you younger guys bla bla and I'm like, how old are you and he says 49 and I say oh I'm 58...they're surprised.
    Smoking hand rolled for many years did hurt my lower molars, I lost few. But all the fronts are good so my smile is ok. I switched to marlboro red box and my teeth stopped dropping out. Change of shop I worked for too so could have been stress related. I do have some impressive (to me) progress shots of loosing 35 lbs from listing weights 3x a week and cutting diet.
    I wouldn't say it but you challenged me like I'm some bent over geezer, so I guess.your triggering some defense.

    Just take it as fantasy and a fully hypothetical situation. Which it may be, by the time travel bans are over she my have a great relationship going and I'll never get any face time with her and the same goes for me..frankly that would be preferable, closer to my age and location.

    Thanks for your thoughts.

    So far I'm feeling like it's about 85+90% chance something like this wouldn't work. But it's worth trying if things pan out.
    • Agree Agree x 1
  19. omega

    omega Very Tilted

    I'm going to be a bit conciliatory here. I know my arguments and delivery can be a bit abrupt. Carryover from years of undiagnosed ADD. And you have handled my arguments genially, even when they are direct. My arguments still stand, but they are general arguments. There are always exceptions in any situation. It's a big world, with lots of exceptions. So in the spirit of that, I wish you well. Hopefully you find what you both are looking for. Flip side of this, we are arguing a situation where we don't know her thoughts and ideas leading into this. Hell, she could have a fetish for leathery rockers like Iggy Pop and you're close enough.
    • Funny Funny x 2
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  20. Chris Noyb

    Chris Noyb Get in, buckle up, hang on, & be quiet.

    Large City, TX
    I have seen firsthand what happens when age starts catching up to the much older partner. Much depends on the people involved.

    But you are making a **huge jump** from testing the waters to marriage (or LTR) issues.
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2021
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