Are most men not wanting to marry until after 30?

All generalizations are wrong. So people saying no man under 30 wants to be married are incorrect. Maybe he doesn't want to, maybe he does. The key is communication between you two as to what your expectations are for yourselves, each other, and your relationship.

IMO, setting "rules" like 'I want to be married by 30' or 'I need a ring after X years together' or 'I'll never be married before 27' are setting oneself up for heartache and disaster due to failed expectations and/or foolish relationship decisions driven by that "rule".

You did well by bringing it up directly. He was probably caught off guard, thus his response starting as a joke. My suggestions is to continue the conversation, let him know you don't want to pressure him, but you DO want to know where he sees his future with you. Then tell him what you expect and desire. It all starts with direct and healthy communication.

 

Consider all the factors.

A wedding is normally a big investment (in money and time). The way things go these days, many people in their mid-twenties aren't really in a great position to drop those kinds of resources into something, especially when that something can wait. Careers get started later than in the past, so I think that's why marriage tends to get pushed back these days. In my view, getting married before thirty is fine, but I would also call it "early." Getting married in one's thirties is perfectly fine. The only real consideration, in my opinion at least, is the timing of children, as pregnancy gets more risky and difficult after around thirty-five.

Also consider a few other things. What is marriage going to give you that you don't already have? Can those things wait until after thirty? Why or why not? I think many people have misconceptions about marriage. They think it has essentially different qualities than "pre-marital" relationships. Ideally, however, there isn't really anything that different when it comes to personal relationships. I find marriage a rather contrived thing that is more or less a "religious requirement," if not a social expectation. (How religious are you? How religious is he? Is this more about social convention than anything?)

But don't listen to me. I'm a non-religious divorcee currently in a "common-law marriage" (for over twelve years, mind you).

 

I was 25, hubby 26, when we married.
We had a 2 year engagement when we lived together. We did a lot of traveling and adventuring before we invested in a wedding. We paid for it ourselves, but saw it as something to bring our family and friends together, and not for us - until after the wedding. It was liberating and heartening to see everyone's support for our union.

We got married at the right age - for us. I wanted to be done with undergrad and really know him before committing to life, which is why we had that long engagement. It wasn't hesitation on his part. He was ready to marry me about a year before we were engaged.

You'll want to discover why your boyfriend has set this seemingly arbitrary timescale. It may have to do with financial security. It may be a promise he made to himself. It may be that he simply wants to know someone for a decade before committing.

You'll probably benefit from figuring out the details of your desires as well. If you understand yourself better, it's easier to have a rational discussion on the topic.

 

No weddings are a horrible investment. Most barely break even from guests giving money.

As far as @chelle is concerned.

if I followed what I thought at 20 I would be married, kids, and divorced by the time I was 30 or even earlier.

I didn't know what I wanted in life and thought I did at 20. No I realized by the time I was in my mid 20s that I didn't want to have kids and that I just wanted to be married to someone and do whatever we wanted. No kids. No kids. No kids.

That's where I am now and we can't be happier.

 

You're not thinking of the marriage! The fruits!

 

I think I am the outlier of all outliers.

I got married at 19 (she was 21, so she could buy me booze, I was smart with that). We had known each other as long as we could remember, probably 4-6 years old, our families were in the same social circles. We had been together off and on most of the time since I was 14-15. I moved away when I was 17 and we still stayed connected and all I ever wanted to do was go back home every weekend to visit. We ended up married, and I'll freely admit it was too young. But it worked out, we are both very happy, and getting close to 17 years later I can honestly think I'm much better off for doing that versus if I hadn't. ymmv

 

So much this.

I spend a lot of time reminding teenagers that trying to make "rules" about their lives is unproductive at best. Even people who study the lifespan know there is no one way to go through life. Everyone has different circumstances, and while we can make general observations about life stages, how it plays out in actuality is very different (this is one of the things that makes studying the adult portion of the lifespan so cool). Milestones change due to a variety of factors (education, income, career attainment, ethnicity, family background and structure); as some have pointed out here, people are getting married later in life if they get married at all. We do know that the frontal lobe doesn't finish developing until the mid-20s; we also know that marriages that take place after people are 25 have a higher success rate. These two things together suggest that waiting is a better tactic overall.

We waited until we were 28 and 27 respectively. I have no regrets. Early on in our relationship, I admit to wanting to jump the gun, largely due to those stupid "rules" in my head that wanted to be married before 25. Well, after many, many classes in human development and family science, I was content to wait. Somewhere along the way, we agreed that we would get married after we had both graduated. When my now-husband had about a year left in his studies, I pointed out that if we were going to get married, we probably ought to get engaged first. Shortly thereafter, I happened to find a ring at Costco that met all of our requirements, so we made the engagement official. Totally unromantic, but very us. Here we are, four plus years later, nine plus years total, and I think it was a good call. We got married 2 days after our 5 year anniversary.

 

You beat me by a few years.

 

I didn't move to a big city until I was 25. Until then, I lived in the far reaches of the township of a much smaller city, where everyone (but me, it seems) got their driver's license at 16.

/threadjack

 

First, many wait until 30's to do anything major in life...everything has shifted up about 5 years. (I hear in Italy they typically stay with the family until mid-30's)
It's much more difficult to get established these days.
...and from what I've experienced and heard from others, there's a certain onus to be established before "the leap"

Second, many who want to wait...aren't opposed to marriage or fear being 'tached...it's that they want to "do it right".
Often they're a product of a bad marriage and poor divorce. (parents-wise that is)

However, I believe you've taken a bit of the ambiguity out of the equation from his side. (he knows you're interested...and these days you never know)
The hard part for you will be to just let it lie for now...don't push or pester.
But at least you set your perspective. And that's good.

There are no rules anymore...there is no "right way"...there are only dynamics and logistics.
Some people's clock are tickin' faster than others.
And just like a relationship...the decision has to be a 2-way street.

I've always wanted a family...but it's been difficult to find one I want to stick around AND they want to stick around me.
And even after that, finding a responsible/consistent person can be a challenge too.
Marriage is a commitment of support. (love is a bonus)