CROM! Schwarzenegger to play Conan once again

Baraka_Guru · Oct 26, 2012

Say what?

Yeah, you read that right. Ah-nold is going to play Conan, despite being 65 years old.

What do you think?

Is this like Rocky/Rambo except with Schwarzenegger instead of Stallone? I'm not sure yet.

Read on before making any judgements, folks. (I have set the key paragraphs in bold.)

Arnold Schwarzenegger to reprise his role as Conan the Barbarian
Can the direct sequel to the 1982 classic be a worthy successor? Surely it can't be worse than Conan the Destroyer?
The Guardian
Film Blog

Sometimes even the most liberal among us need a dose of old-fashioned machismo. It's why that sexist, arrogant "blunt instrument" of the British secret service, James Bond, is still popular 50 years after his first cinematic adventure, why hearts leap whenever furrow-browed vigilante Batman takes out the bad guys the cops can't touch, and why Conan the Barbarian is still popular more than 80 years after pulp writer Robert E. Howard first created the musclebound Cimmerian barbarian.

But while 007 and the Dark Knight have seen more than their fair share of decent celluloid adventures, Conan has been poorly treated on the big screen. Of the three movies to star the character, only John Milius's majestic Conan the Barbarian from 1982 is worthy of the name. And that's why today's news that Hollywood is planning a direct sequel – restoring Arnold Schwarzenegger, no less, to the role which made him famous – is so inspiring.

Reportedly the inspiration for John Goodman's unhinged Walter Sobchak in the Coen brothers' The Big Lebowski, Milius once told a Guardian interviewer that he would like to feed progressively minded movie producer Harvey Weinstein to the Taliban. Nevertheless, he was exactly the right guy to shoot a Conan movie. Milius's take, which he mostly wrote himself after excising almost all of Oliver Stone's original screenplay, posits the barbarian as the ultimate self-made man, the epitome of rightwing libertarianism. First seen as a small, orphaned child sold into slavery, Conan literally carves himself out of granite in front of our eyes, progressing from human power station (via the famous wheel of pain scene) to pit fighter and on to free thief and adventurer as the film progresses.

With Schwarzenegger in a career-defining role (despite apparently having to repeat his lines up to 40 times or more due to his Austrian accent) and a supporting cast that also included the great Max von Sydow and Japanese-American actor Mako Iwamatsu as wizard Akiro, Conan the Barbarian is an epic, yet strangely minimalist masterpiece. Few words are spoken throughout but those which are uttered have the utmost potency, largely because Milius purloined speeches almost wholesale from Friedrich Nietzsche ("that which does not kill us makes us stronger" in the film's opening) and Genghis Khan. When Conan is asked what is good in life, he paraphrases the latter: "To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women."

The new film is being put together by a team which at first glance does not have half of Milius's pedigree (the latter also wrote iconic lines such as "Do I feel lucky? Well, do you punk?" for Dirty Harry and "I love the smell of napalm in the morning" for Apocalypse Now.) Producer Chris Morgan, who may well write the screenplay, has been involved in the last four Fast and Furious movies, which, while decent enough action flicks are hardly cult classics of the calibre of Conan the Barbarian.

Nevertheless, he and co-producer Fredrik Malmberg are making all the right noises about the new project. "The original ended with Arnold on the throne as a seasoned warrior, and this is the take of the film we will make," Malmberg told Deadline. "It's that Nordic Viking mythic guy who has played the role of king, warrior, soldier and mercenary, and who has bedded more women than anyone, nearing the last cycle of his life. He knows he'll be going to Valhalla, and wants to go out with a good battle."

"After the original seminal movie, all that came after looked silly to me," Morgan added. "Robert E Howard's mythology and some great philosophy from Nietzsche to Atilla the Hun was layered in the original film. People say he didn't speak for the first 20 minutes of the film, but that was calculated in depicting this man who takes control of life with his own hand. This movie picks up Conan where Arnold is now in his life, and we will be able to use the fact that he has aged in this story. I love the property of Conan so much that I wouldn't touch it unless we came up with something worthy. We think this is a worthy successor to the original film. Think of this as Conan's Unforgiven."

All of which sounds suitably tantalising. But will the new film successfully excise memories of cheesy 1984 sequel Conan the Destroyer, a hokey quest movie featuring Arnie alongside Grace Jones and Andre the Giant which eschewed the violence and mysticism of the original in favour of a more family-friendly approach, and the recent misfiring Jason Momoa-fronted reboot? We'll find out in 2014, when the film is due to hit cinemas.

One thing's certain: if Arnie must return to acting, I'd much rather see him playing Conan again in a role which makes use of his age than turning up in cheap tributes to 80s action films that were never all that great in the first place, or desperately trying to pull on that knackered old T-800 outfit one last time. Returning to the role that made him a star feels like the right way to bid a last hurrah to an iconic screen presence without resorting to cheap theatrics. Now all the producers need to do is pull Milius (who hasn't directed a cinematically released feature in 20 years and sees his fall from the grace as part of a leftwing Hollywood conspiracy) off the firing range and give him a say in the movie. Failing that, I hear Clint Eastwood is having issues with casting his musical take on A Star is Born. Schwarzenegger directed by the ultimate macho movie hero would represent a fine farewell for both of them.
Click to expand...

Arnold Schwarzenegger to reprise his role as Conan the Barbarian | Film | guardian.co.uk

Plan9 · Oct 26, 2012

Fuck yeah!

"This is Conan's Unforgiven."

This is such a fantastic idea.

Relevant to the conversation.

Baraka_Guru · Oct 26, 2012

Plan9 said: ↑

Fuck yeah!

"This is Conan's Unforgiven."

This is such a fantastic idea.
Click to expand...

I agree. I tried really hard to like the Conan reboot, but it was a mistake. I want something more in tune with the mythos.

Relevant to the conversation.
Click to expand...

Yeah, in hindsight they're saying the original Conan movie is great, and not just for its time. I was a kid when I saw it and I don't remember it all that well. (It was probably the mid- to late '80s.) I think I may remember the far-less-stellar followup (Conan the Destroyer) better, which means I'm more than overdue for rewatching Conan the Barbarian.

It's on Netflix.

Plan9 · Oct 26, 2012

Baraka_Guru said: ↑

I think I may remember the far-less-stellar followup (Conan the Destroyer) better...
Click to expand...

We all know what you remember...

...

Barbarian was good because it was quiet, dark and gritty. I hope they really recapture the sneaky stoic sword-slinger.

Baraka_Guru · Oct 26, 2012

Plan9 said: ↑

Barbarian was an epic because it a dark, gritty stoic piece about a massive dude swinging a sword.
Click to expand...

Oh, man, I'm totally hitting it this weekend.

I've been meaning to watch it again, as I've seen bits of it on TV recently.

My SO rolls her eyes and giggles at it, but she doesn't understand. She was never a scrawny awkward bully-target who was afraid to talk to girls.

Plan9 · Oct 26, 2012

Baraka_Guru said: ↑

My SO rolls her eyes and giggles at it, but she doesn't understand. She was never a scrawny awkward bully-target who was afraid to talk to girls.
Click to expand...

Yeaaah.

Baraka_Guru · Oct 26, 2012

Plan9 said: ↑

We all know what you remember...
Click to expand...

Aw geez! It's coming back to me now!

Levite · Oct 26, 2012

I have always thought the original was one of the best bad movies ever made. The screenplay was heavy-handed, the story lame and predictable, the acting atrocious, the effects cheesy as hell. But it was a ton of fun to watch, either great fight scenes or unintentionally hilarious drama. You could tell how much Arnold loved the role of Conan, too-- how determined he was to make it great, which just made his dramatic acting and delivery of dialogue all the funnier. I would totally go see this.

snowy · Oct 26, 2012

I watched the original earlier this week. Like Levite said, it was pretty cheesy but good. I laughed aloud at inappropriate times because of the jokes you guys have made on here. Thanks for that.

I'd be interested in a new movie.

MeltedMetalGlob · Oct 26, 2012

Baraka_Guru said: ↑

Ah-nold is going to play Conan, despite being 65 years old.
Click to expand...

Conan the Hexagenarian said:

What is best in life? To crush your enemies at shuffleboard, to see them driven before you in their wheelchairs, and to hear the lamentation of their women through your hearing aid- BINGO!
Click to expand...

All kidding aside, I'll be seeing this ONLY if Conan punches one more camel before his trip to Valhalla.

Plan9 · Oct 26, 2012

MMG, Arnold punched out a fucking reindeer in Jingle All the Way. Something tells me they'll have room for it in a Barbarian continuation.

MeltedMetalGlob · Oct 26, 2012

Damn straight he punched a reindeer!

(What, does everyone think we make this up?)

Lish · Oct 27, 2012

MeltedMetalGlob said: ↑

Damn straight he punched a reindeer!

(What, does everyone think we make this up?)
Click to expand...

nothing you ever post is ever made up MMG. ever.

I'm the first one in line to watch this. The Conan series, along with Red Sonja were my favourite movies as a kid. I just hope that there's a few epic one liners in there that'd stand the test of time

Fremen · Oct 27, 2012

I'm looking forward to this. King Conan will be sweet!

Conan the Barbarian was the first R-rated movie my mom took me to see as a kid.
Talk about embarrassing...the scene with the witch and Conan, and the naked dancers in James Earl Jones' snake temple palace thing.

/facepalm....I popped a boner next to my mother...geez

Ozmanitis · Oct 27, 2012

Hell yeah, only Arnie can play Conan like it should be played.

Japchae · Oct 29, 2012

Ozmanitis said: ↑

Hell yeah, only Arnie can play Conan like it should be played.
Click to expand...

With horrible acting?

Lish · Oct 29, 2012

japchae said: ↑

With horrible acting?
Click to expand...

excuse me? horrible acting??!! Show me one actor that can play a sub-human carnivorous barbarian, and i'll concede that he cant act for shit.

If you wanted to see bad acting, you should check out Hercules in New York. Now THATS bad acting.

rogue49 · Oct 29, 2012

You always had to love the soundtrack of those movies.
I still have the temple scene background music looping through my head.

Charlatan · Oct 29, 2012

I can't wait for this.

And the only part of Destroyer that was good was the opening.

m0rpheus · Nov 4, 2012

Ozmanitis said: ↑

Hell yeah, only Arnie can play Conan like it should be played.
Click to expand...

with little in common with the character?

That said, I dont mind seeing another go at seeing Arnie playing the Barbarian-who-is-Conan-in-name-only.

Log in or Sign up

CROM! Schwarzenegger to play Conan once again

Baraka_Guru Möderätor Staff Member

Plan9 Rock 'n Roll

Baraka_Guru Möderätor Staff Member

Plan9 Rock 'n Roll

Baraka_Guru Möderätor Staff Member

Plan9 Rock 'n Roll

Baraka_Guru Möderätor Staff Member

Levite Levitical Yet Funky

snowy so kawaii Staff Member

MeltedMetalGlob Resident Loser Donor

Plan9 Rock 'n Roll

MeltedMetalGlob Resident Loser Donor

Lish Very Tilted

Fremen Allright, who stole my mustache?

Ozmanitis Trust in your will and Hope will burn bright!

Japchae Very Tilted

Lish Very Tilted

rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member

Charlatan sous les pavés, la plage

m0rpheus Getting Tilted

Log in or Sign up

CROM! Schwarzenegger to play Conan once again

Baraka_Guru Möderätor Staff Member

Plan9 Rock 'n Roll

Baraka_Guru Möderätor Staff Member

Plan9 Rock 'n Roll

Baraka_Guru Möderätor Staff Member

Plan9 Rock 'n Roll

Baraka_Guru Möderätor Staff Member

Levite Levitical Yet Funky

snowy so kawaii Staff Member

MeltedMetalGlob Resident Loser Donor

Plan9 Rock 'n Roll

MeltedMetalGlob Resident Loser Donor

Lish Very Tilted

Fremen Allright, who stole my mustache?

Ozmanitis Trust in your will and Hope will burn bright!

Japchae Very Tilted

Lish Very Tilted

rogue49 Tech Kung Fu Artist Staff Member

Charlatan sous les pavés, la plage

m0rpheus Getting Tilted

Useful Searches