Dating FAIL: Your Stories

Okay fine... Here's a fail

I pick up this girl that I had met the night before at a party. She's really sweet and super smart. I'm newly 21 and she's 20 but mind you, I didn't know she was under 21. She gets in my car and gives me a kiss on the cheek. I tell her to grab my CD case and pick something to listen to. She flips all the way through it and then asks, "Why don't you have any Sublime?"
"Um... I don't like Sublime."
"Go back to my place I'll get some."
"What? Really?"
"Yeah, we're only two blocks away."
"Fine."

This was my first red flag. But she's really cute and I'm a horny 21 year old. I should have left when she was inside.

The entire half hour car ride to the restaurant she sang along to every song. Told me the hidden meaning in the lyrics. Explained to me in painful detail why they are the best band since Floyd. Who I also don't really like. But I keep that to myself because I don't wanna turn around again. I want scotch. And vagina. I could not turn the car off fast enough. The welcome sounds of jackhammers and honking horns flood my bleeding ears. We walk a few blocks through the city to the restaurant. A friend of mine that works the saute line greets us at the host stand. We are seated. I order scotch. She gets water. What the flying blue fuck? After the waiter walks away I ask, "What's with the water? Last night we talked about booze for like eight hours.."
"Um... I'm 20."
"Oh. Hmmmm..."
"You knew that. And I think it's a little rude to drink in front of me when you know I can't."
"Really?"
"Whatever."

Red Flag Two. Listen bitch... Your perky tits with what I'm guessing will be perfectly round bubble gum colored nipples better be worth it. I sucked down three glasses of scotch while she enjoyed her water.

After a couple little apps my friend sent out for us we order our entrees. I don't remember what I had and she ordered a salad. Not a dinner salad. Just a small starter salad. Don't do this. It's annoying. Yes, the menu is not cheap. This is a three star place. The chef used to work in top spots in New York and London. He's been on the Food Network. But he's a friend and if he knew I was with a salad eater I'm gonna get laughed at. The food comes. Well, my food comes, her “food” comes.
She doesn't eat it. Pushes the lettuce around her plate like a 7 year old that was just scolded for not eating their vegetables. She barely talks. And what she does say is condescending and whiny. I can see in her face that she's not having any fun. I'm trying. I'm asking question after question. She's giving me nothing to work off of. I'm getting the silent treatment because I think Sublime sucks and she wasn't born the right year. The waiter drops off the check and I can't pay fast enough. The bill is around $70. I get shit for free. I'm cool with that. I toss a $100 bill in the check presenter and hand it to the waiter. We sit there is silence for maybe a minute... she gets up and walks over to the wait station and tells our waiter something. When she gets back... “What did you tell him?”
“I told him to keep the change.”
“What the fuck?”
“I'm a server. I know how hard this job is.”
“Well, yeah... I've been doing it for like 5 years... I know.”
“It's a good tip. He was nice.”
“Not 30% nice.”
“But you know people here and we got free stuff.”
“I understand that. But it was my money. When they come to my restaurant I give them free shit. That's how we repay each other. This isn't a fucking Chilis.”
“Whatever. I'm going to the bathroom.”

Red Flag Three through Fourteen. Fuck you. I don't make a lot of money. I was nice enough to sit through your lecture on the career of Sublime. I've kept my mouth shut all night about you being a giant bitch to me, the hostess, my friends, and pretty much anyone else we've come in contact with. Nipples Sean... think of the nipples... You can hate fuck her in the back seat in the parking garage. Maybe slip a finger in the perfect ass.

She gets back from the bathroom and tells me she called a friend that's having a party and that she wants me to drop her off there and if I wanna join. I tell her I'll think about it. The ride to her friend's house was silent. Then out of the blue at a stop light she grabs my head, whips it around and shoves her tongue in my mouth. We make out for a bit. She tastes like lettuce but smells like sex. I go back to driving. I'm starting to get hard. We get to her friends house. I say I'll hang out for a beer or two. Knock on the door and some douchebag answers the door. She walks in but he stops me. And begins to ask me question after question... And refuses to let me in. She comes back out and tells me that the party is private. Only close friends allowed. What the fuck ever. I tell her that the date is over and that I'm going home. She tells me to call her later. Fuck that.

I ran into her about two years later. She was dating a guy I kind of knew. I never did get to see those nipples.

 

I was doing some diving, a refresher course on mixed gases and deep dives, in a small town south of Playa del Carmen. I'd been at this remote dive shop every day for about a week. Was staying in a $15 a night room... it wasn't well furnished- hammock, toilet, sink and bare light bulb. What or why would I care? I was alone and I'm going to spend all day on the beach, in the boat and underwater. Except one gay man in his late 50's everyone diving are paired up, spoken for... all couples, meh I got course work to occupy my time anyway. On about the 3rd night, at dinner (one restaurant in this town) I noticed a fresh face. An attractive lady who seemed to also be flying solo. I was chatting with all the other divers and the shop/restaurant owner when this lady approached the group and asked if everyone would be going on the morning dive. She sat down next to me and joined the conversation. We all had a few drinks and I wondered back to my hammock. The next day when I arrived at the shop she was there filling out her paperwork and paying for her dives. On the morning dive we dropped all but myself and my instructor on a 80ft reef and the boat went out past the shelve so we could go deeper. When I surfaced the boat was waiting but had returned full of the swallow water divers. I passed up my tanks and gear then climbed on board. The attractive lady from the night before was wearing a see through bikini and soaking up some sun on the bow of the boat. The boat made it way back to the shop/restaurant and we all headed over for a light lunch before the afternoon dive. At lunch see through bikini lady approached me and asked why myself and the other diver went to another location. I explained we were dong deeper dives then the rest of the group. We chatted a bit and I asked if she'd be at dinner. "Yes, we should eat together." "Absolutely" I said. was kind of thinking "there's 13-15 people here the nearest other restaurant is 20 miles away... we're all going to eat together" but was glad to hear she was interested in having dinner with me. We did the afternoon dive, my surface time wasn't enough to anything other then a standard 60-80 ft dive. After the dive I went back to my room and showered, shaved did a little studying on tri mix gases then headed off to dinner. At the restaurant I see my new lady friend and make a bee line towards her. She's wearing another bikini and silky wrap around tied at the waist. We sat down, ordered drinks and began talking. I asked her the standard "where are you from, what are you doing here, why here (it's off the beaten path) do you work, if so where? Type questions. She's in real estate, recently got her brokers lic. and opened her own office, went on for a while about how the current market actually can be good for brokers, she's divorced with a couple kids, found this dive shop on a trip last year with an ex-boyfriend... he's a bastard and should rot in hell. She then asked me basically all the same questions. That's where it went bad-

"You live here!"

"Well, no not here. It takes me about 3 hours to drive here from my house."

"But you live in Mexico?"

Yes, but on the gulf coast side."

"So, do you live in a gated community away from all the Mexicans?"

"I'm sorry what?"

"Well you live in Mexico but you don't actually live around Mexicans, right?

No, all my neighbor are Mexicans and I do have a gate but everyone near me has their own gate."

"Oh my how do you stand living around all these dirty, lying and lazy people? Where do you shop? How many times have you been attacked or shot at?"

I thought she was kidding. I mean she got on a plane and flew to Mexico by her own free will, right? Nope she was serious. I tell her I think she's been seriously mislead regarding the Mexican people. She assured me it was me who had been mislead and I should consider getting out as soon as possible, you know for my safety. She must have seen I wasn't thrilled with her assessment of Mexicans so in some odd attempt to recover she told me "well at least down here you don't have to put up with many blacks or Jews." "Wow, holy crap on a cracker... she's completely a racist retard. What the fuck is she doing in Mexico?

I changed the subject and asked what kinds of movies, music, books etc... she liked. That's when it got weirder-

"I don't watch much TV or have time for movies. On the beach or during quiet times back home I do like to read some." I hated to ask, I figured her response would be something like "The Turner Diaries" or some other racist bible. But I asked "What kind of books do you like?" "Well I just finished the last in a series of three books. It's really good (I've forgotten the name) it all about the US Air force (Oh, I might like this) and how back in the early 70's they invented a time machine to go back and change some of the events around the birth of Jesus (Yeah, I'm not going to be interested in this.) They did all this to discredit the Catholic church. You see after Kennedy was elected the Us Government decided.... blah, blah, blah." I said "I don't really care for science fiction that much." "Oh, no this is based on real life events..." Check please! "You're done?" "Yeah I have 2-3 chapters to finish tonight, I have a test in the morning."

I looked it up later and these books are out there, can't remember the name. But they're written by a Hispanic author and were just recently translated into English. On their Wiki page it clearly states "Fiction."

I've met looney people before but this woman was completely bat shit crazy.

 

*has Spider Sense from TFP 4.0*

Tully, you totally left out the chick that shit on your guest room bed and the walls/floor.

 

Well I wasn't seeing her. I was seeing her friend and she invited her to a BBQ/pool party for New Years at my house. They both got shit face drunk and the "friend" passed out in one of my spare bedrooms. The bathroom in that room had shit smeared all over the wall and the she'd pissed in the bed. I didn't really think that story applied to "Dating Fail" stories. Though that was the end of me seeing that lady. From the OP I thought you were looking for first meet WTF stories.

 

Ah, that's the story. My bad. I couldn't remember if you were screwing that one or not. I stand corrected. Great story, though.

 

Yeah if you wanted to start a "WTF happened?" in a relationship thread I could probably add a new comment daily until New Years. Most of those can be attributed to language and cultural issues. But some I have no idea what happened. Some are just cultural, culture here is when you want to stop seeing someone you simply stop taking their calls and stop responding to their messages/e-mails. That freaked me out the first time as I'd been seeing a lady for a month or two and she left here one night after dinner and several hours of 'fun time" with plans to meet up the next day. When she left she gave me a big hug and kiss, referred to me as "my love" and confirmed plans to meet at a local restaurant for lunch the next day. Never heard from her again. I called, no answer. I text, no response. I e-mail, nothing. I thought she'd been in a wreck or ???. I finally drove over to her apartment and saw her walking out to her car. I drove away without saying anything. My friend later told me I wasn't moving toward marriage fast enough so she wanted to break it off.

Women here often start with "let's get married!" That usually comes out on the first or second date. They then move backwards to either "let's just be friends" or simply stop talking to you. They also want you to change your life to meet their wants. Have dogs and they don't like dogs? You need to get rid of those dogs. Live at the beach and they prefer the city? You need to move to the city. I dated one lady who didn't like my truck, was too tall, wanted me to sell it and buy a car. Yes, I've known you for 2 weeks... let me get rid of my truck and the dogs I've had for the past 10-12 years. Oh and sure while I'm at it let me get rid of my beach house and move into an apartment in downtown Merida where I can listen to traffic all night.

To me that's freaking odd behavior, here it's completely normal. I've now done the "stop taking your calls/messages" myself a couple of times, though I've only done it after trying to explain "this isn't working out" only to be told "no, we're prefect for each other" several times. And once when a lady's stories didn't add up at all... repeatedly. Things where what she'd said the day/week before were complete opposites of what she was later saying. For example, she told me she work at the local Toyota dealer. My friend who works there never heard of her. I asked her about it and she said "Toyota? No, no, VW." She also told me she was good friends with another lady who lives at the beach. Said she'd just sold her and her husband a car and a pick-up. In talking with her it turns out the lady she was talking about owns a hair salon where I've been getting my hair cut for over four years. The next time I got a hair cut I told the salon owner I was seeing a friend of hers. At first she said she didn't know her. I showed her a picture off my iPhone and she said "oh, yeah I went to school with her... 20 years ago." "And you and your husband recently bought vehicles from her, right?" "No, I haven't seen her in at least 8-10 yrs." She always had an explanation but usually the explanation didn't make sense either. So I just stop taking her calls and texts.

 

Two bad dates highlighted by girth issues. Gotta love shallowness....
Excuse me, this fat chick is in the mood for a cookie or 12.

Wish I had a bad date story, but the worst one involved a foursome that included a former Green Beret....

 

Yeah, that sounds a lot more like a good date story.

 

You guys are making my smashed pumpkins look like a normal date. Love this thread.

 

sadly, I have nothing to add to this, but thanks for the chuckles, everyone.

 

What if I'm the crazy?

 

You know after about 3 or 4 in a row you have to start wondering.

 

Now that is sad...except for the part where she masturbated for you. That's hot.

 

Ha, I've met some pretty cool girls there and made friends, but have met just as many weirdos.

 

I've never dated any body from a dating site. I have heard to many horror stories.

 

What if the 'relationship' is 'the crazy'?
--- merged: Dec 29, 2011 8:24 AM ---

Poor Tully.
I wouldn't leave my oceanside abode for anyone, either.

 

So, I got wrapped up in this one bad date after another situation with a group of local girls shortly after I moved intothe town I live in now... Its a small town, so I'll leave it nameless just in case...

Let me start by explaining my mindset at the time... i had just returned from a year abroad, and not a good year or a good abroad. South Korea, and my wife at the time started running around on me while I was away...

So anyway, I get back to the states, and my confidence is in the toilet. I'm bitter, and kind of an asshole for it. I spend 6 months not even looking at women... then one day i decide im gonna go out, and see whats out there... doing this in my new town was mistake number one. I go to this bar and meet these three girls, S, T and C... S is smoking hot, and very outgoing, not shy at all. totally my kinda girl off first impressions. T is cute, but quiet still not a no-go though. C is a few years older than the other two, thin but not attractive in the least. She also has this drama queen mother hen thing going on that's annoying the shit outta me. played it cool, made acquaintances, and left alone, but inspired about the prospect of dating again.

2 months later, i get an online message from S. She wants to go out. Awesome! so we make plans to go to this Open Mic Dive bar, which is fine, kinda my speed... we get there, and all of HER friends are there... awkward, noone i know, and about 70% dudes... i tough it out...

She sings at the Open Mic... horribly... later she asks me to go to another table and lets talk... ok, sweet, a little face time, thats cool. Wrong. She's dumber than a bag of hammers. Despite being a southern girl, she is coming off like one of the chicks form Clueless. I am trying desperatley to stay engagedin the conversation, but the very first time i find a point to comment in reply, she interrupts me mid sentence.

"By the way, I'm not going to have sex with you tonight."

What the Fuck? Did she really just say that? we wern't even talking about sex or relationships or anything remotely related... where in the hell did that come from?

So I say to her "Sweet, I don't bang dumb bitches anyway... its kinda like playing hide and go seek with a blind kid, its just not fair..." then i get up, pay my tab and leave.

6 weeks later, I bump into T at a festival downtown... we make a date for the following friday... Pick her up at her work (nurse) and go out for drinks... things are going ok, only she's a littel quiet, so there were some awkward silences... She asks if i wanna bar hop... sure why not? So we go to this other bar... where she runs into her ex-bf... I'm an adult, so i brush it off. A few of my co-workers are htere, so i make intro's and we shoot the shit for a minute or two. Next thing i know... where the hell is T? "Oh, she's on the dance floor making out with that guy... " WHAT THE FLYING FUCK? really? I had her keys cuz she didnt have pockets... nice...

I go to the BarTender, and hand him the keys, point out T...Told him not to tell her he had them unless she asked... that she was really drunk and shouldnt drive... HA!

Took another 2 years of haphazard dating to meet my wife... thank God she wasnt bat shit crazy...

 

Shazam! Well played, Sir.

 

Thank you, sir...

 

8 year bump.

Shitty date #1: My first sexual experience with a man I didn't already know was with Donny, an early Tinder match. He brought me along to his friend's bachelorette party at a strip club in Baltimore—that was the high point of the evening. Since it was his friend's bachelorette party, Donny somehow needed to make up some story about how he and I knew each other; I don't remember whether he gave me a fake name or not. Afterward he brought me back to his apartment for my first, and worst yet, blowjob experience ever.

Shitty date #2: Went to a now closed bar/restaurant downtown for drinks with another Tinder match and had a decent enough conversation until he shared he was heading out of town in the next two weeks to attend a Furry convention... not ironically. Live and let live, sure, but that's definitely not my scene. Also, just before parting ways, he fessed up to being interested in me only for non-exclusive casual sex and nothing more. Don't worry, dude—I had no grand plans for a future rendezvous with you of any kind. Carry on.